Azmyth
by Kaoz
Summary: The Alliance has been weakened people are angry afraid of another Miranda. The BrownCoats have risen again to lead a new generation and Serenity has run as far as she can with Mal trying to keep his crew afloat while death comes ever closer… OC pov.
1. Prologue

**1 Prologue**

Parliamentary Members.

Alliance.

Operative trainees.

Progress report.

Regarding the report submitted on Trainee Azmyth.

Performance marks are above extra ordinary. Far more than was expected, Members are well please by this.

Mental Functions are above average. Adaptability, resourcefulness strategizing and quick thinking, it is expected these traits be cultivated in all Trainees. How ever, Trainee Azmyth shows remarkable promise and Alliance members feel it is time to move forward.

Trainee Azmyth has earned first place in the class placing higher in each test and improving dramatically. It is the decision of all Members that Trainee Azmyth is now a full Operative with all duties and functions to be monitored.

Trainee Azmyth is much younger than any graduate ever to gain the title of Operative to date. Members have raised concerns due to this, there for it is by _my_ request that Devon Hiyo instruct our newest Operative until such a time as Members feel Operative Azmyth has gained sufficient experience or a need should arise.

End of Wave.

**&**


	2. Flight School

**2 Flight School**

"_Fillion!" she turned still walking with her squad, at the sound of her name._

"_Piss pot!" she muttered under her breath seeing who it was that hailed her. There were snickers all around her as the others saw where she was looking. "Stow it." She ordered with a mock frown at the three cadets._

"_What's he want?" the shorter of the three males asked. He stood shoulder to shoulder with Thaïs._

"_Probably just boasting." Their blond co-pilot said in a dry tone._

"_Ginner? What of?" the third looked at his friends, blue eyes flicking from one to another._

"_He broke the latest record in the shuttle exercise." Thaïs answered for all of them._

"_Begorram you say!" blue eyes went wide._

"_Very eloquent you chi sin dui." Thaïs drawled with a lazy look in his direction. _

_Ginner stopped in front of Thaïs ignoring the three other cadets as he smirked down at her. His face flushed a bright pink almost a match for the bright cap of hair on his head. The pale brown eyes, almost yellow roamed over her. She crossed her arms and glared up at the red headed freak. She was getting tired of his roaming eyes every time they met. He wasn't going to find any thing new._

"_You hailed oh lord of the freckled map." She drawled. Ginner flushed a deeper shade of red and the snickers from the three cadets behind Thaïs only made it worse._

"_Pok guy." Ginner hissed under his breath._

"_Shen me?" Thaïs dropped her arms standing quietly in the middle of the now silent cadets. Neither of them appreciated the insult and Ginner was regretting having let it slip._

"_What, now you cant hear?" Ginner sneered. _

"_You have some ba-."_

"_Sick si Ginner." Thaïs cut off Seiji before he could finish. "Now what the go-se do you want?"_

"_You're up on the roster." Ginner pointed out._

"_Hey," Seiji smiled, his gray eyes twinkling. "He can read."_

"_Looks like." Ahrens agreed, his blue eyes flicking over the stiff red head. _

"_Problem Ginner?" Apollo stepped up putting his muscular build between the others and the red head. "You afraid Fillion will break your record?"_

_Ginner laughed a harsh nervous sound even though he was trying to play it off._

"_Don't worry, Ginner." Thaïs smiled tapping Apollo's arm. "I'll make it quick." She turned away shoving Seiji down the hall. "No sense in prolonging your embarrassment…"_

* * *

"_Back it up, Ahrens!" Thaïs ordered. She banked right skimming the top of a boulder. Next to her Apollo sat strapped into his seat, eyes closed as he felt the contents of his stomach flip._

"_I'm gonna finish first, Fillion." Ahrens voice echoed in the shuttles cabin. There was laughter as they made another turn then Thaïs pulled up out of the canyon into a loop. _

"_Stow it you two." Seiji grouched. "We're supposed to be practicing maneuvers."_

"_What do you think we're doing, Seiji?" Thaïs grinned going into a barrel roll and ending up beside the second shuttle._

"_Apollo…" he admonished and Thaïs could picture him rolling his eyes. Beside her Apollo chuckled. He was the one in charge of keeping her in line but that was no fun._

"_She's flying." He replied with a wink at her. It was typical training banter with them, which usually meant they got into some sort of trouble. _

"_Real mature, you two." Seiji grumbled. "We can't afford to get in any more trouble."_

"_Yeah, yeah." Thaïs sighed flicking the red switch over her head._

"_I mean it-."_

"_I'm not arguing, Seiji." Thaïs frowned._

"_We know you!" all three males replied almost in unison. Thaïs couldn't help the laughter and looking at Apollo she just gave up. Ahrens pulled ahead executing a roll which she knew Seiji hated. The thin trail of black smoke squirted out suddenly and smudges appeared on her window._

"_Seiji!" Thaïs called with concern._

"_Check your manuals, Ahrens." Apollo ordered frowning at the thin stream that was growing increasingly larger. "You're loosing fluids somewhere."_

"_Uh, no, nothings wro-." Ahrens cut off abruptly and the shuttle dipped into a nose dive._

"_Seiji!" Thaïs yelled_

"_Pull up!" Apollo ordered grasping the controls in front of him. "Chi sin dui! Ahrens! Seiji!"_

"_Shuttle 45-k9 to control! We have an emergency! Do you copy?" Thaïs punched in co-ordinates relaying their position as she followed the descending shuttle with her two friends. "Pull up, Ahrens!"_

"_This is control, shuttle 45-k9." The crackly voice came over cool and calm._

"_Control! We have a shuttle malfunctioning." Apollo replied. "We have lost communications. I repeat, training shuttle is malfunctioning and we have lost contact."_

"_Copy that, shuttle 45-k9. We have your co-ordinates. Emergency personnel has been dispatched. You are ordered to return to base."_

"_What?" Thaïs jerked her eyes away from the plummeting shuttle and looked at Apollo. "They're not serious. We're not leaving them!"_

"_They gave us orders, Thaïs." Apollo glanced at the shuttle where his friends were spinning out of control towards the rocky ground. _

"_Diu nei pok guy! That's Seiji and Ahrens!" Thaïs yelled eyes wide with fear for her friends._

"_Go-se!" Apollo hissed making his decision. "Go! Go!" he ordered waving her forward. She didn't waste time and plummeted after them while Apollo worked the controls to try and establish communication with the other shuttle again._

* * *

Devon finished reading the wave once again; his lips were compressed into a thin line. He _hated_ baby sitting and how ever much they repeated this was only a precaution; Devon knew his job was meant to be more. Devon Hiyo was never called to mentor let alone baby-sit. It was his job, the sole purpose for being an Operative, to condition and strengthen the beliefs of those he was forced to evaluate. The fact that Azmyth was much younger than he when Devon received his own title grated on him but that wasn't the main reason he resented the post. No, there was one other thing bothering him. Something worse than the age…

The fact that Azmyth was given Operative training after the record-. He couldn't even think about all the stunts this Operative had pulled in so short a career. By far, this was the latest sign of how badly the Alliance had fallen since Parliament members had been allowed to dictate military life.

No, Devon set his face in harsh lines. He was going to break Azmyth and he was going to do it fast. Once broken he could mold and build to his specifications creating the perfect Operative. A cold merciless assassin. Someone who wouldn't ask question, some one he could send out to do what needed to be done.

Yes, Devon Hiyo was going to make the perfect Operative.

"Azmyth."

* * *

**_AN:// Yep, I used his last name as my chars, just a bit of an homage... he is rather funny. have to say when I was watching Firefly I kept wondering why the actors looked so familiar and then I realized hey!_**

**_Jayne was the liason for Angel and Wolfram and Hart! Brillinat huh? barely noticed it._**

**_then..._**

**_Mal was Caleb the evil preist dude on Buffy!_**

**_Of course Zoe was sooo easy. Jasmine from Angel but did any one notice River?_**

**_Yep, River was the ballerina girl in Angel when they get caught in that opera._**

**_So, of course after I figured all this out I had to go back and watch all the episodes because I had been to busy trying to figure out who was who._**

**_Go ahead, laugh it up. I did._**


	3. Serenity

**3 Serenity**

It was cold even with the sun at its zenith blazing down on the people. So far she'd gotten used to the cold, dry weather which was an odd combination, cold and dry. The last month had been uneventful and though she had plenty of coin left to keep her there for another month she didn't think it would be worth the waste. There wasn't much for someone with her skills to do on that planet. Nothing she'd want to do either.

A cold wind blew and the sudden gust pulled on her long woolen coat. The black material billowed out behind her exposing her legs encased in the tall black leather boots and the cloth trousers. She felt the winds bite on her skin beneath the layers of clothing.

'_I'll be glad to leave this place behind.'_ She could do with a change, maybe some place warm…

Thoughts of where she might head to next were pushed to the back of her mind as she entered the docking area, at least that's what the locals designated the barren area to be. There was a ramshackle hangar warehouse situated at the end of the field. Fifty yards to the left was another building, the office and comm. room where each ships Capt. had to report once they were granted permission to dock. This was one of those planets who modeled itself after the more successful, Alliance controlled worlds. It wasn't exactly booming but neither was it some backwater world in the outskirts of space. Alliance ships docked there at least once every two to three months and they expected complete reports on any transports.

Any ships not docking in the proper area were fined and the crews, including their Capt. were appropriately punished. Of course, they had to wait until an Alliance official was sent to deal with the matter and since there were other more important things to deal with the local authorities were left to deal with it at their discretion.

She'd seen their 'discretion' this month and though she didn't agree with it she was smart enough to realize that the method worked. No Capt. wanted to be locked up indeterminately nor did he want to loose his ship neither did his crew, which usually ended up pressed into menial service. So yes, it was time to leave; the question was, which one of the sorry boats currently docked was she willing to ride in?

* * *

Kaylee sat in her chair; just as she had on many occasions except now she was snuggled into her heavy jacket with a brightly colored blanket tucked around her legs for warmth. Though it was cold she couldn't help but smile up at the sunny sky. It was wonderful to see blue skies and feel the sun on her face. Even the cold temperature didn't take away from her moment.

'_Get me some passengers.'_

Kaylee sighed as the Capt.'s voice drifted in with his order. He'd been gone with Zoë for a while now and still she'd only snagged one passenger. She doubted he'd be happy with just the one and then her eyes fell on the lone figure walking leisurely among the ships. The woman, because there was no mistaking the figure hidden beneath the long trench coat, was walking slowly letting her eyes wander over the ships. Kaylee watched her noting the ease with which she handled the duffel over her shoulder, the slight twist to her lips as she observed something in particular. The light wind blew long strands of dark hair in her face which she delicately plucked away with her free hand. The closer she came to _Serenity_ the more Kaylee became intrigued until finally the woman stood before them. Her dark eyes wandered over the ship assessing, judging, evaluating… She made Kaylee nervous enough to leave her seat. Placing the blanket on the chair she moved towards doors wrapping her arms around her body for warmth.

The woman smiled brightening the exotic features and then she turned her eyes on Kaylee.

"I've never seen one of these before." The voice was pitched low, though friendly the tone was soft and husky setting Kaylee at ease. "_Serenity…"_ she murmured looking up at the side of the ship. It was an older model, mid-bulk transport ship, which she assumed still had its standard radion accelerator core, a class code 03-k64 firefly model. She took in the faded paint and patched up nicks it barely covered.

Kaylee returned the smile watching the woman look up at the ship again.

"She seems to be well cared for." The woman commented turning slightly so she could see something beyond Kaylee's line of sight.

"I do my best." Kaylee replied pleased to have someone notice her work. She stepped onto the landing taking in the woman's appearance in full.

The long black hair seemed to curl slightly over her shoulder with a swatch of it falling over the right side of her face. The dark eyes were cat shaped framed by dark lashes and finely arched eye brows. A smattering of freckles rested across the bridge of her nose which, though slightly narrow tilted up just a tad. She had full lips tinted a dusky rose and wore no make-up. She wasn't particularly tall, just a little shorter than Kaylee even with the small heel to her boots. The coat effectively hid her shape and both hands were encased in fingerless gloves which seemed odd for such cold weather.

"So where are you going?"

The woman glanced at Kaylee the smile thinning a bit before she stared down at her duffle which she'd set before her feet.

"Not much of a challenge that." She replied, meaning it was not difficult to guess what she was doing at the docks.

"Nope." Kaylee agreed with a grin. "Dead give away." She answered with a nod to the black duffel sitting between both women.

"I was going home…" she looked up at the sunny sky trailing off as she wondered where home was any more. Sometimes it felt as if she'd never had a home, had never been part of a family… "Guess one place is as good as another."

Kaylee felt the questions riding the tip of her tongue as the woman shouldered her duffel again. She noticed how easy it seemed, as if there were nothing in the bag when clearly there was. Moving with the woman who began to walk away from _Serenity_, Kaylee stretched out a restraining hand. "Wait."

The woman patiently waited casting her eyes over _Serenity_ once more wearing a soft smile on her face. Kaylee noticed she looked much younger when she smiled, so…

"You really wanna stay 'round here?" Kaylee made it a point to look around the barren landscape making her best 'yuk' face. The dirt streets raised little puffs of dust as people walked by and the cold climate, though never low enough to produce snow or freeze any thing, was very uncomfortable. The people didn't look too clean and the buildings weren't exactly drab but neither were they grand. It almost seemed as if everything were just enough to get by with a modicum of comfort, even the peoples clothes were functional. It was one of the reasons the Capt. had chosen this planet to dock in besides the scarce Alliance presence. They were spreading to all the planets now, ever since the broadcast…

Both women looked at their surroundings noticing the same things though Kaylee failed to pick up on the men looking their way with more than a minimum of interest.

"Not really." She sighed looking back at _'Serenity'_ thoughtfully. "I just haven't found…" she trailed off as her eyes rested on Kaylee who tried to guess what it may be. Seeing the woman struggle for words she butted in with what she thought the woman was looking for.

"A place as feels like 'home', _real_ home like." Kaylee's smiled widened at her nodding head.

"Yes. Exactly." She agreed with a small sigh. "I'm about to give up. I figured this planet would just be as good as the next." Once again she looked around the unappealing town.

"Oh, pish!" Kaylee scoffed looking at the town as well. "There's plenty better." She waved a dismissive hand and motioned to the other woman. "Why I bet _Serenity_ finds you a better place to call home next planet we put to harbor in." She looked at the dark haired woman apprehensively as they walked into the ship. "So long as you can pay." Seeing her stop Kaylee frowned. "Captain's mighty particular about-."

"I can pay." She smiled reassuringly. Immediately Kaylee's face brightened as she led her newest passenger on board.

* * *

"_What kind of program is this?" Thaïs asked but as usual she received no answer from the woman she was following. "I'm a pilot. I haven't even been in a shuttle-."_

"_You will not fly until you can master other skills." The cold voice pulled her up short making her straighten into attention. "You are no longer a pilot."_

"_Sir?" Thaïs frowned finally daring to glance at the man in black. His gray eyes seemed to suck the warmth from her very soul. She didn't understand why they wouldn't let her fly. It's all she'd ever wanted to do and she was the best they had in the Academy._

_Suddenly her face stung and she was on the ground. Blood staining her hand as she touched her lip. Her brain was slow to process why it was she was bleeding but the cold voice, low and hissing like a snake pierced through the fog._

"_You do not ask questions." He said directly above her. Thaïs could see the shiny toe of his polished boots. "You follow orders."_

_Her mind tried to process what her ears were hearing but she was numb. Had this- this- begorram who was he? Why had he hit her?_

"_Stand." He barked but Thaïs sat where she was still trying to make sense of her new situation. "Up!" the order was follow with a vicious kick to her side. The pain coughed that escaped her splattered blood all over his high boots. She rolled onto her back clutching at her side. This wasn't right._

'It's not right…'


	4. Cargo

**4 Cargo**

"What's all this?" Jayne asked wrinkling his nose and hopping around the smelly beasts in the cargo hold. He jumped onto the steps leading up into the ship not stopping until he stood beside Kaylee.

"Our cargo." She replied with a slight wrinkling of her nose. Jayne looked down into the swirling mass of bodies beneath them his nose wrinkling again as he realized there was no getting away from the smell.

"Where are we going?" Jayne asked in a hurry because if they were going somewhere far to drop off this load he would have to do something drastic.

"Don't worry." Kaylee replied with a smirk. "They'll be off in a day or two." She turned around and headed to the engine room.

Jayne huffed, going up to the kitchen where he hoped there would be something else to smell besides goat shit.

He wasn't particularly happy with the way things had been going ever since they'd sent that stupid wave on Miranda. That Operative had let them off and so far the Alliance hadn't hounded them but he had this nagging feeling, something was wrong.

"Gorram it." He muttered as he stomped into the kitchen. Jayne stopped in the doorway seeing the new people sitting at their table. Four new faces glanced at him, two of those quickly looking down at their plates. Both men wore the ragged looking clothes of goat herders and moving closer Jayne realized they smelled like it too. His face took on that furious scowl as he surveyed the table again resting on the other man they'd picked up. He was short with a curling head of red hair, pinkish freckles all over his face with shifty pale green eyes. He was currently filling his plate with food, pointy nose flaring at the smells and his small mouth was pressed tightly together. Then again he was sitting next to the goat herders.

Across the table from them was their only female passenger. Her dark hair was piled atop her head though a thick swatch of it fell over part of her face with strands swaying loosely down her back and over her shoulders. Jayne noticed she hadn't taken her eyes off him since he'd entered the kitchen. He stiffened momentarily frowning at the shade of her eyes, dark violet, cat shaped and framed by dark lashes. One hand was toying with a fork the other was held in her lap beneath the table. Jayne watched her as he rounded the table and took his seat. The hint of a smile played at the corners of her mouth as he reached for a plate and then began filling it. He ate slowly surveying them all again until Mal came in.

"I see supers been had, good." He said without preamble as his eyes rested on Jayne currently eating. He raised an eyebrow at the sloppy table manners and sighed turning his attention to the passengers. "I'm Captain Reynolds, this is Jayne and you've met my mechanic, Kaylee."

There were murmurs of assent as Mal nodded looking over his passengers again.

"Err, Captain…?" his first reaction was to look at the woman to his right, the only one who could've produced such a high tone of voice but his ears said the sound was coming from his left, the side where the men were sitting. All eyes turned to the carrot top, who seemed not to know or maybe he just didn't care, the reaction his voice was having on them. "Captain, is there some way perhaps you could deal with the ahh, well the-."

"Who are you?" Mal asked having not heard one word of the mans question. He was still trying to figure out how a man could have such a high pitched, girly voice.

"Pardon," he apologized setting his fork down. "I am Mica Eyras, I'll be-."

"Mr. Eyras," Mal interrupted yet again. "The aroma you happen to smell is also part of our passengers, who will be getting off at our next stop." He turned to the woman on his right including her in case she was also going to complain. "It should be no more than a day and a half, two at most."

"Captain," she smiled seeming amused. There was no denying that her voice had a different tone than Mr. Eyras though still one of a woman. "I don't complain, much." She added turning her attention to the herders.

"And you are?" Mal asked more out of curiosity than a real need to know. Zoë would be checking their papers by now. She'd let him know if there was going to be problems.

"Thaïs Fillion." She stood smoothly, leaving the fork on her napkin. Her hand twitched half rising but she quickly reached for her plate. Her smile didn't waver and with a nod she turned to empty the half finished food.

Mal nodded watching her then cleared his throat and addressed the others. "I have two rules." He began in a no nonsense tone. "The first," he raised a finger. "My ship, therefore my word is law." He waited for there to be any contradictions or disputing of this fact because then he'd waste no time in putting them back down and leaving without them. "Two," he said when no one dared to protest the first rule. "The bridge is off limits to non-crew. As is the engine room and cargo bay. No exceptions." He lowered his hand and gave them all a quick satisfied smile. "Wonderful, you have any questions feel free to ask Jayne." He said over his shoulder as he ducked out of the kitchen.

"What!" Jayne half stood still holding the next fork-full of food en-route to his mouth. The soft chuckle jerked his attention to the woman standing behind the counter. Noticing his stormy look Thaïs gave him a small smile but said nothing.

'_This is going to be an interesting ride.'_

* * *

"Zoë?" Mal asked with a nod as he entered the bridge. He watched her swivel around in the pilot's seat giving him a clear view of the screen where she was pulling up information on their current passengers.

"Not much on this one." she pointed at the screen where the carrot top, Mica Eyras was twitching as his information scrolled by next to the image. "Long list of travels, not much else besides the petty crimes. We've got a thief on board."

Mal snorted as if it didn't matter, weren't they all thieves any way? But he wasn't about to let the thief on his ship run about free.

"Keep him confined if you can and watched the rest. I don't want him alone on my boat." Mal ordered. Zoë nodded compliance then tapped the screen. The picture changed and there was Miss Fillion in…

"Alliance?" Mal's voice rose an octave, his face moving closer to the screen where the woman in his kitchen was wearing Alliance blue. Her hair was neatly pulled back from her face and the high collar of the uniform held a single silver circle.

"Not any more." Zoë replied. Her fingers tapped the screen again and all the information of her Alliance file took primary position on the screen. "There was some kind of trouble. Disciplinary action was taken and Fillion was discharged."

"Oh." Mal barely let out a relieved breath when Zoë's fingers tapped the screen once more and a new set of information popped up.

"She was re-instated. This is her file up until a year ago." Zoë replied looking up at Mal.

"Diu…" he breathed. "I don't want her alone." he stated looking at Zoë.

"I'll take care of it." She answered.

"Tell Doc and River to stay in their quarters. I don't want 'em-."

"I know, sir." Zoë re-assured and Mal nodded once before leaving the bridge.

* * *

_Earth that was…_

_I've heard it often, that phrase. 'Earth that was.' Hmmm. It always sounds a bit wistful no matter who says it. There's no one now who remembers Earth that was, they're all dead, the original terrans._

_They were no different than us. We're all still greedy, hateful, self serving humans. Politicians hunger for more power, control and money, always more. They'll never be happy, not until every one in their way is gone._

_Dead._

_People say it. Dead. There's a sound to the word, something different each time. It's sad, filled with grief or it's just a matter of fact, an acceptance of a state of being._

_Dead._

_People say it all the time. They say it with fear. They don't want to die, don't want to leave what they know._

_Maybe they don't believe there is some place to go, a place __after__ this one._

_Dead._

_I believe… I know._

_Dead._

_It's why I am._

_Dead._

_It's what I do._

_Dead._

_I believe…_


	5. Space

**5 Space**

A real life Companion was on board. Thaïs couldn't help but study the dark haired woman when ever she graced them with her presence. She was graceful, soft spoken and polite, always wore a smile… Thaïs couldn't help but wonder at what that life was like.

* * *

"_This is the last scrape we can afford!" he yelled pacing the length of the family room. His dark gray coat flapped around his legs, the tall boots newly polished reflected the light coming in from the windows._

"_What do you expect her to do when there's nothing here to challenge her?" she retorted. "You really think locking her in that room will keep her from causing more trouble, Renee?" his wife scoffed. She flicked a polished nail on her robe which as usual was impeccable. The silk, died a deep purple was decorated with flowering vines in silver and brilliant yellows and greens._

"_What do you expect me to do then?" he stopped directly in front of her. "You obviously have nothing to contribute here. All you do is complain, Dania. You're her Mother-!"_

"_I've already told you what we should do." Her gray eyes flicked up to his face, frosty and disapproving. She hated when he raised his voice at her and he knew it._

"_No." Renee ground out. "Her marks guarantee her a place in the Academy. She can be challenged there-."_

"_A military school?" Dania sneered. Her face twisted disgusted that he would send their only child, a __daughter__, to a military school. "She's not some ugly chi sin nei-."_

"_Dania." His curt tone made her stop mid sentence. "I will not have my daughter in one of those… places." He finished with a distasteful frown._

"_You can't afford but the lowest of the training houses." She sneered hating that her lack of choices landed her with him. Of course he'd risen in society because of her family name but the fact was he still had not acquired the wealth __she__ needed to live comfortably. "I won't have my daughter waste her beauty or hide it behind some filthy uniform!" she stood changing her tone as she caressed his arm. "Think of it." Her eyes glazed over as she imagined their daughter's future. "You're correct, her marks will guarantee their initial interest in taking her and when they see her…" Dania was sure they would accept her daughter. With her inky curls and the violet eyes, an unusual shade… "She would learn to be a lady, graceful, self reliant, intelligent. She wouldn't be putting her life in danger every time the Alliance decided they needed to explore some backwater planet. It's not as if she'd be forced, she can pick and choose-."_

"_To be a whore!" Renee roared flinging Dania's hand from his arm._

_Neither noticed the wide eyed little girl hiding behind the door listening to their 'conversation'._

* * *

"Miss Fillion?" Thaïs turned to the soft voice hiding her surprise at being caught off guard. She turned violet eyes to the jeweled dress and up to the face of the Companion. Inara smiled down at the young woman noting the slight frown on her face replacing the usually amused smile. From what she'd noticed Thaïs kept to herself, hardly speaking unless it was Kaylee who engaged her in conversation.

"Nae ho." Thaïs replied softly. Inara inclined her head acknowledging the greeting as she sat beside Thaïs.

"Kaylee says you've been traveling for a while now. I imagine you must be tired." Inara watched her face, a placid smile on her features. She settled comfortably on the couch beside Thaïs watching the young woman.

"No more than you or any one else on this ship." Thaïs returned evenly. She forced herself to stay quiet and her gaze not to wander though she found it difficult being this close to Inara. Her curiosity made her want to look her over taking in every detail of what she could've been. Maybe if her mother had gotten her way…

"True." Inara agreed with a little laugh. "I suppose every one gets tired of looking at empty space."

"Empty?" Thaïs smirked. "You think like every one else." She shook her head wondering if this was some game the Companion was playing. One of the many wiles she employed to get information from people. Thaïs realized the Capt. was a smart man to have one of them on board.

"How so?" Inara was curious as evident by the light creasing of her brow.

"The black is full. The stars, planets, nebulas, black holes, meteor clusters, not too mention all the junk we've managed to put in it since the first terrans learned to fly in deep space."

Inara laughed softly giving Thaïs an admiring glance. "I hadn't thought of it in those terms. I suppose you are right though."

Thaïs couldn't help touching the sleeve of Inara's dress. Just as she'd thought, it was soft to the touch, slipping through her fingers like water.

"You must be very special…" Thaïs murmured. Inara's brow furrowed at her words.

"How so?" she repeated but Thaïs shook her head and stood. She bowed slightly to her before walking away. Inara watched her move out of the small room set aside for the use of passengers trying to figure out the meaning of her words. The conversation had been short and somehow that made Inara more curious about the young woman. There hadn't been much time for her to get in-depth information about her. Was it pure coincidence the conversation had been kept short?

* * *

_Get me some passengers he says and there I am invitin' those in as look as they can pay. The woman though, she's real different than those others Capt. brought on board. I don't like the red head. Gives me the willies, there's somethin' just not right about him and the voice! Simon probably wouldn't have laughed because it aint proper, at least not to his face… I wonder if there's any thing some one can do to fix it for him. He can't possibly like his voice, can he?_

_Simon says there's all kinds of special procedures they can do in those fancy hospitals. I probably wouldn't want to spend what little I had just to change my voice. Oh well, at least I aint have that problem._

_I feel bad for River and Simon though. Stuck in their bunks for the next week at the very least. I'll have to remember to visit with them… not that River's in any danger of being found what with her staying in my bunk for now._

_I have to agree with the Capt. It's the best place for her to be right now since the bridge is off limits to the passengers and its not as if I'm there. I mean, I don't sleep there, not for a while now any way. _

_We'll have to be quiet though so as not to wake the passengers in the bunks next to Simon. Wouldn't want them getting curious about their neighbor…_

_Maybe now Capt.'ll finally get me the parts I need for _Serenity_. She's been going on glue now for the past two jobs. Don't know what else I'll be able to think of if I don't have those parts…_

* * *

Simon looked up as the door slid open and a familiar figure slipped into his bunk. He smiled as Kaylee closed the door quietly and set the lock in place. She grinned hurrying to his side as he threw back the covers. Kaylee dropped the bag and leaned down wrapping her arms around Simon as she planted a passionate kiss on his lips.

Taken by surprise but pleased he pulled her onto the bed rolling so that he lay on top.

Kaylee giggled softly feeling happier than she had at any other time in her life. She looked into Simon's brown eyes, one hand smoothing his hair away from his face.

"I brought you some food." She said quietly.

"Food?" Simon quirked an eye brow making Kaylee grin mischievously. "Who can think of food-."

"Oh, I know!" Kaylee moaned in sympathy. "Aint it awful?" Simon looked at her confused, sitting up again. "Havin' to eat with this stench…None of us is liking it much. Capt. near choked on his breakfast-." she covered her giggles with both hands at the memory. "Poor goats, Capt. was ready to send them out the air lock for a second there. There's them goat herders too. Jonas and Bob, they probably can't even smell it any more but they stink of goats too."

Simon's eyebrows rose at the revelation sitting back to listen to Kaylee's account of her day and the passengers on board.

* * *

Getting rid of the goats was a relief because their smell had been encroaching on the entire ship, not that the herders would've noticed. She assumed they would be used to it by now. Thaïs sighed turning over in her bunk, being a woman garnered her some luxuries at least in some places and thanks to Kaylee's like of her, Thaïs found herself in a separate bunk as far removed as possible from the goat herders. Of course she was paying slightly more than the others for it. Thaïs smirked shaking her head at the captain's greediness but then the crew of _Serenity_ had been seeing some bad times. It made sense Capt. Reynolds would try and earn as much as he could any where he could.

Her first impression of the ship hadn't been a good one and though knowing it was a firefly model piqued her curiosity it was the name on its side, which kept her rooted to her spot.

All thought was shoved aside as the ship rocked. Thaïs sat up in her bunk, bare feet hanging over the side. The lights went red and the Capt.'s voice came overhead barely explaining they'd hit a rough patch and to stay in their bunks.

"Diu." She muttered and as the ship rocked again Thaïs hastily grabbed her boots and socks. The ship groaned and feet pounded outside her door as she hooked the ash gray cargo pants over her boots. Grabbing the holster she belted it around her waist reaching for a set of knives before carefully sliding her door open and peering out. A bright swatch of red caught her eye though it quickly disappeared. Checking one last time that no one else was outside she slipped from her bunk sliding the door closed behind her before weaving into the shadows of the darkened hall.


	6. Pirates!

**6 Pirates**

"What in the name of-?"

"Pirates." Zoë replied shortly as she worked the knobs in the pilot's seat. Mal stumbled as he felt a hard tug on his boat. River barely spared him a glance as she tried to maneuver out of the drag. Zoë cursed under her breath but she was unable to stop the impact. _Serenity_ rolled, the metal groaning, as she was jammed against the other ship.

"Pirates! What in hell are pirates-!" Mal began as he picked himself up from the floor. "Zai- pok guy!" he cursed grabbing for the comm. and ordered the passengers to stay in their bunks then called for Jayne to meet him in the cargo bay.

"You stay here, little one." Mal ordered. The others would man their stations as he and Zoë rushed down to where the pirates would no doubt board them.

River watched them leave and after a moment turned back to the window where she could look at the vast black and the twinkling stars.

* * *

Thaïs heard footsteps, slow and careful, up ahead. She slunk down and listened, waiting until they stopped. She looked up and down the hallway making sure there was no one around before heading forward, towards the bridge.

The closer she got the more she felt trouble. Her hand strayed to her hip where the gun rested. Slim fingers curled around the silvery handle, her back pressed to the cold paneling as she crept forward. The pale blue light of the bridge mixed with the red blinking lights.

"Move aside there." Mica's high pitched voice squeaked and Thaïs saw him jerk the hand holding a gun. The pilot's seat swiveled around though all she could see of the inhabitant was a thin pale leg and barefoot. Mica didn't budge and by the smirk on his face it was obvious he didn't think who ever was up there would be any trouble. That was a big mistake and thinking there was no one else on the bridge was beyond stupid. Then again Thaïs didn't attribute much by way of brain cells to Mica and the carrot top was proving her right. She snuck up behind him keeping her feet light on the metal steps aware that even the slightest sound would carry. It was how she'd caught him poking his nose into areas deigned off limits by Captain or crew. It piqued her interest and with nothing else to do on board for the next four days she took to shadowing the squeaky voiced red head.

"Hello." Thaïs placed the nuzzle of her gun to the back of Mica's neck. He stiffened turning his head and receiving a light smack with the butt of her gun. "No, no. Eyes front." She ordered in a pleasant tone. Mica complied letting go of his gun as Thaïs took it from him. She tucked it into the waistband of her pants while she searched the bridge. Her eyes fell on the pale girl sitting in the pilot's seat. Her long black hair was loose and she was barefoot in a thin looking dress.

"He's one of them." She murmured softly. Her brown eyes drifted up to them seeming vacant.

"You're friends are here." Thaïs stated with a glance to the carrot top. "So, what now?" she asked patting him down. "They board us, steel what ever isn't bolted down and… kill us all." it was more of a statement but the shifting of his shoulders gave her the answer. "Hmph." Well, she wasn't about to sit back and let herself get murdered. She reached in a pocket and pulled out a long black cord. "I think we're going to have a talk with your friends."

* * *

Men in dark, drab clothing rushed into _Serenity_ through her back door laughing.

"Red's not bad." A tall, dark haired man commented with a chuckle as he moved towards the stairs, both hands held a pistol which he held ready.

"He picked one gorram boat." A second, shorter man complained looking about and wrinkling his nose at the smell.

"Quit complainin' and get to work." The tall scarred man barked coming up behind the six men. Immediately they silenced and moved purposely forward. Two split off heading past the medical station, one moved to search the passenger dorms while two stayed in the cargo bay, guarding. The dark haired man already heading up the stairs intent on his part, disabling the engine room, jerked. He fell back, eyes looking up in shocked surprise from the long stick poking out of his chest. Both guns clattered onto the grates under his feet. The last thing he saw was the soft face of a dark haired angel holding a bow in her pale hands.

Shots rang out in the cargo bay along with the roar of voices. Pirates scattered for cover among the crates piled in different spots. Jayne stepped out after the flying body of a pirate. He moved purposely into the cargo bay, shot gun in hand. He ducked down by the med station as shots were fired at him. The window over his head shattered sprinkling him with tiny pieces of sharp glass. Scowling, he inched forward to look over the steps at the pirates shooting at him.

Mal waved Inara back to her shuttle but the Companion ignored him moving towards a protected section of the stairs as she re-loaded her bow. Mal gave an impatient sigh and let her be as he aimed for the pirates trying to hijack his boat. He wasn't havin' it. No one boarded his ship, not without his say so and yet there they were. He fired some rounds trying to hit the pirates but they were hiding behind his crates. His eyes narrowed in anger as he realized his crates were getting shot up full of holes!

Zoë quickly dropped down onto the crates closest to her position and climbed down the back in order to get around the pirates. She made her way as quietly as possible using her hands and arms to get down since there was no room for her to stick the toe of her boot between the crates. A light sheen of sweat broke out on her skin but finally her feet touched the metal grating of the cargo bay. She moved between the crates listening to the shots. They were spaced far between each other as the pirates tried to hit the _Serenity_ crew and not any vital parts of the ship. Zoë smiled grimly realizing the pirates didn't want to get blown out into cold space but neither did she and by the sound of things neither did Mal.

* * *

It was tricky, getting Mica to walk and then not stumble down the stairs. There was no mistaking the sounds that echoed in the ship but Thaïs kept a firm hold on the thin rope that was looped around his neck and tied around his wrist behind his back. Any time he lowered his arms or tried to struggle the rope tightened about his neck until he behaved like a good little hostage and she loosened it for him. Thaïs found this method worked best in most situations and if she had to leave well, it wasn't her fault if the noose kept tightening.

"I see the welcoming party's already greeting the un-invited guests." Thaïs smiled coldly at Mica making him wince. He had no idea of the viper he'd woken in the form of the small woman beside him. He looked away from her eerie violet eyes struggling to swallow past the rope tied snuggly around his throat.

Thaïs arched an eyebrow at his obvious discomfort shoving him forward roughly. Her ears strained to make out what was going on and hoped the girl stayed on the bridge. She wondered if this was a good idea but if she did nothing to help the crew then she'd end up just as dead as the rest of them. There wasn't any thing in the world bad enough to make her want to be dead so she pushed Mica out of the hatch and onto the now silent cargo bay.

The new silence was broken only by their voices, rough and uneducated by the sound of their language. Mica stumbled on the second landing causing the rope to tighten immediately since she still held it in her hand. Jerking him upright with her other hand she reached up and loosened the loop around his neck. The hacking wheeze as he dragged in short breaths called attention to them. Thaïs kept herself hidden by Mica who was a foot taller and definitely wider than her slim shape. She smiled inwardly, even as the sound of guns cocked and trained on her. She liked when her hostages made good shields.

"What in blazes is goin' on?" the voice definitely didn't belong to Capt. Reynolds.

"You're shootin' up my boat!" Mal exclaimed with a hot glare.

"Not much of one." the pirate commented dryly giving _Serenity_ a brief glance.

"What?" Mal exclaimed and there ensued a very 'manly' conversation on _Serenity's_ many benefits.

Thaïs peeked around her hostage while surreptitiously slipping her fingers around the silvery handle of her gun. Her eyes picked out the _Serenity_ crew who stood in a loose circle around the pirates. Each one had some sort of protection to fall back on in case the current situation went south. Thaïs could see the pirates had the upper hand in this negotiation because Mal wanted Inara more than the pirates would want Mica.

"A trade." She said cutting into the argument. Both stopped their jabbering and looked at Thaïs.

The sight of her gun pointed at Mica's temple earned a squeak of protest from Inara as the pirate squeezed her throat. Mal immediately trained his gun on the offending pirate unsure of what the girl thought she was doing. An _Alliance_ trained girl with a gun pointed to their thief's head who just happened to be tied up and paler than usual. Mal raised an eyebrow watching as Thaïs approached.

"I thought you'd want your …'friend', back." Thaïs said in her softest voice. It served to raise goose bumps on Mica's skin and a light sheen of perspiration broke out on the thieving man's face. She made him keep moving down the steps not allowing the pirates a view of her besides the silvery gun in her hand.

"You thinkin' I want a trade?" the scarred pirate asked. Zoë noted the look on his face. The scoffing smile and look he threw his crew who sniggered behind him. Mica tried to gurgle something out but a swift jerk from Thaïs had him silent once more.

"You want your mole don't you?" Thaïs peeked around Mica, her violet eyes flicking from each of the five pirates standing in a ragged circle aiming pistols and guns towards her and the crew.

"Not the way he," the pirate jerked his head towards Mal who clenched his jaw, eyes hard. "Wants this here woman." The pirate grinned showing a few missing teeth, the rest yellowed. He leaned his head against the top of Inara's dark curls rubbing his cheek in a mockery of a caress. "Smells mighty good." He whispered, pale eyes never straying from Mal.

"You're right." Thaïs agreed once again moving steadily forward before Mal could do something stupid. Mica shuffled his feet obviously not happy his 'boss' wasn't jumping at the chance of saving him. "But this is yours so take your man. It's not easy finding a good mol-."

"Give her back?" the pirate jerked Inara closer to his chest with a bark of laughter.

Thaïs yanked Mica to a stop glancing at Inara and feeling the others wanting to act. Mal especially wanted to rip off that scarred pirates head from his neck more than he wanted to throw the girl out of his air lock. He didn't take his eyes off the pirate or his meaty hand on Inara's neck. He did resolve to fix the situation with that girl just as soon as this little problem was over.

"Girl, you get on back." Jayne growled at Thaïs. "This aint none of your concern." And while it was true he didn't see her moving any where. The thought crossed his mind as to why Mal wasn't barking orders at the woman.

"Yeah, put your toy down girly." The pirate smirked cocking his head towards the pirates on his left. "You aint gonna hit no one."

Thaïs ignored the grumbling giant and the snickering pirates seeing Inara's hand shift on the scarred mans arm. The Companion wasn't stupid nor was she defenseless and Thaïs could see the woman was ready for what ever distraction she could provide. She hoped the others would be as well since she'd be left out in the open, unprotected and vulnerable. Not for the first time did Thaïs wonder if it wouldn't have been better for her to hide out in one of the many nooks on _Serenity_.

"No one leaves." The pirate said with a wave of his gun towards them. Thaïs kicked Mica forward firing a round at the closest man. She ducked running to her left, away from the scarred pirate and his crew. She could hear Mal shouting orders and Jayne cursing. She hoped Inara had taken advantage of the slight distraction and broken away.

* * *

Inara watched as Thaïs approached with a pale faced Mica. The younger woman had him tied in such a way that he wouldn't cause her trouble. Inara shifted in the pirates hold moving her hands along the offending limb keeping her eyes on Thaïs. The look from the young woman was knowing which only made Inara more curious. There wasn't time to think of any thing as the red head stumbled into them and Inara was able to twist the arm and hand from her neck. She ducked out of the way as he tried to grab her again while shoving the choking Mica off him. Inara looked into the eyes of a young pirate. Unhesitantly her hands reached for the weapon in his hands twisting it out of his grasp and swiftly ramming the butt of the gun to the side of his head. He dropped down, heavy as a stone even as Inara leapt past him to the relative safety of the passenger cabins. At least there she could hunker down beside Jayne and try to shoot the pirates.

Her mind whirred with a dozen thoughts though primarily she wondered how Thaïs had gotten Mica and how she knew he was allied to the pirates. She knew it had to have been the red head who opened the door for the others to get on board.

Jayne grabbed Inara hauling her into the bunk as a shot went wide missing them both. He grumbled under his breath making room for the Companion to kneel down in front of him and shoot out the door. He didn't care who had let them in, Jayne was pissed and he wanted them gone preferably with the little woman who made a mess of the 'negotiation'. He snorted at the ridiculous notion of Mal doing something like that. The Capt. had been ready to make his stupid move to save Inara not that he didn't like Inara because she was- was- well she was Inara. She was part of the crew, family.

* * *

Zoë stuck close to Mal as always backing him up and taking orders. It was the one thing Wash had been jealous of, her loyalty to the Capt. even over her husband. She had loved him, loved him with all her heart but the Capt. was the Capt. and even if it seemed wrong she was still his first mate and that meant she took orders from him. No matter what. No matter who objected. Even if the objectee was her husband.

But Wash was no more, she didn't have a husband and now there was no arguing over that subject. Not any more. All she had now were endless days of floating in space going from one job to another and even lonelier nights when all there was to do was try not to remember, not think about what if or maybe…the nights were the most difficult to get through.

"Zoë!" she jerked barely glancing at he Capt. before moving behind the empty crates for cover. She ignored his scowling face and aimed for the pirate trying to hide behind the mule. The bullet ricocheted off the side of the metal plating lodging into a crate but the pirate flinched emitting a womanish scream as he jumped away from his protection.

Mal took the shot leaving the pirate with a smoking hole in his forehead and a shocked look on his face. The surprise transferred to his upon seeing Thaïs effectively sneaking up on their blind side. With a resolute look he began firing round after round at the pirate she was going for until she could get behind him. They were using the crates for cover since things had gotten a little out of hand.

'_Out of hand. Ha!'_ Mal couldn't remember the last time he'd been put in such a situation.

* * *

Thaïs rolled out from under the mule coming up behind the two pirates that had taken cover on the mules left side. She ignored the short bursts of gunfire aimed at specific targets. One stray bullet could send them all floating into deep space and neither side wanted to end up out there let alone with out air. Ever so quietly she neared the closest man aiming her gun at the back of his head when a stray bullet hit the crate beside her. The pirate ducked turning away from the fight and saw her. He swiveled the butt of his rifle slamming the end into her hand. The gun fell from her numb fingers garnering a pained gasp. With out hesitation Thaïs engaged the taller man in hand to hand lashing out with a front snap kick that connected with his gut. Her numbed fist slammed into his head sending tingling pinpricks through her fingers. The pirate stumbled bumping into his shooting buddy. They knocked a crate down and once again the butt of the rifle swung towards her.

Thaïs leaned back far enough he missed then grabbed for the barrel. Twisting it out of his hands she rammed the butt into his face. Blood sprayed out in massive amounts. She stepped back aiming the rifle and fired all in a matter of seconds. The pirate clutched his chest and toppled to the side freeing the man beneath him.

This one didn't hesitate as he lunged one fist smashing into her chest and the other knocking the rifle away. She found herself struggling for breath and the rifle was gone. Before her the rushing figure of the pirate registered in her brain. She ducked the blow ramming her elbow into his spine as she came up behind him, something clattered on the metal grates beneath their feet but she didn't see what it was. Her face hit the mule and suddenly she was yanked back. A meaty fist twined in her hair made her grab for the wrist automatically. Another blow knocked the wind out of her and Thaïs lay on a half fallen stack of crates. She managed to suck in a breath as a dirty hand clamped on her throat. The scarred pirate easily set her on her feet and the look on his face, gloating with a crooked leer brought all her focus to one thing. Nothing but causing this man insurmountable pain registered in her brain. Breathing became a secondary need and just as quickly her nails sank into the soft flesh of the hand around her neck. The first degrees of plain were inflicted, her nails drew blood but still the scarred pirate wouldn't let go. He watched, wincing, as her expression changed and not understanding how she went from a wheezing cough and panicked clutching as she lost her air, to the cold silent being he now held in his grip. He could feel the sting of her nails, now a dull throbbing but it was nothing compared to the blinding pain in his knee as she shattered the bone with a well placed kick. He screamed releasing his death grip on her as he fell.

Thaïs twisted his hand pulling his arm to an odd angle though managing to keep it taut. She sucked a deep breath into her lungs which burned her throat then brought her hand up forcibly pulling his arm in the opposite direction. Bones snapped piercing the skin, blood darkened the material of his sleeve and his screams renewed with vigor.

"I don't miss." She stated in a harsh rasp. The scarred pirate still knelt on his good knee cradling his broken arm. Thaïs swiveled her hips delivering a side thrust kick to his face. Her heavy boot slammed into the pirate with unquestionable force sending him into the mule's side. He bounced off landing in a twitching heap at her feet. She licked her cut lip tasting blood as she gazed dispassionately at the body.

'_Damn, they never last.'_

Thaïs leaned slightly forward and spit but the body only lessened its death throes as he drowned in his own blood. Turning away she wiped at her mouth with a half gloved hand as she walked around the fallen crates. Some where in her mind the silence registered but right then she didn't care the fight was over. Thaïs scowled at the stinging pain in her face from where the pirate had slammed her into the mule.

The clear cocking of a pistol brought her up short. Ever so slowly she raised violet eyes to its owner.

"You been a bad little girl." Jayne murmured.

Mal watched warily as Thaïs dropped bloody fingers from her lip and held her arms away from her body, hands open. What he'd witnessed didn't make him feel any better about her lack of weapons. She didn't need one!

"They started it." Thaïs said though her voice came out in a scratchy rasp. She turned a little; casting her eyes on the Capt. Mal raised his eyebrows slightly tilting his head. He might've let it go with that had it been some one else and in different circumstances. As it was, they had something to fear from the Alliance and the girl was one of theirs.


	7. Accusations

**7 Accusations**

Thaïs dropped into the proffered chair facing the small group assembled in the small room where passengers could gather outside the bunks. They were all arguing, Inara and Mal being the most vocal while the girl from before sat in the corner quietly. Zoë had called for Kaylee to help Jayne clean up the cargo bay and for 'Simon' and his kit. She entered the room noting the arguing pair and locking eyes on the young woman who was the cause of all this. Suddenly sending her out of the airlock seemed like the best idea but the Capt. wasn't doing that, yet.

"I'll be wantin' some answers now." Mal ground out. Thaïs could see he was extremely upset and Inara was pale but quiet standing to the side.

"So would I." Thaïs replied wincing inwardly at the ugly sound of her voice. She normally had a low throaty sound which helped when she wanted to get something but right then she hated the sound it made.

"You-?" Mal's eyes bugged out as he scoffed. He looked at her again noting the serious expression through her bloody, bruised face. She really did want some answers. "Hah!" he couldn't help the short bark of laughter as he looked over his shoulder.

Simon entered the room with his little red bag of healthy tricks which he set on the low table.

Thaïs barely took note of his as the Capt. and Zoë kept their eyes on her. Inara shifted behind them moving closer to the girl as Simon started to clean her face. The cool cloths were a great relief to the stinging in her cheek and the cut on her lip, of course that one stung.

"Sorry." Simon muttered barely audible as he concentrated on what he was doing.

"You're Alliance." Mal stated roughly as he glared down at her. Simon froze where he was, the antiseptic wipe in his hand. His eyes flicked to the young woman's face absently noticing her violet eyes. He frowned at that but didn't have time to wonder why it felt as if he new them, certainly it wasn't a common shade of eye color…

"No." Thaïs replied in her raspy voice, violet eyes hardening on Mal. Simon looked to him then back at the woman he was patching up. He'd stayed in his bunk the last few days with Kaylee's nightly visits the only information he'd had about the goings on of the ship but she hadn't told them there was an Alliance passenger on board. Why hadn't Mal sent down word or told him himself?

"We checked your papers." Zoë stated flatly. "We saw your fil-."

"Then you know I'm _not_ Alliance." Thaïs interrupted coldly. Her eyes flicked over to Zoë who clenched her jaw, fingers tensing on the pistol she held.

Simon gently began to wipe the cuts on her face breaking the staring contest between the two women.

"You attacked one of my crew." Mal accused remembering how Jayne had been sat down by one kick. He had to admit the girl had good aim and she didn't like being on the other end of a gun. He would've found it amusing; he would've laughed, had it been under different circumstances and someone else doing the Jayne hurtin'.

"I _saved_ one of your crew." Thaïs reminded him sitting up in her chair. She winced as the medicine burned the cut on her lip but ignored it.

"You abducted one of my passengers!" Mal's voice rose. He couldn't believe the girl was actually arguing with him over semantics. Every one always argued with him. Why was everyone always arguing with him?

"He opened your back door for those pirates!" Thaïs exclaimed. How could he be defending the very man who let the pirates on board?

"He was a paying customer!" Mal roared stepping closer.

"Who was about to put a bullet in the little girl playing pilot!" Thaïs yelled getting to her feet and pushing Simon's hand out of her way.

"Not likely," Mal retorted standing to his full height. "And she's a dam good pilot."

"Wha- I'm a payin-." Thaïs let out an unbelieving huff, eyes narrowing in anger. "You have some brass ones." she ground out. "I just helped keep your boat yours and all you can do is focus on where I've been!"

"We don't hold with Alliance-." Zoë began when the girl cut in.

"Brown coats never do." The silence in the small room was broken only by the sounds of metal banging on metal in the cargo bay.

"War's long done." Mal said quietly. He moved towards Thaïs, menace flowing off him in waves. Ever so gently he placed a big hand on her shoulder and sat her down again. She wasn't comforted by the gentleness but she wasn't afraid of him either. She'd been through worse and somehow, what little she'd been able to see of the Capt., made her think he wouldn't hurt her without due cause and even then he might not.

"Then you haven't paid attention." She replied in a tired voice. Zoë took a step in her direction taking her words as some sort of threat. Her fingers played with the trigger and Jayne picked that moment to come in followed closely by Kaylee.

"All done Capt." she reported with a nervous smile. Her eyes went to Simon where he knelt in front of Thaïs putting the finishing touches on her scrapes and cuts. Even with her face all puffy and bruised Kaylee couldn't help thinking the other woman still looked pretty. Tilting her head a bit she realized pretty wasn't a word you'd use to describe Thaïs, it wasn't enough to describe... something about her made people want to have another look.

Jayne kept glaring at Thaïs and with a smile she patted Simon's shoulder. "Docs almost done with me." and there was no way to miss what she implied especially when her eyes roamed down to his pants and the slight bulge between his legs. "I'm sure I didn't break any thing but…"

Kaylee let a snicker escape her quickly covering her mouth and turning it into a cough. Jayne noticed, his face going red and let a rough growl rasp out of his throat.

"What do you mean?" Zoë grouched. "What is the Alliance about?"

"Alliance?" Jayne echoed completely forgetting about the antagonizing little brunette in the chair.

"There's resistance." Thaïs said more quietly. She sank into her chair as much as she could, seeming to fold into herself. "A year ago, there was a wave." Her voice took on a dead tone as she spoke. "Miranda."

Everyone went still at the name taking furtive glances at each other. They stood stiff and uncomfortable as Thaïs stared ahead, not seeing them any more. Simon glanced at Mal and Zoë who looked at each other. They had the same thought, airlock. River sat quietly watching the other woman with Inara stroking her dark hair in a comforting manner.

"People were angry, though at first they didn't believe it. They didn't want to… that the Alliance would…" Thaïs looked up and found Mal staring at her. "They created all these planets, gave us homes, jobs, our lives. They provided us with a feeling of safety and protected us but now-." She shook her head turning to Zoë. "It was their fault, Alliance made them… Reavers." Thaïs looked to Mal again ignoring Simon as he finished binding the cut on her lip. "It was all a lie. Everything they've ever done, every thing they've said, what they've taught-. Its all meaningless." She sighed and ran a steady hand through her hair dragging the long locks into her fingers were she absently toyed with it. "There were riots, people attacked Alliance personnel-. I couldn't stay, not like that and then I-… I refused a direct order." Thaïs glance up confused, her eyes falling on Mal. He understood her confusion, empathized a bit with her feelings about making such a choice. "I-. It- it wasn't right." she murmured looking away, lost in her memory.

"The dying were screaming." River murmured. Her brown eyes didn't stray from Thaïs's bent head. "She flew away. Didn't stay, didn't obey." River shook her head gently a pained smile on her face. "They're never right." she murmured.

Mal turned to her tilting his head in Thaïs's direction. The silent question was obvious to the reader. She paused looking again at Thaïs as her brother finished with the cut on her temple. River considered the young woman for a long moment knowing what Mal was asking. With one word River could end the woman's life or maybe they'd let her go but it was doubtful. She and her brother were family now; part of Mal's crew, there was no way he'd allow an Alliance personnel to report back on the Tam's not after everything the crew had been through.

Mal waited, hand tensing on his own pistol. After a long tense moment River looked up her brown eyes usually vacant or unfocused shone with awareness as she nodded, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

Mal frowned in confusion but she nodded reassuringly. He expelled the breath he hadn't been aware of holding in, turning back to Thaïs.

"Mal…" Inara made to stand but stopped at his look. She sank back into her seat watching as he moved towards the young woman.

"You've been wearing Alliance colors." Mal said looking over her ash gray cargo pants and the midnight blue sweater. Through the unbuttoned 'v' of her neckline he could see the black standard issue tank. The past week all he could remember seeing her in were dark blues, blacks and grays.

Thaïs let out a mirthless laugh turning her eyes on both him and Zoë. "Never seen either of you out of brown."

Zoë scowled at the woman in the chair and addressed Mal. "Capt. we can't trust she's not Alliance."

"She's Alliance?" Jayne asked glancing from one face to another clearly angry. "You gorram fool! You done brought Alliance on this boat!"

"Me?" Mal exclaimed.

"Its not-." Inara stood up moving forward to try and diffuse the situation.

"-checked her pa-." Zoë was drowned out and the arguing continued.

Thaïs let her eyes drift over the crew stopping on Simon. He noticed her violet gaze on him and became more uncomfortable. His hands fumbled with his supplies as he put them into his case again. He was reluctant to look at her so with a sigh she took the initiative. After all, if she was wrong then she wouldn't look any stupider than she already felt for telling them her reasons for leaving the Alliance.

"Simon Tam."

His hands froze halfway to his kit, brown eyes immediately focused on the woman who'd so softly spoken his name.

"Simon." She repeated in a surer voice and a tilt of her head in his direction. He looked at River who was quietly staring at Thaïs. Suddenly the silence in the small room registered and all eyes were locked on her. She noticed Simon swallowing nervously, glancing to the others.

"You don't remember…" she gave him a half smile as if the whole situation made sense. Of course he wouldn't remember her not after so many years and they'd barely had time to get to know each other.

"Begorram chi sin diu!" Jayne exclaimed cocking his gun. "She Alliance! She's bringin' 'em on us, Mal!"

"Thaïs?" Simon murmured with a thoughtful tilt to his head. He repeated it under his breath much to her amusement as he tried to connect the name with a face but he couldn't think of any one.

"It's been a long time, Simon. Of course we were only children then…" she let the clue hang smiling. It wasn't long before he returned it with a slightly confused air.

"Thaïs Fillion?" he asked tentatively wondering if she was the same girl he was thinking of. "You're not-."

"The same little girl you used to tease?" she finished with a slight chuckle.

"Thaïs…" Simon murmured. "The bond… yes." He remembered now, the dark haired little girl, fearless of heights with the violet eyes. "You've grown up."

"Reunions all nice and everything," Jayne cut in. "but you wanna get back to where _she's Alliance_ and-."

"I'm _not_ Alliance!" Thaïs stood abruptly making the others reach for their weapons.

"You know her, Doc?" Mal asked in a quiet tone.

Simon took his time in answering knowing what was at stake. He hadn't seen Thaïs since they were children when she'd been sent off to school long before River had ever been accepted at the academy. He didn't recognize the woman she was with the little girl he'd know. The smiling, carefree little girl with the bright smile and contagious giggle who seemed to thrive on what ever adventure they conjured for the day.

He realized that he wasn't the same boy, nor was he the son his parents had wanted or raised him to be. He'd done things he'd never thought he'd do, things he frowned upon, that his parents wouldn't have condoned or forgiven of him. How could he expect Thaïs to be any different, just because she was a woman didn't seem to be enough of a reason to hold her accountable for making those same choices.

"You always were up in the clouds." He murmured with a smile.

"Only place I was ever me." she replied with a relived smile.


	8. Remembering

****

**_AN: Thank you _**Stellarsiren**_ for the review. This posting is especially for you. _**

****

8 Remembering

"_Im not afraid!" she retorted with more than enough heat. Her face turned up, violet eyes looking into the leafy mass over their heads. Her mouth set into a stubborn line and hiking up her skirts she marched to the old tree._

_The trunk was as wide as a house and the old roots stuck out of the ground creating little hills and valleys they could play in. It was the same place they always came to when they wanted to have an adventure. They would play hide and seek in the roots or pretend to fight a war. They used the tree as their personal toy giving it the semblance of a castle or fort depending on the game but today, today it was just a tree._

"_Come on, Thaïs." Simon waved her back but she ignored him. "Thaïs." He called again with a frown. He watched her lightly run up a root to the trunk of the ancient tree. He scowled heading after her. Between River and Thaïs he had enough of a headache by dinner time._

_River watched her brother slip on the root Thaïs had used to get to the trunk. It was the only one high enough for her to reach the lowest branch. River knew Simon hated that both girls could scamper across each root so quickly they made it look effortless. When he managed to clamber onto one it was all he could do to keep from falling off or slipping. The fact that Thaïs teased him about his lack of balance is what made him blurt out the dare in the first place. _

_Thaïs pulled herself up with both hands using her feet to walk up the side of the trunk. After the first unsuccessful try, where her feet slid off the bark she kicked off the shoes and used her stockinged feet. She was half way up the tree now ignoring Simon as he 'ordered' her down._

"_Order?" Thaïs scowled and reached up for another branch. "Ordering me…" She made her way to the top weaving between branches, finding the easiest path. Thaïs held onto the tree, a thin arm wrapped around the top. She looked across the field to the city, the wind blew cold and it pulled on her making the tree sway dangerously. Thaïs adjusted so her body swayed with the tree. Inky curls got in her eyes blocking the sight of shinning towers in the distance. She felt so free up there as if she could fly. Her little mouth turned up, a beatific smile on her face. _

_Thaïs watched, her stomach cramped slightly, like when she ate too many moras. The little white fruits grew on the tree outside her window and tasted sweet. She could sit on her window sill and eat them all day looking out over the grounds and see the glint of sun on the domed city buildings. The wind would slide through her hair and pull on her clothes. Closing her eyes Thaïs almost felt as if she were flying, felt free. There was almost something, some feeling of- of…_

"_Simon!" the cry startled Thaïs. A gust of wind unbalanced her and reaching both hands managed to catch herself on a branch. The loud snap preceded the sickening feeling of her body plunging down through the branches. Her face stung where the leaves and small twigs scratched her face._

_River watched as Simon slipped on the third branch. For a moment she thought he'd be able to catch himself, grab another branch… Her eyes grew wide as the next instant Simon bounced on a lower branch. He hit it on his side then flipped around it to disappear between the roots. She didn't realize it was her voice screaming Simon's name as she ran. Her feet picked a safe path over the gnarled roots but Simon wasn't answering._

"_River! River!" Thaïs called but even her screams had stopped. There was no sound besides the one she made slipping from one branch to the next as she climbed the rest of the way down. Her arm burned where she'd caught it on the branches but she'd managed not to plummet to her death._

"_Simon?" no answer but she could see the roots and the next branch would let her down on another root. She was no where near the place she climbed up and her current perch showed a long drop to a root that didn't look all that wide. Thaïs heard soft crying and that made her do it. She ignored the danger lying on her stomach keeping her hands clamped onto the branch as she slipped her legs over the side. She swung down feeling the tug on her body lance through her arm in a blinding pain. Thaïs let go gasping as her other arm took her full weight. She released the branch landing on the root and immediately bent her legs to lessen the impact. Her body tilted, the crevice looming dark and foreboding. She pushed off jumping to the next root regaining her balance. Thaïs went from one root to the next weaving about until she stopped where River lay half off the root. She was crying softly, one hand reaching down into the shadowed crevice_

"_Simon!" Thaïs cried dropping to her stomach but even she couldn't see the bottom. "Get help." She ordered sitting up. Her legs hung over the side as River continued to cry. Thaïs took her arm roughly and pulled her up. Her violet eyes looked into River's brown ones offering reassurance and security. "Run and get help for Simon. Run to the house. I'm going to stay here. I'll stay with Simon. Now go, River. Get help."_

_River sniffled, wiped her eyes and quickly stood up._

"_Don't leave him, Thaïs." She looked once to the crevice where Simon lay. With out a word River ran off to bring help._

* * *

"So you're a pilot." Simon commented. His voice echoed in the empty pirating ship they were ransacking. He glanced at her nervously but he was curious about the young woman he was seeing. He still couldn't reconcile the image of the little girl he'd known with the woman standing beside him.

"Was, Simon. I'm not any more." Thaïs corrected him gently. She moved to the next cabinet and began taking out foodstuff and put it in her crate. Her face had swelled slightly but only felt a twinge of pain thanks to the cream Simon had smoothed over the bruises. She stayed quiet hoping Simon would not ask any other uncomfortable questions. What could she say about where she'd been and done? What part of her past would he understand or even empathize with?

"How did you know me?" he asked to change the subject. He noticed the slight smile as she finished packing her crate. She rested her hands on the sides staring at the contents.

"You're face." Thaïs replied sotto voice. Lifting the crate she placed it on the others that were ready to be rolled back to _Serenity_. "Something kept bothering me and your name but then I saw River-."

"River?" Simon froze, his hand reaching for a can.

"On the bridge." Thaïs affirmed. "Mica was up there. When I saw River she looked… I don't know, like I knew her. I began to think maybe I was loosing it you know?" she wiggled her finger by her ear and Simon couldn't help but chuckle.

He continued packing with a smile wanting to ask so many question but he wasn't sure which ones to ask or even if she would answer. She had left so suddenly, there were no goodbyes, not even a wave when she got to where she'd been sent. Now here she was, some one from his past, a piece of his home. Suddenly Simon didn't feel so alone, not with Thaïs there. It wasn't just him and River any more.

"Why did you leave?" he asked quietly.

Thaïs sighed but kept working. She didn't speak as she knelt to clean out the cabinets under the counter top. There were so many things she could say, excuses she could give him but it was Simon. Two years being neighbors with the Tam's, two years of sneaking off to play with them, two years of fun and the ensuing lectures because the Fillion family wasn't up to the Tam's social level. Thaïs didn't care, she hadn't listened and that's why she was punished. It was worth every minute of pain because the boredom was worse. The only challenge she'd had was matching wits with River and the games Simon could make up. Thaïs knew she wouldn't be able to tell him the truth.

Simon respected her silence and tried to think of something else they could talk about. He wasn't sure she would answer any of his questions when he heard her soft voice from the floor.

"Why did you?"

* * *

"Capt. do you really think this is the best thing to do?" Zoë asked behind Mal. He didn't bother looking at her as he clobbered open another crate.

"What?" He wrestled the lid off and set it down beside the box with a satisfied look. "We can't just leave all this for some one else to find." He ignored Zoë's obvious meaning not exactly sure he was doing the right thing. There was something that didn't set right with him about the whole situation but there wasn't much time to get all the facts straight. She had ties to the Alliance, that was fact but so was her helping them get rid of the pirates. He'd seen her put herself in the line of fire and for Inara. Why? The girl wasn't part of the crew, she had no ties with any of them, other than the Tam's but she hadn't known about them so why put her life in danger for some one she didn't know?

"Capt." Zoë was annoyed and her tone though respectful was a tad harsh. She could understand the need to work fast. She didn't want to stay with the wreck any longer than they had to not with the dead pirates just lying up in their cargo bay.

"Most of this is sellable." Mal said with satisfaction. "The rest we keep-."

"Sir, whether she admits or not, the fact is we can't trust she's _not_ Alliance."

Mal let out a tired breath stepping back from the crate and wiping at his face tiredly. He wasn't at all sure about the girl, he wasn't sure he'd made the right choice letting Simon have the final say. One thing he knew was they couldn't let Thaïs leave, not before he was sure the girl wouldn't send the Alliance to hunt them down.

"Saying and doing." Zoë said more quietly. "There's a big difference between 'em."

"We aint had no steady work." Mal answered low voiced still staring at the ground. "No body in the 'verse wants to hire us seein' as how our old employers aint breathin' so well." Mal picked up the lid and slammed it on the crate with more force than necessary letting some of his frustration out. "We've run far as we can." They both knew he spoke the truth. There was no where else for them to go not with all the repairs needed on _Serenity_ and the handful of jobs didn't leave near enough for them to do more than get by, barely. "This girl-." Mal turned to Zoë unexpectedly. "If she is or she aint," his meaning was clear, neither had to mention the Alliance. "Girl's here, girl knows who we got on board. Don't know about you but I aim to keep her around 'till I know what she is."

* * *

Jayne grumbled as he lugged the crate with spare parts Kaylee was able to get from the pirating ship. As usual her face had grease smears and her hands were dirty but she smiled, happy with what she was able to scavenge. It wasn't exactly what she needed to repair _Serenity_ but at least she would be able to patch up some of her jimmied temporary repairs which were beginning to fall apart.

"Mal's making a big mistake lettin' her stay on." Jayne muttered.

"I don't know. I think the Capt. did a good thing. Where else is she gonna go?" she asked.

Jayne glanced down at the little red head with a shake of his head. "Out the airlock for all I care." But the image of him standing in that same predicament blazed to life in his mind. Suddenly sending her out of the air lock didn't hold that much of an appeal. "Somethin' aint right."

"You're just upset. Besides Simon knows her and River would've said something if Thaïs were a danger to us." Her blind trust in the Tam's did nothing to comfort Jayne. Kaylee just smiled, happy that Simon and River finally had someone from their past. Maybe now Simon wouldn't feel so lonely because no matter what he said she could see there was this little part of him that missed the life they'd had before. She didn't mind it so much any more, that wistfulness in him, because she knew it was normal. Any one in their position would feel the same way but here was a little bit of home for them.

"Still think he should send her on her way." Jayne grumbled. Kaylee gave him an annoyed look.

"You're mad cuz you got beat up by a girl." she retorted with a snort. "Again."


	9. I'm a leaf

**9 I'm a leaf… **

"_Fillion!" there was more than one voice calling for her but they were so far off Thaïs didn't pay them any attention. She didn't have any thing to wake up for, at least not early. She was done, both of them were and all because she disobeyed a direct order. That wouldn't have been so bad except things got worse once they landed in the hangar. _

_Ginner and his crew of idiots… no, it was better not to think of it better just to wallow in this fog of liquor._

_The door crashed open bringing with it a blindingly painful flash of light she didn't appreciate. A slim hand covered violet eyes as she groaned and rolling over ignored the barked commands for her to get up and dressed._

"_Call off the second squad. Apollo is here." The Lieutenant looked over the pair, his face displayed his contempt for the disgrace the two cadets found themselves in. He shook his head wondering why the Alliance would want to take them back especially with the behavior they'd displayed now. _

"_Get them up." He ordered harshly before turning away._

_Thin sheets were yanked and a grumbling Apollo rose unsteadily while Thaïs threw a pillow. It did nothing to stop the troops from dragging her out of bed. There was a short scuffle as Apollo reached for the one manhandling her pulling his naked bed buddy behind his body for protecting._

"_Get dressed." A trooper barked tossing them some clothes._

* * *

Thaïs hit the floor with a resounding thud that reverberated through her entire frame. She groaned and turned to get up when she was thrown back into her bunk. Thaïs let out a grunt and clutching at her bunk looked around when she heard it again. A loud thumping sound that echoed through the ship and before she grabbed the throwing knife another sound followed. Snatching her handgun from the holster she ran into the cargo bay and up the stairs clutching the rails to keep herself up right.

_Serenity_ swayed hapzardly making it difficult for her to stay on her feet but she managed to make it to the bridge with out falling down. The first thought was that they were under attack or that another pirate ship had spotted them and worse, the possibility of Reavers. Up ahead she could see the bridge and Mal at the helm. Her eyes widened at what she saw through the window and a string of curses left her rosy lips as she hurried to the deck. _Serenity_ pitched right throwing Thaïs into a semi hard object which let out an explosive breath. The metal planking echoed loudly and with barely a glance behind her Thaïs clambered up the steps as Jayne slid back into his bunk. She could hear his curses even as she yelled at Mal.

"Hard right!" but she could see the asteroid would hit them any way. Her hand reached up for the rail to keep herself standing only it was too high. The tips of her fingers barely grazed the bar as _Serenity_ rolled and Thaïs was flung down. She rolled towards the wall banging her head on the metal as her shoulder slammed into a sharp corner.

"Pok guy! You're going to get us all killed!" Thaïs yelled crawling to the empty pilot's seat. She ignored the pain in her shoulder and hip knowing there would be time to feel it later, that's if they made it out of the asteroid field.

"I'm trying to save us!" Mal retorted eyes going wide as another one of the damn rocks flew straight at him. It was as if they were aiming for his boat!

"Leave off!" Thaïs ordered clambering into the seat and strapping in. She pulled on the stick trying to avoid a direct hit.

"Leave off?" Mal yelled. "This is my ship-!"

"Which you've managed to get caught in an asteroid field." Thaïs returned fighting with him for control of _Serenity_. "NOW LEAVE OFF!" she bellowed as another rock sped towards their window. Just one crack and they could kiss their collective-.

"What in gorram hell is going on?" Jayne roared coming in behind Zoë. The large rock zooming into his sight answered any questions he could've asked.

"You leave off!" Mal retorted trying for all he was worth to force _Serenity_ left while Thaïs kept pulling up.

"You're going to KILL US!" Thaïs yelled yanking hard on the stick.

Jayne's eyes went from one figure to the other and making his decision immediately jumped on Mal managing to get his hands off the stick and knowing he didn't want to die; blown out in space, no air, no- no, that's not how he wanted to die.

"Jayne!" Zoë yelled reaching to help Mal when both were thrown down as Thaïs swerved the large rock. They tangled together as the ship rolled out of the direct path of the asteroid the belly barely scraping as _Serenity_ flew past. Mal watched opened mouthed as Thaïs wove through the asteroid field and a particularly dense group of rocks. She rolled left and under a larger rock rolling to the right as a group of smaller asteroids raced past them. The sound of pattering rocks echoed in the ship but they were nothing compared to the large thundering echoes from moments before.

"I'll be..." Jayne murmured getting to his feet. One hand gripped the bar over head while he watched as the little brunette flew through the rocks avoiding being hit and all with a smile on her face.

Zoë couldn't help wonder at the smoothness with which Thaïs maneuvered _Serenity_. She did barrel rolls and even a loop de loop that didn't throw everyone off their feet. She hadn't seen any one fly like that, not since… but no, even he hadn't been able to do this- this- Zoë couldn't find words to describe what the girl was doing. Did it even constitute as flying any more?

Thaïs ignored the murmurs behind her concentrating on finding a way out of the maze instead of just avoiding the asteroids. Now that she was in control of the ship there was no danger of them hitting any thing so it gave her time to search. All asteroid fields had a pattern, granted it didn't look as if they did but everything in the verse was made of patterns and asteroid fields were no exception. Puzzles had always been a favorite of hers and even in the Academy there was no one better at solving them given enough time. It's why they'd wanted her back, why they moved her from pilot to…

"What happened?" Kaylee's voice drew their attention away from Thaïs and once again questions of how and why resurfaced in everyone's mind. Simon kept to the back, out of the way with one arm around River's shoulders. She didn't seem particularly concerned with the arguing as she looked out the window awed by the asteroid field.

"Fell asleep." She murmured into the cacophony of voices but no one paid any attention. Finally they broke into open space and Thaïs began setting in the auto pilot sequence. She wore a warm smile looking into the black feeling every nerve in her body tingling as it always did when she flew. She hadn't felt that way in so long… it was as if a part of her had been revived. Thaïs let her eyes drift closed for a moment taking a deep breath and committing the event to memory. It was a one time thing, there wouldn't be a need for her to fly again and the thought ate at her. Stiffening she shoved those emotions down drowning them inside as she stood up to leave the pilots cabin.

Thaïs stopped short as everyone stared at her. She felt her face flush realizing she hadn't taken the time to dress and stood before the crew of _Serenity_ clad only in her black tank and a pair of skimpy shorts. Her bare feet noticed the cold metal grates and her skin rose with goose bumps.

Simon smiled stepping forward and handing her the silver handled gun. She took it slipping it behind her back with a nod of thanks.

"I thought you weren't a pilot." He commented still smiling.

"I'm not." Thaïs replied with a frown. She noticed them casting disbelieving looks at one another and Kaylee hiding a smile. "I'm NOT. I-." she turned glaring at Mal who still sat in the pilots chair. "He was bungling about left and right!" she accused with a pointing finger; after all, it was his fault she'd had to fly them out of the mess.

"Hey!" Mal objected rising to his feet. "I was maneuvering through the gorram rocks-."

"Nice job!" Thaïs retorted. "You sure know how to aim for each one."

Mal opened his mouth to refute that statement knowing he had been hitting each one even as he tried not too.

"I'd like to know how we managed to get caught in them rocks." Jayne cut into the bickering with a loud voice. Mal flushed looking at his crew and back at Thaïs who crossed her arms and waited a smirk playing on her lips.

"Always tired. Never enough time, fell asleep-." River murmured, her voice suddenly audible in the cabin.

"Asleep?" Jayne roared. "You back-birthed, frog humping, cat sucking, piss ant!"

Thaïs watched the yelling match with a small smile for a moment before she realized this was her chance to get out of their line of fire and hide for the rest of the trip in her bunk. She hadn't meant for them to see her fly, see her skill or any thing else she was able to do. All she wanted was a quiet ride and to be left alone.

"Not real." River stood in her way making Thaïs take a step back. "All lies, half truths…"

Thaïs opened her mouth to speak but found herself without words. Everything River said made no sense, the girl was wrong some how, so far removed from the little girl she'd met all those years ago. Something else the Alliance had taken away from Simon.

"Every one pretends… you play your part, I know." In a lower whisper River leaned forward. "Its not all you are."

Thaïs felt infinitely uncomfortable with River staring intently at her. Her hand itched wanting to reach behind her for the comforting silver handle.

"River." Simon placed gentle hands on his sister's shoulders tugging her away from Thaïs. River ducked her head letting him lead her away. "I'm sorry. She's…" he trailed off apologetically taking River back to her bunk. Thaïs let out a breath her hand dropping to her side again. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and turning she found Jayne eyeing her with a lecherous grin, the tip of his tongue peeking out to wet his lips. Thaïs gave a disgusted grunt crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the giant. She'd made him sit down once and there was no doubt she'd be able to do it again. The knife strapped to her wrist sheath gleamed in the cabins light and at her slightly arching eyebrow Jayne cleared his throat glancing around at the others. Kaylee's voice could be heard talking to Inara as the Companion had come to see what was happening. Their voices faded as Zoë straightened and Mal cleared his throat feeling decidedly uncomfortable with the half naked girl in front of them. He nodded once to Zoë who motioned for Thaïs to precede her out of the bridge leaving him alone with Jayne. There wasn't much to say and with a disgruntled breath Jayne went back to his bunk mumbling expletives on his lack of skill in flying _Serenity_.

Mal sighed sitting down again and wiping tired hands over his face. He'd fallen asleep with out even checking their course. His ship was all banged up, not that it hadn't been before the asteroids but now… What was he going to do now?

"Kaylee." He called into the engine room. It was a moment before she picked up, the note in her voice hesitant. That meant there were some major repairs he'd have to invest in.

"Yes, Capt.?"

"What's the bad, shiny?"

The silence did nothing to lessen the tightening of his gut and before Mal could snap Kaylee's voice came back a little too chipper to be real.

"She'll hold Capt. I got some of those parts from the pirates and maybe some- I could-." The comm. Clicked and Mal could picture his mechanic glancing about the engine room for something- anything that would take away the despair he knew everyone must be feeling. "I don't know what else I can do Capt. not without proper…"

"Alright." He sighed closing his eyes. "Just do your best. We'll put to harbor soon and get what we need." He dropped the comm. wiping at his face with both hands. This was it; he wouldn't have anything left after this and not much prospect of work in the near future. Hell, Kaylee and Zoë had been using their own funds to do minor repairs on _Serenity_ even Jayne had gone as far as buying supplies.

* * *

Thaïs hid in her bunk away from the rest of the crew. They were still two days out from **_Epsilom Prime _**hopefully no one came looking for her-.

"Thaïs?"

"Hum lun!" Thaïs muttered under her breath as she sat up. "Shenme?" she called out standing as her door slid open. Quietly Simon ducked into her bunk looking embarrassed. She sighed annoyed at his gentlemanly manners for once grateful her mother hadn't gotten her way. Inara wasn't as bad as Simon but there were too many rules a Companion had to follow and one thing Thaïs didn't like was rules. She chaffed under the constraints which is why she'd always had a hard time in flight Academy.

"I-." He looked about trying to find some where to rest his eyes though they always came back to the young woman before him. It was disconcerting how she could stare at him, those violets eyes showing nothing, not the slightest emotion.

"Tzao-gao, Simon." She exclaimed stalking towards the opposite end of the small cabin. She threw aside her duffel and pointed to the empty spot. "You're just as stuffy as you ever were. Sit."

Simon did as he was told a slight smile tugging at his lips. If he hadn't changed then Thaïs had only grown more bossy than he remembered.

"What?" she noticed the hint of a smile and frowned. Had he come just to laugh…?

"I was just thinking you've grown worse than I remembered."

"Worse?" Thaïs echoed. Her arms crossed and a hip jutted out as she settled violet eyes on her old playmate. It didn't seem to frighten Simon since his smile widened.

"Yes. Your much more bossy as an adult." He answered leaning his back against the wall.

"Yeah, well you're-. Aww, forget it." Thaïs flopped back onto her bunk; her eyes stared at the ceiling. "So what did you want because you have a reason for coming in here." She raised up on her elbows with a crooked smile. There was a faint blush to Simon's cheeks which she loved to see. She'd begun to think she'd lost her touch.

"Yes," Simon hedged once again clearing his throat as he glanced around the room. What he wanted wasn't something he'd normally ask for but it wasn't for him. Still, Thaïs hadn't been around for years and now, all of a sudden he wanted her to do him a favor. Some how that didn't seem right. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind spending some time with River." Seeing her look, the slight furrowing of her brow as she raised her head from the bunk he backtracked. "You don- don't have to. I just thought… well, you two seemed to get on so well before..." Simon shook his head laughing at the stupidity of what he thought. "Never mind." He said standing up. "It was a stupid idea-."

"To think a childhood playmate would help your sister feel more herself?" Thaïs interrupted sitting on her bunk. Her violet eyes seemed to study him but the thoughts in her mind were beyond his ability to discern. "Simon…" she sighed looking down at her hands which she held between her crossed legs. "I don't know what they did but I remember her. I remember playing with River and the teasing… I never forgot." Her soft smile reassured him. He returned it with a slight nod before leaving her alone.

Thaïs sighed unsure as to what she'd gotten herself into. How was she to help the girl who barely remembered herself? Too many years had passed, too many things had happened and not just to River though it was obvious the younger girl had the more permanent scars not to mention the most visible ones. So who was luckier?

* * *

"_You're target are these individuals." With a nod the images wavered into view. The first two looked familiar, their features obviously marking them as family. The next varied from race to age and gender, obviously not blood relations._

"_Sir?" Azmyth questioned expressionless. All that was needed were specifics on what was to happen once the targets were acquired._

"_Terminate them." He turned, cold gray eyes piercing as they assessed the young Operative standing before him. "You are to search and destroy. Do you understand?"_

"_Yes sir." Was the immediate reply._

"_Good." He turned back to the images before them. "Study their faces and their information. Once you are done here you are to leave. There is a kit waiting in your room. You will send confirmation of any target no longer a threat and to apprise us of the situation with it."_

"_Yes sir." Azmyth repeated not questioning the reason for the assignment. The Alliance wanted these individuals taken care of, asking why would only cause trouble and trouble was not something Azmyth wanted more of. With a sharp salute, the heels of black polished boots clicked with an about face. The sound echoed back to him as he listened to his Operative retreat._

_He smiled, pleased with the results and continued to study the faces above him. Yes, the Operative he was sending was new and untried in the field unsupervised but Azmyth had proved to be an exceptional student and by far was his best work. A true Operative… ruthless, cold, calculating. A merciless killer and by far one of the most effective with any weapon he could place in those capable hands._

"_They have no idea of the viper they've woken."_


	10. Employment

**10 Employment**

Thaïs found herself in the engine room with Kaylee the last few days before reaching Epsilom Prime. Working alongside her, talking but mostly Thaïs listened to Kaylee reminisce. She liked the red head, liked the easy manner she had and the way Kaylee made her feel at ease, as if she belonged…

"So, where all have you been?" Kaylee peeked through the wires at Thaïs who was busily re-wiring their secondary panel to save some fuel; it helped the engine run smoother and used less energy. That would give _Serenity_ a much needed rest, her engine wouldn't have to work so hard to meet the boats needs and the captain's demands.

"Here and there." Thaïs murmured uncomfortably. "No place in particular."

"You had to 'ave seen some nice places. 'Specially growing up with Simon and River-."

"I didn't grow up with them." At least that much was true. "I lived next door for two years and caused so much trouble my parents decided it was time I went to school. I lost touch with them soon after." She hoped that was enough to satisfy the curious red head. In some ways, Thaïs thought talking to Kaylee was worse than talking to Inara. Both women had this knack of getting information out of people but where Inara used her Companion techniques Kaylee just plied her sweet charm.

"And your parents?" Kaylee turned back to her work listening. All she had were some childhood stories she managed to pry out of Simon but that didn't paint a complete picture of Thaïs and she was mighty curious about the woman.

"I have two." Thaïs replied blandly, still lying on her back and working on the wires. Kaylee laughed giving her head a little shake at the obvious reluctance Thaïs was showing in talking about her past. It only made her more curious.

"So do I but I meant where are they? Don't you ever talk to them?"

Thaïs heaved a sigh and dropped her hands to her chest. Her eyes wandered over the lazily turning engine through the holes between wires and panels, up to the metal gratings above their heads. Today was turning out to be a bad day for helping Kaylee and she regretted acting on the impulse she'd had that morning.

"No." Thaïs murmured. "I don't and they don't ask…" the words might not make sense but the feeling in her voice did and Kaylee stopped what she was doing. She cast a look in the direction of Thaïs where she lay just under the engine. Kaylee could see part of her body still clad in the dark grays and blues of Alliance but so was Simon. Maybe it was something they'd never get rid of, part of their past lives that made them who they were but no one really knew who Thaïs was.

"I'm almost done here, Kaylee." Thaïs' voice cut into her musings and Kaylee once again went back to work. They continued in silence, neither noticing the Capt. walk away.

Between Kaylee and Inara he had a vague picture of the young woman, from Simon he got childhood anecdotes and though not particularly helpful they still painted a picture of who Thaïs Fillion was or more accurately of who she had been. Mal couldn't help but be confused by the girl. From the moment she'd set foot on his boat she kept to herself and out of any ones way. She followed his rules, didn't complain and then the pirates-. He shook his head aware that she'd startled him, showing up with that traitor hog tied the way she had 'im. No, the girl was Alliance trained and maybe they'd done more than that…? Still, both her record and her said she wasn't Alliance any more but papers could be faked and what if she was there for them? Hadn't she had plenty of opportunity to kill them already? Wouldn't River had said so by now?

"Twice." That's how many times Thaïs had helped save their hides but that had only been helping herself as well. Letting her work in the engine room with Kaylee had him on edge, he kept waiting for her to sabotage them though Kaylee was careful to go over any thing Thaïs did but so far she'd found nothing out of the ordinary. Kaylee only spoke good of the young woman and Thaïs' actions re-enforced her words.

"Capt." Zoë called. The dark curls peeked out of her bunk bouncing around her shoulders as she stepped out and towards him. Mal continued to walk with Zoë falling in step. "Any ideas on how you're going to keep her on board when we reach Epsilom?"

"Not a one." he admitted with a smile. Zoë's sole response was a slight arching of her eyebrow. She heaved a silent sigh and followed Mal into the bridge.

"Still, playing it by ear, I see." She knew that him smiling meant nothing good was going to come of whatever he had in mind.

"All the time." Mal quipped sitting back in the pilots chair. He looked out into the black, where stars winked at him as they passed by lazily. It was quiet out in space and sometimes a bit lonely but he liked it, yearned for peace…

"Figure its time we got us a pilot."

* * *

_Serenity_ would be putting down in Epsilom Prime by the end of the day and then the only passenger left on board would want to leave. Mal had a plan. Mal was hoping it would work. Mal had no idea how to broach the subject and that was the current problem.

"You want me to throw her in the brig?" Jayne asked with an evil twinkle in his eyes.

"What?" Mal questioned confused.

"The girl." Jayne replied with a scowl.

"We don't have a brig." Mal retorted. "And no, just leave her be." He threw a curious glance over his shoulder at Jayne but continued down to the cargo hold where he was sure to find Thaïs. The girl had no doubt packed up her stuff and was ready to hightail it out of there.

'_To tell the Alliance?'_ he wondered. His forehead furrowed until his features were set in a scowl.

* * *

Thaïs did her best to stay out of the Capt's way and Zoë and Jayne… pretty much everyone aside from Kaylee because Kaylee tended to rope her into helping with repairs. Thaïs didn't mind, it just helped her stay busy, helped keep the memories at bay because lately she hadn't been able to stop the dreams. Their faces intruded, at times accusing, mostly just accusing but there was the rare smile from one of them. She liked to think they'd forgiven her-.

'_No. Don't think of them. Not now.'_

It wouldn't be long before they put down and once on the planet she'd be able to leave _Serenity_ and her crew behind, screw everything else. She would look for somewhere to settle down, some where far away from the Alliance. Was there even a place like that left in the verse?

"Gods above I hope so." She whispered pulling the ties closed on her duffel then set it beside the door.

Thaïs stepped out leaving her belongings ready just inside her bunk. All she had to do now was wait to land. Once again she'd donned the fitted black trousers and polished tall boots. The leather belt looped around twice resting comfortably on her hips with the weight of her guns. The black leather vest fit snugly and comfortably over the dark gray long sleeved shirt. Thaïs opted for the short army jacket instead of her long coat.

Mal watched the young woman close the door to her bunk slipping on a pair of cut off gloves. He couldn't help noticing how much she looked like the girl in the Alliance picture with her hair pinned up.

'_She could be lying. She could very well be Alliance and here I am about to make her stay. I must be out of my mind.'_

Thaïs stopped short seeing Mal in the cargo hold. His face was set in harsh lines, she glanced over her shoulder wondering if there were someone else about but it was just her. She faced Mal, squaring her shoulders as he walked towards her wondering what fault he'd found with her now. She refused to give in to the sudden urge to turn and run forcing her feet to stay firmly planted on the metal grates. If any thing she seemed relaxed as Mal approached, Thaïs hooked her thumbs in the leather belt tilting her head slightly in curiosity.

"I hear you've been helping with repairs." Mal stated stopping in front of her.

"Yes." She replied quietly. She didn't say any thing about his spying or having Kaylee re-check all her work. It didn't leave the red head with much time to do repairs on her own. She knew he still didn't trust her.

'_And why should he? Why should any of them trust me?'_

Because it wasn't as if she'd saved or helped save their lives at least once.

"Kaylee tells me your some kind of genius-."

"Capt." Thaïs cut in with a sigh. She looked down at the grates before speaking again. "I'm sure we'll be landing soon and if you're worried I'll want to book passage be assured I won't impose on you." Thaïs let her eyes wander over the cargo hold unsure how she felt. "I'll go my way-."

"No." Mal almost shouted. He smiled uncomfortably and shook his head. "No, no, that's not- what I mean to say is we could do with a pilot." He blurted. He could've smacked himself. He hadn't planned on just throwing the offer out there but he hadn't thought of how to approach her either. He'd just assumed the girl would jump at the job offer. If she was Alliance he was giving her the perfect opportunity to take them down. If she wasn't then she was getting a good job, sort of.

"Shen me?" Thaïs frowned. "I think I misunderstood." She shook her head in disbelief a slight smile playing about her dusky lips. "Did you just offer me a job?"

"Uuh, well… yeah?" Mal scowled at his own blundering. "Yes." he stated in his Capt.'s voice and crossed his arms. "Now do you want it or n-."

"As a pilot on your ship?" Thaïs asked. "This ship?" she pointed at the grates beneath her booted feet.

"I don't have another." Mal growled absently tugging on his ear, the ear Simon had reattached to his head after-. Abruptly he let go of his ear and pushed those uncomfortable thoughts aside. He watched the girls face go blank and didn't like it. He couldn't tell what she was thinking but he knew that's' exactly what she was doing.

She kept her violet eyes on Mal's face understanding why he was making such an offer. She couldn't blame him for thinking she was a traitor but didn't you have to belong in order to betray?

He'd seemed anxious to get rid of her, they all did well maybe not the Tam's or Kaylee but Kaylee was… she was… innocent. The little red head just refused to believe the worst of people opting to give them the benefit of the doubt. Something Capt. Reynolds obviously didn't do.

"You want me where you can keep an eye on me." Thaïs stated softly. The violet eyes seemed to frost over. "Because you don't believe me, that I'm _not_ Alliance." She crossed her arms as if daring him to deny the truth.

Mal started to deny just that, opened his mouth and began to stammer his excuse, something along the lines of it not being _entirely _true because they-he, he really needed a pilot only there hadn't been any one as good as her cross their path.

"You could advertise." Thaïs said in a flat voice. Mal's eyes narrowed on the girl not sure if she was toying with him. He saw her eyebrow rise; the girl knew they couldn't do that, not without putting the Tam's in danger.

"No, no I really can't. Advertising costs mon-."

"Because the Tam's have a bounty on them and you're afraid that as soon as I step foot off your boat I'm going to do jus that." Thaïs cut in harshly. She dropped her relaxed pose leaning towards Mal. "You zhenjun xingliao." Thaïs spat her voice rising though it never lost the husky tone. "What kind of echoude pengyou do you take me for? I used to sneak out just to _play_ with that girl."

Mal could almost believe the girl was actually angry about what he implied but that gave her no right to insult him.

'_Fungus fuck?'_

"Since we're being honest here…" Mal began, his voice barely controlled. "No, I don't truly believe you aren't lying." He noticed the sharp inhalation and the flashing eyes. "But I do need a pilot and you seem to be wandering the verse. 'Sides I get you for a pilot I get another mechanic. Not a bad deal." Mal finished with tight smile.

"No," Thaïs scoffed crossing her arms once more. "Not a bad deal at all." She looked Mal over once again her brain working furiously. "Least of all for you. I fix your ship, fly her too and I'm somewhere you can keep an eye on me. That's not bad for a day's work, Capt."

Mal was looking smug, Thaïs could practically see him pat his back and it really annoyed her.

"You're right. Taking the jobs means we got one less thing to worry about. Least then if Alliance does catch up to us you're here to send them away." Mal didn't really believe the girl could do that. Alliance didn't leave just because, least of all when they wanted something. No, they left once they had it and everyone else was dead.

"And if I don't there's a bullet waiting for me." Thaïs took his silence as confirmation. She was sure he had his plans all laid out but was it just him or were the others in it as well?

"Or the airlock." Mal threw in with glance over his shoulder. He turned to Thaïs shrugging at her look. "I'll let you choose."

"How thoughtful." She said scathingly.

"I try." Though he was sure Inara would have a different opinion.

Thaïs dropped her arms to her sides straightening, the glint in the violet eyes would have alarmed Mal had he know Thaïs better.

"I'll stay." She said and at Mal's satisfied smile added; "_If_ you can afford me."

"Afford-?" Mal scowled. Was the girl really gonna haggle with him over her pay?

Thaïs nodded once confirming his suspicion and his scowl deepened. The girl obviously hid some brass b- she just had some.

'_Trouble. That's what I'm invitin'.'_ Mal thought but trouble seemed to always find him.

'_Always…'_


	11. Making Choices

_AN: I know it has been a long time in coming but when my chip got reformatted I lost all my notes and not just for this fic. Sadness, infinite sadness and all I could do was wallow in it but now I am back and posting. This one is long, it wasn't on purpose but I hope to get some reviews if at least to tell me what a _lan duo, huan man bo fa_ I am. _

_lol look it up._

* * *

**11 Making Choices**

They landed and it wasn't long before the crew separated, each going in a different direction. Mal and Zoë headed to their appointment ready and more than needing to get another job. It was getting harder and harder to make a living, ever since the crew of _Serenity_ sent the wave on **_Miranda_**. There was no rest for the weary and Mal was more than tired. He could see his crew-his family- was getting that look, the one every person got at one time in their lives; the look of defeat or something close to it. Every one was tired of running, even Simon was tired but he kept moving for his sister. River needed him, needed stability, a safe place to regain her sense of self and maybe it would never happen. River might never be the girl Simon knew, the sister he adored and couldn't help but try and make happy…

He had given so much for her, for his sister and the time he spent with Kaylee, though golden, was laced with a bit of guilt. Simon knew River didn't mind, that she wanted him to have his own life, to love…her guilt lay in the knowledge that her brother gave up what he most loved in life, his career in medicine and all for her, for River. It was more than she had a right to, she knew this but she was grateful nonetheless.

Zoë envied them, the love…she'd had that once, had it with Wash and though he'd been adamant against bringing a child into the world, terrible as it was he'd left her with a choice.

"_He said he wanted you to have…" Simon looked away seeing the pain in her eyes. He could tell Zoë was not only shocked but angry as well. _

"_He- when did he-?" her voice wouldn't work properly but she didn't have to finish for Simon to know her question. When had Wash taken the time to do- do what she had pestered him for?_

"_Just before **Miranda**. He said it was just a precaution. Zoë… I'm sorry; he knew how much you wanted this." Simon didn't move, he didn't try and touch her as others had done, to offer their condolences. _

"_Why didn't you say any thing?" she looked at him then, her eyes bright with unshed tears but it only accentuated the anger. "It's been almost a year, Doc. Why?"_

"_I wanted to give you time to grieve, to- you need to be able to make this decision clearly, Zoë." _

He'd had her best interest at heart but all Zoë could see was the lie. One of omission but still a lie when she could have had what she'd wanted- been missing for so long.

Zoë's hand strayed to her abdomen, for a moment caressing before her fingers clawed and she made a fist. Wash had given her a choice and she'd made it. No one else knew of that, Simon had been sure and he was bound by Doctor Patient privilege. No one knew…

"You with me Zoë?" the Capt's voice brought her mind to bear on their task. They needed work and he needed her present for any thing that might come up.

"Yes, sir." She nodded once, brown eyes sharp and scouting. To shift her mind from Wash and what they could've had together Zoë focused on Jayne. The mercenary had been assigned a job, one Zoë wasn't sure he could do. "You're sure about Jayne?" her eyes traveled from one brightly colored person to another finding the crush of people on **_Epsilom Prime_** hindering and uncomfortable. She didn't like feeling as if she were trapped.

"He'll do as I say if he wants to get paid." Mal retorted though the paying part was getting harder to do without work.

"There's plenty of…distractions on Epsilom, sir." Her eyes lingered over the brightly lit sign. Mal noticed as well, knew Jayne wasn't as reliable as Zoë but the mercenary did as he was told even if he tended to screw around sometimes.

"He'll watch the girls and we are going right over there." Mal pointed at the rust colored door with a cocky grin. He practically sauntered over to it, pushed the ringer beside the door frame and waited. Zoë turned around, checking their rear when the door was opened.

Mal couldn't help but be awed by the tall black man. He seemed to shine under the lights, his shaved head reflecting the green, red, yellow and blue while his eyes quickly scanned over the two figures in brown. Zoë, noting Mal's sudden stillness stepped forward.

"We have an appointment." Her voice, soft, was threaded with steel and the black man barely inclined his head moving back to let them pass. He didn't speak as the three walked down the hall, the door sliding closed behind them. Mal couldn't help but look over his shoulder every couple of steps. He was uncomfortable with the big man and wouldn't have been surprised if the body guard suddenly wrapped the huge meaty fists around his throat. Mal shuddered at the thought; forcing a cheery tone into his voice.

"Nice place." He commented casting his eyes from one side of the hall to the other. Mal finally paid attention to the thumping he heard and realized he'd been hearing it since the door closed. "Underground bar?" he cast a questioning look at the big black man but there was no response.

Zoë sighed, clearly exasperated. She kept her hand on her hip, close to her sidearm staying alert. Ahead the shinning beads covered an arched entrance and since there was no where else to go Zoë stopped and moved to the side as their escort came forward to knock. A moment later the beads parted to reveal an equally dark woman though much smaller and beautiful. Her eyes, dark as any moonless night flitted over Mal and Zoë taking in their appearance and weapons. She didn't move nor speak and her stillness only exuded an inner calm.

"We have an appointment." Mal repeated with an uncomfortable grimace he tried passing off as a smile.

"Of course." Her head dipped in welcome, the long black braids falling over her shoulder as she did. "Please, come in." a soft whispering was the only sound she made. Stepping aside she held the beads back as first Zoë then Mal entered the next room. Neither expected what they saw and letting the beads fall into place the woman closed the door then slipped between them.

"Please, follow me." She smiled over her shoulder, a brief parting of her lips to flash white even teeth. Mal followed the brightly colored robes with Zoë by his side.

The room was lit warmly, a soft glow permeating their surroundings. Zoë felt herself ease a little, the pain she carried deep inside, her regrets and all the bad, it seemed to lift, the weight of so many dark memories not as oppressive as before so that she felt less brittle, not so bleak…

Sitting with their backs to them was Talus. The glow from the candles played on his onyx colored skin. He didn't seem to take notice of their arrival as he uttered a low chant. Mal shifted from one foot to the other clearly uncomfortable while Zoë stood patiently waiting. The woman who'd let them in moved to the side and knelt, the brightly colored robes sighing softly. She bent forward touching her forehead to the ground, her braids veiling her face. They stayed that way for a long moment, each oblivious to their guests.

Mal took the moment to look around, to note the bronzed orange of the walls that made the room feel warm and to all the different colored pillows strewn on the floor. A dark eyebrow rose in question as he motioned Zoë to look. She didn't bother replying, knowing that before they were done both she and the Capt. would be taking a seat on those same pillows. Off to their left was another low table, a bright blue cloth laid over the wood and shiny bowls of varying sizes placed hazardly.

"Please, sit be comfortable." The deep voice startled Mal. His hand gripped his side arm reflexively and clearly noticed by Talus. He dipped his head in apology offering a small smile for Zoë. She too had not heard him stand, something that bothered her immensely.

Talus looked towards the brightly robed woman and she turned with a nod heading through another covered arch. The soft tinkling of the beads was the only sound and Mal realized they could no longer hear or feel the thumping of the music from the hallway.

"You have a job for us?" Mal asked getting right to the point. It was a trait that mostly got him in trouble, for seeming rude. Zoë couldn't help but sigh at his straightforwardness but she also wanted to get to the point of this meeting. If there was work to be done then they should get started.

"Ah, yes." Talus smiled, a little wider this time. His bare feet padded softly on the richly decorative rug. His tall frame seemed overly thin even with the loose linen trousers, a creamy shade of ivory. His matching shirt flowed over his slim frame, light and airy giving the impression that there was a soft breeze in the room. "You are a man intent on following a course. I can appreciate this for I too have a goal in mind."

Mal nodded hiding his distaste for flowery words that hid what people really wanted to say. He couldn't understand why people had to hide behind fancy speeches when a few words would suffice.

"Yeah, well…this job…" Mal left the sentence open for Talus to finish. Once again the dark man waved them to take a seat. He waited for Zoë to find a place before he sat on a large red cushion as Mal grimaced lowering his body beside hers.

"The job." Talus stated turning ever so slightly to the arched doorway where the first woman had disappeared behind. "Mau" he smiled again. "Daoxie ni."

Zoë noted he seemed to do that a lot. She didn't see what there was to smile over but even Zoë couldn't hide the fact that Talus' smile had a way of making her feel at ease.

The woman, Mau, walked in bearing a tray and behind her another two women, also dark of skin and clothed in bright robes, followed with a tray each. Mau placed hers on the table then reached under the cloth and brought out a much shorter table which she then set between Talus and the brown coats. The women placed their trays down, each preparing a simple tea for their guests. Once done they bowed and left just as quietly as they had entered. Mau placed the large tray in the center and uncovered the five small dishes. The aromas that permeated the air had Zoë's mouth watering not to mention Mal but both kept their faces from reflecting what they thought.

"Eat and drink, please." Talus, smiling again, picked up his own chopsticks and dipped them in the rice. He set a small mound on his plate before moving on to the fish and once he had his portions waited for them to serve themselves refusing to eat until they did so.

With a glance at Zoë, Mal picked up a plate and served himself. He didn't mind eating.

"Good. We can talk while we eat." Talus said while raising a bite to his lips.

"Sure, any thing in particular?" Mal asked through a mouthful.

"Why the uprising, Capt. Reynolds." Talus watched with an amused twitch of his lips as Mal tried not to choke on his rice. "You did know there is discord and all because of one Alliance mistake. At least one they could not hide." His dark eyes settled on Zoë. She was surprised but didn't say any thing as she waited for whatever Talus knew or thought he knew. As far as the crew of _Serenity_ knew only the Alliance was aware they were responsible for that wave.

"**_Miranda_**."

Φ

The late afternoon sun on **_Epsilom_** didn't phase the mass of people as they continued on their way. The bright lights of the city were no match for the evening as they lit the crowds brighter than any sun. Thaïs hated the crush of bodies and began wishing she'd stayed on the ship. She couldn't help the smile that played at the corner of her lips. Just thinking of Capt. Reynolds offering her the pilot job in such a dāi and bèn zhuō manner. She shook her head earning a curious look from Kaylee.

"You're chipper." She commented with an equally impish grin. "I'm glad you stayed on."

"I guess there's no place better to settle in like on a boat. At least this way I get to travel anywhere in the verse." Thaïs shrugged and linking arms both managed to walk among the crowd.

"You won't get bored that's for sure." Kaylee quipped. She did feel a little awkward knowing how the Capt., Zoë and Jayne viewed their new pilot. She could understand their caution but not their blatant- Kaylee couldn't even form the words in her mind let alone voice them.

"So," Thaïs began with a side glance at the red head. "The jaishiyuane had to be let go." At Kaylee's look Thaïs stopped. "The one before me, I mean. Wasn't he or she any good?"

"No- I mean yes." Kaylee stammered clearly uncomfortable. Thaïs noted the flush staining her cheeks and the red heads avoidance of eye contact.

"Kaylee?"

"I'm sorry. Its jus- bef- Wash. He was the only pilot ever to fly _Serenity_ before you. He was the best in the verse, don't know how the Capt. got him to sign on but he was here before I ever got picked up." Kaylee stopped her rambling and looked at Thaïs a little embarrassed. "Wash died, couple of – he was married to Zoë."

"I didn't know." Thaïs replied solemnly. "That was mingan de bende of me. I apologize." She bowed her head slightly in respect for their loss. Kaylee appreciated the gesture and smiled brightly determined to have fun while off the ship.

"Come on. We have at least five hours before I have to head back." The little red head tugged on Thaïs's arm moving them off into the crowd again. "I can't stay out all night."

"Of course not." Thaïs agreed with an impish grin. "A certain shenjing jinzhang de male might take offence to being left all alone for the night." She teased. They laughed hanging on to each other as a clear picture of Simon in a huff entered their minds.

Off in the crowd the burly figure and scowling face had the people giving him a wide berth. Jayne didn't have to struggle to walk among the mass but he hated not being able to enjoy his time planet side. He'd been more than vocal about being sent to baby-sit while everyone got to go out. One look from Mal and Jayne shut up grumbling about being a fool.

He was a strong virile man with needs and on a boat with four females, all of whom he couldn't have. That didn't leave Jayne Cobb with many options only now there was a fifth female… Thaïs wasn't as young as River or crazy either. She was definitely not as intimidating as Inara or scary like Zoë. Jayne wouldn't put it past the corporal to castrate him did he dare try something with her. Then there was Kaylee, the little red head finally got her man and she was happy. No, Jayne had only one recourse and he took the opportunity to pursue it any time they were planet side. A man like him never had trouble with women and now that Thaïs was 'part of the crew'- no, Mal wouldn't take her on without good reason. Thaïs Fillion was not crew, not family. Thaïs Fillion was a spy and it was up to Jayne to prove it. That's exactly what he planned on doing even if he did hate following them around.

Jayne couldn't help but grumble as both girls went into another girly shop. He waited patiently across the square, he was watching the shop and then his eyes started to wander. He hadn't realized there were so many females on **_Epsilom Prime_**. Tall, slim, blond, busty, petite, brunettes, full lips, red head's, rounded hips…Jayne could swear they all looked him over. A small group, four at least walked towards him, their eyes drifting over his muscular frame all the while talking and giggling. They parted, passing by on either side of him, their perfumes spiraling up to his nose. For a moment Jayne felt as if he'd gone to heaven or his version of what heaven would be. They closed about him, keeping him in their midst and just as quickly the moment was over. The women moved off leaving Jayne to once again stand alone but the last one, a beautiful chocolate curled minx, winked. That was confirmation enough it was all real. He wasn't dreaming.

"Gorramit." He muttered. What he wouldn't give to be able to chase after them.

**Φ**

_The kit lay across the perfectly made bunk, all its contents methodically laid out and examined._

"_Leaving?" the voice though familiar from long hours of training held a new and un-explained quality._

"_Yes." It was a simple reply and turning, Azmyth found the tall operative seemingly at ease leaning against the door. "You're not supposed to be here." They had both received warnings their first day of training._

"_You remember the old terran saying? The one about the mountain, if it doesn't come to you..." the hazel eyes flecked with green flicked over the black clad figure. He could remember when blue had been their preferred color, at least for him it still was, dark shades of blue and gray. A reflection of their lives…_

"_It won't be long." Azmyth assured. "You'll be in the field soon." It was an affirmation, knowing they were the top two percent of their class._

"_Of course." He smiled but there was no humor. "Zhi wo yaoni."_

"_Meiyou women-."_

"_I know." The smile never wavered and after a long moment he turned and left._

**Φ**

"Isn't that a bit hua fei-de?" Kaylee asked though her hands lingered on the soft material.

"Kaylee, were on **_Epsilom Prime_**." Thaïs replied as if that were explanation enough and Kaylee turned to look at something else. Without another word Thaïs handed over her black card. The shop keeper glanced at it curiously while Thaïs smile impassively. Taking the card back she slipped it in her pocket accepting her purchases as well. Stopping next to Kaylee, Thaïs held out the fancy bag. A delighted smile lit the red heads face and both girls left the store.

Thaïs couldn't help her smile even with all the people filing the streets. The more she took the time to think about it the more her life seemed to get steady. For the last year that's all she'd been looking for. No, that wasn't entirely true, she'd been looking for a place to hide, somewhere Thaïs could pretend the last seen years hadn't happened. There was no denying she'd missed flying, missed the freedom… Thaïs hadn't dared think too much on why she hadn't hired out as a pilot on another boat. The fear of not being any good or as good as she had been in Flight Academy. Thaïs had been afraid and it had kept her from being complete. Flying was her life, the reason she _was_ and Thaïs wasn't about to deny it any more.

The resolution lifted her spirits and with Kaylee by her side they headed down the street.

"Mmm, smell that?" Kaylee asked with closed eyes as she took another breath. Thaïs grinned and cast about for the delicious aromas.

"Leave it to you to find food." She commented.

"A body's gotta eat." Kaylee replied looking around. She didn't notice Thaïs' sudden silence or the pained look on her face.

"Apollo…" but just as quickly the golden head was obscured by the crowd. It was the first time in a month the dream came to life. Somewhere in the crowd the blond head of her old co-pilot and friend was hiding. Those hazel eyes had been following her and Thaïs was sure it couldn't have been a dream but was it really him?

"There!" Kaylee exclaimed grabbing at Thaïs' arm.

"...Apollo…" the mutter barely registered what with all the noise around them and then Thaïs pushed into the crowd. She bumped into a burly figure which kept going, no apology no curse and that was enough to draw Thaïs back to her surroundings. "Apollo?" but she couldn't have seen him.

"Who…" Kaylee glanced at Thaïs before scanning the crowd. She didn't see any one where their pilot was looking. "Hey." Kaylee smiled softly placing a hand on the brunettes arm.

Thaïs turned to the red head forcing herself to smile and push the waking dream to the back of her mind.

"Where to?"

Kaylee looked as if she would argue, her brow furrowed and confused. There was no doubt the red head was full of questions regarding Thaïs' strange behavior but the pilot wasn't about to give her a chance to start. Grabbing her hand Thaïs pulled Kaylee back towards the stand they'd been smelling.

"What-."

"Here." Thaïs stopped in front of the vendor. "Smells right, you want a cup?" but she didn't wait for an answer before she ordered two.

"So who were you lookin' for back there?" Kaylee asked with a sweet smile. Thaïs mentally urged the vendor to hurry up before Kaylee could ask any more quest-.

"Apollo?"

The name had Thaïs on edge.

"That's what you said, back there I mean." Kaylee waved to where they had come from. "Who's he?"

"Come on Kaylee," Thaïs forced the light tone into her voice and took the first cup from the slow vendor. "You don't know your mythology?" she grinned handing over the cup and reaching for her own. "The Sun God. Rides in a golden chariot…" Thaïs trailed off sipping the warm liquid.

"Oh-ho…" Kaylee guffawed holding onto her cup and moving off with Thaïs. The lights flashed brightly making the city shimmer almost as bright as any morning. "There's a story. I can tell." She sipped the hot liquid swooning at the spicy taste. Thaïs didn't reply as she drank from her cup. Her mind was still on the past. To get it out of old memories Thaïs turned to the crew of _Serenity_ and the amusing characters they presented. Jayne griped about everything, River, well the girl was definitely not right in the head thanks to those churen xiaodong and Simon was doing his best to make her better. Then there was Kaylee, a cheerful, always smiling young woman with a genius for mechanics. Inara, their Companion, the woman was a mystery, one Thaïs didn't care to delve into for fear of never being able to find her way out of the woman's training. Zoë always followed Mal. Thaïs hadn't seen the woman once deny her Capt. a request or even contradict him. As for Mal, the man would make a strong adversary the only problem was he made enemies easily.

'_Like I do.'_ She thought and once again their faces swam out of the dark recess of her mind. Seiji, gray eyes twinkling with mischief and trying not to laugh. Ahrens, his brown hair plastered to his scalp, blue eyes flashing as he tried to take down…

Apollo.

Had she really seen him? It'd been so long and she never said 'Goodbye'.

"What's wrong?" Kaylee's voice startled Thaïs though she managed to keep it from showing. "You've been dreamy eyed since-."

"The Sun God." Thaïs interrupted. "He was an old terran myth. A Roman God said to have been the son of Zeus and Leto. He was the perfect picture of a beardless young man way back then." She finished with a soft smile.

"Didn't know that." Kaylee replied with a look of wonder on her face. "Never even heard of them."

"Oh, there's a whole family of them. The Gods of Mount Olympus. They ruled over man, causing havoc and mayhem at their pleasure." Thaïs replied feeling better now that she had sidetracked Kaylee.

"Really? You know about 'em?" the red head asked curiously. At the pilot's nod Kaylee found herself holding in all the questions that wanted to burst out of her mouth.

"Any time you get bored with your nanhaizi wanju come up to the bridge. I'll tell you a story." Thaïs offered knowing full well Kaylee wouldn't get bored of Simon any time soon.

**Φ**

Jayne watched from his corner as the girls laughed and drank. He had no idea what they could possibly be talking about but it was definitely amusing. What he didn't find amusing was all the talk about the brown coats rising. Every planet they went to Jayne heard something about resistance or speaking out regarding **_Miranda_**. Now, ever since Thaïs had mentioned it Mal had been fidgety and a fidgety Capt. always meant trouble. Most of the smaller planets had something to say about the so called 'rise of the brown coats' but it was hard to believe any of the old one's- those that survived- would come forward again after the smashing defeat they suffered.

Jayne took another swig from his bottle. After hours of wandering the city and almost bumping into them as they came out of another shop, he was glad when both stopped at the bar. It wasn't his usual type but there were plenty of women.

"Oh, gosh." Kaylee set her cup down and looked to the door. "Its past time I got back."

Thaïs laughed at the panicked look on the red heads face.

"He's that bad huh?" she wondered.

"Wha- no. _Not_ bad…" and Kaylee's Cheshire grin had the brunette wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Ugh, Kaylee. That is something I don't nor need to know about Simon. I still think of him as the annoying older brother I never had."

Kaylee giggle and much to Thaïs' shame she found herself laughing with her.

"Come on. I think the blue one's are getting to ya." The red head stood and retrieved the bags from under their table.

"Nope, the blue one's just tickle." Thaïs threw back a wink. "It's the red one's you need to avoid." She poured herself another still feeling as sane as when they walked in. Her body just didn't keep the liquor in the way it used to. All those drugs… "Do you mind heading back on your own? I'd like to stay longer." Thaïs questioned.

"Nope but we still didn't get all the things-."

"I'll take care of it tomorrow." Thaïs said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "We can't leave without Inara and she won't be done until late afternoon."

"Okay." The red head replied in a very chipper tone. "I'll get some of those yummy treats on my way back."

"Trying to appease the kepade ren, I see." They shared a laugh before Kaylee waved good bye leaving Thaïs to drink alone.

Heading out Kaylee bumped into a big burly back. "Oh, pardon-." Her eyes widened at the face which also registered surprise then turned to a scowl.

"Erzi shuyu yi hou maomi." Jayne cursed and removed an arm from around a buxom blond.

"What are you doing here? I mean hi- hel-." Kaylee stammered as she realized how rude the first statement had sounded.

"Now don't go telling Mal you seen me." He ordered in a firm voice lightly threaded with pleading.

"Mal? Why would I tell the Capt.- oh." Kaylee's eyes narrowed and seeing Jayne shift uncomfortably under her scrutiny the red head flushed. "Oh."

"I was only following orders. Capt. said follow 'em so I did and- woman you two caint stop goin' in them fancy stores for a second." Jayne retorted with a huff. Kaylee didn't deign to reply as she shoved past him and back towards _Serenity_. She couldn't believe Capt. Reynolds would set Jayne to spying on them, didn't he trust her?

**Φ**

She'd been drinking for over three hours and still she barely felt any thing. Late as it was Thaïs decided to head back to the ship and on her way she'd stop by and get a couple of bottles of something strong.

The flashing sings and lights made her wish for daylight but since it was still hours away she pulled her shades out of the left pocket and slipped them over her eyes. The light was effectively dimmed and continuing with her steady pace turned left.

Thaïs had avoided Alliance populated planets for the past year, preferring to stay on the rim of civilization. There was too much to try and forget but it was harder to do with all the reminders.

'_I disobeyed a direct order. It was my fault and they all knew it.'_ The thought tortured her but the nights were worse. In her dreams she could almost reach them in time but she held back, let them crash and the explosion... No one blamed her or Apollo for the shuttle malfunction; they'd both been on course, they'd made their preliminary checks before take off. Any one could have missed the flawed wire connection but Ginner-.

Thaïs clenched her jaw at memory of the freckled carrot top. Once they landed word of the accident and their disobedience was common knowledge in the hangar. Ginner just wouldn't shut up, he kept pushing and pushing until Thaïs couldn't keep it in and she hit him. She could see from his smirk that's all he'd been waiting for and with a few of his cronies at his back he attacked.

Thaïs could see where she'd gone wrong, the little mistake that cost them so much and all because she couldn't keep her temper. Apollo, he'd always been protective of her, more so than Seiji or Ahrens and Ginner had been on the tall blonds fenbian list from day one at Flight Academy. Something about the cadet had all four of them clenching their teeth to be civil.

"Xiu fou maomi." Thaïs muttered. A sharp pain in her side made the brunette turn with a short gasp. The quick flare of anger was promptly replaced by shocked surprise and disbelief.

"Nae ho." At his voice Thaïs could only shake her head.

"N- Apollo? I- it can't-." a wobbly smile graced her dusky lips but as his hand gripped her upper arm Thaïs jerked. "Wode shen, you are real…" she breathed.

"Yes. Come on." Apollo led her down another street but she paid no attention as her eyes continued to search his face, trying to find some flaw, something that could prove to her it wasn't him.

Her vision started to blur and shaking her head tried to dispel the foreign sensations coursing through her body. As suddenly as it came her vision cleared. Thaïs noticed the door first and then they were both inside a small room barely lit.

"Apollo? What- where-." She looked around feeling her skin flush and her mouth go dry. Turning, she found him standing in front of the door as far away from her as he could be. His golden head was bent and from his pocket he removed a syringe. Thaïs took a step away from him but she needn't have worried. He shrugged out of his gray coat and rolled the white sleeve up to his elbow. Thaïs could see prior marks on his arm, three dots in a perfect triangle.

"What is that, Apollo?" her husky voice pulled his attention from the new mark and glancing distractedly at the metal in his hand he tossed it aside with a smile.

"This? It frees you. Takes away all the chains, Thaïs."

A wealth of emotion filled her and closing the small space between them Thaïs wrapped her small arms around him.

"Oh Apollo, I'm sorry." She whispered trying in that one touch to convey so many things she couldn't voice.

'_Something else… Just one more thing to blame myself for.' _She thought.

"Nanguode?" Apollo murmured against her hair. "Thaïs… you don't understand but you will…"

She pulled back, her violet eyes questioning him but he took her face between his palms smiling.

"You can feel it. When the chains are broken, you can feel yourself." He looked at her, his gaze almost feverish. "Jiyou wei ni, all this time, jiyou shizou xiang wangji xiang _not_ xiang- ni qu wode we were good wio wo-men wo zuo nimen nide redu-."

Thaïs tried pulling out of his hold realizing what it was he'd done. Her vision blurred again and in the pit of her stomach something curled. A frizon of pain blossomed and slowly spread throughout every limb.

"Wo bixu nianquinde- no. Apollo- ungh." Thaïs hunched slightly and with gentle hands Apollo helped her sit. He was so careful of her; it was almost as if he were afraid she'd break.

"It's your first time, wode re'ai. The pain fades and it takes it all away, all of it." His hazel eyes shined with hope and much more; it was difficult for her to be angry when she felt so…

"Free…" her voice whispered. Those violet eyes he hadn't been able to forget shined bright in the candle glow. "I'm… I feel…" but words didn't suffice.

He was right, the pain did leave and with it everything else that oppressed her true nature. For the firs time in her life Thaïs began to feel- free? She tried to force her brain to function properly, rationally. Flying had always been her escape, her freedom; what she felt now was a drug induced lie. A lie Apollo had forced upon her. She'd never had a choice-.

"No." Thaïs stood up pushing away from the chair. "No Apollo. This isn't-." her protest was cut short as his mouth claimed hers. She found it difficult to object when her body seemed to burn, her breath came in short pants and her fingers clawed at his clothes.

Neither paid attention to the sound of ripping fabric or the crash of furniture as they struggled together. None of it matter, not the past, not the future and neither did the present…

**Φ**

The plan was now set in motion. It was going better than anticipated and Hiyo would have nothing to complain about. The top 2%… the best Hiyo had trained to date. Proof that even a fuck up could be turned into an Operative; devout in their belief of what they did allowed the rest of humanity to survive unburdened by the ugly truths…

_'Time enough for us…'_

Azmyth felt the skim of fingers on warm skin and turned into the touch.

"Time to think of us." The light press of lips breathed the words in a soft whisper. "While you are still with me…"

Because soon enough they'd be forced to part, there was work to be done…

**Φ**

Pain that was the first thing Thaïs felt throughout her entire being. Every joint, muscle, even hair follicle hurt or felt some type of pain. Getting up wasn't as difficult once she opened her eyes but that proved to be just as painful as dragging in a breath of air. Her nostrils flared with the scent of some sweet incense. The smell had her rolling out of the marrow bed to spill her insides in the corner of the room.

Gingerly resting on her side Thaïs glanced around the room, at the mess they had made.

"Chufa wo chisi wo xianzai." The entire nights events flashed in her mind. Nothing was left out, not one single bite; lick or touch was excluded from the instant re-play. She closed her eyes against the onslaught of emotions and scents but the memory was worse. Feeling herself begin to crumble Thaïs forced herself to get up and dress. It was difficult to find her clothing in the mess but under the broken chair she found her trousers. There were buttons missing from the side and at the foot of the bed lay her shirt. Grabbing it Thaïs could see there was no point in keeping the strip of cloth. She found her vest with no buttons and her jacket, miraculously intact. Her boots were harder to find since they were thrown aside in their-. Thaïs shied away from the memory and instead began to dress. She grimaced at the feel of cloth against her skin. Her body tingled, feeling as if dozens of tiny electrical currents flowed over each cell. Gritting her teeth Thaïs did her best to ignore that and everything else. She refused to look to the bed and the golden head that rested on the pillows. Refused to let her mind wander because then it would focus on her behavior-.

'_Again but I had no choice. I didn't choose this!'_ the thought did little to make her feel better. Deep down she had chosen. Hadn't Apollo said the drug took away all your inhibitions?

Thaïs shoved her foot into the boot and quickly left before her xingjiao peng you could wake up and ask where she was heading.

Outside the rays of the sun seemed to burn her eyes. Shielding herself with one hand Thaïs searched frantically for her shades quickly slipping them on but still had to keep her face from the sun. Halfway to the ship Thaïs couldn't help but curse as she remembered the things she'd promised Kaylee she'd pick up before they left **_Epsilom Prime_**. She turned back even though all Thaïs wanted was a hot shower and her bunk.

"I'm not letting him make another choice for me." Thaïs resolved straightening a little. The crowd was thankfully not as full as it had been the evening before.

**Φ**

"Where in gorram hell is my pilot?" Mal yelled into the engine room. He'd already had words with Jayne about his short attention span and threatened not to pay the mercenary though that wasn't an option given the givens.

"You ask Jayne?" Kaylee replied in a saucy tone not even bothering to look his way.

"Zhu weiyu quianbu-. She's an Alliance trained-."

"Heard she got discharged. Sorta makes her non-Alliance don't it?" Kaylee interrupted with her head bent over the work bench.

"It's splitting hairs, is all. I'm just being careful here now where in mo-wang gaowan is she?" he asked again.

"Last I saw, she was still sitting at our table drinking some blue concoction." Kaylee reported finally raising her head but only to squint at the part in her hand. With a frustrated sigh Mal turned back heading towards the kitchen where he was hoping to find his pilot.

His boots echoed in the hall giving ample warning of his approach but even then Mal found the kitchen empty. He scowled, searching in the little annex where everyone usually sat but it was also empty. Muttering threats regarding airlocks and a mercenary the Capt. headed out and halfway to the cargo bay he finally found his new pilot.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mal yelled as he blocked her path.

"Not so loud Capt. Reynolds." Thaïs requested with a little flinch. She made no move to uncover her eyes and the light sheen on her now pale skin offered more than enough explanation.

"Not so loud- I aint paying you to shejiao mei yi yewan zai yuan chu." He retorted in a loud voice.

"You haven't paid me at all, excuse me." Thaïs effectively moved past him, trying not to touch or graze any thing. She'd found it almost unbearable, the sensations coursing through her body-. Thaïs focused her mind on the rantings of the Capt.

"Cant go any where without your Companion and there's plenty of time before she's due back."

Mal, caught off guard by her comment or rather her choice of words and their order, was left in the kitchen. The bags the girl had been carrying neatly set on the table.

**Φ**

Simon entered the kitchen looking for River and found Thaïs gulping down a large cup of water. He waited for her to notice him but she refilled her cup and proceeded to drown herself once more. His professional eye took in the signs, yellowed skin tone, the sudden thirst, the slight furrow of her brow…

"Bad hangover?" he asked softly. Thaïs barely acknowledged having heard him as she finished the water. She set the cup down and turned with a grimace passing off as a smile.

"Hmm." Thaïs didn't want to think about it or the way her body felt. She could still _feel_ him- everything. It was as if her body were stuck in that dim room re-living it all, everything they-. She gritted her teeth against the onslaught of emotions. Once again her body tightened up as if bracing for impact only she knew it was nothing like that.

"Thaïs… are you alright?" Simon questioned as she gripped the counter. With a sharp nod Thaïs pushed away, needing to get back to her bunk and under a cold shower again. It seemed to be the only relief she could get.

"I can give you something for the head ache…" Simon offered stepping around the table as Thaïs reached the door. She didn't look too steady and suddenly her legs buckled. One hand reached for the door frame but her body slid to the metal grates without a sound.

Simon rushed to her side immediately turning her over and checking her pulse. His eyes widened at the feverish heat of her skin contrasting with the cool inky tresses still wet. He found her pulse shocked by it rapid pace. He pulled her eye lids back softly calling her name but there was no response. Growing worried he slipped both arms beneath her body and stood. He had no trouble navigating the hallway or the stairs and passing by Jayne at his work out station drew the mercenary's attention.

"Mal shoot her or something?" Jayne asked curiously as he followed them.

"She fell unconscious." Simon replied going down the next set of stairs and into his infirmary. Jayne shrugged, watched the Doc lay her down and move about gathering his little instruments. Jayne headed back to his weights, unconcerned.

**Φ**

"What's this about my pilot being unfit to fly?" Mal demanded coming into Simon's med-lab. His eyes fell on Thaïs, pale and lying still on the bed. He glanced at Simon, the question clear.

"She's not drunk." He stated almost defensively. "I admit it looked as if she may have overindulged but this isn't -." Simon drew in a breath and said what really bothered him. "I ran some tests. Her blood alcohol was nearly zero percent. What I did find was a foreign substance, some sort of toxin."

"Will she be alright?" both men turned to the door were the soft voice of Inara had originated. "Kaylee." Was all she said by explanation.

"Got a full ship so we'll be taking off." Mal stated with a slight nod. He turned to Simon. "Doc. Take care of this." He made no distinction about he Simon was to do that though Mal was wishing the Doc would make all their lives easier. Once out in space another dead body in the black would make no difference.

"…Apollo…"

Inara looked to Simon, her brown eyes questioning.

"She's been mumbling incoherencies on and off." He explained. "She liked to read any thing from earth that was…"

"You care for her." Inara stated with a soft smile. "She's a link to your past, a time when you and River were happy."

"She's my friend Inara. I once thought of her as another sister but…" he didn't know how to explain the difference with to any one let alone himself. Too much time had passed and trying to fit his memories of Thaïs as a child with the young woman was impossible.

"It's been a long time and neither of you know what paths your lives have traveled." Inara somehow seemed to put words to something any one else couldn't or wouldn't bother with. Her eyes traveled to Thaïs, her paleness was in contrast to the head her body gave off. Laying a cool hand on her forehead Inara watched as Thaïs shifted, uncomfortably turning her head aside. Inara removed her hand and Thaïs quieted once again, settling into the same fitful twitches as before...

"XORA." Inara murmured more than a bit surprised.

"What is that?" Simon questioned. The Companion turned to him and tried to keep her voice calm as she put together her words. There wasn't much she could say and a lot more she wouldn't dare utter.

"A drug." Which was true, that she wouldn't lie about. "It's purpose is to remove your inhibitions and amplifies…sensation. It's very old." She finished turning her gaze once again to Thaïs. She wondered how the young woman had come by the drug and why she would take it.

"Old? You called it XORA." Simon stated, eyes focused on the Companion waiting for answers.

"It was first introduces to the training houses as a way to teach. It was addictive and in rare cases the user had an adverse reaction. Quite a few Companions were lost to it."

"Thaïs took this willingly…" Simon looked down at the pale face not recognizing her but then again he didn't know her any more. He felt a fool for not noticing the signs but again had to remind himself he barely knew her any more.

"There are usually marks on the body. Have you checked her arms or legs?" Inara asked.

"No. I didn't think…" Simon trailed off.

"I have something for this. I'll leave you to examine her and get it." Inara left as quietly as she'd come.

Simon pulled back the sheet and moved to her arms. He rolled the loose sleeves of the shirt up to her biceps finding clean skin, slightly reddened in places. He frowned, finding the blotches oddly aligned. He unbuttoned the front exposing more clear skin marred only by a slight discoloring along her collar bone and shoulders to disappear under the thin tank. He lifted the hem but found no marks on her stomach, he did however see a dark splotch on her side. Turning her gently Simon could see what looked like the beginnings of a large bruise.

"Diu." He muttered finally seeing the prefect triangle formed by three dots. It was too high and hard to reach on her own, of that there was no doubt. "Some one did this to you."

"Simon." Inara stepped in with a jade bowl. Her eyes slowly passed over Thaïs' bare skin. "You should give her something besides my herbs." Her eyes met his. "As a precaution." Her meaning was clear and by the muscle twitching in his jaw Inara could see Simon was very angry as he understood.

**Φ**


	12. Personal History

**12 Personal History **

There was confident silence as the two thieves left the mellow atmosphere. As quietly as they had entered before, the two women re-entered the large room and began cleaning up the table. Mau, her long braids tied with colored ribbons to match her gown knelt by Talus, gracefully cleaning up the area in front of him.

"Will they join us?" her soft tones pleased him and another smile graced his mouth. He didn't look at her or at any of the women surrounding him. The clay cup, resembling a small rounded mug, something a child would play with, rose to his full lips and drank from his tea.

He could see Malcolm Reynolds had taken in everything he'd had to say. The man had never once offered to take up arms but the glint of steel in his dark eyes told Talus, Mal and his ship would be there with them. All that was needed was a little push…

"When the time comes…" Talus said lowering the cup. His eyes turned to the door where the curtains, the beaded strands, still swayed after the departing BrownCoats.

Mau glanced at the door as well, her dark eyes thoughtful as she considered Talus' words.

* * *

It was quiet and she was alone for the time being. She was tired of the constant eyes following her every movement, tired of being asked the same thing over and over all though they did manage to find different ways of phrasing it.

'_At least they don't make it boring'_ Thaïs told herself. Her violet eyes looked out into the dark but couldn't focus. The peace that had always come with flying was gone, Thaïs felt nothing now…

"_I searched the verse for you…"_

Thaïs winced as the words echoed in her mind. She pulled her legs up until she was able to rest her chin on her knees. Both arms wrapped around her legs… it happened less and less as time passed but she still found it difficult to function.

'_How could he? How could he do this to me?'_ she'd asked herself that question over and over but couldn't get a certain answer. All she knew was that it wasn't him. He wasn't to blame any more than she was, **They** had changed him. Her anger failed to rise against Apollo and Thaïs knew her mind was falling back on training, on what she knew. Cold and calculating, that's how they were taught; you had to be in order to do what the Alliance ordered. Thaïs knew where to lay the blame but was it fair? Apollo wasn't the same, he wasn't her friend, wasn't the straight laced cadet or pilot Thaïs remembered.

**They** had changed him, all the lies; **they**were to blame for this, for what Apollo did to her, for what she did to herself.

Thaïs hid her face feeling the heat bloom in her gut. She was slowly building up her rage, putting up the walls, withdrawing from every one…

Simon had noted the change almost immediately. He attributed it to the XORA and what happened to her but he was beginning to see the effect it was having on River and Kaylee. Both young women had spent more time with Thaïs. Kaylee had commented on how cold she'd seemed, how unlike the woman she'd first met Thaïs had become. There was no longer any twinkle in her violet eyes when she saw Jayne, no pun or teasing remark about his 'jewels'. Thaïs didn't argue with the Capt. Hell, the woman avoided him as well as every one else on the boat and there weren't a lot of places to hide.

Thaïs glanced up once again, holding in the sigh that wanted so much to be expelled. She scrunched her eyes closed for a moment trying to forget the personal questions Simon had asked her. He made it seem like any other medical questioning but she could tell, she could see in his face that he was upset. The prissy uptight honorable streak ever present just screamed at her and the little twitching muscle in his jaw confirmed he was angry. Even as a kid he could never hide the tell and both girls had taken advantage of it…

She didn't know at who Simon was angry or why, she didn't care to find out.

Thaïs refused to stay in his med lab and managed to get as far as the passenger dorms before passing out. She woke to find the same sterile walls enclosing her. This time Simon gave in and helped her to her own bunk just off the bridge.

Simon consoled himself with the thought that he and Kaylee weren't far should anything happen. Thaïs hated being treated like an invalid; she hated the look in Mal's eyes every time he looked at her, as if he were trying to keep from rebuking her for not earning her keep now that she wasn't a paying customer.

She stayed in her bunk for the first three days barely able to function. Her clothes or anything touching her skin kept sending shivers or little electrical currents through her until she finally broke down and asked Simon for something to make it stop. He gave her a sleeping draught which only worked for a couple of hours the rest of the time Thaïs suffered through it with gritted teeth. By the end of her first week as _Serenity's_ pilot she managed to fly the ship only asking she be left alone.

Thaïs had been more than shocked to find no pleasure in flying. When she'd had nothing, when she'd been alone, in a new and strange place, far from her family, _that_ had been the only thing keeping her sane, giving her hope…

"_XORA. You were dosed with a small amount but it was a concentrated quantity. It will take a while for your body to purge itself…"_

Thaïs didn't remember any thing after that. What was there to hear? Simon couldn't give her any thing to make her- to bring back- what? Things changed, everything changed, only Thaïs wanted what she'd always had, that free feeling…

'_They took it away… they take everything away…'_

* * *

"Sir." The stiff officer snapped a sharp salute to his superior before standing at attention to give his report. "We have confirmation."

"Good." The gray eyes looked out to the starry verse. The semblance of a smile graced the thin lips. "Set a course."

With another sharp salute the officer moved to obey. Devon heard them all, to them he looked lost in his thoughts but Hiyo was aware of his surroundings. It was the training. He was one of the best, older, wiser… yīng'ér chuīxiàng, that's all he was expected to do now. What he was ordered to do and though at first he had balked at the idea of his wasted skills Devon had grown to accept this was his calling. This was his reason for being; his sole purpose and he helped others realize this as well.

So many of the trainees came in with a high opinion of themselves and their skills, believed they had a right to be there, to learn the art of an Operative. Devon wasted no time in setting them straight, he broke them, each and everyone, all broken. Some were harder than others but those were his greatest work, the ones who fought so hard from the beginning, those were true Operatives in every sense. Those rare few, capable of vast amounts of pain, physical and mental, capable of great deeds, each one special and all in the name of the Alliance.

And then there were those… The few great ones with a flaw. Devon Hiyo would not allow any one of those flawed taint his work, his sterling reputation.

"It just won't do."

* * *

The girl had kept to herself ever since they left Epsilom Prime not that Mal found much to complain on that end though he could if there was a need… Jobs were still scarce to come by though he'd managed to put them through a few more weeks in the air. Thaïs didn't leave the ship at any of their respective stops, not to wander around or see the sights not even to 'wet her whistle'. Mal had chalked it up to her wandering mistake on Epsilom Prime and though no one had specifically come out and said it his crew was thinking the same thing.

'_Was the girl taken advantage of?'_ the thought brought a scowl to his face. He didn't give a fādiàn pìgu who the girl had worked for before, even an Alliance- well, Thaïs was a woman, a very young one at that but still a woman and none should have to- to…

Mal wiped both hands over his face as if that would get rid of the thoughts going through his mind. It would be impossible to sleep not while he kept thinking about the girl and the possibilities-,_'Repercussions more like._' The girl's sudden silence wasn't what had the Capt. walking around his boat thinking about her, no. The reason he wasn't in his berth, laid out and sleeping as it was his wont to do that late in the evenings was how Thaïs got involved in something-.

Mal shook his head, a frustrated sigh escaped his lips and soon his feet were taking him towards the bridge. He was sure to find her there; Thaïs was always at the helm especially when the others were asleep. Doc had said the girl would be back to normal, as much as any of them knew what her normal was. Capt. Reynolds couldn't find much wrong; the girl took the job seriously, performed more than adequate and gave him no trouble. She startled easily though, he noticed because it wasn't something Thaïs had done when she first boarded _Serenity_. If any thing, the girl seemed to have been observing them all and Mal hadn't liked it one bit.

As he expected Capt. Reynolds found Thaïs at the helm staring out into the dark, hands resting in her lap.

"Wǎn, take it all's quiet." He stated in a soft voice. Mal ignored her sudden start; the girl had clearly not expected any one to come up this late. He could feel her eyes as he took a seat in the empty pilot's chair. Making himself comfortable Mal stared out into the verse enjoying the silence, _'and peace. There's a moment's peace…'_ he couldn't help but think.

"You could sleep, you know." Mal commented after a moment. "Don't want you thinkin'- or have them thinkin' I aint giving you time to rest." Mal pointed over his shoulder, his meaning clear as to who those 'others' were. He wouldn't have thought to say anything except for the bristly looks he'd been getting from Kaylee…

"Are you ordering me off the bridge?" Thaïs questioned softly though she avoided looking at him. She still didn't feel comfortable around them but mostly it was the men on _Serenity_ Thaïs shied away from. She knew what Apollo had given her, she knew the effects of XORA and its basic composition but the important information, what she couldn't have gotten from any vid screen or cyclopedic reference was the lasting effect.

"You need it to be an order?" Mal countered tilting his head in her direction. His eyes looked her over curiously. He took note of her physical presence, the long tresses were confined to a braid neatly pinned up, Thaïs was once again her healthy sun kissed color and though it was always colder in space he realized the girl hardly went sleeveless, as a matter of fact he couldn't remember her in nothing but long sleeves or high collars. He watched her hands, encased in the leather half gloves…

"Had enough of those." Thaïs murmured knowing she wanted to sit alone and stare into the dark but it was his ship… "Didn't you?"

"Me?"

"You were in the Unification War. Seems you'd be taking orders left and right…" Thaïs trailed off suddenly uncaring of the answer or her question. She hated it- the lack of enthusiasm, of _life_… Thaïs closed her eyes and tried to will it back, tried to feel alive once more.

'_It's all in my head. I'm of flesh and blood, warm and alive.'_ She told herself.

"Well…yes but that was during the war." Mal replied. He did feel slightly uncomfortable with the girl's knowledge of his past. She hadn't said any thing the rest of his crew didn't know already. Aside from Zoë, none of the others knew about Malcolm's past and Zoë wasn't one to talk. "Kaylee says you're a gùshi chén."

"Bù." Thaïs replied a little troubled by his knowing or even thinking-. _Any time you get bored with your nanhaizi wanju come up to the bridge. I'll tell you a story…_ "Zhòngdà, xiāoyáo shétóu…"

"Apollo." Mal tossed the name unaware of what it meant to her but curious to find out why it was important. "Heard he was some God back on Earth that was. To hear Kaylee tell it, you're something of an expert on them."

"Not an expert no. I've read some Earth that was Mythology, that's all." Thaïs fidgeted in her seat, wanting to get away but not look as if she were running.

"Come on, háizi. Aint none here but us and the verse…" Mal swiveled his seat around and sat patiently with a placid smile on his face. Thaïs realized the Capt. was doing it purposely. Gritting her teeth she forced her feet to do the same.

"You want a story." Thaïs stated now facing him. Mal found himself unable to read the violet eyes staring at him. It was eerie and a bit uncanny the way it felt as if she were looking through _him_ for the story. "Shèn liánghǎo."

* * *

_The noise in the dining hall never ceased but when new cadets arrived it reached new levels of loud. Every one found time to socialize during the meals. It was the only place cadets reverted to their ages from the stiff and proper military conduct they presented to their superiors._

_From the chow line two 3__rd__ year cadets surveyed the hall watching as the jūn de shēng bāndi__ǎ__n made his way followed by his usual shēng bāndi__ǎ__n._

"_Ch__ǒ__u_."_Said the taller with a nod in the direction of the carrot top._

_The little frown on his friends face didn't alter and both cadets watched one of their class flashed his credits at the females. _

"_He's at it again. You'd think he'd get the idea…"_

"_Ahrens, you know Ginner's not that smart." The blond cut in with a faint smile._

"_He's found another qún wèi tōuliè." Ahrens noted. The line moved along and both cadets walked onto the main hall. Neither searched for a place to sit as they stood watching Ginner and his goons sit with the new female cadets._

"_First years, Apollo. He always goes to the first years..." Ahrens scowled._

"_They learn." The blond replied then turned a grin on his friend. "You don't see any 2__nd__ or 3__rd__ years giving him the time of day do you?"_

"_Not the one's that matter." Ahrens replied turning to get them a seat._

_Apollo followed the cadet though his eyes kept straying back to the group Ginner was 'impressing' with the vast accounts his family possessed. The hazel eyes focused on one dark head among the table of females. He'd seen her before during a simulation. He'd told Ahrens the cadet was good with a stick which hadn't impressed the other much considering it was Flight Academy, there was bound to be plenty of them._

"_Apollo." Ahrens called slightly annoyed. He sat down with a few other 3__rd__ year cadets looking to where his friend had been staring. He forgot his food as one of the female cadets abruptly got up and walked away. "Lāsh__ǐ,__ tell me I just saw that."_

_Apollo set his tray beside the dark haired cadet a huge grin on his face._

"_Guānbì n__ǐ__men zu__ǐ__bā, Ahrens." Apollo said still watching the 1__st__ year cadet head out of the mess hall. "She's not the first to walk away from him."_

"_No, she's not but how many have there been?" he questioned._

"_They all walk away eventually." _

_

* * *

_

_The obstacle course was set up monthly and it always varied. Every cadet was expected to pass, failing was not acceptable._

_Thaïs had been through several already and had managed not to fall too far behind. Her problem was speed, or the lack of it. She couldn't seem to pick it up outside of the shuttles… but she had been working on that._

"_You ready to move up?" Seiji asked grinning in anticipation. They'd both been spending long hours conditioning for this day and were ready to see how much they had improved._

"_I'm going to be one of the first." Thaïs threw over her shoulder. She softened the words with a wink before focusing on the track ahead of her. More cadets lined up until there was a group of fifteen. Thaïs noticed the red head- Ginner- smirking. She ignored him thinking he would be her first pass._

_When the buzzer sounded the cadets burst forth, male and female, pounding on the track to the first obstacle. The wall._

_Thaïs tried to keep pace but seeing the seven foot block of wood before her sapped at her resolve. She was at least four feet too short to make it over without some sort of boost._

"_Gotta go faster!" Seiji ordered as he pulled ahead from her. Thaïs watched him go, he pushed off just before the wall and ran two steps before his fingers grabbed at the top. He hung for a second before pulling himself over the side. Seeing his mop of black hair disappear Thaïs put a burst of speed and followed his example._

_On the other side Thaïs relished the exhilaration of actually having gotten past the first obstacle so easily._

"_MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" the order snapped Thaïs back to the course and she took off again. There were still plenty of cadets clumped together when they reached the beams. The narrow wood was five feet off the ground and wide enough for her small foot to walk over easily. Thaïs couldn't help her grin as she reached the end ahead from the others. Risking a glance over her shoulder Thaïs laughed when the red head fell off the side._

_The third obstacle, a series of tubes they were meant to crawl through left many of the male cadets having to back out of their chosen hole when they couldn't fit through. This was where the females gained momentum since all were small enough to fit. Thaïs found herself smiling at another cadet who jumped out of her tube just as she did. They took off running, sharing a laugh at the blond head poking out of one tube. _

"_He looks determined to fit." Thaïs grinned._

"_Gēr shì bèn yíy__àng nà." She replied with a smirk at the scowling blond._

_Both cadets reached the crawl through and dropped to their stomachs remembering to keep away from the light beams. Once at the other end Thaïs glanced over her shoulder to find the blond cadet from the tube halfway through. _

"_Tāmen shì kuài." Thaïs growled as she ran to their next obstacle. She caught up to Seiji having trouble maneuvering through the swinging bags._

"_They keep knocking me down." He complained trying to push through two swinging in opposite directions. _

"_Then move faster." Thaïs ordered watching the swing open. She pushed Seiji trough managing to squeeze in after him. "Go!" she yelled as another bag came at them. Thaïs jumped back barely avoiding getting thrown by the heavy sack._

"_Fillion-."_

"_Get going, Seiji!" Thaïs ordered while timing her next moves to coincide with the bags outward movement._

_Apollo came up behind the straggling pair of first year cadets and smiled grimly. He could see the one ahead was having trouble with another double bag. The one closest to him was slipping past the swinging pendulums and making it look effortless._

_Thaïs ducked past the second to last set and smacked into Seiji's back. The cadet flew forward only to be sent back at Thaïs when he bounced off the pendulum. The duo somehow fell out of the maze hearing laughter behind them._

_Thaïs looked up yanking on Seiji's shoulder to find a golden head and hazel eyes twinkling down at her. She let out a snort of amusement seeing the cadet from the tube. Apollo gave her a jaunty wave before heading off to the next obstacle, a rope climb._

"_Get up, sānsè z__ǐ__luólán. You want to be last?" Thaïs questioned as they got to their feet._

"_You pushed me." Seiji retorted as they started to run again. _

"_Yíhàn, it was an accident and I told you to move." Her apology didn't sound like one to Seiji but since they were busy climbing he let it go and focused on hitting his buzzer. He slid to the platform ahead of Thaïs sprinting to the large net they were climbing to yet another platform, though much higher. Seiji wasn't afraid of heights, he was a pilot after all but being so high without his shuttle left him feeling a little off balance. There was nothing to hold onto and it was a long way to the water…_

"_Don't look down." Thaïs ordered swiftly sprinting past him and onto the beam. It was wider than the one before but as Seiji placed his foot on it he heard another cadet yell as he fell over. It was a moment before he heard the splash of water and looking ahead saw that Thaïs was already halfway through to the fourth beam._

_By the time she reached the zip line Thaïs had passed the leading cadets, one of whom had fallen off the beams. Her body was starting to tire but it had taken longer which meant their training had been effective._

_Thaïs noticed the blond head already grabbing onto the zip and sped up. Her hands reached to the black bar grabbing on as her feet swung off the platform. She felt the breeze tug on her uniform, the burning in her arms as they began to tire from holding her weight for so long. The ground rushed up coming closer much faster than she had anticipated. She swung her legs forward and let go. Her feet hit the ground and her momentum sent her rolling forward. Thaïs tucked into her body only to jump up into a sprint using what was left of her energy to catch up to the golden head in front of her._

"_Fillion!" behind her Seiji barely had breath to call her name. "Fil-ohn…"_

_Thaïs waved a hand in the air urging him forward but didn't look back._

_Apollo noticed her grim determination and nudge Ahrens who was keeping pace easily. The blue eyes took in the stragglers far behind the two 1__st__ years and grinned. As always, Apollo and Ahrens were in the lead, yet there was a 2nd year female cadet between them and the 1__st__ years. He smirked and turning to Apollo gave a little nod. Both males pulled further ahead of the rest reaching the end in record time._

_Thaïs glared as they waved at her, the tall blond and his shorter dark haired friend. They stood there looking as if they hadn't just finished running an obstacle course and it only made her more determined to get there ahead of the rest. _

_Usually finishing in the middle, about sixth or seventh in the group wasn't bad but she was fourth… _

_"Fih-!" Seiji panted beside her. _

_"Faster!" Thaïs gasped. Both cadets urged their bodies onward and catching up to the 2nd year cadet who looked at them angrily when they passed her up and she couldn't keep her third place spot. _

_"Faster!" Thaïs gasped wanting to be done with the course and rest. _

_"Yeh-!" Seiji could only nod ready to drop back and let Thaïs have the lead when they finally crossed the finish. _

_They let out twin cries of relief dropping in a tangle of limbs as they panted for breath. _

_The laughter caught them first and sitting up they couldn't contain their grins. _

_"Third place." _

_"Not bad for 1st years." _

_Thaïs looked up seeing the tall blond and the shorter dark haired cadets standing above them. _

_"G__ǎ__nxiè." Thaïs replied. She accepted the offered hand and stood as Seiji stood. _

_"Almost- fell!" Seiji gasped with a crooked grin. "Back there, I coulda jié chūwài and you-." He turned to Thaïs with a scowl. "You just-." _

_"Passed you speedy tùzi?" Thaïs asked with a mischievous wink. Apollo noticed Ahrens face, he wore that look again, the 'huh?' look. _

_"You fell behind and still managed to pass up Lahmis." Apollo commented ignoring the 2nd year as she passed them by. Thaïs shrugged looking to the cadets finally crossing the finish. _

_"I'm not afraid of being up high." _

_"You don't like tóng, either." _

_Ahrens grinned at the frown on the 1st year. "We saw you walk." _

_"Apparently you have too much free time." Thaïs stated wondering what kind of fēngdiān guàidàn spent his time watching girls go about their business. _

_"Not enough." Ahrens muttered under his breath. He wiped a hand across his brow removing the beads of sweat with a grimace. _

_"Láojià," Seiji looked to Apollo questioning. "Who's tóng?" _

_"A zhì tóuz__ǐ__ gěi n__ǎ__odài who thinks credits make up for lack of personality." Thaïs turned to look at the older cadets. "Does he shower by the way?" _

_"Ginner!" Seiji exclaimed much to their amusement when he figured out who Thaïs was talking about. _

_"I'm Apollo." _

_"Yeah, I know." Thaïs motioned to Seiji introducing him as well as herself and didn't see the smug smile on Apollo's face. _

_"Uniform." Ahrens muttered shoving an elbow into his side. Apollo glanced at their uniforms and the nametag they each bore. _

_"Actually, Fillion's heard some of the stories." Seiji threw in. _

_"You get by on charm and you're not bad on the eyes. Maybe your more like your namesake…" Thaïs grinned thinking the cadet certainly fit the description of the mythological God she had read. _

_"Namesake?" Ahrens asked confused. _

_"The sun God." Both Apollo and Thaïs replied in unison. _

_"You know Earth that was mythology?" Thaïs questioned. She hadn't though any one beside herself would have read any thing about their home planet, the one they'd destroyed long ago. _

_"My name is Apollo- err…" the blond looked embarrassed for a moment before the foursome headed to the lockers. _

* * *

_ **AN: Another chapter done and people dont mistake my new chars for Mary Sues just because I'm showing you the finished product first. My chars are flawed and have emotional problems as well its just not time yet to reveal all that has to be told.  
**_


	13. Brown Coats

**13 Brown Coats**

"So this Apollo, he was with her at FlightAcademy?" Simon questioned though what that had to do with the XORA incident, none knew. He looked to Zoë at the other end of the table. Both Mal and Kaylee were present while River visited with Thaïs on the bridge.

"There's nothing on him in the Cortex. His file stops after they got booted." Zoë continued. Her eyes strayed to Mal the little worry lines wrinkling her forehead. "I looked up the two that died. Van Seiji and Eli Ahrens." She paused, her dark eyes staring down at the table. "They were promising students, very good marks and both from wealthy families. Alliance gave them honorary mention."

Mal snorted, drawing all eyes to him but he couldn't hide the bitterness at that. He turned his face to his crew unashamed of his feelings. "Rich kids die and Alliance makes fancy speeches, hands medals to their parents… Governments." Mal shook his head frowning. "Makes a body wonder what sort of fool's running the place." But Mal knew there was no one 'fool', there was a group of them, deadly men hunting for his hide and that of his crew.

"A rich fool as never worried about having good marks?" Kaylee's soft voice floated timidly over them. Mal took note of the innocent look on his mechanics face and couldn't help but smile. He noticed the warm smile on Simon's face and felt himself get all wistful inside wishing he had some one-.

'_What in gorram hell is wrong with me?'_ Mal scowled suddenly sitting straight in his chair.

"Alright." Mal stood abruptly. "We still have a cargo to unload and our pay to collect." He turned to leave signaling the end of their little 'show and tell'. Neither he or Zoë was sure why Thaïs had told him that 'story', hell he couldn't figure out the girl's sudden reluctance to be around the others let alone why he kept getting conflicting emotions regarding her. At times Mal felt as though he needed to keep an eye on her, as if she were some delicate thing and at others he couldn't help but tread warily around her, as if he were carrying around a deadly viper. It was disconcerting as hell and uncomfortable was nowhere near good enough to describe the feeling.

Behind Mal, Simon followed close on Zoë's departure gently tapping on her arm to draw her attention.

"Not now Doc." Zoë growled softly. Her brown eyes flashed in anger but either Simon didn't notice or he didn't care.

"You've avoided our scheduled appointm-."

"We've been busy." Zoë interrupted turning to leave. He couldn't deny _Serenity_ had seen more work in the last month than she had in a long while but once in the black there was nothing to do but wait until they got to their destination. The work was the same.

"I need to check the progress, Zoë." Simon sidestepped catching her in mid stride. He didn't miss the angry look on her face as she turned to him.

"There is no progress, Doc." Zoë's eyes hardened a clear warning to leave her alone. In a softer voice, one he noted counseled caution, "Now, I've got work to do." There was a second's pause before Zoë turned on her heel and walked down the hall.

Simon ducked his head feeling guilty for giving her false hope. _'Cause no harm.'_ It was part of his oath.

**Φ**

"How much longer?" Thaïs questioned while avoiding Simon's eyes. Being enclosed with him in the med-lab only intensified her newly sensitive nose. The very male scent of Simon had her blood warming but the mere thought made Thaïs sick. She just couldn't picture Simon as anything than the older brother she never had.

"I told you I wasn't sure." He half mumbled then he 'hmd'. He 'hmd' the way someone does when they get some unexpected result and though it could be a good 'hmd' Thaïs was rather pessimistic at the moment.

"What 'hmd'?" her voice barely whispered past her lips.

"The XORA." He looked at her. "It's gone. There's no sign of it in your blood, Thaïs." His face registered confusion which made the slight smile on his face more comical. Her reaction was more aggressive.

"Gone?" Thaïs hopped off the medical bed shoving the little stand aside. "Shit Simon! If it's gone why do I still feel this-." She looked around, at anything other than Simon. "I'm like a mugou zai re. Just the qiwei…I can't go on like this." She looked at him then, her violet gaze imploring, asking for him to help but Simon didn't know how. He hadn't known what was wrong with Thaïs from the start and it was only Inara-.

"Inara." Simon muttered and before Thaïs knew it he was calling for her through the comm.

"What are you doing?" Thaïs questioned softly though the note of panic in her voice was audible to his ears.

"She can help." Simon replied hoping that his small smile came off more reassuring than he felt.

"Help?" Thaïs echoed, eyes hardening as she moved towards Simon. He couldn't help but note the menace emanating from her slight frame. "It's bad enough everyone on this fucking boat knows…" Thaïs halted, she looked down, shame evident in the slight tint of her skin and pose of her shoulders. "I hate this." She whispered softly. "Yuan hen gan jue xi huan ji nű. I need to be in control." Her voice grew strong, sure as she looked him in the eyes. "This isn't me."

Simon could see she was determined not to show emotion, it was a weakness or so she thought. Another of her Mother's twisted teachings to the only child, one she had hoped would be more than what she had become and what was that? What or rather who had Thaïs become?

"Thaïs," Simon began, he was hesitant to ask, not sure of her reaction or if she would let him continue to try and help but he couldn't stop himself. "You've never-."

"Tzao gao." Thaïs hissed turning away from him. She stormed to the door refusing to talk about _it,_ about any of it with him or anyone else on the ship. They didn't know for sure but they speculated, she could see it on Jayne's face whenever they crossed paths. Kaylee treated her as if she would break, as if she were fragile… Zoë didn't say anything, didn't ask, didn't treat her any different, the distrust was still primary but every so often Thaïs couldn't help but catch Zoë looking at her, wondering, as if she could see _it_. Mal was different though. He behaved kindly, maybe he felt guilty even though it wasn't anyone's fault-.

'_It's no one's fault. None of them, not mine… or Apollo…'_

"Oh!" Inara stumbled back as Thaïs exited. The tinkling of the Companion's earrings and bracelets sounding out of place with the thoughts going through Thaïs.

"Sorry." She apologized moving to go around.

"No, no, it's my fault." Inara murmured stepping in her way as she too tried to get past.

"Inara." Simon called from behind Thaïs. She whirled around immediately.

"NO. I can handle this."

"Why are you so pigheaded?" Simon scowled. "She can help with the-."

"No."

"You have side effects from the XORA." Inara stated now standing inside the infirmary both hands laced together looking very calm.

"Yes." Simon confirmed just as Thaïs denied it with a vehement; "No."

Thaïs faced Simon, violet eyes flashing with anger. "You loose zui chun hou zi fuck!" rarely had she been angry with Simon but just then Thaïs felt an insurmountable need to fill him with lead. She was glad not to be carrying her gun, thinking and doing were two very different things but it only took a little to get from one to the other.

"Apparently rage is high on the list followed by, uh-." His face got pink, a little embarrassed because of who he was talking about even though he was supposed to be a doctor. The body and its functions was or should be something he could look at without the regular physical reactions a man would have.

"Get out." Thaïs ordered suddenly very close and quiet.

"What?" Simon blinked, confused by the order then glaring as he realized where he was and with whom. "This is my infirmary."

"Hope you choke on it." Thaïs growled as she left passing by Inara without a glance in her direction.

"I'm sorry." He apologized, once again the perfect gentleman excusing himself as he moved to follow but Inara placed a delicate hand on his arm.

"Let me." seeing he was about to protest she put a little pressure on his arm and smiled reassuring. "It's alright Simon."

At his nod Inara lifted her skirt and followed after Thaïs. She caught the young woman already climbing the stairs up to the catwalk above the cargo hold. Inara didn't bother muffling her footsteps as she too started up the metal steps.

"I can help." She said to the pilots back. Looking over her shoulder Thaïs gave the Companion a once over taking in the golden color of the silk pashni and the embroidered sash, it's purple contrasting beautifully on the pale skin.

"No offence but how exactly are _you_ going to help me with … this?" Thaïs faced the pale face looking down from her perch three steps above. "Because I am too old for Companion training."

Inara started at those words, she wondered how Thaïs had found that out but instead of asking closed the distance between them.

"Why don't we go to my shuttle," Inara moved past inviting Thaïs to follow with a nod of her head. "Talk in private."

**Φ**

Thaïs followed Inara into the shuttle, quickly scanning the interior and noting the rich fabrics, deep reds and purples with swatches of gold and copper. The furnishings were plush and inviting, everywhere there were pillows in varying shades of lavender and green with a patch of ivory here and there. Thaïs had seen wealth displayed before but she had never seen it like this, warm and inviting, somehow putting her at ease. In one corner Inara had set up a bronzed Buddha, a set of bowls ringing his feet and a single incense cone burned, the tip slowly crumbling and the white stream of perfumed smoke wafting lazily upwards. The bed caught Thaïs' gaze immediately upon entering but she had skimmed over it, now she stood staring at it again.

Her skin tingled, as if the satin sheet were trailing over her arm. The vivid maroon shone in the soft light and her lips parted as a soft breath escaped her. The pillow fell aside and the hiss of the material sliding across skin echoed in her ears. Thaïs could practically see the bodies entwined, so perfectly matched in movements…

"What exactly are you feeling?" Inara's voice cut through the image in her mind. Thaïs started, a slight flinching of her shoulders the Companion barely noticed. There was silence after the question; it had caught her off guard. She'd thought Inara would begin with some sort of explanation on the XORA, some background on its introduction to the training houses, the effects of it on the Companions in training. Thaïs struggled to get her thoughts together, feeling her brain move sluggishly. At times it went too fast but that had never been a problem in FlightAcademy but this wasn't the Academy, she wasn't in flight school and it wasn't some dream. This was real life, hers.

"My body is out of control." The admission was voiced softly and the violet eyes shifted over the Companions features unable to meet the dark eyes. Inara could sense the shame but didn't know if it was for what happened to her or having to admit some form of weakness to a stranger.

Inara reached a pale hand to Thaïs, slipped her fingers around her hand and led the young woman to the couch where they both sat.

**Φ**

_Serenity_ arrived on the fifth moon of **_Ishumei-Beta_** on schedule. The cargo Talus had sent was already loaded on the sled attached to the Mule, Zoë at the helm. Giving specific orders, Mal hollered for Jayne to get a move on just as the mercenary exited his bunk. The ever present Vera strapped across his chest and the grenades securely hidden in the pockets of his cargo pants. Mal barely raised an eyebrow but forwent the reprimand. Those grenades had saved their lives on more than one occasion.

"We ready?" Mal questioned his first mate as he skipped down the last few steps to the cargo hold. He noticed the slight yellow tinge to her usually dark skin but didn't ask if she felt alright.

"Yes, sir." She replied sitting comfortably in the mule as both men climbed aboard. Once they were seated she wasted no time getting them to their destination.

The trio drifted through the grass field, the sun shining down on them warmly while to their left Jayne could make out the pale shape of two moons ridding the tops of snowy mountain peaks in the distance. The view was cut off abruptly as Zoë entered a sparsely wooded area. Mal gripped his side arm, glancing into the trees and squinting to try and make out human shapes. There were any number of places a body could hide. He wasn't stupid enough to forego thoughts of an ambush. Zoë focused on the maze ahead of her slowing down for safety when the trees grew too close. After fifteen minutes the trees gave way to another field though by the amount of buildings they could see it resembled more of a town.

Zoë drove more slowly nearing the buildings cautiously but the people seemed not to be alarmed by the presence of strangers. Mal noticed a few of the men, rugged looking and obviously farmers, staring after the trio with serious looks on their faces.

"We drop this load and get going. Dong ma?" he glanced at Zoë who nodded curtly then to Jayne who shrugged. He could care less if they stayed for a couple hours longer than what they'd planned. He held Vera to his chest, leaning back in his seat lazily while he scanned the citizens of **_Ishumei's_** fourth moon.

"That's it, up ahead." Zoë stated with a nod to the rust colored building at the end of the street. Mal frowned at the barn looking warehouse with its rusted tin roof. There were a couple of scruffy looking men ambling about or just lounging by the door. Mal lightly hopped off the Mule as Zoë stopped. He looked over the men and picked the one he most thought would be their contact.

"You Robby?" he questioned with a slight smile. The man in question stopped where he was, spit a large gob of brown mucus and continued to chew while his eyes traveled the length of Mal.

"'Pends on who's askin'." he drawled shifting to his left foot. The watery blue eyes flicked to the mule and the two in it. They narrowed taking note of the brown clothes even as Mal glanced over his shoulder to his crew.

"Name's Capt. Reynolds. I got a delivery here for a Robby." he said in his most amicable tones. "Now, if'n that's not you, I'd appreciate you pointing us in the right direction."

"No need fer pointin'." he extended his hand with a smile that bared yellowed rotten teeth. "I'm Robby."

Mal took the hand tentatively, not wanting to be rude but not particularly happy with the man's lack of hygiene.

"Sure been waitin' long fer these." Robby said waving the men forward. Four burly men in varying shades of brown moved to take down the crates. Zoë watched attentively as the cargo was taken into the warehouse. It didn't take long to get the crates unloaded and stored away.

"Any trouble 'long the way?" Robby questioned as he walked Mal further from the doors.

"Not a one." Mal replied comfortably though he kept his eyes alert and aware of his surroundings. He was finding all the brown a little disconcerting especially with what Talus had told them during the 'job interview'.

"Folks like to stay fer the celebration?" Robby asked glancing over his shoulder to Jayne with his large gun held loosely in hand. Robby was beginning to re-think having asked the question when Mal answered.

"No, thank you. It's best we be on our way." he gave a perfunctory smile and turned to head towards the mule.

"Capt." Robby cleared his throat before continuing. Mal was a bit leery thinking the man would spit out the wad of chewing tobacco. "Don't s'pose you'd be willing to take on some passengers." the blue eyes immediately saw the reluctance on the Captains face. "We got coin." But it didn't remove the look and Robby tilted his head slightly. "'Less you aint heading near **_Kephas_**."

"Could be." Mal replied slowly. "How many are looking for passage?"

At that Robby hedged a bit looking around as if the scenery was more interesting than just a couple of dingy and dirt smeared men in the street.

"Oh, 'bout ten or so. Couple of 'em married." Robby added quickly seeing the slight frown begin to form on Mal's face. Ten new people on his boat, people he knew nothing about but could speculate as to what they were doing and could be didn't make for a good night's sleep.

"None of 'em's got kids Capt. and we're a bit outta the way. Don't get many boats out here and they been waiting a couple o' months. Like as ready to build their own stead's out here. Mighty appreciative if'n you could get some o' those folks on their way."

"Trouble?" Mal asked knowing he wouldn't take on more of it. That was the one thing he was trying to avoid…without much success if Inara was to be believed.

"No, no trouble, Capt." Robby glanced down at the dirt street scuffing his boot across some pebbles. "More like Talus been expecting these folk somewhere's else." The watery blue eyes finally settled on Mal's face noting the blank look on the BrownCoat. "Figured you'd a take a second job with 'im."

"**_Kephas_**?" Mal questioned quietly. Robby nodded smiling and the yellowed rotted teeth almost had the Capt. reaching for a bar of soap. Not that it would help.

**Φ**

The ship was unnaturally quiet for Thaïs. The usual sounds of the engine, the whirring of the gears, soft fizzle of the circuits or even the creaking of the hull were still. The Capt. had been gone for over three hours, one of which she had spent with Inara in her shuttle learning to get her body to settle down if not under control. Even though at first Thaïs had been leery of the Companions ability to help, she had to admit the meditations and imagery were helping. The gnawing in her belly at presence of any of the men on _Serenity_ was less pronounced after only a week.

Thaïs headed up to the kitchen for some tea glancing at her time piece. Her brow furrowed slightly noting another hour had passed and still the trio hadn't returned. She wondered if it was normal as the pot began to boil. Reaching up, Thaïs had to stand on her toes to grab the mug in the cupboard for the tea which happened to be on a lower shelf. Had they run into trouble? Should she be at the helm ready to take off at the first communication? Had she been at FlightAcademy the procedure was the same; stay at your post, no matter what.

Thaïs flinched as the pot began to whistle, the violet eyes watched the thin line of steam forced out for a moment. Very slowly a slender hand rose, fingers spread as if to pass through the hot air. Thaïs blinked, her hand wrapped around the handle and took the pot off the flame. She was pouring out the water when the heavy clomp of boots echoed just outside the kitchen.

"Set a course for **_Kephas_**." Mal ordered. The sound of his voice startled Thaïs and she turned around the pot still in hand. "And I'll be needing you to make room for River in your bunk 'till we get there."

Thaïs opened her mouth to ask why when he cut her off.

"We leave in an hour." And then he was gone.

Thaïs set the pot on the counter with a loud 'whack' and stared at the empty doorway.

"What the hell?"

**Φ**

"Capt. we really taking on these ten?" Zoë questioned. Like him, she felt something was off and that usually spelled trouble. Trouble, they didn't need.

"They got coin to pay and **_Kephas_** aint out of our way." Mal replied as they waited for the people to show. There was still fifteen minutes left, after that _Serenity_ could take off. Mal was hoping they'd be late, hoped they wouldn't show up.

"We don't know these people sir." Zoë clutched at the rail feeling suddenly queasy but determined to ignore it. There was work to be done and no time for her to get sick. "But we know Talus is helping create an uprising. He said as much."

"Thought crossed my mind." Mal agreed but he wasn't willing to ask if his passengers were part of the man's army. He didn't like the thought of them using his ship to transport them but as long as he didn't ask, Mal could pretend not to know. All he cared about was getting paid. He was done worrying about not having work, he was done being scrupulous about what jobs he took. Mal had responsibilities, his crew and ship being the main concerns on his mind. Everything else was secondary.

Before Zoë could put forth another protest two men entered the light of _Serenity's_ cargo hold. More footsteps echoed behind them dashing Mal's hope the ten wouldn't show. The one on the left looked around finally settling his eyes on the pair above their heads.

"Hello, I'm Noë Rhyo. We're looking for Capt. Reynolds."

Mal stood on the cat walk glaring as the rest of the group ambled into his ship. They stood, each shouldering a pack and a medium sized duffle. Of the ten only three were women that he could see.

"That'd be me." Mal answered in a clipped tone. He didn't like the way they stood, as if ready to fall into a formation or salute a superior. He didn't like they wore brown of the fact they were on his boat but they had coin.

"Afternoon." Noë smiled. None of them bothered to hide the weapons strapped to their sides and though their boots were dusty from the forty five minute walk through forest and field the rest of them was clean. "This is Gryph Hawthorn." He nodded towards the brunette standing at his right before turning to introduce the rest of his squad. "That's Ishira and Fang." The couple bowed slightly, slanted eyes never leaving Mal's face. "Zúlema Dhane. Raven and Yuma Navajo. Keiffer Bates. Diego Alexander and the runt is Van Warner." Noë rested his green eyes on Mal the smile still in place.

"That's Jayne." Mal hooked a thumb towards the Mercenary who stood by the infirmary steps loosely holding a large bowie knife with Vera strapped across his back. Reaching the bottom of the stairs Mal noticed Kaylee standing just to his right. "This here's Kaylee. She'll tell you were to bunk down."

"Oh, sure." Kaylee jumped; face going a little pink as she moved towards the bunks, one of which had been recently vacated by River.

"Thank you." Gryph nodded as he picked up his duffel and followed the little red head. The rest of the group also murmured their thanks moving off, both Jayne and Mal met in the middle watching after the passengers.

"Stay away from their women, Jayne." Mal left the mercenary to grumble knowing trouble was hounding his heels and it didn't matter how far or fast he ran. Trouble was catching up.

**Φ**

Thaïs headed to the kitchen for dinner leaving _Serenity_ on autopilot. They had taken on some passengers, at least that's what River had said which was the reason Capt. Reynolds had put the girl with her. There were only six passenger bunks; including River's and luckily Simon had been living with Kaylee for the last year so he hadn't been displaced. Both Tam's were forced to hide away until they reached **_Kephas_**, a long four days of travel in the black.

Her stomach rumbled again, reminding Thaïs she hadn't eaten anything for lunch beside the tea. It was just that the sessions with Inara left her feeling a little numb; there were no wants or needs and maybe it was time to schedule the meditations for later in the evenings.

At the kitchen Thaïs stopped barely a foot into the raucous melee of the dining room. The violet eyes widened slightly at all the people, strangers with different scents and the full male population assaulted her senses. Her stomach knotted painfully, one hand clutching the doorframe.

'_I'm not ready for this.'_

"Háizi," Mal called the half smile fading from his face as Thaïs abruptly turned around. "Thaïs." But she ignored him moving quickly away from the overfull kitchen. He'd seen the look on her face and it made his frown turn into a scowl. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with the girl. The last week he'd been seeing Thaïs lose some of the tense jumpiness, the girl barely spoke but that wasn't new.

"'Scuse me." Kaylee stood, a large plate of food in hand. Mal glared knowing exactly where his mechanic thought to go.

"Sit down, Kaylee."

"Sir?" she looked at him confused by the harsh order.

"She's hungry she can eat at the table like everyone else." And there was nothing the little red head could say to change his mind.

"But Capt." Kaylee quieted at his look and with a soft sigh returned to her seat.

Even though the dining table was large it was not big enough to fit fourteen people. Some of the brown coats found themselves eating in the cozy nook where the crew usually took a moment of rest during their day.

Gryph noticed the sudden drop in volume at the table, his gray-blue eyes straying to the door where he caught a clear picture of the brunette before she left. He sat there wondering where she'd gone and why.

Mal cursed under his breath following the young man's line of sight.

'_Trouble, all I ever get is trouble.'_

**Φ**

It was late but you wouldn't know it by looking out the window. The black was endless and even if there were a few who'd claimed to have seen the edge of space no one could be sure because there was just more black. An endless void where the stars could burn, planets take shape…

Thaïs sat quietly, eyes staring into space breathing in and out evenly. About an hour after rushing to her place of safety she'd managed to slow the rapid pace of her heart. She'd been angry that the sessions with Inara hadn't worked, been ready to go and tell the Companion how uselessly she'd been spending her time the past week but the truth was Thaïs had only been around Simon, Jayne and Capt. Reynolds. The same three men for almost four months. It wasn't fair to say the sessions hadn't worked, all Thaïs needed was a little more focus.

"Alright." Mal's voice drifted towards her from the door. She'd been concentrating on her breathing never hearing the echo of his boots. "I been patient, letting you sulk in your bunk or up here." He stood with hands on hips glaring at Thaïs who'd swiveled her chair to face him. "But I aint having you walk out of my dining room like you think your better'n those people."

"Yes sir." Thaïs replied in a calm voice.

"Damn it!" Mal cursed losing patience with her. "Don't 'yes sir' me." he scowled. Thaïs opened her mouth to agree, the words half out of her mouth before she closed her lips and just sat looking up at him.

"What in gorram hell is wrong with you?" Mal demanded not for the first time.

"I'm fine Capt." the soft words only pissed him off more. He didn't believe her, didn't trust her and she knew it.

"Something aint right and I aim to find out. Now you gonna tell me?" he insisted, the scowl deepening but still the girl just sat there, calm and quiet. "Thaïs."

"I'm fine Capt." and he knew she wasn't going to say more.

**Φ**

"I know she's been spending time here with you on a daily basis, Inara." Mal stood in the decadent shuttle glaring at the elegant woman before him. "Now what the hell has been going on?"

"I've already told you, Mal. What I do in my shuttle is none of your business and neither is what Thaïs does on her free time." She could see the thoughts going through his mind, almost hear them before Mal ever spoke the words but it was worse when he did.

"Thought you said you wouldn't service my crew." The look in the blue eyes, masking the hurt by lashing out with cruel words, the other, soft brown hiding her true feelings for the man purposely hurting her.

"You should leave." Inara's soft voice only hurt him more. There were so many things he wanted to say and didn't. How could he when she roamed the verse taking to bed those who could pay? Could he live like that? Could he share his woman with others? He'd never thought himself the type to carelessly disregard his own beliefs, not that he had many but that was why he held so tightly to the ones he did.

"Pardon." Thaïs' voice cut through the hot stare like a splash of icy water. Two sets of eyes, her brown and the Capt.'s blue, turned to the door where _Serenity's_ pilot stood awkwardly. "I'll come back later." She started to leave when Mal walked quickly to the door.

"No. I'm done here." He brushed past Thaïs never looking at either woman. Even though he was gone they could feel his anger like a third presence.

"Sorry, I didn't know…" Thaïs apologized moving slowly into the shuttle. Inara, her emotions firmly in check smiled graciously at Thaïs.

"Nonsense. The Capt. likes to drop in unannounced every once in a while." The Companion turned to light the three incense sticks set on the small table in front of the Buddha. "I suppose it makes him feel in control. Remind me of my status on _Serenity_. A tenant." There was no sign of the hurt in her voice or the smile she put on her face motioning Thaïs to take her usual place.

"He is a stubborn man." Thaïs agreed removing the black vest and laying it on the couch. She slipped the black cotton shirt over her head folding it on top of the vest before sitting on the couch to remove her tall boots.

"That's one word for it." Inara murmured kneeling before the table, the loose robe tucked under her legs. "You left the dining room in a hurry."

Thaïs set the boot aside standing slowly. "Yes."

Inara watched her unbutton the black trousers and waited patiently. She knew that was the reason Mal had charged in demanding to know what they were doing.

"I felt them." Thaïs replied. "All of them." Her fingers hooked on the waist of her trousers then pushed them over her hips and down her legs until she could step out of them. She left them folded on the couch padding barefoot to the table where she knelt.

"With a little more practice you'll be able to control those sensations." Inara reassured her. "In only a week you've come farther than I would expect. You are very disciplined."

"The Alliance didn't think so." Thaïs murmured settling into her position.

**Φ**

Jayne found himself spending time on his weights with a couple of their passengers. He found out Yuma and Raven weren't a couple like they'd been led to think by Robby. Those two were brother and sister, Zúlema wasn't married to any of the others either and Jayne found himself sorely tempted by the woman. He'd seen her a couple of times with the little Fang woman. Now that one was married and her husband wasn't far from her at any given time.

"Alright." Jayne set the dumbbell back in place and sat up. "Whose turn is it?"

"Let the runt go." Yuma shoved on Van's shoulder lightly. The kid turned around with a mock scowl though he eagerly took Jayne's place.

Gryph watched them from his perch on the steps leading up to the catwalk. They'd been on _Serenity_ almost three days and he'd only seen the little brunette twice since that first dinner. He'd managed to get the cheery mechanic talking, which wasn't that difficult though Kaylee had been reluctant to give out much information on the crew. She countered his questions with her own and somehow Gryph ended up talking to the red head about his home and the family he'd left behind. He smiled at the memory shaking his head when he heard footsteps above.

Gryph swiveled in his seat knowing it couldn't be the Capt. since he'd stomped out over two hours ago. His patience was rewarded and there, making her way along the cat walk was Thaïs. Oh yes, red gave him her name and that she was the ships pilot. Gryph couldn't hide the smile; she looked kinda young to be flying and wondered how she got the job. As usual she just walked past without glancing in their direction but at least he'd gotten to see her.

"Hawthorn." Rhyo's green eyes were hard as Gryph turned around. Noë glanced over their heads to where Thaïs had already disappeared then back to his friend as he approached. "Keep your eyes in your head. Dong ma?"

**Φ**

In the morning _Serenity_ would be landing on **_Kephas_**, they'd drop off their passengers who had been a little rowdy but caused no problems during their short stay. Mal had no complaints, unless it had to do with Thaïs. The girl still refused to eat with the rest of them and he had wondered how she was getting by, missing all the meals. He hadn't seen Kaylee sneaking any food out of the kitchen so his pilot had to be doing what the Tam's were forced to do. Eat before or after their passengers cleared out of the kitchen.

The kitchen was dark and quiet when she entered. Thaïs went straight to the cupboards taking down some canned fruit and a bag of granola she set them on the counter moving along to get something else she could take back to the bridge. Thaïs was glad to see the end of this particular trip come to an end. She was tired of sneaking into the kitchen, trying to avoid Capt. Reynolds and Simon just to make herself a snack. She just didn't feel ready to face all those new faces, especially in such small quarters.

"Kaylee left a plate in the cupboard to your left." the quiet voice startled Thaïs so that she jumped around. Her eyes scanned the dark dining area, one hand gripping the handle of a knife.

"Sorry." The dark figure cautiously stepped into the faint light overheard. "I didn't mean to startle you." The gray-blue eyes settled on Thaïs and letting out her pent up breath she slid the knife back into the sheath on her wrist.

"What are you doing up here?" her voice came out just as soft surprising him with the whisky tones.

"Uhm, I was- uh-." Gryph found it embarrassing; admitting he'd been skulking in the dark just sitting there on the off chance she would make an appearance. Thaïs scowled at the dark haired man, she could _feel_ him- the scent and it brought up a hot wave of anger.

"Get back to your bunk." She ordered, eyes flashing as she went around the counter.

"I just wanted to talk to you is all." Gryph said taken aback by her harsh tone.

"You just did." Thaïs retorted heading to the door she'd walked through a moment before. "Get back to your bunk before I call the Capt."

Gryph frowned at her short tone. He wasn't sure what exactly he'd done to make her angry, unless it was just the fact he'd snuck up to the kitchen when it was clear passengers weren't allowed anywhere other than the cargo hold without a proper escort.

"Wait." Gryph reached out a strong hand. As soon as he touched her he knew it was the wrong thing to do. He didn't want her afraid of him, didn't want her thinking he was a bad guy who liked to manhandle women or that he didn't know how to respect a woman. His mother had taught him better than that, it was just… he didn't want her leaving just yet.

Thaïs sucked in a sharp breath, her blood seemed to rush out of her head as his fingers circled her elbow.

"_Wode shen, you are real…" she breathed._

"_Yes. Come on." Apollo's hand on her elbow pulled her forward._

Thaïs reached across her chest, grabbed at the wrist and stepped around. She wasn't going to let him do it again. She wasn't going to just go, wasn't going to trust blindly. How stupid did he think her to try the same trick twice?

"Sor-." Her knee came up, sharp and quick. Gryph let out his breath hunching forward at the unexpected attack. Thaïs shoved at his shoulders knocking him onto the kitchen floor. She slipped the knife out of her wrist sheath and stood over the blond-.

'_Blond?'_ Thaïs straightened brow furrowed. _'It's not him.'_ The man had dark hair, not blond. Thaïs shook her head a little frightened of what she could have done. She moved back, hiding the knife in her hand still staring at the face of the stranger.

"Get to your bunk." She mumbled before running out of the kitchen and to the safety of the bridge.

"God, what did I do?" because it hadn't been Jace…

The violet eyes stared out into the black, silently waiting for someone to give her an answer.

Was she going crazy?

**Φ**


	14. Close Enough?

**14 Close Enough?**

**_Kephas_** was a busy planet at least their port. Thaïs pretty much had kept to the bridge the entire trip something Mal had noticed and unless the girl was closeted with Inara there was no point looking for the pilot anywhere else on his boat. Mal scowled, just the possibility that Inara and Thaïs were… she'd done it before, made him think she was servicing his crew but Simon hadn't been part of his crew, not then.

'_She could be doing it again. Making me think her and the girl are…could they?'_

"Sir?" Zoë stopped at his side, frowning slightly as she noticed his glare. Her dark eyes turned to survey the group preparing to disembark wondering what they had done to get Mal upset. "Problem?"

"Wha-No." Mal shook his head wiping the glare from his face and all thoughts of Inara from his mind. The woman was turning out to be more of a distraction than he'd thought. "Everything ready?"

"Yes, sir." Zoë followed him down the stairs to the cargo hold. "We can leave soon as our passengers are off. Shouldn't be more than four days to **_Juno_**, 'least that's what Thaïs said."

"Capt." Kaylee bounded up to the pair, a bright smile on her face. "Think I could go into town-."

"No." Mal walked past his suddenly confused mechanic and to the ten he would happily be rid of in just a few minutes.

"I just wanted to get some coils for _Serenity_." Kaylee pouted.

"Not here, sweetie." Zoë replied in a much friendlier tone.

"Capt. Reynolds." Noë smiled at the older man. He held out his hand and watched Mal for a moment wondering if he would leave him hanging.

"Mr. Rhyo." They shook though Mal still couldn't help thinking he was being had in some way.

"Thank you for the ride. We're mighty appreciative." Here Noë glanced at the others who nodded their thanks.

"No problem." And it wasn't so long as he got paid, after that it was none of Mal's business who they were or what they did.

"_We're cleared. Opening bay doors."_ Following Thaïs' voice on the comm. the double doors slid open with a loud swish of air and bright sunlight streamed in.

"Well, this is our stop." Noë grinned. He gave a jaunty salute as the others began to walk out of _Serenity._ He shouldered his duffel purposely bumping his friend on the way out to get his attention. Gryph shouldered his own duffel and waved goodbye to the little red head standing by the stairs. The blue-gray eyes lingered over the catwalk hoping to catch one last glimpse of Thaïs even though he knew she was sitting up in the bridge.

"Get a move on, nanháizi." Noë grumbled.

Gryph followed the others, glanced over his shoulder as the doors closed and wondered what had happened the night before. Did she try and bust every man's family jewels on first meeting them? Or had it just been him she didn't like? Maybe she didn't like strangers? Especially one's who grabbed her un-invited… either way it was very likely he'd never see her again but one thing he was sure of.

Gryph wouldn't forget the violet eyes staring down at him. He'd never seen a set like hers and he doubted he ever would.

**Φ**

"Take off, háizi." Mal ordered into the comm. He walked past Kaylee and Zoë without a word and up the stairs. He almost made it to the catwalk when Inara exited her shuttle and followed on his heels. "Not now." He threw over his shoulder but the Companion wasn't about to go away.

"Not now doesn't work for me Capt. Reynolds." Inara followed past the kitchen table careful to keep steady as the ship shuddered in preparation for takeoff. "You do realize I haven't been able to make any appointments in the past month."

"There a lack of paying customers?" Mal threw over his shoulder wanting to hurt her even if it was just words.

"You're erratic schedule hasn't allowed me to make any commitments." Inara stated in a calm tone though she was anything but.

"My schedule?" Mal turned around stepping back into the kitchen just as Inara was coming out. "I hav-."

Inara raised a hand to stop them from colliding, brown eyes looking up at him in sudden embarrassment at her clumsiness. She tried not to blush at their closeness, shifting her eyes lower on his face only to feel her breath come short when she stopped on his mouth.

Mal didn't let go of her shoulders, liking the warmth of her skin beneath the silk garments under his palms. It was like holding onto air the way she felt. He stepped closer, her name on his lips and suddenly he was thrown left. Inara let out a squeak of alarm, eyes going wide at the harsh impact of their bodies hitting the door frame and then the floor. She gasped in a breath feeling the groan reverberate through Mal's chest beneath her.

"Mal?" she questioned in concern as she shifted both hands from between them to push off the grates. "Mal, are you alright?"

"Peachy." He groaned feeling the metal grates imbedded in his back. He looked at the concerned eyes, looking down on him and smiled. He couldn't help feeling like he was… home. Both hands slipped around Inara's waist holding her in place.

"Mal…" Inara murmured but she didn't have the heart to move away. He was looking at her differently, looking at her the way a man looked at a woman, the way it was supposed to be.

For a moment she wasn't a Companion. She was just a beautiful woman…

**Φ**

Thaïs flinched at the order. She'd been busy staring after the small group they'd just dropped off and in particular trying to pick out the one from last night.

What in the verse had possessed her to attack him? A simple hand on her elbow had never made her react in such a way, not before.

'_Just another thing to pay them back for.'_ She scowled out the window and at the only figure who turned around to look at the ship. It had to be him.

Thaïs pulled on the stick lightly taking off. Another smooth lift off only she didn't account for the fool trying to land in the empty berth on the left.

"Son of a wu tui zhu! You stupid gorram chun ren!" Thaïs cursed managing not to collide with the lumbering Hyperion model transport. She took the comm. to call down to the docking office when a furious Jayne began cursing through the line.

"_What the gorram hell is going on up there? You caint fly this boat you better set down somewhere's-."_

"You think you can do better than me feel free to come up to the bridge, mu gou."

"_Bitch? Did you just-?"_

"Problem with your ears, Jayne? I'll tell Simon you need a checkup."

"_Aint my ears got a problem with its you flying like we're unbreakable."_

"Hey, I just avoided a crash and since when do you tell me how to fly? Last I heard you were the hired gun. Stick to what you're good at and let me do mine." Thaïs clicked off surprised the Capt. hadn't raised a comm. to yell at her.

'_Why isn't he yelling at me?'_ Thaïs wondered glancing over her shoulder at the empty deck. Breaking atmos Thaïs set the autopilot and hurried out of the bridge.

Two sets of eyes looked up freezing Thaïs on the top step of the bridge.

"Sorry." Her face flushed, embarrassed to witness the Capt. and Companion in such a compromising position. They hastily scrambled apart with Mal helping Inara to her feet.

"Real sorry." Thaïs muttered heading back into the bridge and half closing the door.

'_If he wasn't yelling at me before he sure as hell will now.'_ So she waited. She sat for what felt like forever facing out the window into the black wondering what she would say-.

'_Say? Why do I have to say anything? All I did was avoid some monkey fuck who can't fly and then catch the Capt. in a compromising position with Inara. I have nothing to apologize for.'_

So when Mal walked into the bridge Thaïs kept her mouth closed. Her silence only made him uncomfortable.

"We set a course?" he asked gruffly to break the awkward silence.

"Four days to **_Juno_**" She replied easily. It made Mal more uncomfortable wondering at what the girl was thinking. He scowled seeing her smile at him.

"Begorram gai si sha gua..."

"Everyone knows, Capt." she said ignoring his scowl. "You're just too stubborn to accept how you feel." And why she was even putting herself in the middle was beyond her. She shouldn't be sticking her nose in their business but couldn't help herself. "And do something about it."

"Do something?" Mal couldn't believe what he was hearing and from the most unlikely source of all. "Do something." He was angry. What did she expect him to do? "Something like what, háizi?"

Thaïs glanced at him, her eyes clearly saying he should know what to do but then the violet gaze roamed lower towards his nether regions, one dark eyebrow rising slightly before she faced out into the black again.

"She's got plenty of men." Mal retorted red faced.

"As her job requires." And for that Mal had nothing to say. "You're making excuses, keeping her as far from you because you're afraid of how you feel."

"What in diyu- you a reader now?" Mal scowled.

"No sir. I've just watched you all. But you're both just as stubborn." Thaïs frowned, knowing she was right about them both. What was the purpose of all that if they couldn't be together?

Mal turned half wanting to sit but not wanting to be in the same room with Thaïs. He turned back, headed out the door when her soft voice stopped him.

"A woman in love can wait a long time but even then forever is too long."

**Φ**

"_Fillion!" Thaïs turned around at the familiar voice. _

"_I'll catch up." She called over her shoulder to the cadets before heading back down the hall. "What are you up to?"_

"_Me?" Ahrens asked faking innocence. At her laugh he dropped the look and grabbed her arm pulling her along the hall the way they had come. "You ask too many questions. Did you know that?"_

"_If I don't ask how am I supposed to learn?" she retorted. "So are you going to tell me?"_

"_No." Ahrens replied easily. _

"_Come on." She tugged on his arm, making her goofy face. "You gotta tell me."_

"_Oh-ho, really?" but there was mischief in those blue eyes. "Still can't. Sorry."_

"_You're not sorry at all." Thaïs grumbled but it wasn't long before they reached her quarters._

"_Get dressed. You got ten minutes before I go in there and drag you out however it is you're dressed." Ahrens ordered. "Or not."_

"_Did you fail the vision test, Eli? I am dressed." Thaïs motioned to her uniform, the deep blue almost black with its silver trimming required attire for all cadets and Alliance personnel. Ahrens looked her over, a slight pull to his mouth._

"_Yeah, that's not going to fly." He crossed his arms and frowned. "Didn't I tell you not to call me Eli?"_

"_That's your name."_

"_Would you just get some clothes, Thaïs." Ahrens took her by the shoulders and turned her around._

"_Now who's using first names?" she smirked._

"_Nine minutes left." Ahrens warned. Both knew he was good as his word and Thaïs didn't feel like walking around in her skivvies or half dressed._

**Φ**

"_Do you know how many regulations we are breaking right now?" Seiji asked the trio._

"_You worry too much, Van." Ahrens said pushing another red drink at the younger cadet._

"_Leave off, Eli." Thaïs grinned. She could see Seiji was half drunk already. "One of us has to worry about the consequences and you're obviously too busy having fun to do that."_

"_Exactly." Seiji agreed taking another drink of his glass._

"_Alright, it's time for presents." Apollo stated bringing his arm over Thaïs' head as Seiji and Ahrens reached under the table for their parcels._

"_Really guys, I don't need presents. This," she looked around the colorful bar and at the music playing with a big smile on her face. "This is present enough. I haven't been out of Flight Academy since I arrived. Not that I couldn't sneak out on my own." She hastily added in case they thought she wasn't capable of getting out on her own. _

"_Yeah, yeah." Ahrens waved her excuses aside setting a large box in front of her. "Open mine first."_

"_Yesu, did you get her the whole store?" Seiji complained as the empty glasses collided with his full one._

"_Why, did you have the same plan?" Ahrens questioned with a grin._

"_Shut up you two." Apollo flicked a colorful little umbrella in their direction effectively getting their attention. Thaïs easily lifted off the top and set it by her chair. The silvery paper rustled as her fingers pushed it aside to reveal the black cloth. _

"_What…?" but she didn't finish her question as she lifted the long coat from the box. "Oh." The material was soft to the touch, the inside lined in black silk._

"_She likes it." Ahrens grinned giving himself a pat on the back. _

"_How can you tell?" Seiji questioned._

"_I love it! Thank you." Thaïs laughed unable to believe they'd give her something like that. She stood and slipped it on pleased that it didn't drag on the floor because of her height, or lack of._

"_Had it altered." Ahrens replied smugly._

"_Bet she likes mine better." Seiji retorted setting his box inside the one that had housed the coat._

"_We'll see."_

_Thaïs didn't bother to protest the gifts, not when she was liking them that much. It was her sixteenth birthday and she was spending it in some stuffy, upright and proper school away from her parents. She pushed thoughts of them out of her mind determined to enjoy herself and let her friends take her where they would. They were her family now, the ones she saw on a regular basis, the ones she talked to, the ones who watched over her._

"_Aah! You got it!" Thaïs exclaimed practically jumping in her excitement._

"_You wanted them didn't you?" for all his pretense of knowing his gift was better than anything the others could give her, Seiji had still been doubtful Thaïs would really like the gun belt. None of the cadets would have one like it that was for sure._

"_Yes I wanted it!" Thaïs grinned leaning across the table to drop a kiss on his cheek. "Wode shen, this is beautiful." _

_Apollo and Ahrens stared at Seiji in shock. They blinked trying to reconcile the image of Thaïs kissing Seiji with what they knew couldn't have happened._

_For her part she was busy buckling her new gun belt around her waist. She'd been panting after it for the past two weeks knowing she'd have to wait a little longer to get he credits together for the purchase and now she didn't have to._

_Suddenly Seiji's head dropped forward, the thud surprising them all._

"_Van?" Thaïs questioned leaning forward again. She glanced at Ahrens who was closer and the stocky cadet sighed, reached over and tapped his shoulder. All they got was a slight groan._

"_Ok. He's done." Apollo sighed getting to his feet. "Sorry Thaïs."_

"_What for? This was better than sneaking into Lahmis' quarters for who knows what sort of 'birthday' celebration." She frowned sharing a look with them. "I'd do this again without a seconds thought. Boys have more fun."_

_Apollo and Ahrens looked at each other then burst out laughing. _

"_Hey, about that fun…" Ahrens started looking over Thaïs' shoulder at the blond blowing him a kiss. "You don't mind…"_

_Thaïs and Apollo looked to the bar where the blond winked and couldn't help laughing._

"_Nope, I don't mind. Go have your own party, Eli." Thaïs patted his shoulder moving towards Seiji._

"_Be careful," Apollo warned. "And don't be late getting back."_

"_Sure thing, boss." But Ahrens was already halfway to his new love._

"_I swear between the two of you, I'm surprised there's any girls with their hearts intact." Thaïs commented slipping an arm under Seiji._

**Φ**

_It wasn't easy getting Seiji back into Flight Academy especially when he started belting out some bawdy tune his grandfather had taught him._

"_Shh. You're gonna get us caught." Thaïs hissed smacking him again._

"_You're gonna give him brain damage if you keep that up." Apollo grinned._

"_Better that than getting kicked out don't you think?" Thaïs retorted._

"_Right." Apollo grunted again as he lifted Seiji a little higher but Thaïs held his other arm making it difficult. "Here, I'll take him." He didn't wait for her protest as he bent and slung the unconscious cadet over his shoulder. Apollo stood, offered a perfunctory smile and continued to Seiji's quarters. Thaïs mumbled under her breath about show offs and what happened to them clearly being ignored by the sun god._

_At Seiji's quarters Apollo stepped aside and waited for Thaïs to open the door._

"_Now you want my help." She grumbled stepping in front of the number pad._

"_You're better with locks than I am." Apollo murmured shifting the dead weight on his shoulder. "Almost open?"_

"_Don't get your panties in a bunch." Thaïs murmured entering the last digits. The light flashed green and the swish of air as the door opened brought a smile to her face. "I know," Thaïs watched as Apollo dropped Seiji in his bunk without a word. "Still nice to hear it though." But Apollo just walked out into the hall silent. "Come on say it."_

"_You're prefect." Apollo grinned with a shake of his head. _

"_See, that wasn't so difficult." Thaïs headed down the hall towards her quarters with Apollo trailing after her. "I swear it's like pulling teeth to get you guys to admit a girl can do something better than you or even get a compliment."_

"_I give out compliments." Apollo frowned._

"_If it gets you something in return. Don't forget I heard the stories." And she had, mostly from his own mouth and just then he couldn't help but curse himself for a fool. The worst thing he could've done was tell her the truth about his little flings._

"_Yeah,"_

"_Don't worry. I only warn the girls I like but it's up to them if they want a broken heart. Can't stop them." Thaïs shrugged, pointing a finger at his horrified look and laughing. "Got you." _

"_That was… I'm starting to re-think giving you your present."_

"_You what? I get another one?" Thaïs asked all innocent smiles and well behaved. Apollo laughed softly at her innocent façade. Stopping at her door he sighed reaching into his pocket for the small box._

"_Uh-huh." Thaïs looked at the box warily remembering the time Simon had given her a small box, just like now. The snot nosed shit had said it was a surprise and it had been. She still couldn't stand those slimy little frogs…_

"_Open it." Apollo urged with another smile._

"_Aah-I… here. You do it." She shoved the little purple box into his chest expecting him to take it back but Apollo just gave her a curious look as he lifted the lid._

_Thaïs scrunched her eyes closed expecting another frog to jump at her but after a moment when there was no 'rrriiibbit' she opened one. Inside the white fluffy bed was a shiny something she couldn't make out one eyed. Opening both Thaïs watched as Apollo lifted out the golden sunburst by its chain._

_"Jace…"_

"_It's a sun." Apollo murmured. He took the chain undoing the clasp so he could place it around her neck. It felt cool on her skin, the little flames fanning out under her fingers. "Happy Birthday, Thaïs."_

**Φ**

"Sometimes a man can't let go." Thaïs murmured into the silent bridge. She wondered where their innocence had gone. Hers and the boys, her friends. It was good Seiji and Ahrens weren't there to see what had become of them. They wouldn't recognize her or Apollo and they sure as hell wouldn't trust them.

**Φ**

_I can't help but think that all of this has been a lie. Everything I've been told, all I've learned- what is it for? I'm just another weapon for them, for Hiyo._

**_Miranda_**_. _

_It all comes back to that and if it weren't for that I wouldn't have doubts. There are too many questions and doesn't that mean there is something wrong with what I'm doing? _

_What harm can they do now? What threat can they possibly be to the Alliance? _

_This is my job, my reason for being. If I don't do this I become the hunted, I will have turned from all I've known-. _

_I will have turned from the lies, the deceit…_

_This is what I do. I can't turn back now, I've come too far._

_Alliance__…_

_I am death. _

**Φ**


	15. Juno

**15 Juno **

_"We're locked and ready to disembark."_ Thaïs called through the comm. She looked out the window at the snowy scene. Cold wasn't one of her favorite temperatures but it couldn't be any worse than where she'd been. Staying in the ship was not an option, she'd been stuck in _Serenity_ far too long and Thaïs was determined to at least have a walk, even if there was snow.

Thaïs headed to her bunk needing to bundle up but once there she didn't feel like changing her comfortably already warm cargo pants. Grabbing her gun belt she buckled it on checking her guns and sliding a few clips into the side pockets before taking the army jacket off its hook and slipping on. Her eyes landed on the scarf Kaylee had given her a few weeks ago and on impulse took it on her way out.

She was trying to figure out how to wrap it when she met River and Kaylee in the kitchen.

"Here," Kaylee pulled on the bright red scarf. "Let me." her fingers deftly arranged the yarn, looping twice about Thaïs' head and tucking the ends inside the black jacket. She smiled brightly surveying her work. "Ok, let's go."

"Go?" Thaïs echoed looking from one bundled figure to the other.

"Yes, we're going into town." Kaylee answered. "River's been cooped up too long. Beside I need to get some coils and maybe I'll get lucky."

"Don't let Simon hear you." Thaïs muttered for some reason unhappy the two girls were going into town. She had been looking forward to going alone and there was that nagging thought maybe Capt. Reynolds had told them not to let her out of their sight. It was no secret Jayne had been set to follow them on **_Epsilom Prime_** for all the good that did her.

"Jayne's going with the Capt. and Zoë." Kaylee said a little softer. Then glancing at River she perked up again. "Besides, we got a list of supplies and not enough arms to carry all that back here. So, are you coming with us?"

Thaïs couldn't help hesitating, knowing she wanted to be alone and that they wouldn't let her. With a sigh Thaïs grumbled something unintelligible under her breath heading towards the cargo hold and _Serenity's_ exit.

* * *

The bar reminded Mal of River. The long stairway leading down to the main floor was almost exactly like the one the girl had flipped down like some super human acrobat. The screens flashed in bright colors and music played while they sat waiting for their drinks to arrive. He was glad River was nowhere around then he wondered if it made any difference since she hadn't been around the last time. Would the Alliance try the same trick again?

"Nae Ho." The trio looked up at the smiling face then to the drink the young man set in front of Zoë. She pointedly looked at the glass before settling a cold gaze on the pale face. One dark eyebrow rose, a clear warning to leave but the young man sat down as if he'd been invited. He settled his thin frame in the chair, raised his glass and drank never taking his blue eyes from Zoë's face.

"Don't remember inviting you for a sit down, friend." Mal leaned forward, both hands on the table as he looked over the young boy because he doubted the clean faced youngster was old enough to be in there.

"You didn't." the boy replied easily still smiling at Zoë. He didn't seem to mind her glare or the menace washing off her.

"We aint one's to play with, nanhaizi." Jayne cleared his throat, sat back in his chair resting his hand on his waist very near his hand gun.

"Only one I aim to play with…" and the boy winked at Zoë. Mal couldn't believe the balls on the nanhaizi. He'd never seen Zoë sit so still before, not when she was being offered such a good reason to fill some one with lead.

"Sick si, dong ma?" Zoë hissed unable to hold her tongue, the glare still in place. The young man didn't flinch, he didn't seem at all disturbed by her venomous reaction, if anything the smile widened.

"Capt." he tilted his head finally looking at Mal. "I got a friend for you." Hearing Jayne's snort he shifted to take in the mercenary. "You're a big fellow, doubt you'll need help finding your own friend." The fact he'd seen the mercenary making eyes with one of the female waitresses left him with no doubts. The blue eyes settled once again on Zoë. "Thinking we'll get on just fine." He slid the drink towards Zoë, a slim finger tapping the table. It drew Mal's eyes to the paper beneath the glass and he straightened imperceptively.

Zoë took the drink careful to keep the paper beneath the glass and set it in front of Mal. He didn't hesitate, grabbed the glass and downed the fiery liquid.

"We'll be moving on by morning." Mal replied as he set the glass down, the paper in his hand.

"Wonderful." The pale haired boy smiled at Mal, somehow able to tear his eyes away from Zoë, however briefly.

Jayne muttered under his breath about short trips when the nanhaizi spoke again.

"I'm not one for commitments…" the blue eyes leisurely made their way down Zoë's face to her chest and the smile on the boys face made even Mal grow hot under the collar. Clear as day he could see the lust in the boy's eyes.

"Hum lun, diu." Zoë snapped. She rose abruptly and stalked toward the exit. Mal was more than surprised to see his normally levelheaded, cool and composed lieutenant obviously upset by the whip of a boy before them. Jayne gave a soft whistle, his grin wide and pleased as Mal took in the nanhaizi's innocent expression.

"Something I said?" the blue eyes twinkled, a slight twitch to the unnaturally full lips.

* * *

Kaylee kept a careful eye on River and noticed that Thaïs made sure the young psychic was always between them. Kaylee chattered happily trying not to let on she knew Thaïs kept looking around or over her shoulder. The tenseness in her body and the thoughts of **_Epsilom Prime_** projected strongly to River who pulled ahead of the two women. Her eyes couldn't take in all the bright lights at once though she tried to.

**_Juno_** was nothing like the other planets and similar as well. There weren't as many people in the streets; a few vendors peddled spicy and sweet delicacies. One she knew Kaylee liked was just ahead obscured by a small crowd of people. River skipped forward intent on ordering her friend a serving when Thaïs' gloved hand latched onto her elbow.

The violet eyes Mal found disturbing locked onto River, her voice though soft was full of authority.

"Stay close, kiddo."

River nodded, a smile lighting her face as Thaïs' concern became clear. She lay a thin, cold hand on the pilots half gloved one.

"It's safe here."

Thaïs didn't miss the young girls meaning. She pulled away from River knowing the girl had read her thoughts, gleaned the fear she kept so far down the others didn't know, they just assumed Thaïs was heartless. She let them think what they wanted because it was easier than explaining…

"Thaïs, look!" Kaylee's chipper tone brought her head up, away from River's intent gaze. The red head waved, pointing to the perfectly heart shaped strawberries covered in a thin layer of chocolate. "Strawberries!"

Thaïs forced a smile onto her face and followed River. She couldn't help glancing over her shoulder again and there was another one. A tall man in a long rust colored coat. She'd seen various people walking around either in dirty brown jackets or coats. Some of better quality, the color rich and vibrant like the man passing Kaylee. No one seemed to notice, no one paid attention but Thaïs couldn't help feeling that something was going on.

_'Since when is brown the new black?'_

* * *

Inara waited patiently for her client to arrive. She'd made various appointments which would keep her on **_Juno_** for a couple of days. As usual Mal had been more than spiteful with his words. The distaste for her line of work crystal clear though Inara held it was legal unlike his preferred line of employment.

Kaylee had asked her once, if she'd give up her 'glamorous' life to be with Mal. At the time, Inara hadn't hesitated. She wouldn't give up her chosen profession for a man especially when said man held such a low opinion of her and made it vociferously clear.

A glorified whore. Inara couldn't help the half hearted chuckled that escaped her. That's what Mal thought of her and nothing she said or did would change his mind…he was just so stubborn.

Now, after everything that had happened, her time away from _Serenity_ and the events of **_Miranda_**, Inara couldn't be so sure her answer would be the same.

She loved Mal, loved him deeply but couldn't bring herself to admit it, not to him or any one else. She'd denied it for so long, pretended he was nothing more than the Capt. she rented a shuttle from…

_'I've been lying to myself too long.'_ Inara thought with a sigh. So long she had started to believe it was true but… the memory of Mal's body beneath hers, his hands warm and strong at her waist…she'd almost given in, almost thrown her life- the one she'd built for so long- away and for what? A single night in Mal's bunk? A fleeting memory that would fade with time of a night of passion… No. If he couldn't love her for who she was, in spite of her chosen profession then what hope was there for them?

Inara had begun to hope once more, hope that Mal would take that first step, say… something- anything really to let her know he at least cared for her not just as a friend. The closest she could remember him coming to admitting his feelings for her was when he told her she spun things around. Spun him around…

"I don't mean to…" Inara whispered to the empty shuttle.

* * *

"We're back!" Kaylee called in her cheerful tones as the trio trudged into the cargo hold of _Serenity_. River was smiling, feeling happier than she had in a long while. Thaïs was scowling, though she didn't let on why she was upset even with Kaylee insistently asking what was wrong. She left the box of coils and odds up in the engine room while the girls found Simon. There was no doubt in her mind they'd tell him all about her moodiness but Thaïs didn't care.

_'How could I not see it before?'_ she wondered taking the stairs into the bridge two at a time.

"Go-se." the cursed hissed past her lips finding no one there to answer her question or rather to confirm her suspicions. As she turned away, movement caught her attention. From the window Thaïs could see the Capt. returning with Jayne and Zoë. She wasted no time in heading towards the cargo hold again but halfway there stopped.

What was she going to ask Capt. Reynolds? What did she think he'd reply? With the truth? Ha! That was unlikely, not to mention he probably couldn't remember what that sounded like… Her next option would be Zoë but she was loyal to her Capt. Nothing would pass those lips without her Capt.'s approval… and Jayne, huh. Jayne was useless for anything but blowing up stuff or killing, he could do either of those without much need of thought.

Thaïs scowled, her leg kicking out at the pilot chair. She was being unfair in her description of the crew, they weren't so bad as she'd come to find, no matter what she'd been told but the nagging suspicion the crew was hiding more than she knew irked her.

_'What if they are working for the resistance?'_

What would she do?


	16. Charlie D

**16 Charlie D**

"Capt. Reynolds." Thaïs called once more into the comm. Mal heard and finally grumble awake cursing her insistence. "Capt. you have a wave."

"Erhm-uh." Mal cleared his throat. "Who's it?" He sat on the edge of his bunk scratching his head as his jaw cracked from the yawn. With watering eyes he listened to his pilot.

"Charlie Danaez. Business wave."

"Gimme a minute." Mal ordered lumbering to his feet as the duties of being captain settled on his shoulders once more. He started to dress when Thaïs' continued use of rank dawned on him. He hadn't noticed it before but then the girl didn't slip up too often. Of course her avoiding them might have something to with that and the fact he didn't know her that well either. He still couldn't trust she wasn't sent by the Alliance even if all she'd done so far was help them out. But lately… the girl had been growing cold and distant, more so than he thought normal. Mal was starting to feel like he needed to watch his feet as he walked a field of tall grass wary of poisonous snakes.

"Should I put it through, sir?" Mal scowled at the sound of 'sir'. Just proof she was doing it again, following protocol like she'd been instructed. It didn't matter Zoë called him sir, he knew her, trusted her with his life even…

"No. I'll be up in a minute."

"Yes, sir." Mal scowled again and headed to the hatch.

* * *

The steady tread of feet alerted Thaïs to the Capt.'s presence. She moved away from the view screen to reveal the pale faced young man from the bar in **_Juno_**.

_"Capt."_ Charlie smiled looking pleased; as if he were talking to an old friend he hadn't seen in a long while. _"Nice seeing you again."_

Mal heard the footsteps behind him and the look on Charlie's face turned to real pleasure. Mal couldn't help the sigh and slight hunching of his shoulders. _'Problems, that's all I ever get.'_

_"And your beautiful Amazon."_ He had the audacity to wink at Zoë who stood silent beside Mal.

"My pilot says you have business." Mal finally stated into the silence. Thaïs couldn't help but notice something off about their new 'Boss'.

_"Sure do." _Charlie tore his gaze away from the beauty of Mal's first mate a reluctant sigh passing the full lips._ "Heard you were the man to go to for this sort of job." _

"And that would be…?" Mal trailed off now crossing his arms, a sure sign he was loosing patience.

_"Olympia3."_

Thaïs knew the silence in the cabin was due to more than just mention of one of the outer Alliance planets. Its location wasn't exactly at the core but near enough to pose a very real danger to the crew on _'Serenity'_. A disbelieving smile lit up Mal's face. He looked over at Zoë who hadn't lost her glare, though now it seemed to shoot fire at the pale faced youth on the view screen.

_"There's a couple of goods I find I just have to have."_ Charlie added with a slight shrug. He looked completely at ease, almost bored by the conversation. It was a glaring difference from the two thieves's standing by Thaïs. _"I'll pay for your time and refuel your ship on top of you're pay for this job, Capt. Reynolds." _

"You can do that, can you." Mal stated. He couldn't help but think this was too good to be true. A flash of memory made him feel fidgety, Patience shooting at him, again. He wasn't looking for another double cross especially so close to Alliance ships and troops, not when they were being hunted down for that wave.

_"Surely can."_ Charlie replied easily. The blue eyes roamed over Zoë again, something she didn't miss or appreciate but she kept her tongue.

"Couldn't find any one else to take this job." Mal said as if making conversation. "Course it being on Alliance soil might've had something to do with it."

Charlie laughed, not at all bothered by the insinuation that he'd been looking to put _Serenity_ in dangerous waters.

_"That's right. Though I was hoping you'd take the job any way."_

Mal finally looked to Zoë. Though she didn't speak he could see the disapproval in her features. She knew he was weighing the dangers of taking the job and that made her uncomfortable.

_"I pay well Capt. and I don't deal in double cross." _Charlie assured as he reclined in his seat. Mal watched as he took a long thin blade and picked at his nails. _"Bad for business you know."_ There was no mistaking the serious tone though the youth looked as if he had no care in the world.

"How much are we talking about, Charlie?"

* * *

"Sir." Zoë followed him out of the bridge and down the metal hall. "Are we sure we want to go there?" her eyes expressed concern, both knowing exactly where **_Olympia3_** was located and what could happen there. The fact she didn't like Danaez didn't even occurred to Mal because Zoë never let personal feelings get in the way of her job. He trusted her.

"Pay's more than fair." Mal replied offhandedly.

"And the risk?" Zoë continued. "It's Alliance soil. We don't know what we'd be walking into."

He couldn't deny that fact nor could he deny that what Charlie Danaez was offering as payment was more than they'd been able to pull in, his boat was in need of drastic repairs even with Kaylee's mechanical genius. No, he had to find a way to pay and feed them all, especially Jayne, before he was in real danger of a mutiny.

"All I said was we'd let 'im know if it was possible." Mal replied but Zoë knew what that meant. She knew they were doing the job no matter what advice she gave or danger she warned him of.

"I'll review the info sir." Zoë headed back to the bridge where Thaïs was going through the job specs Danaez had sent them.

Mal heard her go, knew she'd do her best to keep him and the others alive. He just couldn't keep his family wanting any more, not when he had the opportunity to make things better. There was no denying the job was going to need more hands than he had and he couldn't trust it would go alright. With that in mind he headed down to the engine room and Kaylee. He needed his boat in top shape for this. He passed River sitting in the kitchen but neither said a word of greeting or acknowledgement of the other. There was no need when she could read his mind and know he was on a mission, just then.

Mal reached the engine room in record time and froze on the threshold. He heard it again and couldn't help flashing back to when he'd first hired Kaylee. Mal shuddered, his face going a shade of red.

"Kaylee!" his voice rose at the end of her name though he stayed were he was. The breathless giggles ceased immediately and that had Mal going another deeper shade of red. "Need you working on my boat not fooling around in there."

"Yes, Capt." Kaylee replied in a breathless voice. Her flushed face and tousled hair peeking over the left engine panel. Mal scowled and muttered a few choice words under his breath as Kaylee came around the engine tugging on her crooked shirt. Before he had time to form a reproach Simon's dark head peeked over the same engine panel. Mal's face turned into a scowl as he watched the doctor stride across the engine room in a very dignified manner. His hair was mussed; twin splashes of red staining his cheeks and a light sheen of perspiration on his skin. Simon's shirt was half out of his breeches though he gave no indication of being uncomfortable being caught with Kaylee, no doubt as to what had been going on in Mal's mind.

"Capt." Simon greeted as he steeped out into the ship. Mal turned back to Kaylee, his face bright red and clearly embarrassed at walking in on… them.

"Don't care how but this ship better be one hundred percent by the time we reach **_Olympia3_**. Dong ma?" Mal turned on his heel leaving his mechanic wide eyed and floundering for a response.

"**_Olympia3_**?" she echoed before turning to the comm. and calling up to the bridge for more information especially how long she had to get _Serenity_ in tip top shape for her Capt.

"At least a week." Thaïs replied hearing the colorful string of curses from the red head. She didn't bat an eye as she sat with Zoë studying the specs Danaez gave them. Even Thaïs could see it would be difficult to get done what with the warehouses on opposite ends of the compound.

Zoë was thinking the same thing and knew her Capt. would have to make a choice.

"Did you find something odd about Charlie?" Thaïs questioned. Zoë's brow furrowed, her brown eyes searching the childlike features of their pilot.

"Yes." Zoë replied clearly angry about something and Thaïs had a pretty good idea what got her in such a foul mood.

"You'd think Danaez was too young to be running such a big heist." Thaïs continued, her eyes flicking to the screen and the schematics before looking back at Zoë.

"Yes, I did." Zoë straightened, a prickling in her spine giving her a distinctly bad feeling. The slight smile tugging at Thaïs' dusky lips reminded her of the smile on Charlie's smug face.

"Been a little out of it have you, Zoë." Thaïs replied, the violets eyes twinkling in amusement. "It's the mouth and the slim frame." She answered turning back to the screen. "Not many men out there who're actually built that way unless they're sickly. Somehow, Charlie didn't look too sick to me."

"Go-se." and Zoë realized exactly what Thaïs had seen. Her eyes darkened, almost black in the faint light of the bridge. Somehow Thaïs had seen through the disguise much quicker than she and Zoë took another appraising look at their pilot.

"Think Capt.'s noticed?" Thaïs questioned offhandedly as she switched views. There was an amused twinkle in her eyes and light tone in her voice as she spoke. Zoë wondered in Mal actually had noticed their new 'Boss' was a woman disguised as a young man.


	17. Preparations

**17 Preparations**

The crew gathered in the kitchen, most sitting around the dining room table while Thaïs opted to stand by the counter, arms crossed as she waited for Mal to explain their next job. He began with the pay, an ungodly amount or so Jayne exclaimed looking very pleased. Thaïs noticed Kaylee looking nervous, her eyes darting to Simon every so often since she knew where they were heading. The bounty on the Tam's hadn't gone away, everyone knew it.

"**_Olympia3_**?" Simon echoed. His pale face took on some color when he saw Mal's look. The Capt. wasn't going to toss the job aside just for them, even if he did admit the Tam's were part of his crew now.

"I aint risking my boat on Alliance soil." Mal stated, his eyes locked with each member of his crew while Thaïs carefully assessed their reactions. Mal didn't seem to take note of her and that made her feel more comfortable around them all. As if she was just a bystander, watching from a distance instead of a participant. "Reason we'll be taking the shuttle. Far as I figure, this jobs only half possible with just three of us."

Jayne opened his mouth a finger pointing in Simon's direction, the calculating eyes already on River and what he knew she was capable of.

"No." Mal's voice brooked no argument. "Doc, you got a good brain." He complimented turning to Simon. "Make a great thief if'n it weren't for those honorable sentiments of yours." he shook his head a slight smile on his lips as he remembered the relentless training the young doctor had put them through and them not even having to use it. "No, you and River are still wanted. Need Kaylee here seeing to my ship… No, jobs easier with four." Mal stated with a nod. "I'll be taking our pilot."

"Shen me?" Thaïs straightened from her leaning pose on the counter, her eyes darkening to almost black.

"You'll be flying the shuttle." Mal confirmed with a pleased look on his face. Thaïs didn't find the situation amusing. All she had agreed to do was fly _'Serenity'_ and here he was drafting her person for some thieving.

"And who's flying _Serenity_?" she questioned, hands on her hips.

"I am." River piped up. Everyone turned their attention to the young girl sitting in the wooden chair, her bare feet tucked under the folds of her flower print dress. She smiled at them her eyes drifting to Thaïs. "Steel wings, bright in the black, glide silent." She murmured.

"Uh-huh." Mal agreed, his face not entirely reassured what with the nonsense River was babbling about. "You'll keep an eye on her…" He looked to Simon.

"Of course." The doctor agreed looking very calm. His eyes skimmed over River who smiled as if everything was normal. He couldn't help smiling back.

Mal turned to his pilot, noting the scowl on her young face and the hand resting on the butt of her gun. He turned serious, eyes narrowing as he faced her not at all comfortable with where her hand lay.

"Problem, Thaïs?" his voice, soft drew the other's attention.

"That would depend, Capt." Thaïs' tone of voice in stark contrast to her body language had Jayne shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm trying to see how stealing fits into my job description."

"Flying aint stealing." Jayne cut in. "And I don't see why we need her." He grouched to Mal, jabbing a finger towards Thaïs. The fact he'd have to split his share of the heist with her when all she'd be doing was sitting on her pretty little ass safe inside the ship.

"Because I said we do." Mal retorted scowling. "Now…"

**Φ**

Mal walked about his ship unable to get any rest what with thoughts of how things could go wrong on this job crowding his mind. When he did manage to settle his mind Inara's face would shatter the calm. The feel of her warm body over his, the scent of her hair… it all crowded in on him. Everything he wanted, needed was there, at his fingertips and all he had to do…was _'do something'_.

Mal hung his head, rested his arms on the rail overlooking the cargo hold. He just couldn't live with sharing his woman. He couldn't pretend Inara's profession didn't bother him, that every time he went into her shuttle he felt as if he were walking into some… some- there was no word for the feeling in his gut. Though he had plenty of words to demean her, embarrass her in front of the others, try and shame her for what she did.

And then she'd been gone. More than a year and all he could do was think about her. Miss hearing her voice, seeing the elegant way she carried herself around _Serenity_, that exotic scent of hers he couldn't quite figure out…

Mal pushed away from the rail looking about for something to do, somewhere to go. Anything to get thoughts of Inara out of his head, make the churning in his guts stop and his heart from aching with want of her.

The bright flicker of light in the shuttle drew his attention and so he walked up the set of stairs and into the darkened interior. The shadowed interior only broken by the welding taking place at the helm.

_'Thaïs.'_ Mal sighed.

**Φ**

Thaïs sat in the shuttle late in the night. She could hear the quiet, broken only by the settling of _Serenity_. Her creaks and groans soothing in their monotony as she worked on the circuit board. The Capt.'s silent feet didn't keep her from knowing he was standing in the dark watching her work. Thanks to the sessions with Inara it was much easier for her to control the urges in her body from the XORA. The Companion had warned those symptoms might never go away but Thaïs only cared about the present. So long as she didn't get overwhelmed with lust for one of their crew or some stranger she would put up with the after effects. Thaïs wondered again what Apollo had been thinking to give in to such a drug. What had gone so wrong with him that he could do something like that?

"You're working in the dark." Mal spoke quietly. He grabbed a light from the crate by the hatch and brought it over noticing the steady hands. A dark eyebrow rose, anyone else would have been startled to find him there.

"The stars give off plenty for me." she murmured never once looking away from her work. Mal didn't reply, just set the light on the arm of the pilot's seat adjusting it so her area was lit. He sat on a crate and watched her work, both enveloped by a comfortable silence.

He watched her absently loop a lock of ebony hair behind an ear and continue with the circuits. The thin streams of white smoke circling her head as he studied his pilot. He was thoughtful, noting the innocence she hid behind the tough demeanor. She was just another young woman…It suddenly struck him, why he kept falling into complacence with Thaïs. That familiar feeling, as if he'd known her before only it wasn't her he was thinking of.

It was Zoë.

In another life Thaïs could've been in the same position, could've made some of the same choices as his first mate. Who knew what sort of life Thaïs could've had only this young woman hadn't fought with the BrownCoats, she hadn't survived through countless battles watching young men die, kids really… And how different was she in truth? Alliance trained, Alliance bred but after **_Epsilom Prime_** …

Thaïs kept to her work unaware of the thoughts in Mal's head. She could almost pretend she was alone, did a good job of it until he spoke.

"You never said how you got in trouble back on **_Epsilom Prime._**" Mal noticed her hands go still. He waited but she continued to work in silence opting not to answer or even acknowledge he'd spoken. Mal sighed, one hand sliding through the mess of dark hair before looking at her again.

"Care to tell me now?" he asked with a little more authority in his voice. He didn't want to push but he also wanted to get some answers to the mystery of the girl sitting in his shuttle.

"Is that an order?" Thaïs set her tools down, violet eyes turning to Mal. He let out a frustrated breath straightening on his crate.

"Haizi, it don't have to be an order." He said with exasperation. Thaïs immediately went back to her circuits as if he'd never spoken and Mal scowled out of patience. "Gorramit, it's an order."

"I don't see how my personal life is your business Capt." Thaïs sighed setting the tools aside once more. "I do my job; both and follow orders." Her violet eyes were steady on his face. She has already told him one story and that was enough. Thaïs didn't want to tell more stories about her friends, especially not Jace Apollo.

"Really? Seems I just gave you an order." Mal retorted as he sat back and crossed his arms.

"That's none of your concern." Thaïs snapped. She set the panel aside and picked up another. She couldn't help comparing the Capt.'s behavior to that of an annoying child.

Mal scowled, knowing it wasn't entirely true. He dropped his arms and started with his reprimands.

"It is when you can't get to work-."

"I've more than made up for that Capt. Reynolds." Thaïs spat. She took a breath and stamped down the anger that was never far, forcing her voice to stay even. "I fly your ship. Maintenance when needed without being asked to help. I'm here; upgrading your circuits so there's a longer range to our comms. I was able to rig our codes so we can't get trapped planet side, they're set to re-program every five seconds making it practically impossible to get locked in here. The last thing I'm going to try and do is rig in some sort of gun on this tin bucket so we aren't completely defenseless. About the only thing getting in the way of 'my job' is your questioning me."

Mal could see she was upset, made him nervous seeing the anger in her eyes though her voice had kept its calm and even tone the entire time. She was firmly in control and that worried Mal. He ran his eyes over her face, his own features softening a bit with empathy or concern; he didn't care to think on it too much, feeling older than he was.

"You hold on too tight, haizi," He murmured. "and you'll break." They were both quiet, each looking at the other in the light of the single lamp. The soft glow was a little better than what Thaïs had been working under before he'd entered the shuttle and it cleared the shadows from her features leaving Mal to stare into the violet depths that seemed to shine like jewels.

"I just work here, Capt." Thaïs murmured finally looking down at her lap and the circuit board. "And you don't trust me."

Mal didn't deny, just drew a heavy breath as he stood. He wasn't about to tell her she was right or that he was having second thoughts. That maybe she wasn't the snake he thought her to be…

"You're on my boat." He said moving away from the helm. "Makes it my concern." He said over his shoulder as he walked out.

**Φ**

Jayne grumbled and complained about taking on Thaïs for the job but he didn't mind having the brunette help rig the shuttle for their use. He hadn't found much use for talking to her, or getting to know her not that anyone on the boat was allowed that much contact. Thaïs kept her distance, closed herself off from any conversations even at the dinner table. That didn't bother the Merc, not while he was eating any way.

Life on _Serenity_ had settled down some after the initial excitement of taking on Thaïs as pilot. After the Space Pirates and the little problem back on **_Epsilom Prime_** not much had happened. Little more than four months and this was the first Jayne was gonna see, or hope to at least, of any real danger and action. No matter what Mal said Jayne wasn't leaving without his grenades.

"Need a hand?" Thaïs offered. Jayne grunted, barely able to look over his shoulder as he tried to hook the safety harness on one of the seats he'd just bolted into place.

"Need the No9 and two washes." Thaïs reached into the tool box by her leg and brought over the items he requested. Seeing he had both hands occupied Thaïs looked at where they were needed. She sighed realizing her sudden fit of helpfulness was going to get her much closer to Jayne than she would like. Setting her shoulders and gritting her teeth Thaïs stepped onto the seat and grabbed the head bar to keep from falling down. Jayne's arm rubbed against her stomach as she set the washes in place. That freed his hands and quickly hopping down she handed him the wrench, never once looking at his face.

"Thanks." Jayne grunted but Thaïs only gave a nod and headed out of the shuttle. He didn't hear her exhalation or see the shudder that passed through her body.

River poked her head out of the helm a beaming smile on her face. Jayne saw the look and grumbled about lunatics and crazies as he secured the harness.

**Φ**

"How's the gun coming along?" Zoë asked passing by Thaïs on her way to the shuttle.

"River has it well in hand." Thaïs threw over her shoulder. "She's in the shuttle now."

Zoë watched their pilot go, her brow furrowed as she wondered what had Thaïs running away. She decided not to ask and lightly skipped the few steps up to the shuttle.

"Gorramit!" Jayne's voice carried to her ears and glancing over her shoulder Zoë realized what Thaïs had been avoiding.

"Loose a finger there, Jayne?" Zoë commented on her way to the helm. Jayne muttered a few choice words much to her amusement but continued to work.

River didn't look up from the designs she had splayed out on the floor. Her fingers moved from one sheet to another muttering calculations.

"You figure out where to put it?" Zoë asked from her spot just inside.

"The front works best though Thaïs thinks we'll need rear guns as well." River shook her head, her brow creased in thought. "I'll have to re-calculate and re-design to compensate for that."

"I'm sure you'll do fine, River." As long as they didn't get blown up Mal wouldn't care one way or another.

"It'll take time away from _Serenity_." She frowned.

"_Serenity_? I don't…" at her look River sat up, for the moment ignoring the sheets spread before her.

"We've been working on some cannons for _Serenity_. The defenses are obsolete, don't exist. Grenades won't help, just go boom. Gotta have guns mounted on the hull…" River's face scrunched and she turned back to the sheets, mumbling softly.

"Alright River." Zoë soothed turning to leave. "I'm sure they'll be fine." But would they?

**Φ**


	18. Plan of Action

**18 Plan of Action**

The shuttle flew in low, the crew of four clear on what their jobs were and how long they had before trouble was liable to find them.

Thaïs was wondering at how easily she seemed to take the Capt.'s orders and in such a short amount of time. He reminded her of the years in Flight Academy. 'Sir' just seemed natural even if she were about four months into her job on _Serenity_. That also brought a wave of annoyance considering her job description didn't include flying the getaway shuttle on their heists.

"Hope we aren't making this into a habit, Capt."

Mal, standing beside his pilot didn't take his eyes from the view admiring the easy feel, not a jar or shifting of the shuttle as Thaïs wove through the spires and towers of **_Olympia3_**.

"You signed up for pilot and I pay you to fly." He returned. The warehouses were visible from their angle and Mal could see there were plenty of buildings in their way. "Didn't make no distinction as to which boat you'd be flying."

"Catch-22." Thaïs grumbled setting down two building s over. "We're going to have to talk about this Capt. Reynolds."

"Not now, haizi. You and Jayne got work to do." Mal grinned, well pleased with his strategizing. The fact Thaïs hadn't picked up on the holes in her 'contract' when she was haggling Mal hadn't passed his notice. He'd played it to his benefit, knowing that keeping her near or near as was possible, was in his and his crew's best interest.

"I don't do stealing!" Thaïs called to his retreating back but he and Zoë hurried into the darkening day. "Go-se, figures I'd be chi sin enough to follow orders like some ruttin' moron…"

The shuttle lifted off veering to the right as it rose into the sky. Thaïs still grumbled about her 'orders'. On the one hand she had been trying to keep to herself, staying out of trouble or any one's way. Then Capt. Reynolds has her going in with Jayne to steal. Not exactly 'laying low' and though she grumbled and scowled Thaïs was feeling slightly exhilarated.

"What in gorram hell's wrong wi'you?" Jayne growled gripping the sides on the hatch leading into the helm.

"I'm aiding a theft." Thaïs snapped setting the shuttle down and entering the lock sequence.

"You get your head on this job, haizi. I ain-."

"Move." Thaïs shoved her palm into his chest, pushing on his sternum to get him out of the hatch as she headed towards the main door.

"Hey!"

"Move it, Jayne." The big mercenary gripped Vera, the urge to use her on the little woman stepping out into the late afternoon almost unbearable. He followed quickly, shifting his shoulders slightly to try and ease the ache in his chest from her push. His features were set in a scowl as they hurried to their warehouse. Jayne kept searching for the troops but no one yelled for them to halt.

Thaïs kept one hand on her side, fingers lightly on her gun. Alliance training had its benefits and there was no doubt in her mind that was one reason the Capt. had drafted her for their theft. The other being he didn't trust her, none of them did… Still, spending all that time with River- though it made Thaïs uncomfortable, it also reminded her why she'd loved going to the Tam's.

_'There's always something to do with those two and River… those doctors may have cut up her brain but that didn't take away from her intelligence.'_ Then again it hadn't served their purpose to make her into a vegetable.

"Cutting it close." A low voice griped. As one both Thaïs and Jayne aimed a barrel to the shaded overhang. The shadowed figure of a man slowly inched into the fading light, hands held up and away from his person.

"Who're you?" Jayne snarled. Thaïs noted he cut a pretty menacing figure, all big and bulky with his big gun…_ 'Boys and their toys.'_ She'd aid the same on many occasions to _them_ but that was long ago. _'Another life…'_

"Your contact, name's Mitsuru. Where's Capt. Reynolds?" he asked glancing around them to the empty street. The brown eyes took in the guns still aimed at his head admiring, then at the two thieves. Jayne didn't look too clean or that smart but Mitsuru shrugged it off. He'd been wrong before regarding a man's intelligence. He focused on Thaïs admiring the steady hand and professional bearing she presented. He noticed both wore cargo pants though hers, ash-gray looked well cared for and clean. Her black military jacket fit perfectly, with just enough room to move comfortably if there was a need. The long black locks were pulled up into a twist, a swatch of inky hair falling across her eyes.

_'Violet… Guess I lost my bet.'_ Mitsuru sighed. Loosing a bet wasn't so bad as admitting he'd been wrong about something.

"Contact?" Thaïs glared. "No one said anything about a contact."

"How do you think Charlie got the locations?" Mitsuru retorted. He began lowering his arms only to have Thaïs step forward, her gun in his face. The hands went up again though his annoyance showed. "I'm here to help and catch a ride back."

Thaïs didn't like what she was hearing, didn't like the sudden appearance of some stranger claiming he was there to help them steal and that he came from the 'Boss'.

"Catch- what the hell-!" Jayne exclaimed, his voice rising much to her annoyance.

"Shut up!" Thaïs hissed at Jayne. Glaring at Mitsuru she jammed her gun into his chest to make her point clear. "You so much as look cross eyed…trust and believe you'll be dead before you hit the ground."

Jayne heard the menace in her voice; somehow it managed to send a shiver down his spine. He spared her a glance, wondering if maybe there were someone else beside her but nope, it was only them three.

"Aah…feisty." Mitsuru grinned. Jayne frowned and couldn't help thinking the man was out of his mind to laugh off such a threat even from Thaïs. Apparently she had the same thought because she shoved the gun into Mitsuru again. "Ok." He grunted, both arms coming down and one hand rubbing at the sore spot. "We gotta move fast."

They watched him turn around and head to the warehouse doors.

"I aint goin' with 'im." Jayne declared in his most pigheaded manner. Thaïs didn't want to follow either but she had a job to do and a promise to keep because if that chi sin diu double crossed her…

"I'll be sure and tell Capt. Reynolds you weaseled out of the job." Thaïs threw over her shoulder.

"I aint weaslin- háizi!" Jayne called after her retreating back. With foul curses, he thought up in the heat of the moment, Jayne followed the pair. "Aint likin' this." He stated again.

"Neither do I." Thaïs agreed though she didn't stop or turn back. Mitsuru led them deeper into the warehouse, taking them one level down. They stood in the cargo lift, Jayne with his big gun across his chest, Thaïs keeping both hands on her hips gripping the guns and glaring at Mitsuru. He reclined against the shiny silver wall, whistling as if he hadn't a care in the world.

It made Jayne antsy, made Thaïs begin to strategize, her mind forming a possible escape route from what she remembered of the blueprints.

The lift stopped, the doors swished open and Mitsuru sauntered out as if he stole from the Alliance everyday without a problem. Then again who were they to say Mitsuru didn't do just that for Charlie?

"There it is." Mitsuru sighed, a pleased smile on his face. Both Thaïs and Jayne looked at the double stack of crates overwhelmed.

"How the hell we moving all that?" Jayne grumbled, glancing at Thaïs' small frame and the lanky thief.

_'I'm always doin the heavy liftin' on these jobs.'_ Jayne grumbled.

He moved towards the crates, shifting Vera to his back in order to carry a crate.

Thaïs followed, the violet gaze searching for someway to get all their intended cargo out of the warehouse in a single attempt. The crates rose a foot off the ground, Jayne giving a surprised grunt as he let the crate in his hands drop back onto the bottom ones.

Thaïs swiveled around, one gun aimed at Mitsuru smiling at his toy.

"I'll take that." With an annoyed huff Thaïs plucked the remote from his hands ignoring the protest. She clicked it a couple of times then slipped it in her pocket as the platform moved forward.

"That was mine." Mitsuru complained though he raised his hands again as she aimed the gun at his chest.

"You first." Jayne said. Mitsuru sighed and turned, walking towards the lift again. Jayne motioned Thaïs to go ahead as he fell in behind the crates. They made it to the lift without a problem or setting off an alarm. Thaïs kept her eyes on Mitsuru ignoring the grunt from Jayne who had trouble squeezing into the lift behind the crates. He glared, seeing the amused look on the mans face.

"Sick- si." Jayne muttered.

Before any blood could be spilled the doors swished opened again and Jayne stepped was able to get out. With Vera at the ready he stepped back and let Thaïs past. She motioned Mitsuru to the front, her gun holstered again as Jayne dropped to the rear of the hovering pallet.

Mitsuru leisurely strolled to their exit and it made Thaïs uncomfortable. She kept looking around waiting for guards in full gear to spring out of the side aisles, guns aimed at their heads…

From one of the side aisles a uniformed figure stepped out and behind her she could hear Jayne's curse as he ducked behind the crates.

"Son of a …" but it was too late, the guard saw her and Mitsuru.

"Halt." He barked coming forward. "State your business."

"Hey, look I'm trying to impress my lady friend here." Mitsuru motioned over his shoulder at Thaïs while maneuvering close to the guard. He made it seem as if all they'd been doing was looking for a little spot where they could enjoy some extra curricular activities. Thaïs wondered at how thick the guard had to be not to see right through the lie. The crates were in plain view.

"And the lift?" the guard glanced at Thaïs once more, his gloved hand reaching for the comm. on his shoulder. She drew her weapon a second after Mitsuru put his fist in the guards face. His head snapped back, his body slowly falling to the cold floor while Mitsuru took hold of the gun.

"Well, now I really can't come back." He sighed.

"Get him out of the way." Thaïs snapped grabbing the weapon from his hands. Jayne jumped out of the opposite aisle, Vera aimed and ready only to find he wasn't needed.

"Here." Thaïs tossed him the remote. "We'll catch up."

"Aint likin' this." Jayne grumbled though he left in a hurry with their part of the cargo.

"You know," Mitsuru began as he grabbed the guards feet. "He's gonna wake up. Make a lot of noise…"

Thaïs knew that. The guard had seen them, could describe them to his superiors… She stepped forward; gun holstered and shoved the BrownCoat aside. He dropped the feet and watched as Thaïs grabbed the helmeted head and viciously twisted. The bones cracked accompanied by a slight grunt of exertion from her.

"Move him out of the way." Thaïs ordered stepping aside. Mitsuru obeyed, watching her face but there was no emotion present.

"Remind me not to piss you off." He muttered.

* * *

"Sir-."

"Not now Zoë." Mal hushed with another look over his shoulder. He knew what she'd say, that they couldn't trust Thaïs wouldn't screw them over, that Jayne might be bought- which granted Mal kinda thought possible considering his past. Still, they were there and there was no room for second guessing at that point.

"Looks clear." Zoë replied. She kept her thoughts to herself and focused instead on getting the job done. She followed Mal into the warehouse, pointed him in the right direction and reached their cargo without mishap.

"Easy peasy." Mal muttered starting to feel as though the job was getting to be ridiculously easy. _'And nothing's ever this easy. Least not for us.'_

"Remote." Zoë handed him the slim metal case which he slipped in his pocket. She turned away, gun at the ready and moved out. Mal stuck to the back of the lift humming under his breath until they reached the main floor. Zoë didn't bother glancing at him knowing it was his nature.

When the lift doors opened again she kept her hand on her gun, eyes searching left and right until they reached the entrance. There she paused glancing behind her at Mal who had his back to her.

"Not a soul." Mal muttered feeling uneasy; he motioned Zoë to get going backing towards her. The late afternoon sun cast red streaks in the sky, the shadows growing larger with every breath but it made for good hiding.

_"Capt. its getting to be that time."_ Both Mal and Zoë jerked at the sound of her voice crackling through their communicators.

"Haizi," Mal grumbled. "You aint very quiet-. Where are you?" he searched the sky barely able to make out the sound of the shuttle.

_"A minute away." _

"Swing around back." The gray shape set down twenty yards away, dust flying up. Zoë dashed forward the lift a foot behind as Mal followed them into the shuttle.

"Everyone in?" Thaïs called from the cockpit.

"Who the hell is this?" Mal exclaimed. Zoë held her gun aimed at the lanky man in a dark brown duster with his arms up.

"Says he's our contact." Jayne grumbled while passing another strap over the crates he'd just finished stacking three high.

"Capt. Reynolds!" Thaïs called again as Jayne moved around to start on the new load.

"Take off." He ordered glaring at their extra passenger.

"Nice to meet you Capt." Mitsuru greeted lowering his hands only to put them back up as Zoë shoved her gun at him.

"Shit, how we fittin' all this in?" Jayne growled to Mal.

"There 'bout the same." Mal noted with a nod. "Start stackin' em. You," he waved at Mitsuru who warily set his arms down again. "Help with the packing." Mal ordered as he moved to the cockpit.

"Capt. if those crates-." Thaïs began only for him to cut off her protests.

"I know, but we aint got time to waste putting it all to rights back there." He glanced out to darkening sky, the last streaks of red fading to black fast. "Make it careful." He warned heading to the back to help with their load. "We're fragile creatures back here."

"Fragile." Thaïs scoffed at his back. "That ass doesn't look fragile. Friggin mule." She missed Mal's chuckle at her reference to Jayne but she did as ordered. The ride was smooth while they managed to get half their second load repacked and strapped down.

_"Identify yourself and state your route."_

"Son of a bi-." Thaïs bit the last off as she checked her controls. In blaring red it flashed at her. Some one had tried to put a land lock on them. Her screen showed two approaching shuttles and by their energy output Thaïs new there was no outrunning them. Or their guns.

"Capt.!" Thaïs turned to shout. "We got company!"

"What!"

"Alliance-."

"Hey-."

"What the hell are you doing up here?" Thaïs snapped but the BrownCoat ignored her as he took the Comm. "Hey-."

"What's all the fuss, nanhaizi?" Mitsuru asked as if he knew who was on the other end. Thaïs had her suspicions, what if this was her departure point?

_"Identify yourself and state your route."_

"You know my route. I just took off- look, I'm just hitching a ride. Bob asked me to drop off some forms and now you're trying to make me late." Mitsuru smiled genially at Thaïs who snatched the Comm. out of his hand. She sat stretching her leg to land a kick on the lanky moron.

"This is shuttle E853-H9. En-route to Hilo Docking bay." She glared at Mitsuru.

_"Shuttle E853-H9 you are to change course and set down."_

"Copy that." Thaïs answered. "You're gonna loose those fingers you stupid ruttin' diu! Get the hell out of my cockpit!" Thaïs shoved him out thanking Jayne who grabbed him from the back of his collar and out of her way.

"What is it?" Mal asked coming in behind her. He could see she was busily setting in their course for evasion.

"It's turning into a bumpy ride, Capt." Thaïs answered ignoring his presence.

"We got loose crates back there, haizi."

"I can always set down and let them board us. Somehow I don't think that's going to be your first choice." Thaïs replied.

"You're -." Mal didn't finish as Thaïs called a warning and the shuttle shot forward with a boost of power. It was nowhere near as fast as the Alliance cruiser on their tail but the back burn sent out a pretty cloud of black smoke.

Thaïs barely smiled, enjoying the beginning of their city chase. The sounds from the back of the shuttle, metal banging on metal and the curses from the inhabitants reached her ears loud and clear. She ignored them and their calls in order to get them out of range when a stunner dart shattered the outside wall of the building on her starboard.

The loud explosion had more curses floating towards her as the shuttle shuddered.

"Are we hit?" Mal yelled sounding out of breath.

"No!" Thaïs yelled then executed a barrel roll with ease though she ended in the path of another Alliance Patrol. Gritting her teeth and cursing the constant distractions from the crew she dove into the traffic of the city banking sharp corners around buildings.

Behind, Mal struggled to get into the cockpit while Thaïs was annoyed to find one Patrol doggedly sticking to her rear. In a sudden bought of inspiration Thaïs pulled up into the path of a lumbering transport coming around to land. The sudden move tossed Mal back into the cargo area. The Alliance Patrol couldn't see it was on a crash heading being blocked by _Serenity's_ shuttle. Thaïs rolled left and shot up heading into atmos while below there was a low rumble, and a satisfied smile lit her face.

The repeated commands from the comm. for her to turn back and land went ignored. She turned it off knowing they wouldn't waste time in setting a cruiser after them.

_'It's more fun than I've had since Flight Academy.'_ She thought. Her hands nimbly typed in the codes before flicking the release switch above her head and releasing four false beacons.

"Thaïs!" Mal's voice rose on the last vowel and then he appeared in the arch, red faced and struggling to stay upright.

"We're in the black, Capt. I'll have to contact _Serenity_ for an early pick up considering our sudden-."

"Call 'em now. Zoë's hurt." Mal snapped and went back to help Jayne and the BrownCoat dig her out from under the crates.


	19. Oh My

**19 Oh My…**

_Serenity_ floated through space ever silent in the black. The skeleton crew left behind all went about the ship mostly silent. Worry was foremost on their minds and even in the bridge River could feel it. The emotions drifted to her through _Serenity…_

Kaylee working in the engine room trying not to think too much about Zoë and Mal on a planet full of Alliance soldiers…

Simon was in his infirmary wondering when their luck would run out. When Mal would get them killed or caught? What would River do without him?

"Grown ups are dumb." River murmured to _Serenity_ though she knew her brother had good reason to worry.

_"…Shu…e E8…X9 c..e in …enity. This i…hutt….85..X9 hail…..eren…. Ca….u he….e? We n… immed…. Ret…val. Do y…..py? Se…ity, w….ed im…iate re…eval. Co.. in, Se..nity…"_

River leaned into the comm., her ear tilted towards the transmission coming through. It was full of static and chopped up words, half of it barely sounded like English.

"Trouble…" River murmured.

* * *

Thaïs tried again to raise _Serenity_ at the same time using the reserve in the coils for more speed. It wasn't enough to get them to the ship but it was cutting their time in half. Time Zoë could use.

Mal and Jayne had settled her on the crates, making sure she stayed as straight and still as possible. Mal had even draped his coat over the prone woman lying unconscious.

"Shuttle E853-X9 come in _Serenity_. This is shuttle E853-X9 hailing _Serenity_. Can you hear me? We need immediate retrieval. Do you copy? _Serenity_, we need immediate retrieval. Come in, _Serenity_…" Thaïs sighed setting the comm. back in its cradle.

"What's our status?" Mal asked from the back.

"Too far out." Thaïs replied with a glance over her shoulder.

"Get this frigging boat moving!" Mal snapped taking a step into the cockpit. "And get my gorram ship to pick us up."

"We are too far out." Thaïs replied striving for patience. "_Serenity_ isn't picking up our transmission-."

"I don't recall making this an option. You fly my boat. Now get me to it." Mal snarled leaning towards his pilot.

"Xie-xie, Capt. Reynolds." Thaïs replied in a soft voice. Mal ignored the lump forming in the pit of his stomach, ignored the blank expression on the girls face and headed back to Zoë.

* * *

_"Simon."_ River's voice echoed through _Serenity_. He reached over head to the comm.

"Yes, mei-mei."

_"Zoë's going to need your help."_

Her words had Simon straightening in the metal stool. She knew her brother's next question before he asked it but all River had to do was remind Simon of his position on the boat. He wanted specifics, she couldn't give him any, not ones that made sense to his clear mind and it only frustrated River.

He left her alone, paced the med-lab, checked and re-checked to see if he'd overlooked something. He wondered what had gone wrong, what had Mal done this time but it didn't matter. Anything the man took on tended to hurt him or someone close to him.

It was up to Simon to make sure this time it wasn't permanent.

* * *

Pain. It was all she felt, a terrible tearing inside her body and it filled Zoë with terrifying fear. Her mind tried to figure out what had happened, what had broken all the while shying from thoughts of how much she had to loose.

_'I shouldn't have been here.'_

But it was too late to whine about her choices. All of it, everything had been a choice she'd made, her choice and whatever came of them in the future all Zoë could do was accept. That would be the hardest part if what she feared most came true.

All around, Zoë heard their voices. They were panicked and shouting, the words blending together and still she didn't open her eyes. The vibrations around her body only added to the pain but she kept her jaw clenched, the groans were choked back and then there was blessed peace. It was as though she'd been enveloped in cotton. Zoë felt as though she floated through a starry night in an endless sky, all peace and quiet with just the memories of Wash to keep her company.

* * *

"Doc!" Mal yelled from the shuttle door. He dashed to the railing almost going over the side as he called for Simon. The good Doctor was already sprinting up the stairs, his med kit in hand.

"What happened?" Simon called from the second landing.

"Fancy flying." Mal snapped heading back into the shuttle. "Get on the bridge and get us out of here." He ordered Thaïs. She glared at him, not appreciating being blamed for the accident.

"You might want to strap down anything else that might get tossed about with my 'fancy flying'." Thaïs replied with a slightly raised brow.

"Maybe I should go with-."

Thaïs turned swiftly, her arm raised and Mitsuru not expecting the attack met the metal side of the archway. His head rebounded, the echo loud in the sudden silence. Mal watched as the BrownCoat slowly crumpled, his body thudding to the shuttle ground.

Thaïs eyed the unconscious man and sure that he wasn't going to get up she brushed past Mal stepping aside as Simon entered. His eyes went straight to Zoë, laid out on the crates and held as still as possible by Jayne. He checked her pulse first and found it too slow, tearing open his kit he administered a sedative and though he didn't want to move her there was no way Simon could treat Zoë in the shuttle.

"I need to get her in the infirmary." Simon turned to Mal, his eyes skimmed over the fallen man. Símon looked questioningly at Mal.

"Our contact." Mal replied distractedly. Both men looked at Jayne, his big frame still holding onto Vera. The unconscious man at their feet was forgotten.

"Jayne." Mal moved to take Vera from him causing the big mercenary to latch onto her and take a step back.

"We need you to carry Zoë." Simon explained. "Don't jostle her, be _very_ careful." He eyed Jayne who grudgingly handed over Vera. Very gingerly Jayne placed his arms under Zoë and lifted her easily.

"She may have internal injuries and I don't want to aggravate those." Simon warned.

Jayne grumbled something intelligible carefully stepping out of the shuttle and onto the catwalk with his delicate burden.

* * *

Thaïs ran up the steps and into the bridge. She found River sitting on the left, her bare feet tucked under her on the pilot chair.

"They worked." Thaïs noted slipping into her seat and flipping switches left and right.

"I heard you." River murmured, her face turned towards the stars, dark strands falling over her shoulder. Thaïs' brow furrowed trying to work out what she meant but almost nothing the girl said made sense.

"You hear anyone else?" Thaïs asked instead. It would be nice to know if they'd have a tail but for the moment getting out of the immediate area was priority. She pulled back on the stick and though they'd tweaked the inertial dampeners on _Serenity_ the sudden rush of speed was felt. Thaïs gave a brief thought to the others and hoped none of them had been standing in a place where they could get hurt. All she needed was for Mal to blame her for another one of his crew being incapacitated.

Would Zoë be alright?

Thaïs felt just a little guilty, though she couldn't be held totally responsible. The crates hadn't been strapped down; it wasn't her job to get them secured. All she'd done was get them out.

_'And hurt Zoë.'_

"They'll be ok." River assured. She offered a smile, her eyes just a little glazed which only made Thaïs less inclined to believe her. There was a lot Thaïs had trouble believing from River but the girl was always right. Was it so terrible to take what River offered?

Thaïs wondered again what to do if and when the crew of _Serenity_ joined the rebellion. She had no doubt that Capt. Reynolds would hedge, he'd hesitate but in the end Thaïs didn't doubt he'd join. Somewhere deep down in his being, Mal still believed in doing the right thing. He still wanted the Alliance gone.

_'Do I?'_

* * *

_"There's resistance." _

_"Ever since that damn wave." Apollo growled. He hovered over the crowd, protesters out on the street hemmed in by ground police. "We're friggin sitters."_

_"At least we're in the air." Thaïs replied though for her it was different. She didn't enjoy it as much and Apollo… he was angry. Lahmis had enough of his bad humor, she'd left him for good and so far none of the other fourth years wanted anything to do with the Sun God. Nor were many third years brave enough to approach him._

_"For all the good it does." Apollo snapped. Below them some of the protesters surged forward, tossing whatever was in their hands. The police force was overtaken, he saw one of them trampled and then they started fighting back. _

_"They're shooting." Thaïs exclaimed._

_"Self defense." Apollo said harshly. He did that a lot, to her, to anyone that didn't outrank them. Thaïs didn't let herself think of his apologies. None of them mattered when Apollo continued with the same behavior. _

"Fighter KL-9er. You are ordered to provide assistance."

_"This is KL-9er. Copy that." Apollo answered. _

_"NO." Thaïs exclaimed as he maneuvered around to the back of the crowd. "Apollo they aren't armed-."_

_"I've got my orders." He snapped back._

"Fighter HE-2. You are ordered to fire on the protesters."

_Thaïs couldn't believe she was being ordered to fire on the people below them. Apollo was all for it, he was positioned and his guns were armed._

"Fighter HE-2. Do you copy?"

_"They-."_

_"You have orders, Fillion. Follow through!" Apollo snapped._

_"But they aren't-."_

"Fighter HE-2. Do you copy? You're orders are to fire."

_"Thaïs, we're on guard duties. You don't follow your orders there's nothing else left." Apollo warned. _

* * *

Simon took a deep breath, surprise then anger washed through him but neither emotion was going to help him or Zoë. He could feel Mal's eyes on his back; thankfully neither one of them was in the infirmary. Jayne had dragged in the BrownCoat, unconscious he wasn't in the way but Mal had a tendency to threaten when he was worried. Mal definitely worried about Zoë. The woman had been through too much with him for the Capt. to ignore her well being. Simon hoped Mal would think about that when he told him the news.

_'Why lie to me?'_

He'd asked repeatedly, hadn't she trusted him to keep quiet?

* * *

Mal paced outside the infirmary. He was working out in his head other scenarios, things he could've done to prevent any of them from being hurt but it wasn't changing what was. He couldn't change it and it made him feel useless.

It wasn't the first time Zoë was hurt, she'd been shot plenty of times, they had been close to getting blown up more times than he could remember…

_'This is different.'_

It was different because he'd given the order for the girl to fly. He told her to go knowing full well half their cargo wasn't secure but Mal hadn't thought- he just didn't think….

The Infirmary doors swished open and Simon stepped out, he wasn't surprised to see Kaylee, River and even Jayne waiting to find out about Zoë. The big mercenary had been very careful, surprising the Doc by his gentle handling of the Capt.'s first mate.

Now Simon looked around not at all comfortable with the news he was going to impart. By all rights it was Zoë who should hear it first and then decide whom to tell. But she wasn't in any condition to be making those decisions right now and Simon knew he couldn't trust her to make the right one.

"Capt.-."

"Will she be alright?" Mal asked with a half step towards the doctor. Simon blinked, nodded then took a breath and tried again.

"Yes, she'll recover but there- is something- else…"

Mal waited growing impatient with Simon's halting speech. His hands clenched in reflex, something the doctor didn't notice but usually happened whenever Mal was talking to Simon. The Doc just tended to rub him the wrong way with his speech. All citified as Jayne would say.

"What." Mal said gruffly.

"Zoë will need bed rest." Simon finally said.

"Ok. Then…" Mal's eyes wandered as he tried to think.

"I'll watch her." Kaylee piped up. "Keep her company and-."

"You'll be minding my boat." Mal said turning to her. "But you can sit with Zoë on your own time." He smiled to take out the sting of his words, grateful and not surprised. His mechanic was always willing to help anyone.

"Capt. Reynolds…" Simon hesitated, not sure he was the one who should be giving the news but he was the doctor and Zoë probably wouldn't…

"Is she going to be alright or not Doc? Make up your mind-."

"She will, as long as she stays on bed rest and… well, she may have to refrain from her other duties as well. At least for the next few months…" Simon dropped his head slightly, his tone clearly implying there was more than what he'd just said.

"Months?" Mal echoed, his brow furrowing. "Why?" he was suddenly very wary, not at all liking the doc's tone or look.

"Zoë is expecting a child."

Silence.

It only lasted a second before Jayne let out an exclamation of surprise. Kaylee's questions mixed with River's delight now that she wasn't the only one who knew about the baby.

"Pregnant." Mal said. He was shocked, maybe a little angry because he hadn't been told but did he have a right to know about Zoë's personal life? He was only the Capt., the crew didn't owe him any explanations so long as what they did didn't involve the Alliance or trouble for his boat. But Zoë…

"Pregnant." Mal repeated.

"Yes, she's still in her first trimester- we're lucky this hasn't caused her to abort the fetus." Simon droned on using medical jargon Mal didn't understand nor cared to.

It seemed all he heard was that his first mate was having a baby. A baby.

"Who- I mean… who…?" Mal asked now crossing his arms, uncrossing then crossing them again as he tried not to fidget.

"Mm, pardon?" Simon's raised eyebrows only annoyed Mal who thought the doc was much too naïve about some things. The simplest things usually.

"Wash." River answered finishing a graceful twirl. She smiled at them, her large eyes bright and smiling. "They'll have their baby now. "

* * *

At first the light was difficult to process, it hurt her eyes and she turned her head away. Still, it burned behind her closed eye lids. She groaned.

"You in pain?"

Zoë turned to the voice, her eyes opening just a crack as the light pierced her retinas.

"Capt.?" The sound of her voice surprised her, too rough and low- not at all her normal tone.

"You were expecting some Alliance goon?" Mal asked moving to stand at her bed side.

Zoë closed her eyes again, breathing deeply. Her body felt light as a feather and it worried her.

"What happened?" she asked trying to make her voice sound more like her normal tones. It still came out raspy but not as bad.

"Crates fell on you." Mal replied quietly. He shifted or rather she heard him shift and then there was a gentle weight on her arm. It was warm and Zoë realized she wasn't exactly cold but close to it.

"You took some bruising- Doc says you'll be fine." There was something else, something in Mal's tone that made Zoë crack her eyes open again. She squinted trying to make him out in the suddenly bright infirmary.

"No harm done, 'least none can't be fixed. You're going to have to take it easy." Mal kept his gaze on her, his eyes steady while Zoë blinked, her brow wrinkling. "Nine months and then you'll be taking care of that baby."

Zoë didn't blink. There was a flash of awareness behind the suddenly shuttered eyes. She tried to keep her expression blank but it wasn't easy to hide the worry.

"Simon says everything looks okay. He wants to keep you on bed rest for a while. Cant blame him- hell, I wouldn't have-."

"No." Zoë cut in.

Mal clenched his jaw, stubbornly refusing to show the depth of emotions swirling around inside of him. Throughout the war, out of all the men that served with him, the men in his unit, all of them dead- all of them except for Zoë. He'd never understood why, why was she the only to survive, why she followed him, why she didn't hesitate to follow through on any one of his orders. Why?

"You're relieved of duty until further notice." Mal said in a gruff voice. He pressed his lips together giving Zoë a slight nod before he walked out of the infirmary.

Zoë closed her eyes again, both hands cupping over their sleeping child, safely growing inside her.

_'Baby… our child, Wash…'_

The heaviness settled over her again, this time it molded itself around the pictures in her head, images of Wash and her on some planet laughing while their child played…


	20. DustDevil's

**20 Dust-Devils**

"Egh!" Zulema made a face, hands itching to reach under her clothes. "I've got dirt in places I didn't think _could_ get dirt."

"Just proves you're one éyìde gūniang." Keiffer smirked, waggling sandy blond eyebrows at her.

"An experience you won't have." Zulema returned.

They were all scattered about the cave waiting out the sudden sand storm common to the **_Pizpah_** moon they were currently stationed. It was hot, the sun was always boring down on their heads and as far as they could see the brownish red terrain stretched out without a break until the next mound of rocks barely called 'mountains'. It was enough to drive anyone insane and with ten adults tempers were getting short.

"You think we'll be posting at **_New Melbourne_** sometime?" Vahn looked hopefully at Noë. It was no secret the younger of the DirtDevils had a preference for the cooler planets, especially when there were large bodies of water to take a swim in. Just then Vahn wasn't the only hopeful and Noë wished he could give them a yes because he would've liked nothing better than to take a long swim.

"We have work to do and not enough time to get it done." Noë snapped setting his features into a scowl. "You can look forward to a swim when everything's said and done. Right now focus on staying alive and doing your job well."

Noë moved to the corner nearest the cave's second entrance and dropped onto the sandy floor. A moment later Gryph approached with a flask and pouch of dried fruits he liked to chew on. He offered some handing the flask down and sat at the other side.

"Any word on departure?" Gryph asked quietly. Noë let out a breath picking through the dried fruit until he came up with a yellowed piece.

"Soon as this lets up." He answered in the same quiet tone. "You'll be happy."

Gryph turned his head toward Noë, lazily raising an inky eyebrow.

"**_Zion_**." Noë knew his friend well and the slow smile that appeared on his face was no surprise.

"What are we flying?" Gryph would prefer the sleek new models the Alliance was handing out to the pilots fresh out of Flight Academy but he wasn't hoping for a miracle.

"No idea. You're the one with the know how so you'll be leading the squad in **_Zion_**. Good luck." Noë scoffed letting himself relax against the warm stone. "Diego won't be happy up there, not if he's looking out the window. You can be sure Yuma's gonna leave something behind every trip." He made a face and Gryph didn't envy the big man his weak stomach.

"No one is cleaning up after him." Gryph assured chuckling at the picture in his head of Yuma cleaning up his own mess and only making it worse. "Maybe Fang can give him a tea or something. She's gotta have a miracle in that bag of hers for Yuma."

"Don't hurt to ask." Noë shrugged. He was looking forward to getting off the damn moon and into a shower. Being clean had never seemed like such a far off dream as it had during the month long stay. Clean clothes and a daily shower would be a luxury, one he wasn't going to complain about.

"Hey," Noë suddenly called stretching out his leg to nudge Gryph's boot. "You still moonin' over that gūniang?"

"What girl?" Gryph asked. He didn't want to admit he'd been wondering how long it would be before they bumped into each other even though it was a pretty big universe.

"What girl, ha." Noë scoffed. "You know the one. Violet eyes and a temper the devil wouldn't find amusing." He retorted remembering what his friend had told him. Gryph was lucky she didn't skewer his nuts to the deck that night.

"Told you, she wasn't thinking." Gryph repeated. "Her body reacted, same as any of us."

"You forgetting we're training our bodies for that sort of reaction?" Noë asked shaking his head at Gryph's blindness. "Still say there's something else going on with that one."

"Uh- huh."

* * *

_"And she looks normal." Mitsuru eyed the BrownCoat, his expression clearly disbelieving. "No way."_

_"Violet." Gryph repeated with a slow smile._

_"No one has violet eyes." Mitsuru denied with a vehement shake of his head._

_"You're gonna loose this one." Ishira commented tossing his cards on the table and sitting back._

_"You seen 'er? This fem with the eyes- how'd you say it?" Mitsuru asked turning to Gryph who just shrugged. He wasn't about to repeat what he'd said about Thaïs' eyes, not unless it was to her because he wasn't about to go through another round of ribbing from his squad._

_"He's smart enough not to repeat the same mistakes twice, Mit." Ishira chuckled._

_"Tell ya what." Mitsuru set his cards on the table and leaned towards Gryph. "I got me a job in the general area of this fem. What say we make us a wager?"_

_"How much are you going to give me?" Gryph asked grinning._

_"Ha! Give me…" Mitsuru laughed again shaking his head in amusement. The BrownCoat had to be missing some screws…_

_

* * *

_

Talus waited patiently for the report regarding his special group of DustDevils. So far they'd done well with what they'd been provided with. Nothing as fancy as what the Alliance would give those fresh cadets out their Academies but it was enough to start. Their rebellion would begin and only the death of every BrownCoat would stop the coming war. This time no BrownCoat was giving up until every Alliance member was dead or dying. They couldn't afford to give quarter and Talus wasn't at all bothered by the mass murders in his future.

The DustDevils had been a force to reckon with during the Unification War, so much the Alliance was still hunting them down. But this war, this time the DustDevils would be feared, they'd die to complete a mission, never give up until their goal was reached.

DustDevils…

* * *

_"Get it in gear, Yuma."_ Gryph ordered as the DustDevil missed his mark yet again. They'd been going all day and while the rest had been sent down Gryph wasn't giving Yuma a break.

_"I'm gonna puke!"_ Yuma warned.

_"I'm not the one who has to smell it."_ Gryph retorted making another pass at their target. _"Lock it in and take the target because we're staying up here until we have nothing left but fumes."_

_"Damn j__ī__ngshénbing. I hate flying!"_ Yuma hollered as once more he missed the perfect target, all lit and lonely just sitting there, waiting to get blown up.

_"I had a feeling it was going to be a long day."_ Gryph sighed. _"So I packed me a snack."_

_"No."_ Yuma groaned feeling his stomach begin to rumble even with the stench of his own meal drying on his lap.

_"Come on, Hawthorn."_ Noë's voice whistled through the comm. with a lot of static. _"Its time to land those birds. We can't afford to bust them this early in the training and the mech tells me you've gone way over the allotted time for those engines."_

_"They can take a little more-."_

_"Sorry. 'Fraid you're gonna have to come down from them clouds. Orders."_

Gryph cursed under his breath but he followed orders. He consoled himself with the knowledge that Yuma still had to clean out his bird and nobody was going to help him.

_"Guess I'll be eating dinner instead of my snack."_ Gryph said conversationally as he landed.

* * *

They'd been a month and Yuma was still the weakest fighter on their squad. He got sick, missed the targets thirty percent of the time and almost always had to be re-directed… the DustDevil was not made to fly.

"Face it." Vahn stated. "He can't do it."

"I aint taking him up with me." Keiff stated right away. The others were shaking their heads as well and Yuma wasn't arguing with any of them.

"Sorry mate, but…" Zulema trailed off.

"You'll puke water if that's all you got in your stomach."Ishira explained but Yuma couldn't be mad at them. He knew and accepted the fact he was a shity pilot and nothing was going to change that.

"Then we are of no use in the sky." Gryph said on a heavy sigh. He sat back in his chair glowering at the big man across from him.

"Alright." Noë's chair scrapped on the floor as he stood up and looked around the table at his squad. Men and women who'd volunteered for the suicide missions this war was definitely going to have. There were already citizens doing their worst without any concern for the well being of innocent by-standers. Regular people crying out for something to change, for truth, for a better life…

"We're DustDevils." Noë growled eyeing each one. "We aren't the only ones out here training and no one is being left behind. Dong ma?" no one answered but he wasn't expecting them to. His green eyes rested on Yuma and the big man grew uncomfortable under the stare. "Dong ma?" Noë repeated in a soft voice.

"Yes sir." Yuma answered straightening in his seat.

Noë nodded, dropping a hand on Gryph's shoulder.

"You and me." Gryph tapped a fist on the wooden table top. "We're going up and you're going to hit those targets."

"Yes sir." Yuma repeated though his face paled, going a yellowish shade under his bronzed tan.

* * *

"Talus."

He turned from his seat on the terrace, the burning sunset haloing him like a burning cloud. Mau didn't hide the soft sigh of a breath she expelled or the soft smile that graced her mocha lips.

"They are almost ready, wŏde ré'ái."

"Háoshì." Talus lithely rose to his full stature, bare feet leaving the pillow he'd been sitting on and padding towards the center table. "The others have been questioning the time it has taken us to organize."

"Without order," Mau said kneeling at the table and pouring out the tea. Her slim hands moved about the fine china with grace, well aware of Talus' dark eyes on her. "There is no victory."


	21. Normal?

**21 Normal?**

The last few weeks had been bearable but the crew had been busy. Zoë was forcibly kept on bed rest even though she managed to sneak out of the infirmary much to Simon's annoyance. The doctor was very vocal and forceful; something Zoë had trouble dealing with. Not so with Kaylee who granted the Mother to be a few moments of peace when she 'stole' Simon away. The captain was a different beast entirely and Thaïs got some amusement from his reaction to the realization his first mate was a delicate creature- of the female species. Not that Mal hadn't known that before but… well, now that she was carrying a life inside it was just too obvious to ignore. He was all thumbs when Zoë was around and he worried she was doing too much which only annoyed Zoë more. She'd gotten to the point of threatening Jayne with all sorts of death scenarios that the merch just stayed out of her way altogether. He kept muttering about crazy pregnant women and their hormones which made Thaïs a bit curious. Neither was saying why Zoë had threatened him with violence and since the only one- aside from them- who would know was River, that secret was safe.

Thaïs let out another breath and tried not to think of River. Her reaction to the girl she'd played with was not because of what was done to her by the Alliance, not entirely. She could understand, even accept that River was different, she had been as a child as well but there were things Thaïs had done since, things she didn't want anyone to know, things she wasn't proud of…

_'Things that would get you tossed out of that airlock.'_

Lies.

There was no excuse, nothing that could save her and avoiding River was one way of keeping her secrets. The girl, crazy as she might be was still a Reader, a stronger one than before.

* * *

_"You're not following orders." Apollo yelled at her. She wasn't listening even though he was there to help. He knew she could hear him over the loud shouts of the crowd that had gathered to watch the match._

_"Shen me?" Thaïs winced as Seiji wiped the cut on her brow._

_"Quit being such a pig headed know it all." Ahrens shouted into her other ear. She turned her glare on him only for Apollo to grab her chin and force her attention back to him._

_"Listen Thaïs." He ignored her pained wince never letting go of her face. "_You_ let your mouth get you into this. Now, _we_ are trying to help you. So _do what I say_. Dong ma?"_

_Thaïs glared at him knowing he was right because she'd asked for it…_

_"Xie-Xie." _

_"Good." Ahrens moved right on to business. "That fungus fuck has the advantage. At least a good eleven inches in reach and a definite thirty five pounds."_

_"This is helping?" Thaïs demanded._

_"You want to go down again?" Seiji asked drawing the violet glare at himself but she didn't say anything._

_"Ginner's getting overconfident. He's not bothering to block so _you_ have to start hitting."_

_"I've been hitting!" Thaïs exclaimed glaring at Apollo. Hadn't they been watching her? "What the hell do you think I've been doing out there? Playing tag?" she demanded in a huff. She had bruises and was bleeding!_

_"Well…" Seiji shrugged looking down at her. He almost laughed at her open mouthed shock. _

_"Hey!" Ahrens snapped his fingers in front of her eyes. "Focus on the freckled freak."_

_"Get in close." Apollo ordered. "As much as you can. Sweep his legs and deflect his hands."_

_All three watched as Thaïs got up muttering under her breath. They all knew she was cursing them though nothing was audible over the shouting crowd._

_"She's going down." Ahrens sighed with a shake of his head._

_"Wha- you shit for brains." Seiji scowled._

_"I'm just sayin'." Ahrens shrugged following the younger cadet out of the ring._

_"Ginner knew what he was doing." Apollo growled staring at Thaïs who wasn't doing all that well. "Thaïs walked right in, put herself on a silver platter for the xìngji__ā__o."_

_"She's not going to win this one fair." Ahrens agreed. They watched Thaïs get a fist in her face. Before she could recover Ginner followed with another fist to her stomach. Thaïs tried to catch her breath on the mat while Ginner raised his arms and yelled playing the victor. With a gloating smirk he turned to finish the fight expecting to find Thaïs still on the mats. Instead he was out of breath, eyes bugged out and grabbing at his sack. He barely felt the sting on his cheek from Thaïs' fist or the mat at his back._

_"Fénbián!" all three cadets slipped into the ring. Both Seiji and Ahrens had to hold back Ginner's pals while the crowd shouted louder. Some whistled, happy Thaïs was beating on the freckled face. Some booed complaining it hadn't been fair. Apollo didn't care one way or another. All he knew was that Thaïs couldn't continue beating on Ginner's face even if it were sort of protected by the mat. He grabbed her around the waist hauling her off in one motion._

_"Get off me! Let go!" Thaïs shouted kicking and screaming as Apollo tried to control her. It was difficult and she managed to slip from his arms only to get yanked away from the red head trying to get up from the floor._

_"To bad I couldn't put them out of service permanently!" Thaïs screamed as Lahmis reached down to help Ginner. Once he was on his feet Lahmis rammed her knee into the red heads groin. He let out a squeak of breath that sounded loud in the sudden quiet of the room. Lahmis, not satisfied, added a right cross spitting a curse on the half conscious Ginner._

_"Huh." Seiji grunted while Ahrens watched slacked jawed as Lahmis walked off. Apollo stared after her as well, a half smile on his face which she noticed. He barely felt Thaïs slip from his grasp to sit on the mat, sweaty, bloody and tired from the fight._

_"Hum lun…" Thaïs muttered from her spot._

* * *

"Inara." Kaylee exclaimed as the shuttle door opened and the Companion stepped onto _Serenity's_ catwalk. She was resplendent in a cream robe with gold embroidery; a copper satin sash cinched her waist while a simple twisted chain of gold adorned her neck. "Isn't it great?"

Inara smiled at Kaylee, her exuberance was contagious, and nodded.

"Yes, it is." She turned following Kaylee along the catwalk and down into the cargo hold. "Where is Zoë?"

"Oh." Kaylee waved a hand rolling her eyes. "Simon said she couldn't be going up and down the ladder to her bunk so of course the Capt. had her moved to the passenger cabins." She leaned in lowering her voice as they neared Zoë's temporary bunk. "She's not happy about it but its best." Kaylee stepped back allowing Inara to knock on the thin door.

"Come in." came Zoë's voice sounding annoyed. The door slid open and Inara stepped inside with a soft smile on her lips. Zoë sat up on the bed, the bruises and cuts on her face from the crates had healed nicely and her broken rib didn't pain her every time she took a deep breath. So long as she stayed put Simon left her alone only checking in once a day instead of every hour as he'd done at first.

"How are you feeling?" Inara asked moving to the side of the bed and taking a stool set in the corner.

"Fine." Zoë sighed leaning her head against the wall. Both hands slid over her stomach which still didn't show but had begun to make her trousers feel a tad uncomfortable. "I'm good."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised." Inara said softly. Her brown eyes were drawn to Zoë's hands where they cupped her child. There was a wistful quality in her expression that she quickly hid. "You'll be a wonderful Mother."

"Hmm." Zoë smiled sadly, her eyes flicked towards Inara and they held each other's gaze for a while, just sitting in comfortable silence.

* * *

"She docked?" Mal asked coming into the bridge.

"Xie-Xie, sir." Thaïs replied without looking at him as she plotted their next course. Picking up Inara had taken them a day off their course to **_Juno_** but the Companion had taken a client on **_Aerion_**…

"Good. Get us going. 'Don't want to keep Charlie waiting any longer than we have already." Mal muttered watching the stars turn to darts as _Serenity_ picked up speed.

"_He's_ been very understanding so far." Thaïs murmured with a slight twist of her lips Mal didn't miss. The fact they were dealing with a fem who liked to pass off as a boy wasn't as amusing as it had been. Even if Charlie had a liking for Zoë, which his first mate wasn't as amused about.

"Yeah… You'll be coming along." Mal said without looking at his pilot though he was aware of the sudden stillness. "Seeing as how you're observant an' all…" he patted the back of her chair and turned with a tiny smirk as he walked away. Behind him, Mal heard Thaïs mutter a few choice curses in regards to him and her own inability to; _just shut up._

* * *

They'd be a few days late getting their cargo to **_Juno_** and Charlie but it wasn't a deal breaker which gave Mal a sense of relief. He couldn't afford to be loosing any jobs and the cargo they had… it wasn't like he could sell to just anyone.

"She's a demon she is." The little BrownCoat was complaining. "Like to see her try it again. Wont get me distracted, no sir." He grumbled and Mal could hear Kaylee's soft giggle as they walked from the infirmary into the cargo hold.

"She don't seem to mind whether you're paying attention or not." She said smiling. Mitsuru glowered, his hand gingerly touching the stitches Símon had taken out.

"She didn't have to hit me." he exclaimed wincing.

"Who is he talking about?"

Mal turned at the soft voice floating to him along with the familiar scent of flowers. He turned and found Inara dressed in a filmy gown the color of sunset floating towards him with a smile. She'd docked late the day before and this was the first he'd seen her.

"Thaïs." He replied shortly though he hadn't meant to sound it. "She knocked him out."

"Oh." The smile slowly died and they stood there staring at each other in uncomfortable silence.

"We'll be in **_Juno_ **earlytomorrow." He said shifting from one foot to the other and hooking both hands into his gun belt.

"Oh. Uhm… thank you." Inara nodded.

"Good lord." Both turned at the high whistle, Mal frowning at the BrownCoat. "Honest to goodness, a Companion! Real beauty."

"Passenger?" Inara asked arching a dark eyebrow at Mal.

"No." he growled and it sent her back to her shuttle without a word and barely a glance into the cargo hold.

Another whistle and Mal was itching to put a bullet in the little man, BrownCoat or not.

_'Aint jealous.'_ He told himself stalking back towards the bridge and then deciding he really didn't want to sit beside his pilot turned towards his bunk.

_'And why in gorram hell am I going in there? It's my boat!'_

Mal stomped up the steps; "Take a break." He ordered.

Thaïs frowned but seeing the stormy look on the captain's face decided it was smarter just to walk away. Mal took her empty seat and just glared out the window.

"Aint." He muttered but it didn't stop him from clenching his fists…

* * *

Thaïs sat in the little alcove off the kitchen sipping a cup of tea. It wasn't helping diffuse the sudden energy coursing through her and neither was anything she'd learned with Inara-

"Inara."

Thaïs scowled. The Companion was back, no reason why she couldn't go ask for an early session so she stood up draining the last of the tea. The cup was left on the counter on her way out. Even before she set foot on the catwalk she caught the threads of conversation floating up to her. The scowl was in place again hearing the BrownCoat boasting.

"What's that?"

Mitsuru jerked as though someone had yanked on his coat.

"It was nothing." Kaylee said looking between them a bit nervously.

"Sounded like something." Thaïs insisted still staring at him. She could see it made him uncomfortable and then he got a backbone and straightened.

"Said I'd kick your ass."

Thaïs smiled. Kaylee was surprised, she hadn't seen their pilot smile since- well, heck… and then Thaïs laughed. It was low, a soft little laugh that made Kaylee shake her head.

"Oh no. No, no…"

* * *

"What's going on?" Símon asked coming out of the passenger bunks. He found River perched on a crate staring into the cargo hold. "River?"

"Fight." She said and smiled. Símon heard the pained groan and glanced over only to find Jayne perched on the stairs laughing. Looking higher he saw Kaylee with Inara on the cat walk.

"Had enough of 'kicking my ass'?" Thaïs asked and Símon frowned. He looked back just as Mitsuru aimed a kick. He got Thaïs in the stomach and it doubled her over.

"Not fair." River murmured and Símon couldn't help but agree. He scowled moving towards the scuffle intent on putting an end to it when the BrownCoat was caught in a painful hold. "Not fair."

"I'll be." Jayne muttered eyeing the entwined pair.

"Stop." Símon ordered reaching down to try and pry Mitsuru from Thaïs' hold. "He can't breathe, Thaïs. Let go!"

"Not safe, not right, kill, hurt… not her, not her." River muttered climbing off the crates and shaking her head as she watched the struggle. She gripped the arch to the bunks and slid down, unable to stop looking.

"Let go!" Símon stumbled back as Mitsuru was released. He coughed and sputtered dragging in breaths as Thaïs got to her feet. "What are you-."

Mitsuru lunged at her, caught her around the middle and they went down. Thaïs put her leg between them tossing him over her head as they landed. She heard the echo of metal but didn't gloat. She got to her feet and found the BrownCoat doing the same though he looked in pain.

"Get back, Símon." Thaïs snapped watching Mitsuru circle her.

"You're going to end up killing each other." Símon retorted knowing she wasn't listening to him, not when she had that stubborn look on her face. That hadn't changed and then Mitsuru was kicking and punching dancing around Thaïs but as far as Símon could see he hadn't hit her. Yet.

"Better move, Doc." Jayne warned grinning. "You're mighty close to getting knocked on your citified be-hind."

Símon glared but took a step back; even Kaylee looked worried though Inara was expressionless.

"Símon." He turned to River, frowning when she wasn't on the crate where he'd last seen her.

"What-Oof!" he didn't know how he'd ended up on the grates.

"Símon!" He recognized that voice….

Thaïs ducked under Mitsuru's leg taking the other out as she came up. "Get him." She pointed and Jayne hopped down with a grin.

"Símon… Símon." Thaïs felt the back of his head with gentle fingers ignoring the rush of feet as Kaylee came down. "Your head's not cracked. Are you seeing blurry?" she asked slipping an arm under his chest and helping to sit him up.

"Símon?" Kaylee murmured, concern drawing her features and Símon smiled. The little mechanic gingerly drew her fingers through his hair.

Thaïs made a noise in her throat, shaking her head. "Faker." She flicked his nose and just then it was like they were kids playing out in the gardens…

"Made you stop." He muttered with a wince.

"You were _faking_?" Kaylee exclaimed with a glare and Símon's look was enough to make Thaïs laugh. "And you-."

"I didn't kick him." Thaïs protested holding her arms up in surrender. "BrownCoat." And she pointed to the man held down by Jayne's big foot being pressed into his chest.

"Let him up." Símon sighed wincing as Kaylee shoved him off her chest where he'd been resting.

"Don't know." Jayne tilted his head looking down at Mitsuru. "Kinda enjoying squashing the little man."

"Jayne…" Thaïs got up offering her hand to Símon who took it.

"Alright." Jayne grumbled and just for fun shoved Mitsuru who scowled but didn't say anything as he stood.

"You bloodied him up again." Símon complained eyeing the busted lip and cut on Mitsuru's forehead.

"What? It's not like you have anything else to do on board." Thaïs smirked. She was feeling… normal. No funny butterflies in her stomach at their scents or proximity and she wasn't getting any hot flashes which was a blessing. This was as close to her original self as she'd felt since Apollo-.

"I suppose this is for my benefit." Símon waved a hand at the BrownCoat not at all amused by the banter. "I can do without, Thaïs."

"He's talking crazy, Kaylee." Thaïs leaned around and waved a finger at her ear. "Maybe you should check him. Just to be sure nothing got unhinged up there." She added, though her smile was a bit forced.

"What's all the noise?"

Everyone turned to see Zoë standing above River. The silence only lasted a moment before Símon was ordering her back to bed while pointing Mitsuru to the infirmary.

"You might want to buffer that." Thaïs urged Kaylee towards the passenger bunks. "Zoë looks like she's ready to rebel."

"Don't help none keeping her confined, either." Kaylee retorted though she went, her voice blending in with Símon's.

"You were graceful."

Thaïs barely kept herself from jerking at the sound of Inara's voice so close.

"You've been trained."

"Like all cadets." Thaïs replied more uncomfortable each second the conversation lasted and looking at Inara she knew the Companion was learning something Thaïs wanted to keep hidden.

"Before, I noticed you were very calm. With the pirates." Inara explained.

"So were you." Thaïs replied putting up her guards. River sat in the arch between the cargo and the bunks watching them fence. Her eyes bouncing from one to the other as each spoke and yet didn't.

"So much hidden." She mumbled. "Not all…not all…"

"We've had occasion to be prepared." Inara tilted her head watching Thaïs with interest. "I'm surprised. I never said a word…"

"It's not like you can, in those situations."

"But you knew. You saw me shift my hold…"

"Figured you could handle yourself and the Capt. wasn't going to wait around…" Thaïs paused watching Inara. "Not the way he feels about you." She almost smiled at the reaction Inara couldn't hide. It was there, just as much as Mal denied it…


	22. Transport

**22 Transport**

Thaïs kept her mouth shut and followed Mal out of _Serenity_. He was well aware she wasn't happy to be pressed into service in Zoë's place but neither was he. To tell the truth he would have much rather had Zoë but… he really didn't have a choice there. Zoë was out of commission until Doc said otherwise and even then Mal didn't feel all that comfortable taking Zoë into danger, not with a baby…

"I should make sure _Serenity_ is-."

"Kaylee's taking care of the refuelin'." Mal cut in heading down the busy street with Jayne just a little behind them. "Look around, haizi. Enjoy the sun on your head." He smiled briefly, picking up his pace while Thaïs pressed her dusky lips together.

She did scan their surroundings, eyes constantly searching out danger and again found an increasing amount of brown everywhere she looked. People in dusty, dirty clothes… she couldn't help feeling nervous.

Jayne tapped her shoulder, drawing her attention back to Mal and the door he pushed open. It was nice and cool inside, soft strains of music drifted towards her and then they came into an open area.

"Wode shen…" Thaïs murmured looking up at the domed roof. A breeze blew in through the holograph windows set above but it was the flitting butterflies she couldn't take her eyes from. They weren't real but it didn't take away from their beauty.

"Captain."

Thaïs forced her eyes down to the comfortable looking cushions spread on a narrow platform and the slim figure of Charlie resting in the middle of it all with a smile on his face.

"Charlie." Mal greeted standing in the center of the circular room. "Got your cargo."

"Never had a doubt." Charlie grinned sitting up. His pale eyes looked at each of them before resting on Mal. "Is your beautiful Amazon still incapacitated, Capt.?"

"She's doin' fine." Mal replied.

"Well, wish her my best." Charlie said after a moment. He stood up moving towards a raised chest. "As I promised, Capt. Reynolds." He handed over three small pouches which Mal hefted, raising an eyebrow. "A little extra." Charlie said. "For the beauty's injury."

"Mighty kind of you." Mal murmured handing their pay over to Thaïs. She looked at him, eyes questioning but she took the pouches without a word and slipped them into the inside pocket of her long coat. Behind them Jayne grumbled under his breath, glaring at them both but Mal just figure the girl was the lesser evil out of them two.

"I've sent some men ahead to your ship." Charlie said. "Hope you don't mind, they'll retrieve the cargo."

"Not at all." Mal replied eyeing the pale 'man' with curiosity.

"I'd like to hire your ship once more, Capt."

That got Mal's attention and he didn't like the way Charlie looked away as he made the proposition.

"For transport."

Mal arched a questioning eyebrow and waited patiently.

"There's a group, I believe you've made their acquaintance, who are expected on **_Sylavnia's_** fourth moon; **_Ziza_**."

Thaïs stiffened imperceptively at mention of the BrownCoats, there hadn't been any other large groups taking passage on _Serenity_ since she'd been aboard.

_'A little over four months.'_

She wondered how time could pass that slowly sometimes. So much had happened since, and nothing at all but then again they were out in the black most of the time and out there, alone, time was meaningless…

"I've taken the liberty of adding some extra fuel cells to your pay, Capt." Charlie looked at him and Mal felt that nagging again, as though he were being bribed… just couldn't figure out why or what for.

"**_Ziza_**." Mal repeated. He gave a curt nod. "No problem."

Charlie smiled pleased and reaching into the chest retrieved a smaller pouch he held out for Mal.

"Advance payment."

**Φ**

"Sir-."

"We takin' them on again?" Jayne spoke over Thaïs who leveled a violet glare at the big mercenary.

"Looks like." Mal agreed walking through the stalls without really seeing the merchandize. "Got paid for a job, didn't we?"

"We got a lot more than that, Capt." Thaïs stated which drew Mal's eyes to her. "It would seem there's more we're not being told."

Mal stared hard at her for a moment wondering what it was the girl could possibly do to harm them. He'd seen instances of her _'Alliance'_ side, moments he couldn't deny she was theirs and then it was gone. Plain gone and nothing there, like smoke and that concerned him…

"Knew I'd brought you along for something." Mal said smiling, ignoring her question. He headed towards _Serenity_ his brow furrowed in concern while Jayne glared at Thaïs.

"Hum lum…" Thaïs shook her head and stalked up the ramp into the cargo hold.

"…devilish temper too." Mitsuru was saying when he caught sight of her. His eyes narrowed but it was the BrownCoat standing next to him Thaïs looked at.

"Nae Ho." Gryph greeted with a slight tilt of his head. She hesitated a step, as though she'd stop but then she was moving briskly up the steps and onto the catwalk.

"Like I said." Mitsuru grumbled completely ignoring him and the others.

"He did warn you." Noë chuckled brushing past them. "Jayne." He called moving off.

"I'd keep my distance, Gryph." Mitsuru warned with a glare at the catwalk. "Gūniang dăsuán hùtude." He muttered walking off. Gryph chuckled, eyes straying to the cat walk and then he was called over to settle in their bunks.

"You'll be keeping Zoë company." Kaylee said by his elbow with a smile.

"Hello, red." Gryph greeted.

"Name's Kaylee." Kaylee replied with a slight frown.

"Didn't forget it. Sorry." He apologized.

"Ignored ya huh." Kaylee smirked bouncing on her heels. She tilted her head towards the stairs watching him look up.

"Sure did." Gryph didn't lose his smile and he leaned down looking around to make sure the others didn't hear him. "You wouldn't know if she missed me…?"

Kaylee really did laugh at that. She walked ahead of him shaking her head. "Never said a word." She tossed over her shoulder before disappearing into one of the passenger bunks.

"Huh." Gryph frowned.

**Φ**

She could hear them all in the dining area, smell them too. Only it wasn't so bad as before, not this time, even with all the new males crowding _Serenity_. It wasn't overwhelming her but she'd had time to prepare herself before she was inundated with their scents. 'Charlie' had at least given a heads up…

_'A week.'_

Thaïs groaned because a week was looking like an eternity just then. A week in the black with no place to hole up besides her bunk and the bridge…

"Go-se."

"Brought you lunch." Kaylee said from behind. Thaïs jerked around frowning at her own carelessness. It wasn't as though Kaylee hadn't made noise coming up the stairs, they all made noise. They couldn't help themselves.

_'Except River.'_

But River was…she just _was_.

"Xièxie nĭ." Thaïs thanked her, setting the auto pilot and taking the plate Kaylee handed her turned the chair.

"Didn't mean to startle you." She apologized eyeing Thaïs who lowered the chopsticks glancing up.

"Don't worry. It's… nothing." Thaïs shrugged and looked at her plate trying to hide the frown on her face.

"I got something else." Kaylee said after a moment. "Something just for you."

Thaïs looked up, her mouth closing on the vegetables and chewing. Kaylee was smiling; she looked a lot like the cat who ate the cream… Thaïs arched a dark eyebrow in question but the impish look didn't waver.

"Ta-da!" she pulled out a rather large fruit from the pocket of her jumpsuit. Thaïs flicked her eyes to it and back at Kaylee.

"Hmm?"

"It's a peach." Kaylee said shoving it closer.

"I know what it is." Thaïs retorted, slightly frowning. "I've had them before." What she couldn't figure out was _why_ it was _just for her._ "Jayne poison it? Stick some explosives inside…"

"No." Kaylee laughed though she did look at Thaïs strangely. "Besides, Jayne didn't send it-." She straightened, a frown on her face. "You're not sweet on Jayne are you?"

Thaïs almost chocked on the second bite of fresh vegetables at the ridiculous assumption.

"Yá wŏ! Guīze shuō kăodă wŏ xiàng sĭwáng!" Thaïs coughed and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Aint gonna shoot ya." Kaylee protested thumping Thaïs' back. "But I see where that'd be torture."

Thaïs raised narrowed violet eyes at her.

"So, no."

"Why would-." Thaïs shook her head and set the plate aside because she wasn't going to eat while Kaylee was there. She'd end up choking for real. "Who?"

It was the smile, she should've known but Thaïs took the proffered fruit and inspected it.

"Told me to say… enjoy."

Thaïs frowned looking after Kaylee as she skipped out, likely to get her own lunch.

"Poison." Thaïs muttered setting it on the console and picking up her plate but even as she ate there was that nagging thought…

_"Sorry." The dark figure cautiously stepped into the faint light overheard. "I didn't mean to startle you." The gray-blue eyes settled on Thaïs… "I just wanted to talk to you is all." _

Thaïs glared at the fruit.

**Φ**

The BrownCoat's interrupted Zoë's imposed state of rest and quiet. She didn't mind at all and Simon didn't say much except for when she insisted on sitting by the infirmary instead of lying down.

"A body just can't lay all day and all night." Kaylee had said on more than one occasion. Simon knew that, he also knew Zoë wasn't out of the woods yet.

A few days after Zoë had moved into her new quarters she'd been surprised to find Thaïs at the door. She hadn't heard their pilot but then, Zoë had been dozing, something she did a lot of. Her senses were dulled but the soft voiced apology was clear. Zoë didn't get why. Every job was a risk, at any time she could die or the Capt. or Jayne… any one of them. Hell she'd been shot countless times and survived. She'd survived the war along with Mal. The crates and her injury were no one's fault and everyone's but that was part of the job.

Still, Zoë couldn't help warming to Thaïs. She was still a stranger, one with ties to the _Alliance_ and the Tam's. Thaïs kept her life hers, as much as she could which worried Zoë as well as Mal. But they all trusted River to warn them of danger…just as she always had. As for the baby…Simon was a little surprised by how far along they were. Still in the first trimester, Zoë had developed a slight bump. A rounded little thing easily hidden under a loose shirt. But Zoë had no need to hide. The only annoyance was the enforced bed rest and the fact her trousers were difficult to button let alone uncomfortable to wear. Surprisingly, Thaïs had enlisted Inara's help to procure loose tunics and trousers so it wasn't a problem anymore.

The BrownCoats had taken to making bets on the sex of the baby.

"She looks more round than pointed." Fang noted.

"I say boy." Yuma grunted setting the barbells down and getting up.

"Of course you would." Zúlema rolled her eyes. "You're a man."

"What's the shape got to do with anything?" Keiffer wanted to know.

"Pointed- boy. Rounded- girl. Or something like that." Vahn frowned. "Maybe I got it backwards."

"How the hell do you know that, runt?" Diego demanded. The others were looking at the youngest DustDevil with varying expressions of confusion and disbelief.

"She isn't far enough along." Raven said saving Vahn from further embarrassment.

"It's too soon to tell." Fang agreed.

"Stop the he-hawing." Ishira ordered. "What's it gonna be?"

**Φ**

"They got a pool going." Kaylee said smirking. Thaïs looked up from the coffee table she'd been staring at, an inky eyebrow raised while Inara lowered her brush and leaned around Kaylee. "About the baby- what it'll be." She explained looking up.

"I thought Zoë didn't want to know." Thaïs said.

"She doesn't." Inara answered returning to Kaylee's hair. "Simon's agreed not to tell anyone."

"And he hasn't." Kaylee grumbled. "I'm sure you already know." She said turning towards River who stood by a large black dresser. She ran her fingers lightly up and down the damask silk hung against the shuttle wall.

"Not telling." River murmured moving away from the corner and towards the Buddah. "Not ready…to soon…baby comes. Baby's happy…doesn't last." She muttered frowning down at the shiny bald head.

"I suppose not." Inara agreed. "Children grow up fast."

"I think it's shiny." Kaylee smiled. "A baby! They're so cute. With their little arms and feet all pink and giggly…" she trailed off looking wistful.

"I'm not surprised Simon hasn't knocked you up." Thaïs stated with a half-smile.

"How do you mean?" Kaylee sat up. She tried not to let her face show the hurt her words caused. Thaïs had known the Tam's a lot longer and Kaylee sometimes worried maybe she didn't think Kaylee was good enough…

"He was always such a stuffy stickler for rules and I can't blame him, really. His parents were the same way- worried about their image…" Thaïs frowned remembering how they'd looked down on her when they'd catch Simon and River playing-. "I guess being on the run hasn't mellowed him enough to go as far as 'ruining' a lady and bringing an illegitimate child into this shitty 'verse." She finished.

"Oh." Kaylee blushed lightly, her worries unfounded and really, what did it matter what anyone else thought so long as Simon didn't?

"You'd make a cute baby." Thaïs said suddenly. "You think he'd have your red hair?" she asked.

"Baby…" River murmured drawing their attention but she ignored them and sat in front of the Buddah running her hand over the belly.

"You've never wanted one?" Inara asked smiling. She turned her eyes towards Thaïs noting the slight stiffening of her pose and the wary look in the violet eyes.

Thaïs didn't know what to say, how to answer- she'd never really thought about it. Maybe at one point, Jace had made it clear that's what he expected. But there hadn't been any time, not with _Flight Academy_ and then after that… the trouble she'd caused, getting discharged, feeling like a failure and fuck up only to get dragged back in for-.

"How does it work?" Thaïs asked. "For you, I mean."

Inara's brush stilled and she stared at Thaïs.

"Yeah, wouldn't you want to have a child someday, Inara?" Kaylee asked turning around.

"Uhm…" she looked from Kaylee to Thaïs unsure of how to answer when she knew that would never happen. It wasn't unheard of, a Companion would leave the guild, have a family but it was rare. What man could accept that his wife had enjoyed the company of other men? Or question every action she made wondering if it was real or practiced?

"What is everyone doing in here?"

Inara jerked while Kaylee sat up looking guilty. Thaïs re-filled her tea cup and sat back ignoring the Capt. who was glowering at all of them.

"Enjoying some peace and quiet." Inara frowned reprovingly. "At least we were."

"Personal time." Thaïs murmured lowering her cup and watching the steam curl up.

"All's ship shape in the engine room, Capt." Kaylee said hoping he wasn't going to make them all leave like he usually did.

"Got me a bay full of strangers." Mal began glaring at his mechanic and pilot. "You'd think some of you would be minding they don't go where they aint supposed to."

"You hired me as a pilot for _Serenity_." Thaïs said raising her violet eyes to his. "You've 'recruited' me into thieving and now I'm supposed to baby sit?" she frowned.

"Kaylee." Mal turned.

"But Capt.-." Kaylee huffed. "Xie xie, Capt." she scrambled off the bed and stomped out of the shuttle.

"Mal." River stood up. She stared at him walking towards the door. "Bad." She said passing him on her way out.

"Don't kill any of 'em." Mal warned calling to her.

"That's not funny." Inara frowned.

"Never said I was joking." Mal replied glancing a Thaïs who ignored him and then at Inara still kneeling on her bed. He left as Thaïs raised her cup again grumbling under his breath. Inara sighed, set her brush aside and stood up.

Thaïs watched her straighten up the shuttle, both quiet.

"It's true…"

Inara turned to Thaïs, her expression questioning.

Thaïs set the tea cup down and stared at Inara. She'd heard from Kaylee a little bit of what the crew had found and done on **_Miranda_**. Even Simon had spoken about it once but then clammed up and never mentioned it again- not to her. Thaïs found it difficult to believe River had been capable…

"It is." Inara said quietly, her dark eyes flicking to the door River had walked out of moments before.

"I don't see a killer." Thaïs said shaking her head. She really didn't and couldn't understand but that's what **They** had done to her. "When I look at River…"

"Yet she makes you uncomfortable." Inara finished.

"Yes." Thaïs answered quietly. There was so much that was hidden- that _needed_ to stay hidden- and River was… she was a walking, talking lie detector. She could see into a person and know everything about them and that made Thaïs nervous. She didn't want all her dark secrets exposed, she didn't need to _see _it on their faces, the knowledge of what she'd done, what she could do-.

"She was protecting Simon." Inara spoke softly. "All of us…" she trailed off thinking she sounded as though she were making excuses for River when there was no need to explain any of it. "I don't believe she'd harm any of us."

"Hmm." Thaïs forced a smile on her face. "Jayne wouldn't agree."

"Yes," Inara smiled amused. "You may be right."

Thaïs sat back thinking of her Mother. She'd wanted Dania to look at her and see a daughter, wanted her Mother's love but it just wasn't there. Her Father's expectations had been reasonable and leaving home for _Flight__ Academy_ hadn't been a burden. Rene had known she would do well and Thaïs had found herself a new family, three misfits she'd have done anything for…

How had it all gone so wrong?

**Φ**

_Uniformed police couldn't get past the crowd of cadets screaming and shouting inside the shuttle docking bay. Medics were standing by; waiting to get in but the 'riot' had only gotten worse. In the center of the crowd was the source of the _Academy's_ latest problem._

_"You're poison, Fillion!" Ginner screamed shoving one of the mechanics out of his way. It didn't matter who he was- the son of the admiral, that video was viral._

_"Shut it!" Apollo warned putting himself in front of Thaïs. He couldn't get her to admit it but he knew she had made the vid of Ginner. Even if the blame had been laid at Vivianne, Thaïs' room-mate._

_"Why didn't you die?" Ginner shoved against Apollo, pushing the blond into her. Apollo felt Thaïs' hand on his back keeping him up and used her counter push to slam his fist into the freckled face of the fenbian. He didn't want her jumping into the fight though it was exactly what Thaïs was going to do._

_Ginner's cronies jumped in, ignoring Ginner's bleeding nose and lip. They hurled insults at the pair, two of them ganged up on Apollo while Thaïs was knocked to the ground. Somehow Apollo tossed a cadet into the crowd and grabbed a wrench lying on a work ladder. He swung it, hearing something pop as it hit someone. There was more screaming but the area around him was clear. Apollo reached down and hauled Thaïs to her feet. She had a cut on her forehead and she was clutching her side in pain._

_A short burst quieted the shuttle bay; all the cadets were hunched down, as trained. It gave the uniformed police the opening they needed. They dispersed the cadets closest to the entrance and shoved their way in, knocking others out of their way and into cadets standing on the side._

_Apollo could see them approaching. The navy blue uniforms in silver trim and badges…_

_"Shit." They were in for it now and while it wouldn't be Apollo's first time in the brig it was going to be for Thaïs._

_Ginner was still cursing them and besides Apollo, Thaïs sucker punched one of her attackers. The cadet went pale and felt to his knees trying to drag in a breath, both hands over his sack._

_"That's enough!" the gray headed officer roared. Behind him a medic set his bag down and tended Ginner. Thaïs wanted to haul the medic away but there was nothing to do for her friends. Their bodies were in the shuttle, ashes and blood staining both Apollo and her uniforms. Thaïs stood back, watched as her life was turned to shit and wondered why. _

_She disobeyed a direct order-._

_"Those two." The officer pointed and two more uniforms came forward. Each grabbed a cadet and led Thaïs and Apollo out of the shuttle bay. The loud whispers followed them…_

**Φ**

Gryph stayed in the shadows of the sitting area outside of the infirmary. He'd been there a while, dozing off when he'd heard a change in the sounds of the bay. At first he'd thought maybe he had fallen asleep because he could swear _Serenity's _pilot was standing at the foot of the stairs. He watched her walk to the center and place her feet shoulder width apart.

Thaïs slid her foot back falling into the first stance as though she'd been training daily. In truth, she hadn't, not since joining _Serenity's_ crew. There wasn't the time, the privacy…any inclination on her part to anything she'd been trained to do.

Besides flying.

There was even less privacy now, with the passengers they'd taken on but Thaïs couldn't stay in her bunk and Capt. Reynolds was on the bridge… still, she knew the BrownCoats weren't allowed out of the passenger bunks during down time.

Thaïs wished they wouldn't haunt her dreams but there was nothing to do about it on those occasions, nothing that kept Van or Seiji out, nothing worked. Her only option was exhaustion but living and working on a ship wasn't exactly back breaking labor.

Most of the time.

Almost all of the time.

Picking a fight wouldn't endear her anymore to Mal-not that he liked her much though sometimes she felt his 'concern'. She knew what people saw when they looked at her; a young woman, alone- they thought her vulnerable, somehow lost and in a way they'd be right to think that. Thaïs had no place, anywhere. There wasn't any family left, none that wanted her. The only friends she cared to deal with were dead- two of them killed- one was lost…

She kept to herself because it was easier. Getting close to people was a weakness, a chink in her armor. Thaïs couldn't afford any chinks, any weakness…

_'That's Alliance talking.'_

Thaïs pushed that thought aside, ignored it. Hadn't the Alliance given her a home? Hadn't she found a place there, somewhere to belong?

_'And what did they do when you broke rank?'_

The Alliance couldn't afford any disobedience; her rebelliousness had to be dealt with. She understood, would've likely done the same-.

_'Alliance tossed you. Like trash- of no more use to them.'_

But they gave her a second chance. An opportunity to change, to become the best-both of them…

And she worked hard. She did as ordered, kept her mouth shut, followed orders…

_'Orders?'_

She had orders.

Gryph sat still while Thaïs moved in silence. He recognized some of the moves; they'd all been learning new techniques. It was part of their specialized training. DustDevil's were supposed to be the best of the best after all.

He remembered Mitsuru and his 'tall tale' as the rest of the squad called it. The BrownCoat shouldn't have doubted him, he'd had warning.

He watched Thaïs, the graceful lines she drew moving from one form to the next. The blade she used shone silver under the single light. It cut through air silently and again, Gryph wondered about her. Who she was, where she'd been, _who_ she'd been and what had brought her to _Serenity_. That was a question their little mechanic couldn't answer. Capt. Reynolds didn't seem the type of man who'd hire someone- even if she did look innocent enough- he knew nothing about.

Thaïs came to rest, straightening out of the last stance. Gryph decided to risk a second meeting in the dark. His voice drifted into the bay drawing her eyes to his spot instantly.

"Who's there?" she demanded taking a step towards him, the long blade gripped tightly in her hand.

"I fell asleep." Gryph stepped into the light, both hands held up. "I'm Gryph Hawthorn." He stopped, a good distance from her and the long blade.

Thaïs said nothing. All she could think of was that he'd been watching her- spying from the shadows and she'd never heard him. She hadn't _felt_ that sickening in her gut-.

"I swear I wasn't spying." Gryph said noting the tightening of her lips. "You woke me up…"

"You're out of your bunk. Again." Thaïs snapped frowning at him. Her eyes glittered with anger. She had no one to blame but herself. She was growing careless and the next time it happened it might be someone dangerous….

"Well, yes." Gryph was stupidly pleased she remembered him. His crooked smile was proof. "You're not going to hit me again, are you?" he held both hands out in surrender again.

She remembered knocking him down, pulling a knife on him, confusing reality with the memories in her head-.

"No." Thaïs relaxed her shoulders. As much as she hated he'd watched her, there wasn't any harm done. _Serenity _creaked and silence stretched until Gryph cleared his throat.

"You don't say much…" he trailed off hoping she'd pick up and maybe they could have a convers-.

"You should be in your bunk."

"Except for that." Gryph shook his head smiling slightly.

"Capt.'s orders." Thaïs said watching him. "As far as I know, they didn't change from your last transport with us."

"No, not much did." Gryph agreed. "Except this time you didn't toss me on my back. I appreciate that."

Thaïs wasn't sure how to take that considering he looked as though he was teasing. Had he forgotten the long blade in her hand?

"You haven't touched me." Thaïs finally said.

"I didn't mean anything by it." Gryph replied seriously.

"It-." Thaïs straightened her shoulders and raised her chin just as she'd done day in and day out at the Academy. "I overreacted. I'm sorry." She gave a little nod, as though signaling herself that she'd done what she had to because it was right and expected.

Gryph let out a grunt of breath.

"Uh, ok."

"Now, get to your bunk." Thaïs ordered with a nod towards the passenger bunks.

"Alright." Gryph chuckled. "I learned my lesson." He moved off with a wince, not at all looking forward to the cramped space he was sharing with Vahn and Diego who happened to snore. He was pretty sure Thaïs wouldn't care.

Did she always follow the Capt.'s orders?

He got the distinct impression orders weren't something she liked getting.

**Φ**


	23. Delivery

**_AN: oK, So you know. I tried my hand at the smutty writing. _**

**_You have been warned.  
_**

* * *

**23 Delivery**

"Don'tdon'tdon'tdon'tdon't…"

Thaïs turned in her seat; frowning at the muttered words and saw River crouched in a corner just inside the bridge. She set the auto pilot and got up moving towards her carefully.

"River…?"

"…bloody, they're all bloody and staring…up, look up, all blue- two by two, hands of blue, two by two by two by two by two-."

"River." Thaïs place her hands on River's shoulders and tried to get her to look up but River only clenched her eyes shut and turned her head away. She pushed weakly against Thaïs' arms, shaking with her sobs. "There's no one there, River. The staring people… it's all in your head mei-mei and you can make it go away. _You can make it go away._"

River lay her face against Thaïs' chest, her tears soaking into the black shirt.

"They won't leave." River sobbed. "They stare and look and wont go- cant- cant- cant-."

"River?"

Thaïs looked up, her palm cupping the back of River's head while she patted her back and nodded to Simon.

"What- River?" Simon knelt beside his sister, tried to look at her face but she wouldn't let him.

"Let him help." Thaïs murmured forcing River out of her arms.

"Cant help. Cant- doesn't know how. Its mush and swish and wrong." She shook her head pulling away from them both.

"Its not mush." Thaïs frowned. "You're not 'wrong' and Simon _can _help." She stated. "He's the smartest person we know other than you, don't we?"

River looked up, her brow furrowed. She flicked her eyes to Simon and sniffled.

"Xie xie." Simon said with a touch of sarcasm.

"Best in his class." River murmured. "Brilliant doctor."

"See. You know this." Thaïs approved though it sounded more like she was repeating what someone else had said. She forced herself to smile and helped River stand moving around so Simon had full possession of his sister.

"It was on purpose." River said looking into the violet eyes. "They crashed and it wasn't your fault." She grabbed Thaïs' wrist, startling her with the strength of her grip. "You lived and they died. He cut and changed and no one knew, nobody saw, nobody helped and you couldn't help…"

"What?" Thaïs frowned, tried to make sense of what River was saying, afraid to let her words sink in while tugging on her wrist.

"…hurt and dead and all wrong…" River muttered, her hand falling away from Thaïs.

"Do you know what she's talking about?" Simon asked seeing Thaïs' pale face and unstaring eyes.

"…its hate- angry and wrong, it went wrong… Simon?" River looked up, her face scrunching again in pain and despair at the things inside her head that made no sense and wouldn't stop. She didn't want to know anymore, didn't want to see…

"It's alright, mei-mei." Simon soothed leading her out of the bridge while Thaïs stared after them.

* * *

Inara leaned on the catwalk watching as the crew and the passengers enjoyed a game of hoops. Like other times, there was no clear line of who was on what team, all that mattered was getting the ball in a hoop and past the opponent. She wore a soft smile on her face half turning to glimpse at Zoë standing beside her. Simon had relented, agreeing to let Zoë up the two flights of steps but still warning her to be careful.

"Kinda wish I was down there." Zoë murmured.

"Simon would lock you in the infirmary." Inara teased lightly, her eyes crinkling at the slight scowl marring Zoë's face.

"Oh he'd try." She growled but in reality Zoë wouldn't dream of harming her baby. She'd waited too long for this and nothing was going to take it away. They were finally going to have their child… her and Wash…

"Inara…" Zoë turned to the Companion, the young woman wore a simple dress a dark shade of purple printed with tiny flowers. It flattered the slim figure who turned to her again, an inquisitive look in the brown eyes.

"I wanted to ask you… would you consider being the Godmother?"

Inara was speechless. Her eyes shone bright and her smile wavered but there was no denying the pleased expression she wore.

"I'd be honored." She replied in a husky voice filled with emotion.

* * *

"Haizi." Mal called as he clomped up the steps into the bridge. He found Thaïs sitting in her usual spot staring out at the dark.

"Capt." she barely turned, flicking a violet gaze towards him as he poked his head into the bridge.

"You an' Kaylee will be fixing up my shuttle this evening." He ordered turning around again and heading back the way he'd come. "Need it ship shape for when we get to **_Ziza_**."

"Why?" Thaïs questioned turning fully. "Sir." She added belatedly and winced. Mal paused, glanced over his shoulder at his pilot and turned towards her.

"You'll be taking our passengers planetside." He eyed her but Thaïs only nodded. Mal would bet his boat she was itching to ask him another question but she kept quiet. "Don't be bruising my cargo on this one, Thaïs. Already got paid for 'em." He called heading down the corridor.

Thaïs glared at his back because apparently _now_ it was amusing. That hadn't been the case two weeks before, when Zoë had been unconscious…

She sighed and sat back turning to look at the stars but her quiet was gone. In two days she'd be dropping off their passengers and that meant being in a small enclosed space with a large group of males, especially _one_. Thaïs had seen him a couple of times, mostly during a meal because she avoided going into the cargo bay. She hadn't ventured another night workout but wouldn't admit it was because of him, not wanting to run into him again.

Gryph Hawthorn.

Even though Kaylee hadn't said it, Thaïs knew he was responsible for the peach. He was using the little mechanic and Thaïs wasn't amused. Kaylee wasn't a fool either; she had to know what Gryph was doing so why was she going along?

* * *

Kaylee grabbed her overalls, slipping a bare leg into the dark green material while Simon watched from her bunk. He watched her dress, listening with half an ear to her chatter when he caught Thaïs name.

"Shen me?" Simon asked, a slight frown furrowing his brow.

"Said I don't see how Thaïs hasn't noticed all the attention she gets." Kaylee repeated turning to him, both arms raised as she pulled her hair into a ponytail. She smiled knowingly when his eyes fell to her bare breasts. With a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, Kaylee slowly leaned towards Simon, her full breasts fitting nicely in his cupped hands. She closed her eyes as he rubbed his thumbs over her nipples, lips parting with a sigh. He caught her lips with his drawing her towards him and back in bed.

"Ooh, cant…" Kaylee groaned against his mouth then nipped at his lip forgetting the shirt she had been reaching for.

"Mmhmm." Simon murmured changing tactics. His left hand slid down her chest to her navel disappearing into the green overalls.

"Oohmm!" she squirmed but climbed over Simon, her legs straddling him, opening to give him better access. "Simon…" she breathed, eyes half lidded. He didn't stop and soon had Kaylee pressing her breast to his mouth while she bucked against his hand. Obediently he licked at her nipple feeling it harden. Her fingers dug into his scalp as she pressed him to her, a low moan vibrating in her chest which turned into a surprised gasp as he bit down gently.

"You'll be late." Simon murmured against her flushed skin, reminding her of why she'd been getting dressed in the first place. Looking up at her he felt his groin ache with want. He'd spent part of the afternoon satisfying that ache but it wasn't enough.

"Tā mā de wǒ." Kaylee groaned shoving her overalls down her hips, rising up to get her leg out of them. "Now." She ordered straddling him again, both hands gripping his shoulders.

"Shì cuò guò." Simon agreed gripping her hips firmly. He forced her to wait, to slowly take him in her. She groaned, murmuring his name while he pressed in, feeling her hips undulate over him. Kaylee rose, rocking on her knees in slow rhythm following his lead but she couldn't keep it for long.

Simon's grip tightened on her hips but he gave in and pulled her down hard. Kaylee made a sound, half gasp, half moan.

"Ó shàng dì, Simon!" Kaylee cried as he pulled her down again, he groaned, buried his face between her breasts and pulled her down again while she dug her fingers into his shoulders. She arched her back, breasts bouncing up and down with each thrust gasping with pleasure.

All too soon she felt her muscles clench tight, so did Simon when he thrust into her. He found her lips, one arm sliding around her waist as he easily flipped them over so Kaylee lay beneath him. She eagerly hooked her leg around his waist pulling his hips to hers. Simon slipped his arm beneath her knee hitching her overall clad leg onto his shoulder as he continued to thrust. She squirmed, her short nails scratching down his back to cup his buttocks. Simon groaned, felt himself loose control just as she did but pushed as deep into her as possible.

"Don't move." Kaylee whispered holding him still.

"I don't want to crush you-." Simon protested closing his eyes when her soft giggle vibrated through him.

"You aint so heavy." Kaylee murmured drawing in a breath. "Besides, nǐ gǎn jué liáng hǎo de nèi bù."

Simon shook his head, eyes closed and enjoyed the sensation coursing through him as he slid out while Kaylee clenched around his head.

"Shàng dì." He muttered pressing a kiss to her lips. "That feels…" he breathed rolling off to lie on his back, her leg draped over his chest.

"I know." She agreed smiling at the twinkling lights she'd put up in her bunk. "Gotta work." Kaylee groaned rising on her elbows with a little pout.

"You could stay…" Simon proposed looking at her, smiling but she shook her head.

"Capt.'ll get mad and I can't leave Thaïs with the job all on her own." She shook her head, red hair falling into her eyes. The ponytail had slipped and half her hair was spread over her shoulders and back.

It was one of her best features, Simon thought staring at her.

Kaylee got up, her shirt in hand. He watched her slip it on then bend to pull the overalls up getting a perfect view of her rear. He hadn't tired of watching her, exploring the curves and contours of her body, watching her expression change with each touch…

"Don't go nowhere." Kaylee warned grinning as she climbed the ladder out of her bunk.

* * *

Thaïs sat in the shuttle, running a diagnostic on the controls while she waited for Kaylee. Mal had given them a time frame and he'd been clear, there wouldn't be an extension. She wasn't happy to have to fly their passengers into **_Ziza_** but it wasn't like she had a choice. This was part of her job and at least this time she wasn't breaking any laws.

_'None that matter.'_

The frown on her face wasn't missed by Kaylee as she hurried into the shuttle.

"Sorry-."

"You're late." Thaïs cut in not bothering to look up from her screen. "Hope he was worth it because we won't be leaving this shuttle until its perfect."

"Oh." Kaylee's smiling expression soured just a bit. "Ok, we can do this." She assured Thaïs and dropped to her knees scooting under the control panel between the pilots seat and her legs.

"Whoa, Kaylee." Thaïs exclaimed frowning as the mechanic practically crawled between her legs. "Personal space."

"Sorry but I want to get back to Simon." Kaylee apologized pulling down the panel and handing it over. "I sorta left him naked in my bunk and I rea-."

"No, no, no." Thaïs shook her head moving to put the panel down. "That's not something I need to know, hear or even- ugh, no." she shuddered, scrunching her face while trying not to picture what she knew they had to have been doing. "Ó shàng dì, Kaylee." Thaïs exclaimed at the mechanic busily pulling down wires unaware of the images that she'd unintentionally produced.

"Somebody shoot me." Thaïs muttered.

* * *

Mal made his way purposely to the shuttle he'd told Kaylee and Thaïs to have finished for the trip to **_Ziza_**. He'd given them plenty of time and he expected it to be done. He hadn't seen or heard of either girl in the last two days. That could be worrisome and explained the frown marring his features as he passed through the kitchen. He barely glanced at the bay where his passengers were busy checking their gear. Mal headed up to the shuttle where the murmur of the girl's voices sounded.

"It's a simple by pass." Kaylee said.

"Not enough time." Thaïs replied.

"But it aint like the Capt.'ll be upset-."

"No Kaylee." Thaïs cut in. "He gave us two days and we're three hours short of your simple by pass. I'm not incurring the Capt.'s 'wrath' for something we can do once I drop this load."

"Wrath?" Kaylee laughed. "The Capt. aint-."

"With you." Thaïs turned away. Capt. Reynolds wasn't a walking frown with the others on _Serenity_. "I'm still-."

"Capt.'s just a little rough 'round the edges. Not sure about you, is all." Kaylee explained snapping the panel back in place.

"I understand. I'm not saying he's wrong to be careful, it's smart." Thaïs frowned at Kaylee's snort of laughter. She understood why but figured Kaylee had been on _Serenity_ long enough to know there were certain rules you adhered to in order to survive. "You know… soldiers die. Even the most decorated officers, the best- we die. And it only takes a moment; one single instant of carelessness and… dead."

It took Kaylee a moment to work something resembling a reply. She couldn't know what it was like being a soldier, she knew working for Mal was dangerous but they were all family. They all at one point had gotten hurt; hell, she'd been shot too.

"Aint been easy, huh?" Kaylee sat on her knees, looking up at Thaïs. It was making her uncomfortable. Thaïs frowned. The last thing she wanted was to share anything about herself and here she'd done it again. It was just easy for Kaylee; she was 'innocent', saw the best in people…

"Are we done?" Thaïs asked a little roughly, looking at her tablet.

"Yup." Kaylee grinned ignoring the slight frown. "All ready to go. Should be a smooth ride."

"I hope so." Mal said startling them. He noticed Thaïs' pursed lips but didn't comment. "Got an hour 'till we're in orbit."

"I'll have the passengers start loading in." Thaïs replied heading towards the door. She hadn't heard him approach and she hadn't felt him either. On one hand she was happy the sessions with Inara had worked but… that had emphasized what she'd just told Kaylee.

One careless moment and you were dead.

Standing on the catwalk she looked into the bay where the passengers had assembled. She drew in a breath and headed down stopping on the last landing.

"We're an hour out of **_Ziza_**. The shuttle is ready; you can start loading your belongings now."

"Xie xie ni." Noë thanked her. He turned to his unit and started giving out orders while Gryph watched Thaïs head back up. "Get your ass in gear, Hawthorn."

"I'm moving." He replied taking his duffels and following the others.

* * *

_**AN: If you really want to know what they were saying you'd look it up. **_


	24. Upkeep Repairs

** 24 Upkeep (Repairs)**

Inara moved about the kitchen on silent feet. She'd been patient, waiting the past two days on the repairs to _Serenity_ but it was still going to interfere with her schedule. At the moment the problem was that Inara _couldn't_ make one. The fault was solely laid at Malcolm Reynolds feet. If she didn't know better, Inara would think he was keeping to the outer planets purposely.

The past year…she'd been on _Serenity_, with the same arrangement as before but she could feel a difference. Somehow…it just wasn't home, not anymore. It saddened her but she'd come to a decision and it was for the best.

She didn't belong with them anymore, she had a place and a profession- one Mal had no problem bad mouthing any chance he got. Inara was tired of it, tired of wishing for something that would never happen. She wasn't going to change and neither was he.

It was time to move on.

**Φ**

**_Belluron_** was…peaceful. The planet was nowhere near the Alliance core but neither was it on the rim. It was just far enough out of the way _Serenity_ could set down and no one would be the wiser and if they did…well, nobody really cared.

Mal found the prairie a beautiful sight in the twilight and again at dawn. The ranchers were few and far between but the wild horses brought him memories-good ones.

His ship was finally getting the repairs he'd put off, both Kaylee and Thaïs had been spending their days and evening working together. Mal didn't worry as much about Thaïs sabotaging them. The girl had done enough for him to relax- just a little. And there was always River…she'd tell him if things changed and the pilot had to be sent out of the airlock.

Mal watched the sun begin to set, the musky-exotic scent enveloped him but he didn't say anything.

"It's beautiful."

Mal didn't let himself look away from the darkening sky as Inara came up beside him. Her perfume wafted around them both and he took a second to savor it. He felt a slight ache deep inside, something he recognized but wouldn't acknowledge. At least he wouldn't have before but now… hadn't it been long enough?

"Yes."

Inara stared at the setting sun, watched it slip behind the planet leaving the sky an indigo color.

"This isn't working." She said quietly and the fact that Mal didn't protest hurt just a little. "I'm returning to the training house."

"Cant say I didn't know." Mal replied. It pained him, to know she was leaving again but it wasn't as bad as the first time. He didn't feel as though hot coals were being tossed into his stomach. "It's best this way."

"Of course." Inara agreed hiding the hurt at his words. They watched the sky darken in silence. Both thinking how little the other seemed to be bothered by the decision. It seemed as though there should have been more things said, more to protest… Had they ever meant more to each other? Or had it been just something they'd imagined?

"We should be leaving in a couple of days." Mal said quietly, finally turning to look at Inara. His eyes wandered over her face- she was beautiful, yes that had never been in question. Her voice or rather the calm tone she always employed was something he'd liked right from the start. He'd enjoyed listening to her speak, had felt his mood lighten when she laughed… Yes, she was a very beautiful woman.

A woman who made a living being the perfect 'companion' to any man who could afford her.

Mal sighed. He could never live with that nagging him, the thought of other men having her before him. He wasn't a man to share his woman but he didn't judge either- well, maybe he did but it was only because Inara _chose_ to take money for her services.

She'd been trained young, was one of the best Companions in the guild, a 'respectable' trade. It was legal, was all…

"Oh." Was all Inara could think to say. She'd hoped Mal would ask her to stay with them… "Well…"

"I guess it was only a matter of time. Alliance shouldn't bother you now, anyhow." He nodded and stood a moment longer staring at his boots.

"Of course." Inara watched him nod once more and then slowly turn towards _Serenity_. "Mal?" she called softly. He turned back, his blue eyes just a little sad. "Would-." She paused but squared her shoulders and forged ahead. "Would it have made a difference? If I wasn't…"

Malcolm drew in a breath. He'd been wondering that same thing the last few weeks. He'd been doing a lot of thinking ever since the **_Miranda_** wave and taking those jobs from Talus… would her line of work really have made a difference? Maybe it wasn't so important, not in the bigger scheme of things but it was still a fact, one Mal couldn't look over.

Inara smiled softly at him accepting his silence.

"It wouldn't have worked anyway." She acknowledged softly. They were two different people and Mal… Inara walked towards him, her eyes on his as she spoke. "I wish you every happiness, Mal."

He nodded.

"You should open your heart. You're a good man, I don't want you to be alone." Her soft smile turned sad at the thought he might eventually find a woman he could love. A woman whose profession didn't put him off.

"Aint alone." Mal replied turning with her as they walked to his boat. He pointed his chin in the direction, where he could see a silhouette on the bow of his ship. "I've got all the people I need."

And that was fine with Malcolm, it was enough.

**Φ**

_"Forget."_

_Pain raced through her body._

_"You must learn."_

_She forced herself up, forced herself not to show any emotion. The training session would only get worse and really, her ribs weren't broken._

_"Pain. It is a weakness."_

_The next blow barely registered, all she knew was it hurt._

_"Get up."_

_She tried and fell back choking down a scream. There was blood in her mouth, she coughed it up and spat. _

_"I gave you an order."_

_She pushed onto her knees, gasping in breaths trying to obey._

'Have to. Gotta stand. Up. Now. Stand up.'

_Her legs wobbled but they held her weight._

_"Enough."  
Relief flooded through her. For now, it was over but she held herself rigid. Not moving until the soldiers flanked her. She had to walk on her own and they set the pace. It showed them her strength, the effectiveness of _his_ techniques. _

_She was bandaged and treated, her ribs healed as the scan was passed over her torso. Once more in the white robe they led her to the shared quarters. An empty white room with nothing inside, not even a window. She'd lost track of how long she'd spent there, everyday blended into the next just like every hour, every minute, all of it._

_She was left alone, back propped up against the cold steel wall, somehow huddling into the corner. She must've slept but it never left her feeling rested. _

_She never heard them come back, didn't know she wasn't alone until she jerked away from the warm hand on her leg._

_"It's me."_

_"No…" she was dreaming. Or it was a trick, some lesson that sīshēngz__ǐ__ was teaching her._

_He pulled her to him ignoring the soft grunt as her body protested the sudden movement. She ached but her mind latched onto the fact he was solid. She closed her eyes and inhaled, another sense confirming what she'd seen, heard and felt._

_"You're hurt." Her voice was unfamiliar to her own ears. The violet eyes strayed over his face at the bruises, some already yellowed and fading._

_"Both of us." He sat, held her on his lap and traced a calloused finger over the cut on her cheek. She relaxed, let out a pent up breath and rested against him. For now neither of them was alone._

**Φ**

Zoë watched Thaïs climb out onto the ship. She was anchored but even so it looked as though she took unnecessary risk in moving from one part to another.

"Too much thinking."

Zoë glanced at River and smiled. Yes, they'd all been doing a lot of thinking and with news of Inara's departure…

_'It was going to happen.'_

Zoë sighed, one hand rubbing at the small bump of her belly. Her child was growing but the loose shirt hid any evidence.

"Let's walk." She invited. River smiled, bare feet stepping into the grass and soil. Zoë didn't say anything, just shook her head and smiled.

"Don't go far." Simon called. He would have told Zoë to rest but he'd begun to see it was much smarter not to mention healthier for him if he wasn't so overbearing. He went back to helping Jayne with the panel they'd hooked up and had to hoist. Above them, Kaylee and Thaïs were waiting.

Zoë watched as River stuck her tongue out and giggled. Ignoring the men, they walked to the small hill and looked at the prairie. In the distance, a herd of horses played, chewed on tufts of grass…

"Baby's happy." River murmured pressing her ear to Zoë's stomach.

Zoë didn't mind, instead smoothing her fingers through River's hair. She stared into the distance, where the sky and the earth met, thinking…

**Φ**

_The transport was ready, all her trunks had been packed in and the last piece stood out front. Her violet eyes looked up, unsure and worried. She'd promised to behave, not to sneak out, not even to see the Tam's… It didn't change what was._

_"A military school." Dania's words dripped scorn but she said nothing else. Her cold eyes never looked at her child, the girl she'd been fighting to send to a Training House._

_"Make me proud, mei-mei." Rene's heavy hand rested on her shoulder_. _He smiled._

_"Of course, Papa." Thaïs nodded. She wouldn't disappoint him, no matter what she'd make him proud. Turning to the transport she moved forward, alone. Her parents stood in front of their domicile, neither touching. _

_Sitting in the transport she watched her Mother turn away while her Father watched the transport leave._

**Φ**

"_From babyland so far away, Beside a silver sea, Was brought a special treasure, As a gift to you, you'll see …" _the soft voiced song floated behind River as she skiped through the kitchen and out into the corridor. "_Children grow up while you're not looking, too many are years lost…_" she slowed on the catwalk, her voice dropping even lower as she watched her brother enjoy the night.

The repairs were complete and Mal had ordered Thaïs to set a course for **_Shinon. _**For now, the crew had started a fire and had spent most of the evening enjoying it. Jayne picked up his guitar, clearing his throat as he stood.

"See you in the morning." He said heading towards the open doors of _Serenity_.

The quiet stretched while the last three members of the crew sat in the evening. The twinkle of stars in the night sky held Kaylee's attention. She was half lying on Simon who'd draped an arm over her ribs. He sat on the ground, more at ease than he had been at first.

"Mmm, this is nice." Kaylee smiled. She glanced at Simon snuggling into his side. Zoë felt a twinge of sadness suddenly missing Wash all the more. She'd been like that, not at first but with time she'd grown to need the contact with Wash.

"You're like your Mother." Zoë murmured watching Kaylee. She remembered the few times they'd met.

"What is she like?" Simon asked. He hadn't yet had the opportunity to meet Kaylee's family what with their current situation. There just hadn't been time.

Zoë took note of Simon's curiosity and smiled.

"Like me." Kaylee quickly replied. "Just older."

"There's a woman you _don't_ want to get upset." Zoë warned with a laugh.

Simon smiled and they were quiet again for a while, until Kaylee hesitantly asked about his parents. It wasn't a subject he brought up in conversation or made a passing comment about like the others. He just wasn't comfortable talking about them or anything to do with the life he'd left behind.

In the light of the dying fire Simon drew in a heavy breath. It wasn't a difficult question after all. He could tell them his parents were loving, caring people but like all humans…they were flawed.

"…Don't see why…" Kaylee grumbled frowning down at their linked hands.

"Why what?" Zoë asked looking at them curiously.

"Oh. Mmmm…" Kaylee glance nervously at Simon. "I'm sorry but it just don't seem right, is all."

"What doesn't?" Zoë asked again.

"It was mostly my Mother." Simon answered on a sigh. "She-."

"Wouldn't let them play with Thaïs." Kaylee jumped in. "She'd call her Mother and-."

"It wasn't as bad as that." Simon intervened shaking his head. "Not…exactly." He stared at the dying embers. He hadn't understood then why his parents grew upset with any mention of Thaïs or her family. At least not until he was older…

"My parents are snobs." Simon admitted and it made him feel like a terrible son.

_'Because being wanted by the _Alliance_ and running with thieves doesn't.'_

"Shen me?" Zoë had trouble understanding that.

"Dania Fillion." Simon replied instead. "I met her once. I was at an event with my parents. She's a striking woman…but I disliked her immediately."

It wasn't that hard to see Dania was a cold, pretentious woman; a social climber looking for any opportunity. She'd tried to use Thaïs and when that failed the daughter she'd birthed was of no use to Dania.

"Her Father, Rene seemed more… well, he was hardly around to dote on her but he was proud of Thaïs." Simon said looking up at Zoë. He barely smiled. "She was at Flight Academy, top 4% of her class. He made sure to mention that."

"She is a good pilot." Zoë agreed.

"Her Mother didn't think so." Simon said frowning. "She'd hoped… hoped that I would ask for Thaïs." He looked at Zoë who only raised an eyebrow. Kaylee was the only one surprised. He'd never mentioned anything to her about that.

"And Thaïs?" Zoë questioned noting the slight hurt Kaylee was trying to hide.

"We've never thought of each other like that." Simon revealed shaking his head. "She'd be too much trouble either way."

Zoë chuckled at that, her eyes straying to Kaylee who was staring at the fire thoughtfully.

"She aint had it easy, but she don't complain." Kaylee noted, her brow slightly furrowed. "She don't speak of them, anyhow."

"Thaïs wouldn't." Simon shook his head. "Thinking back, I see now… River and I, we were the closest thing to family she had. Until she met those three in Flight Academy…"

And yet she was still alone.

Zoë wondered if being on _Serenity_ had made a difference to Thaïs. Did she finally feel as though she'd found a home? Had they done anything to make her feel part of the crew since she'd signed on?

Mal was still wary of her and for her part Zoë was still harboring concerns but Thaïs was slowly earning her trust. She'd done nothing for them to doubt her word so far. There were just too many questions…

**Φ**


	25. Loose Ends

**25 Loose Ends**

_"Capt. I have a wave from Genia Xang."_ Thaïs' voice came over the comm. with a hint of curiosity as to the name she didn't recognize.

Mal grumbled under his breath, he didn't think the comm. had gotten as much use before Thaïs signed on.

"Kaylee-."

"I know." She replied raising a grease smeared hand from beneath the engine. He left her alone, heading up to the bridge ignoring the sounds of Inara's packing. She'd been at it the past two days and though he hadn't been in there he couldn't help picturing his shuttle as it had been the last time she left.

Empty.

It suddenly bothered him, the fact her leaving _wasn't_ bothering him as much as the first time.

Mal headed past the mess and into the corridor quickly catching up to Zoë.

"Genia." She said and he nodded.

"Been a while." He noted preceding her up the steps and into the bridge.

_"Malcolm."_ Genia's smiling face met him, a little more weathered than he remembered. Her once red hair was shot with gray and dull. _"Don't you look busy?"_

"Yeah, just getting some work done." Mal replied wiping at the grease on his hands.

_"Good. Work is always good."_ Genia agreed with a nod. _"It's mainly why I waved you."_

"You got some work for me, Gen?" Mal asked leaning absently against the pilot chair.

Thaïs raised an inky eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. Her attention went back to the older woman on the screen, studying her. For some reason, Thaïs felt the woman was _too _happy.

_"Mater of fact, just got some __fēngfù de sh__ǎ__guā_ _needs some cargo transported. Figured you'd be best for it. Did say it was of a 'special nature', all delicate like."_ Genia winked.

"My kind of work." Mal noted with a slight nod and half smile. "Where and when?"

_"**Verizon**. Three days from now, Mal. Client's Nel Khova." _Genia read off the sheet in her hands. _"Well, that's my end of things."_

"Xie xie, Gen." Mal reached down and closed the wave.

"Sir?" Zoë moved towards the empty chair and sat down.

"That planet isn't safe." Thaïs said turning towards them.

"She's right." Zoë agreed.

"There was a Reaver attack... Alliance cleaned it up but they haven't gotten around to re-populating."

"It was a few months after **_Miranda_**." Zoë reminded him. "We had a lay over in **_Tarahil_** on **_Amavia_**."

"I remember." Mal frowned, dark eyes studying Thaïs. "Where did you hear about it?"

"It was on **_Aeron_**."

"A core planet?" Zoë frowned.

"I was staying in **_Lichna_**, looking for a transport out." Thaïs revealed, though she sounded stiff. "My contact passed on the information before I left."

But she said nothing about who that contact was, if she still had that contact or why she was leaving **_Lichna_** in the first place_._ Mal had more questions about Thaïs and that put him in a bad mood.

"Set a course." Mal ordered heading out of the bridge. Zoë stood and hurried after him.

"Capt." she called as he turned into the mess where he wired on her. "Sir, are we sure this-."

"Is smart?" Mal cut in with a raised eyebrow. "Hell no." he scoffed.

"I know we don't want to rely on Talus or Charlie for work, Mal." Zoë conceded. "But taking on this contact from Genia… Sir, she's not exactly honest."

"It was…" Mal sighed. The woman had shortchanged them-stole. He hadn't forgotten, which was why they didn't really go her way for work. Mal was a little surprised the woman had waved him with the offer but… work was work and he wasn't about to get picky on which jobs he'd take or leave.

"Tzao-gao." Mal grumbled on a breath.

* * *

Thaïs glanced over her shoulder at the clomp of boots on the grates to find Mal entering the bridge.

"We'll be in orbit soon." She said turning back to the controls. A part of her wondered why he wasn't asking the Companion to stay on but it wasn't any of her business. The past few months with the crew of _Serenity_ had been… well, it almost felt like she'd found a place to belong. That thought was unsettling on it's own but then Thaïs had begun to like Inara. The Companion was beautiful, inside as well as out and the meditation sessions- Inara hadn't had to do that for Thaïs. She'd had no reason to help…and yet she did. For that, Thaïs was grateful and it was why she felt the need to ask about things that weren't any of her concern.

"I'll be taking the shuttle." Mal stated a bit gruff. He noticed the inky eyebrow barely raised but Thaïs didn't make a comment. "What?" he muttered glowering darkly at her. Thaïs shrugged barely flicking a violet gaze in his direction. Mal had a pretty good idea of what she was thinking and her words seemed to echo in his brain. Well, he wasn't going to _do_ anything. There was nothing _to _do, Inara was who she was and Mal wasn't going to pretend it didn't bother him. Hell, he'd never hidden his 'distaste' for her line of work.

"I'll plot our course for **_Verizon_**." Thaïs replied with another knowing look in his direction. Grumbling under his breath Mal left the bridge demanding she make sure his boat was still in one piece when he got back.

Thaïs' lips twitched in amusement at his grumbles.

* * *

River quietly slipped into the shuttle frowning at the difference, not at all pleased with the empty and run down look of the once plush interior. Inara's departure was unavoidable; she'd known it would happen just like she knew it had never been more than a dream… Inara wasn't going to leave her life to follow Mal, she didn't like that they stole and she hated the worry of waiting for them to return from a job. Most times she was just worrying about them getting shot though she tried not to picture them dead somewhere.

"She was never going to stay."

The softly voiced words drew Mal's attention. He was alone in the cockpit, just staring at the stars coming to terms with his choice.

"So you knew." He murmured drawing in a breath and standing up. "It's best."

"It is." River concurred walking towards him, her brown eyes disconcertingly clear and intelligent. "She doesn't fit. Not for you. Too grand, too fancy, too much." She shook her head but all Mal heard was how Inara had been too good for him.

"Xie xie, River. Makes me feel all warm inside to know that." He snapped walking past her and out of the shuttle.

She stared after him, her lips slightly pursed in disapproval for his behavior. Whatever Mal had…felt for Inara- it was nice. He'd had a safe outlet- an excuse for not really getting involved with a woman, not that there was much opportunity for it on _Serenity_. But Mal had a bad habit of making up reasons for not allowing himself the closeness and companionship of a woman. He didn't want to be vulnerable and allowing himself that weakness was…

"Impossible." River sighed.

* * *

Kaylee snuggled into Simon, upset by Inara's departure but she understood. This time around it had been different.

"I know it aint the Capt.'s fault." Kaylee murmured shifting beside Simon. "She just wasn't happy here anymore. Wasn't home…"

That's what bothered Kaylee because it brought up her insecurities about Simon and River and how maybe they didn't feel like _Serenity_ was home to them… Her worry that one day Simon would leave… And then what would she do without him?

"Her life is in the Training House. It's where she is happy." Simon consoled.

"Well, of course but it aint like she wasn't able to- well, maybe she wasn't all the time but Inara still worked. Maybe if Mal hadn't -."

"Kaylee…" Simon warned gently.

"I know." She sighed giving up on the 'what if' and 'maybe if' of her moping. There was nothing she could do about Inara being gone and they could always wave her. The one thing she could affect was Simon and Kaylee wasn't about to let him leave.

"Simon…?" Kaylee slowly inched onto his chest trailing her fingers lightly over his skin.

* * *

"Aint in the mood." Mal said walking past Zoë. The echo of her booted feet followed him out of the mess and into the passage leading towards the bay. He really had no idea where he was going, just that he needed to be moving until it was time for the job.

"Sir-."

"What?" Mal growled turning to his Lt.

"I'm going."

Mal was silent a long moment trying to figure out her meaning. He was pretty positive she didn't meant 'going' as in off his boat and the only other possibility he could come up with was that she intended to go on the job with him. As far as he knew Zoë was still pregnant and he wasn't about to take her anywhere that would put her in danger. Or the baby…

"Shen me?" Mal asked quietly.

Zoë frowned slightly. She'd known it would be a difficult conversation to have with Mal especially with how 'protective' he was over the women on his boat. Now that she was pregnant it was practically impossible to continue with her daily routine. If it wasn't Simon forbidding her to do one thing, it was Kaylee fussing over her, or Jayne staring at her like she was some… hell, Zoë had no clue what the big oaf was thinking but he acted differently around her. Everyone did.

"I'm not an invalid Mal." Zoë growled. "And I'm not going to stop performing my duties until it's absolutely necessary-."

"It is necessary." Mal cut in glaring.

"No. It isn't." Zoë contradicted and the fact she was calm about it only annoyed Mal more.

"You aint fit to do any jobs." Mal ground past his clenched teeth.

"We're going to a meet." Zoë replied looking at him coolly. "I'm fit for that."

And so long as Simon didn't contradict her Mal would have to keep quiet. All Zoë had to do was make sure Simon kept his overly undue concern to himself.

* * *

The planet was deserted just like Thaïs had said and seeing it reminded Mal of **_Miranda_**. He stared out at the empty buildings with crossed arms as Thaïs gently set them down. Zoë was dressed and armed, something he wasn't happy about. Jayne shifted uncomfortably but the mercenary kept his mouth shut and a firm grip on Vera. No one said anything for a moment and then static crackled over the comm.

"That would be our contact." Mal said into the silence. He nodded at Thaïs and she put the wave on the screen. All four had a clear view of the thin face staring back at them.

Nel Khova was not a handsome man. His hair was different shades of ashy brown streaked with gray. A large forehead with sunken eyes a darker shade of blue-gray and hooked nose perched above two lines, supposedly lips. His skin was pale with a slightly grayish cast and liver spots. The neck tie didn't hide the adams apple that protruded from his neck like another appendage and when he spoke his voice whispered unnaturally.

Nothing about Nel Khova inspired trust but Thaïs kept her mouth shut and let the Capt. deal with it.

_"I wish to speak with Captain Reynolds."_

Mal took a moment to answer. He knew right away that Khova wasn't going to be one of his 'favorite' people but he told himself they wouldn't have to deal with the man again.

"That'd be me." Mal gave a slight nod.

_"Very well."_ Khova agreed and ignored the others. _"Madame Xang has spoken well of you, Captain Reynolds. I only hope it was not an exaggeration."_ The thin lines pressed into one, a bushy eye brow rising. _"The cargo I would have you transport is delicate and rare. I trust you will not be requiring I describe it?"_

"Nope." Mal shook his head not that he'd forgotten about the job he'd lost an ear for... The question didn't bother him though the tone… Khova was one of those uppity high born bastards.

_"Good. The co-ordinates are there."_ Khova pointed a thin finger towards Thaïs. Glancing at the console she saw the numbers clearly displayed. _"I will have the rest of your instructions waiting."_

The screen blacked out before Mal had a chance to question Khova.

"It's a warehouse. Four clicks from our current position." Thaïs brought up an image of the building, her fingers flying over the keyboard as she typed. The image shifted, the grainy pictured sharpened and she gave them a view of each entrance. "There's movement…"

"Sir." Zoë shifted, eyes moving over the screen already pinpointing tactical advantages.

"You got grenades, Jayne?" Mal asked ignoring her.

"Yeah…" Jayne frowned wondering why Mal was asking when he already knew the answer. Anytime Mal was intent on doing some stealing, Jayne made sure there was at least a couple grenades on his person. Going on a job didn't seem any different to Jayne either…

"Good. Let's go." Mal ordered heading out of the bridge. "Thaïs!" he called.

"Diu." She muttered getting to her feet. Somehow she was going to end up doing a lot more than she'd want to.

* * *

----

_'Atleast it aint a space station.'_

The thought did little to cheer Mal considering he'd walked into a trap. Thoughts of what he'd do to Genia when he saw her… Mal was pretty sure Zoë had some expletives she'd like to say regarding his person but that would have to wait as well.

"Don't suppose you'd let the women go…" Mal half asked. "No." he glanced at Zoë but she was focused. Behind her, Jayne grumbled about fools just loud enough for Mal to hear it.

"You ruined my uncle." Nel stated coldly. His gray eyes skipped over Mal to rest on Zoë. He looked smug but then he had a reason. It wasn't everyone who had their prey hand themselves over on a silver platter, so to speak.

Mal was more concerned for Zoë. She'd accompanied them on strict orders not to over exert herself. He should have just locked her in her bunk.

"For that, I will kill you." Nel flicked his pale eyes to Thaïs standing on Mal's left. "They will amuse me. Possibly." He shrugged, the dark gray suit crinkling with the motion.

"If you're going to kill me, you mind telling me who your uncle is?" Mal asked though he already knew. It was there in the eyes, and the shrug of his shoulder had fully confirmed his suspicions.

"My Uncle." Nel's face pinkened with anger. "My Uncle was Adelei Nishka."

"Nǐ bǒ háng jiāhuo." Jayne groused. "Aint gonna die for you Mal." He warned shifting on his feet.

"Don't expect you to." Mal replied annoyed by the insult. He didn't see why people were always commenting on his Yīnjīng.

"Take their weapons." Nel ordered. One of the big oafs strode forward and took Mal's gun from the holster. It galled him but Mal kept silent watching as they took Zoë's gun. Jayne grumbled but handed over his guns, even Vera though he threatened bodily injury vowing to get her back. It was Thaïs who caused him trouble.

The littlest one…was always trouble.

* * *

Simon sat at the table absently tapping the cup between his hands. Kaylee was humming to herself, a smudge of engine grease on her cheek. Maybe this wasn't part of his life plan but it was his life now. He'd been stuck on what he'd given up for too long- according to River he'd been a 'boob'. That made his smile. Sometimes his sister was… he sighed. There was so much about their lives he'd wished different but more for River. He hated not being able to help her, and maybe he missed the way she'd been but he still loved her the same.

"Trouble." River called running past them and up to the bridge.

"What?" Kaylee frowned, glancing from Simon to the hatch and back.

"River, what trouble?" Simon asked quickly following in his sister's wake. _Serenity_ came alive before he stepped through the hatch. "River."

_Serenity_ rose into the sky, flying low over the empty buildings until they were over the warehouse Mal and the others had gone to meet with Khova.

"River- what are you doing?" Simon demanded glancing at the buildings beneath them.

"She's in trouble." River said, her eyes locked on the warehouse. "Bad."

Simon went cold, his first thought was of the baby and he ran out of the bridge to his infirmary.

* * *

Why was he always getting shot at? It just didn't fail, anytime he went to a meet or did a job-hell it was practically expected. His crew certainly planned for it but this time Mal wasn't taking the blame. _He_ hadn't thrown the knives at the guards. _He_ hadn't dropped the goon with their guns and he certainly wasn't going to complain about their sudden dash out of the warehouse. Well, not until he was safely on his boat. Then…_then_ he'd lay into Thaïs for the reckless, dangerous stunt she'd pulled.

_'She's liable to get us killed!'_ he thought with a scowl as he ducked around some canisters. He could see Zoë up ahead, ducking behind some empty crates. She leaned out firing two rounds before Thaïs yanked her back behind their cover. The wood splintered and Mal watched as Thaïs pulled his lieutenant further down out of the way.

Mal was pissed; he had a pregnant crew member being shot at and as he leaned around his protective barrier Thaïs rose up. She held both guns aimed and started firing. She aimed for Khova's men but they had their own protection. Mal started shooting slightly stepping out from behind the canister.

"Go." Thaïs ordered. "Zoë, get out of here!"

"Aint leaving-." Zoë snapped starting to rise only for Thaïs to duck down and shove at her. "Watch your hands!"

"You're pregnant!" Thaïs hissed, violet eyes flashing in anger. "You forget about that? You can't be in here. You can't afford to get hurt- get back to the ship, Zoë. You can't do anything here."

Zoë wanted to argue, anger bubbled up but there was no denying the girl was telling the truth. She wasn't any help, only a liability because they'd be thinking of protecting her instead of paying attention, finding a way out. She was the weak link…

"Alright." Zoë agreed and Thaïs didn't miss the protective hand she placed on the slight bump protruding from the un-tucked shirt.

Thaïs didn't waste time or gave Zoë an opportunity to rethink her decision. She grabbed the woman's arm and led her through the stacked crates, easily threading through the stacks. They were close to the entrance, Thaïs could tell by the difference in light. The shadow that fell was sudden and didn't give her time to call a warning. Thaïs fired her weapon turning to cover her six and found Zoë hunkered down with her gun aimed.

"Clear." Zoë nodded and slowly got to her feet.

"Come on." Thaïs hurried but the warehouse wall was past the second stack and reaching it they pressed their backs to it sliding down and taking cover.

"I'll distract them. You run and don't think of looking back, Zoë." Thaïs warned.

It galled Zoë, having to cut and run while they stayed to fight. But she was a distraction and concern for her child was making her nervous. What if she died? What if _this,_ right now caused her body to abort-. Zoë clenched her jaw blinking away the sting of tears.

She'd protect their child.

_'No more risks. I swear it.'_ Zoë vowed, not after today. There were other things to live for.

Thaïs waited for her, gave her time to catch a breath all the while thinking Zoë was not going to change. Maybe she'd slow down or take some time off but in the end Zoë was too much of a soldier to ever completely give up the only life she'd known. Something would always bring Zoë back…

"Now. Move." Thaïs ordered getting to her feet and stepping around the stacked crates, both guns firing.

Zoë paused a moment then stepped out behind Thaïs. She caught sight of Mal pinned behind the canisters and taking heavy fire. Her rifle came up automatically; no thought required seeing the Capt. in need of assistance.

Thaïs heard the shot and turned knowing as she did that it was a mistake. There was no time to correct it and as Zoë came into view Thaïs cursed the stupid woman who wasn't making her way outside. That's when she felt it, the burning sting in her shoulder and a second a bit lower and much more painful. Her arm went numb as the nerves were hit, the gun clattering to the ground as she tried to breathe past the agonizing pain. Behind her, Zoë cried out and Thaïs didn't think of what she was doing.

* * *

Mal cursed, he waved at Zoë to take cover at the same time Thaïs was shot twice. She dropped her gun and Mal took a step away from his protective cover intending to help and knowing he couldn't do anything from where he was. The next second Zoë's coat bloomed with a patch of red and she fell back. Mal was beyond angry. All he'd done was come to a meet, to do a job and what did he get?

"You gorram nǐ xiǎobiàn de jièkǒu-!" Mal roared as rage filled him threatening to cut of the air supply to his lungs. He barely noticed as Thaïs hauled Zoë behind the crates. He stepped around the canisters, aiming. Two shots took down the goon foolishly perched atop another canister.

"Jayne!" Mal barked and as if reading his mind, a little black sphere sailed towards the door they'd exited.

* * *

Thaïs felt the building shudder and the noise of the explosion cut through her focus but she didn't turn from the bleeding woman at her feet.

"Aah!" Zoë cried out in pain, clenching her jaw as Thaïs pressed on the bullet wound.

"It went through." Thaïs stated in clipped tones. Her own pain was still present but she ignored it. She forced her mind to forget it, to ignore the blinding pain- as though a small sun had burst under her skin-. "Press here."

"You were shot." Zoë ground past her teeth, obediently pressing down on her shoulder. She couldn't see any blood on Thaïs and her jacket had no bullet holes-

"Drop it!"

Thaïs' head jerked up at the order, violet eyes glaring at the goon holding her at gun point. She tossed her gun at his feet without argument, still kneeling beside Zoë.

"Get up, slow." He ordered waving the barrel.

"Your boss got blown to bits." Thaïs said as she stood up. "There's no point in killing us."

"No…its gonna make me feel a whole lot better." The goon smirked. He pulled the trigger hitting Thaïs point blank in the chest. She fell back grasping at the crates on her left. She barely felt the ground impact with her bruised shoulder. Her side just went numb and she lay still, struggling for breath when she heard Zoë. The woman was still flinging threats, weaponless and bleeding.

"Bye."

Thaïs kicked out, her heel connecting with his leg. The gun went off, ignored as Thaïs struggled to her feet. She was drawing in shallow breaths, pushing past the pain burning in her shoulder and chest. She focused on the goon, on his gun as he tried to shoot her again but the gun clattered harmlessly on the ground as she kicked him.

He snarled, turning towards her, arm slashing across and Thaïs felt the sting from the blade on her collar.

_'Stupid. Focus yourself. Do not be an easy kill.'_

* * *

"That's bad." Kaylee yelped as the big puff of smoke and fire rose towards them. "Real bad. Simon-."

"They'll be fine." He assured but even he wasn't convinced. All he could see was black smoke and fire licking at what had been the roof of the warehouse.

River circled the building, hovering lower.

"Should we go…check?" Kaylee asked softly. She didn't want to go down there; her mind kept picturing all the dead bodies- people she'd known and the children…

"Set her down somewhere safe, River." Simon ordered. "I'll take a look." He didn't want to go either but there was no one else around and they had to know if any of them had survived.

* * *

"Zoë!" Mal yelled running towards the exit. He turned the corner, gun aimed at the struggling pair.

"Help her." Zoë grunted from the floor as she craned her head to get a look at Thaïs.

But Mal didn't move. He watched Thaïs twist around, the goon's arm in a firm grip. Something shone in her hand, the same one she jabbed into his chest and under his chin. The goon went still, sort of jerked then dropped at Thaïs' feet.

"She don't need it." Mal said as Thaïs drew in a deep breath. She finally looked at him, the bloody knife in her hand

"What're you waitin' on for?" Jayne demanded.

"Get Zoë." Mal ordered tucking his sidearm in its holster and grabbing Zoë's rifle. "Haizi-!" he called but Thaïs was already striding towards them, both of her guns in hand. She fell in beside him, blood streaking her cheek, violet eyes searching the shadows and fire as they covered Jayne.

* * *

_Time to get on with the job._

_There's no reason to delay it anymore. The Tam's need to be brought in. I know this. _

_It's my job._

_My life._

_I know what I am._

Who _I am._

* * *

**_AN: Explanations will be forthcoming in the next chapter as to how she survives the bullets._**


	26. Contact

**_AN: Yes, I know. Really, this is chapter 26- a new addition._**

* * *

**26 Contact**

The ship sped through the black, stars no more than bright streaks very few took note of. Each gray clad figure moved with purpose even if they had none. Each post manned at all times and at the helm… Devon Hiyo stood watching the view screen. The report on Azmyth's progress was adequate, finding the Tam's and destroying the ship they were on had been top priority… Had been.

New orders had come through just a few hours ago and Devon was still dithering on whether to send them along to his Operative or just ignore the command. He could claim the Operative had acted alone, gone rogue… it wouldn't look well on Devon or help his career let alone the training and time he'd invested already… No, it would be best to follow the orders as they'd been sent. It didn't mean Devon had to like it. He didn't like dealing with the blue handed suits onboard either but they weren't leaving until they got River Tam.

It was Devon Hiyo's job to see they did.

He accessed the Cortex and sent the new instructions.

Now it was time to wait….

**Φ**

The barren moon was nothing more than a desert on a rock in the middle of the verse too far for the Alliance to really pay it much attention. It made **_Saskia_** a good place to hide in, get a little time to think and plan so long as the heat wasn't an issue. Over a hundred degrees and more at the highest point in the day, with two suns in close proximity… there was nothing but water cacti and the large tentacle like _loah_ roots the locals cultivated and then fermented until it was time to cask.

The 'towns' were nothing more than mud shacks half dug into the ground and a couple of buildings on stilts made of what materials the settlers had been left with, a few wood structures still stood though bleached almost a grayish-white because of the unrelenting sun.

The ship set down among a valley of boulders, far away from any _loah _field or settlement. The message on the screen flashed annoyingly and would continue if ignored. With a sigh the Operative opened the file and read.

"New orders…." Annoyance was threaded into the words. The plan would have to change and that meant time spent figuring out a new course of action. Implementing it would be tricky and would require more time… "Shén gāisǐ de báichī."

River Tam was never to be harmed though everyone else was expendable.

Now the _Alliance_ wanted Simon Tam alive and well. What the reason for the change was didn't matter and it wasn't given. Those were the new orders and that's what would happen. The crew of _Serenity_ were expendable excluding the Capt. _Alliance_ wanted Malcolm Reynold's bound by law and delivered for his public execution.

Contact would have to be made and soon.

**Φ**

He was charming; an older gentleman wealthy enough to draw any Companion and he'd asked for her. Inara accepted. Curious and a bit wary but that was normal when taking on a new client. Devon had done nothing to warrant her distrust and yet as she watched him ascend the steps towards her she couldn't be completely at ease. She smiled at him, the warmth of her expression just a little bit forced.

Devon Hiyo took her hand, pale gray eyes running over the elegant figure of the woman he'd bought and paid for. She stood calmly butt here was something in her eyes… She led him into the House, her azure skirts swishing in tandem with her steps and the light tinkling of her jewelry played like a song. The suite was opulent yet tasteful, his brief glance taking every detail in as he moved to the couch where she would serve him tea. Devon enjoyed the ritual of ceremony, it was needed and not just with a Companion but in life. Its how Devon began his day and how his Operatives were taught. Without ritual, without a daily plan…. Well, how did one meet ones goal?

"Disrobe."

Inara paused with her tea half way to her lips at his words. The gentle voice drew her eyes to his and the smile on his handsome face did nothing to hide the fact it had been an order. She had another flash of concern- remembered the Operative, now dead, as he'd walked up the same steps- she shook off those thoughts and got to her feet. Inara had no reason to refuse, after all, this is what he'd come for and what she had accepted. There was no reason to send him out or call another Companion to attend him. its what she _wanted_ to do though there was no reason for that either. No man wanted to claim her for his own….

_'There was Mal…'_

Inara knew that with Mal it was all or nothing, he wouldn't stand for it, her 'job'… but living with him, in _his_ way… there were times the crew had gone without and how many times had _Serenity_ almost fallen apart due to lack of coin for repairs? At least Inara'd had her own emergency fund and a way out if it got any worse.

No.

Inara knew herself well and the comforts of her life as it was… well, its what she wanted more.

The tea set aside, Inara stood. Her pale hands reached to the clasp at her shoulder and lightly tugged. Devon watched, pale gray eyes moving slowly over her face to the pale skin at her throat and followed the path of the blue silk glide down her body to lay bare her torso. He inclined his head slightly and what it meant. Inara still hesitated, fingers fiddling with the ties at her hip. With each client…hesitation, each and every time since leaving _Serenity_ and yet Inara wouldn't return. She pulled the ties loose and felt cool air meet her skin. Devon motion her closer and Inara stepped out of the silk pooled around her feet leaving everything where it had fallen. Devon uncrossed his legs, hands resting palms down on his thighs. It was her job to know what he wanted and his pose left her with little else to do but kneel in front of him. She looked into the pale gray eyes, hands lightly touching his knees. He smiled again as Inara moved closer. Her hands slowly travelled up his thighs, meeting at his waist and travelling up his chest. She took her time with the buttons of his jacket, eyes locked with his.

Devon noted the slight change in her expression when he skimmed his hands over her hip and up to cup her breast. Inara slid both hands under the jacket once more moving up to his neck and working down the buttons of his shirt. Devon shrugged out of both while Inara leaned back to give him room. Both jacket and shirt were carefully draped over a chair, with Inara once more in place Devon sat back and nodded. There was just a slight hesitation on her part before she undid his trousers and he felt her hand envelope him. It was… nice – not what Devon wanted from her but Inara understood that quickly.

_'This is the life I want for myself. _Serenity_ is in the past._'

There was no point in wishing for what wasn't and wouldn't be. All thoughts were set aside. Her purpose was to pleas her client. For the next four hours she belonged solely to Devon Hiyo.

**Φ**

The ship lands close to town. The crew of _Serenity_ unaware of the Operative already in place. It isn't difficult to watch the women head towards the bathing pool, nor to follow them and wait. It's a fair distance, keeping out of reach so that River is calm- unaware but then there's no threat. Not yet and so it won't register. The day grows hotter by the second even in the cool skate gray uniform that blends into the bleached rocks on **_Saskia_**. The material is light and the spray keeps most of the blistering from burning fair skin. It won't be long and there's a place – the perfect spot for a sniper now that the crew has arrived.

It's where Azmyth needs to be.

**Φ**

Inara tugged the sheet over her body and plucked damp strands of hair away from her neck. Devon lay on his back beside her breathing evenly even after her exertions. Very few times had Inara contracted with a client who _knew_ what they wanted and liked. Most all had been surprised that she could show them something else that would put a big cheesy grin on their faces.

"You are worth every credit."

Inara could hear the smile in his voice and she didn't like it or his words. She glanced at the time piece inwardly cursing when it showed he still had another half hour with her. Inara wanted him gone _now_. It wasn't fair and Devon had done nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to get him black marked… it was solely her and she blamed a certain Capt.

"Your attention is required." Devon plucked the sheet from them both.

Inara bit back her graon. Each time he had to be coaxed to life with her mouth. Still, Inara did as she'd been trained and within minutes drew back. Devon directed her and Inara did as he asked.

A Companion gave pleasure…

**Φ**


	27. Shooting Jayne

**27 Shooting Jayne**

The sun beat down relentlessly, baking the dirt beneath their boots. Hell, it felt like _he _was cooking and that was under the shade. Still, **_Saskia_** wasn't as close to the sun as its sister moon.

"Aint see why we stoppin'." Jayne grumbled yet again. Charity work didn't pay but when they stopped on some moon that didn't have…'entertainment'… Jayne wasn't happy at all.

"It's only a day out of our lives, Jayne." Mal reminded him and it wasn't anything strenuous. Heck, Simon was doing all the work, providing the small settlement with needed medical services. Not to mention it gave them a safe place to set down. "Come on."

Mal headed back into the sun, towards the one room cottage used as the hospital. It wasn't much but it was clean and it had two large windows on each side. They provided enough light and air though it could only house two beds. The wrap around porch was shaded and other cots had been set up though Simon was grateful they were all empty.

"Maybe I'll just g-."

"They will hurt you." Mal warned catching Jayne staring off at the 'hills' were the underground spring was located.

"It's blistering hot." Jayne complained scowling. Mal didn't disagree with that but it just happened to be the women's day to enjoy the cool water. He looked towards the green hill top and shading trees thinking of the disaster they'd averted two weeks before.

No, Zoë was definitely not allowed on anymore jobs. She wasn't allowed anything strenuous according to Simon who'd had plenty to say about her bullet wound. She'd bled too much… unlike Thaïs.

Mal frowned. The girl was too damn smart and that worried him. She'd been shot three times, the last point blank in the chest and she survived.

_'Kevlar thread, huh.'_ Mal shook his head. Hell, if he'd the money to spend on something like that he sure as hell would get all his clothes made from the stuff. That brought another question to mind… where had Thaïs gotten the money? And why did an Alliance pilot need bullet proof clothes? Only she said she wasn't Alliance anymore so…

_'She saved Zoë's life. Both of them.'_ That's what kept him from demanding answers. And maybe he felt a little guilty as well but how was he supposed to know Thaïs was hurt if she didn't open her mouth to say so? He wasn't a damned mind reader-

_'Aw, hell.'_ Mal grumbled inwardly. He'd berated her, yelled like a damn maniac while Zoë was being cared for by Simon. Anger and worry had blinded him to the seep of blood on her shirt. Apparently not _all _her clothes had been Kevlar thread.

Zoë floated on her back enjoying the buoyancy of the water around her body and sun. She felt much lighter; the ten pounds of growing baby had begun to bother her back. Simon had assured it wasn't uncommon but Zoë wasn't used to the changes. She was just grateful everything was going along fine. Her shoulder was still healing but at least there wasn't a need for a weave anymore. Water splashed on her and she turned towards the girls. Kaylee and River were splashing each other, happy and carefree. It wasn't always the expression on River's face and it saddened Zoë. She'd found herself becoming too emotional lately, another normal reaction to being pregnant but one she _wasn't_ happy with.

Kaylee squealed suddenly, her head dunking under water and then Thaïs came up in her place. She still bore the marks from their narrow escape. Three fading bruises from the bullets, all of them a light greenish-yellow tint that almost blended with her natural sun kissed skin tone. The faint pink line across her collarbone was still healing.

Zoë didn't understand why Thaïs had kept quiet about her injuries. Her shoulder had almost been dislocated and she had to have been in a lot of pain. The cut hadn't closed completely and after the second day Simon had caught her trying to put a weave on it by herself. He hadn't wanted to admit Thaïs had done a pretty good job of it without him.

"And now I'm done." Thaïs said with a last splash of water at River before swimming to the edge.

"No fair!" Kaylee sputtered coming up with red strands clinging to her cheeks and hanging in her eyes. She pushed those out of her way but Thaïs was already rising out of the water. She stood on the rock while Kaylee and River started splashing again. Zoë watched Thaïs gather the inky tresses and ring some of the water out of it. She slipped the light cotton robe over her bare skin, the material immediately soaked it up but the half mile walk back to the bathhouse would dry it. Thaïs raised a hand and waved at them. As she left two other women discarded their robes and jumped into the spring.

Zoë drew a breath and submerged herself, feeling the water cool her face and head. One day just didn't seem like enough time to properly enjoy the underground spring.

"How much longer?" Jayne demanded, watching the dirt smeared man shuffle down the steps as Simon paused in the threshold. He'd rolled up his sleeves, his fancy vest unbuttoned along with the three buttons of his once crisp white shirt, having discarded his jacket. He wiped the damp strands of hair from his forehead with a sigh.

"There's no need to stand guard here." Simon assured. There was nowhere to kidnap the good doctor _to_ and he was already taking care of the people. At least they hadn't seen any religion nuts in the settlement.

"Aint nowhere else to go." Jayne snapped running a scowl over the dusty street.

"Oh. Right." Simon nodded remembering the spring and someone saying it was the women's day for its use.

"He's grumpy." Mal said from the left and turning Simon found the Capt. lying on an empty cot. He'd left his coat back on _Serenity_ and wore only his shirt, partially unbuttoned but even that didn't help with the heat. A slight breeze floated through the covered porch and Simon stepped out to fully enjoy it.

Jayne strode past, muttering curses under his breath when he noticed the blue spot on Simon's shirt. He knew exactly what it was and shoved a big hand at Simon pushing him to the creaking boards barely calling a warning to Mal.

Simon's eyes snapped open, about to protest the mistreatment when the post in front of Jayne burst into a million splinters. Simon covered his head and face unable to comprehend how the wood had become flying bits of missiles. He could feel the stinging burn on his arms, the itching on his chest and scalp…

"Stay down!" Mal ordered crawling over Simon's legs towards Jayne. "Diu," Mal muttered. "Hold still." He commanded when Jayne started to swipe at his cheek. He lightly knocked the big mercenaries hand out of the way.

Splinters sprouted all over him and large one was imbedded in his bicep while a second was much closer to his neck.

"Is everyone ok?"

"Are they alive?"

"Where's the Doc?"

"Simon." Mal called ignoring the questions being flung at him from the men cautiously approaching them. "Stop moving around, Jayne." He snapped waving a gun at the men gathered around the porch. His eyes took them in, searching for weapons no longer feeling so trusting of the settlers.

"What was it?" Simon questioned rolling onto his side. He ignored his own splinters and crawled over to them.

"Someone's shooting at us." Mal scowled. "Stay back." He warned the men but they were slowly inching away from them, keeping their heads down and hoping not to get shot. They seemed to know being close to the targets wasn't smart.

"Jayne?" Simon called, gingerly feeling for a pulse. "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah." Jayne replied annoyed. "Aint dead."

"Something you want to tell us Jayne?" Mal asked scowling at the bright day. "Maybe some jealous husband…Father…?"

"Wasn't me they was aiming for." Jayne snapped turning his head to glare at Mal. That turned out to be a mistake and pain flooded his left side.

"Then…" Mal eyed Simon who stopped his busy poking and prodding of Jayne.

"Me." He said on a breath. "I'm the target." He paled with the knowledge and then he straightened up. "River-."

Azmyth rolled over taking the 24x36 square of tarp and the Remington Laser Riffle. Two darts and both missed.

Failure.

Sure hands disarmed the light weapon and re-packed it in the black case.

Failure.

It was unacceptable. Hiyo was expecting results and already it had been too long. Almost two years tracking the targets and now, when in sight…hesitation. Just when the mission was almost at its end.

_'Why do I do this? They are nothing to me.'_

There was no room for errors, no reason to hesitate and yet…

It just wasn't as simple anymore. Too much had changed since the order was given.

As soon as Jayne was settled on the table inside the hospital and the windows had been shut Mal left with strict orders to Simon not open the door until he got back with the girls. He didn't feel at all re-assured by Simon's distracted nod. The sigh of the large splinter being pulled out of Jayne's bicep grossed out the Capt. and he closed the door. Taking a deep breath, Mal headed down the steps with purpose. He'd already tried calling the women but they hadn't responded. Either they had left the comm.'s in the bath house or…

"Diu." Mal groused. He grabbed the reins to the horse tied by the far end of the porch and swung into the saddle. It was there for Simon's use even if he kept telling the locals it wasn't needed. Now, Mal was glad they didn't listen to the doctor. "Ya!"

Dust kicked up as they broke into a gallop that quickly brought them to the bath house. The women walking out looked at him frowning.

"I'm looking for my crew." Mal stated without pre-amble. "They inside?"

"No." the first one replied. "But if they are at the spring I will tell them you need them."

"I'll just wait-."

"You can't." The second interrupted him with a disapproving frown.

"Maris, they are guests." The first one scolded lightly.

"And we bring the Doc." Mal added.

"The dark haired one came back."

Mal looked up at the third voice and the woman framed in the doorway. "The new one."

"Thaïs." Mal's expression darkened. The other women started up the path, their arguing voices fading.

"Yes, she must be in town by now."

But Mal knew his pilot had never made it to town. He pulled the reins, turning the horse towards the path the others had disappeared to.

"Tell my crew I want them with the Doc." He ordered before kicking the horse into a gallop.

Mal spent the next ten minutes searching the path branching off the main one leading to the spring. What if she'd been hurt? Or what if she had been the one taking the shots-? That last didn't make sense but the doubts were there. Mal wasn't going to ignore them just because Thaïs had saved Zoë's life, because she'd taken risks more than once to protect his crew.

She stared at the sun. It was much lower than it had been when she'd stopped to look over the side of the hill. The rocks were big and craggy, hanging over the side with sparse trees somehow managing to grow out of the crags. The cotton robe was completely dry, a small patch of dirt stained near her thigh. She ran her fingers over the material at her stomach absently. All of her clothes were back at the bath house and Thaïs knew she should've gone back to dress but…

Too much, there were too many thoughts going on in her head and not even the cool spring had been able to help shut them out. Thaïs got out of there as quick as her feet would carry her. Being around River- no, that was not an option. Not with the things Thaïs had been thinking about. It was just so hard to keep her mind safe from River's prying. Tiring, actually but necessary.

Another breeze tugged on her robe and she pulled it as far away from her body as it would go in order to feel the cool air on her skin. Thaïs closed her eyes, face turned up and sighed but the tension she felt wouldn't abate.

"Thaïs!"

She jerked, head turning to look over her shoulder as Mal came into view. Her frown was one of annoyance, because she'd automatically reached for the gun she _didn't _have at her hip.

_'That's how you die.'_

At least one way and then she got up from her lounged position unaware of the amount of bare skin showing as she made her way off the big boulder.

"Where have you been?" Mal demanded. He was scowling at her, angry now that he'd found her.

"Sitting in the shade." Thaïs replied in a soft voice. She hopped off the last rock, lightly landing on the path in her sandaled feet. The scowl on his face wasn't abating which made her wonder at what she could have done to piss him off when she hadn't seen him all day. "What now?"

"Now," Mal growled reaching down and grabbing hold of her arm. "You tell me where you've been." He demanded with a grunt of effort as he pulled her up into the saddle.

"Shénme shì dìyù-!" Thaïs yelped and grabbed onto the saddle horn as Mal kicked the horse into action. "Let me off." She ordered completely ignored as he passed the bath house and headed into town. Thaïs seethed, unwilling to force her way off the horse because a broken leg was not going to help anything. At least it wouldn't do anything for her except impede the pain she wanted to inflict on the Capt. for his heavy handedness.

"Where?" he demanded again, this time right in her ear as the town came into view.

"On the rock." Thaïs snapped. "The same one you found me sitting on before you turned into a Neanderthal and carried me off."

"Neanther-." Mal pushed the insult aside and focused on what really mattered. "My crew just got shot at, Thaïs! I want to know-."

"Automatically _I'm _the one who's at fault?" Thaïs twisted on Mal's lap to glare at him but it wasn't easy to do while the horse galloped.

"You're the only one on my boat that's Alliance-."

"I am not Alliance!" Thaïs screamed in frustration. How many times was she going to repeat herself? How many times did she have to get shot protecting one of his crew? "I've been…diu! What do you want from me?"

Mal didn't know how to respond. All he wanted was his life to go back to normal, at least to what he was used to being normal. He wanted the Alliance off his ass; he wanted to be left alone to do some thieving in peace. And although he wanted things to stay the same Mal was ok with Zoë being pregnant, even if that meant she couldn't watch his back anymore.

"Who was hurt?"

The question brought Mal's attention back to Thaïs. Concern was threaded in the words and he knew, just by looking at her there was no place to hide a weapon on her body. The damn robe was too short and then he averted his eyes and slowed to a canter. He was suddenly very aware of how little the robe covered his pilot and where his arm was wrapped around her waist. Suddenly he remembered the women wore _nothing _under the bathing robes and the fact they bathed naked wasn't helping him keep images of nubile women, wet and sunning themselves out of his head.

"Jayne. And Simon." Mal answered gruffly as he pulled the horse to a stop in front of the cottage.

"Simon…" Thaïs slid off, yanking at the robe when it rose high on her thighs and quickly went up the steps. Her eyes quickly scanned the destroyed post, sidestepped the blood on the porch and flinched away from the ruined doorframe.

Mal watched her slip inside still not sure why he had doubts when he could see concern for Simon clear on her face. Still, she'd taken three bullets and a knife for Zoë. Why? If Thaïs was part of the Alliance then why save any of his crew? Weren't they marked? The Alliance hunting them doggedly persistent and for what? Because of **_Miranda_**? Because the Alliance wanted to cover up their mistakes?

_'Revenge.'_ That's all it was about, all _they_ were to the Alliance, him and his crew…

Mal followed Thaïs into the cottage seeing the mule already stationed at the rail. Kaylee's voice drifted to him, her worry evident as she fussed over Jayne whose snoring filled the room.

"…liar, deceivers…so much pain…cant…pain…cant think…" River mumbled pacing the length of the inside while Simon finished bandaging his own arms and the shallow cuts from the splinters that sprayed him from the door frame.

Thaïs was shocked when River grabbed her arm, the strong grip painful. "You can't listen to them."

Thaïs pulled back but River had a good grip. Panic overwhelmed her and Thaïs yanked on her arm. She was free but stumbled right into the Capt. who automatically steadied her. He was frowning but she turned away from him, hiding her face from his scrutiny.

"They aren't right." River whispered shaking her head and pacing again. Mal frowned at her and then he was looking around, put at ease when he saw Zoë in position by one of the shuttered windows, her gun in hand.

Hiyo stood looking into the black. Patience. It had been instilled in his from a very young age and it was the first lesson he made sure his Operatives learned. That and how to withstand pain.

"Sir."

He made no move of acknowledgement and the soldier snapped to attention at his side.

"We have contact, sir. A moon, only a handful of settlements in place." He waited growing nervous as the silence stretched.

"Set a course." Hiyo ordered ignoring the soldier as he hurried away.

_'A viper… yes.'_

* * *

**_AN_**: Sorry about the typos but I didnt get a chance to review this chp before posting. However, I'm making up for it with another post.


	28. J Cobb

**28 J. Cobb**

The wave was unexpected. The face on the screen too young but very serious and Mal had questions. After the attempt on **_Saskia_** he wasn't prone to taking anything at face value and before they took a chance on stopping Jayne had some story telling to do.

"Jayne!"

Zoë followed after the Capt. slowly. Her bump had grown in the last month as well as her appetite and unstable mood swings. Thaïs had found it easier to stay out of Zoë's way when that happened, something Jayne hadn't quite mastered yet.

She spared a glance over her shoulder wondering at the wave and wanting to go see what the Capt. was going to do about it. Instead she stayed on the bridge and used the comm. to listen in.

**Φ**

_Samaîre stepped out of the shuttle and into the flow of people. She was excited by her first post, even if it was in a smaller Alliance planet instead of in the core. Still, one couldn't expect to get such a prestigious post without having earned it._

'Unless I have the connections only a wealthy core family has and can pay my way in.' _Samaîre thought with a grimace. _

**Φ**

Thaïs did as ordered. She kept _Serenity_ ready burn atmo if it turned out to be Alliance wanting another go at the crew. The Capt. still wasn't happy with the lack of information Jayne had provided but then, well… it was _Jayne_ and it was clear most of the time his head was full of his guns and grenades not with the names of his long line of whores. Thaïs wondered if maybe this kid had been birthed to one … it seemed likely since it was impossible any respectable woman would lie with the Merc; he was crude, dirty, loud and a whoring drunkard. Really, what woman not paid to _would_?

She shrugged. True or not, Thaïs stayed at the helm and listened through the comm. wishing _Serenity_ had view screens at least in the cargo bay so she could _see _as well. She'd ask Kaylee… maybe they'd find something to rig up in the future and it wasn't as though they couldn't find a use for it to please the Capt.

**Φ**

Jabéz trudged up to the firefly ship, dark gray eyes scanning the interior. He was awed by the large space trying not to gawk as though he'd never been on a space ship before. The truth was he'd only been on a ship twice; he'd been born on **_Aeros_** and had only left for school. His Mother hadn't left since the day his Father had rescued her, not until she'd been assigned to a new post.

From the catwalk, River watched the dark haired young man walk up to Mal and Jayne. He'd looked right past her spot but it was dark in the cargo hold and he had stepped out of the bright sunlight. His eyes wouldn't have adjusted, not yet.

Mal eyed the youth, he was just as tall as Jayne and bulky though he walked with a light step. His boots hardly echoed on the metal grates and Mal realized he'd hardly ever heard Thaïs make any sound when she walked.

The scowl on the Captain's face worried Jabéz. He wondered if they'd changed their mind about taking him on but then they wouldn't have made him come out if that was the case. He sucked in a breath and straightened, gray eyes flicking from the Capt. to the tall man he was assuming to be his Father.

Jayne couldn't help being startled by the kid's eyes. They were the same shade of dark gray as Samaîre's; a shade he'd never seen before and wouldn't forget.

**Φ**

_Jayne strutted out of the bar feeling the effects of his three liquor bottles and actually considered going back in and picking a fight. A fight was fun; he liked getting in fights, a fight… Jayne frowned, turned away from the tavern and muttered under his breath about old men and drunks. How was a man to have a good fight when there were only drunks and old men too damn old to fight? _

_Jayne stumbled down the cobbled street wincing at the glare of the setting suns. It wasn't bright enough to hurt, not with the sky burning a deep orange but he'd looked directly at the suns. He cursed wiping a dirty hand over his face and rubbing a palm into his eyes. _

_"Someone! Help me!"_

_Jayne barely registered the panicked cries grinning like an idiot thinking someone was having a helluva fun time especially when it was followed by laughter. He didn't realize they were getting louder, not until he turned down a narrow street and he was ordered to turn around._

_"Huh?" Jayne stopped and tried to focus on the idiot in front of him but the man kept splitting in two's and three's. "Gorramit, stop movin'." He ordered with a glare._

_"Leave now. Before I arrest you for disturbing the peace."_

_"Disterbin' tha pi-ece!" Jayne's voice hitched as a large bubble of air erupted from his mouth smelling like the whiskey he'd just imbibed. "I'd like to see that." He said moving forward._

**Φ**

Mal checked through the Cortex, needing to be sure Jabéz Cobb was really that. He looked through the files Zoë had pulled up on the kid and like before, everything Jabéz had said fit.

"It won't change."

Mal looked over at Thaïs, her violet gaze trained on the starts shooting past them.

"Cortex."

He didn't realize there was a frown on his face but she could see it out of the corner of her eyes. She thought he'd done the same with her, checked her out and it didn't bother her in the least. She'd said the same as they'd found out in her files- those that were public.

"Don't hurt none to be safe." Mal finally said. She nodded but then she would do the same, just like Zoë would think to check backgrounds on anyone coming on his boat.

"Always a smart idea." She agreed.

**Φ**

"Mother always said you were her savior that day." Jabéz continued with a look at his Father.

Jayne blinked, unable to say anything while behind him, Mal looked shocked. Zoë was smiling and Kaylee tried to contain her giggles having pictured Jayne as the 'hero' in the young man's story.

They all sat around the dining table to hear how it was Jayne got himself a son while Simon was supposed to confirm or deny the truth of it with his test.

"Doc." Mal cleared his throat turning to Simon who looked up blankly. Realizing he was being asked for the results, which he'd forgotten about while listening to Jabéz, he cleared his throat.

"Uh…" he looked at the screen, closed his eyes for a second then looked up at Jayne. "Congratulations. It's a boy."

Kaylee giggled, Zoë and Mal laughed, the Capt. patting Jayne's shoulder while the mercenary stared in shock.

"I- I- I-."

"Have a son." Thaïs said, amused. The violet eyes flicked towards the youth but there was no denying the resemblance. Aside from the boy's eye color and black hair, Jabéz looked almost like Jayne. She eyed them critically but even so had to admit the boy was by far the prettier of the two Cobb's.

"He has your build." Zoë added pressing her lips together but unable to stop smiling.

"Let's hope he's smarter." Mal snarked grinning at one Cobb then the other. Jayne was too stunned to take offence but a slow smile spread on his face.

"Got me a son." He repeated looking at his son and really taking stock of the young man. It was the eyes that made him uncomfortable, made him feel… but the rest of the boy was all muscle.

"Come on," Zoë tapped Kaylee's arm and nodded to the others. "Let's give them some time to get acquainted."

**Φ**

_The first thing he noticed was the blurry vision and the pounding going on in his head. He cursed impressively while trying to sit up and found that his stomach took offence._

_"Here."_

_Jayne accepted the bucket and loudly emptied his stomach. The last heaves were dry and then he lay back and closed his eyes just breathing._

_He heard movement and cracked an eye but it was difficult and reaching his hand up winced at the contact._

_"Don't." a soft hand grabbed his wrist and then a cold cloth settled over his eye. "The swelling has gone down."_

_Jayne grunted, trying to focus on the woman with his good eye. _

_"Thank you."_

_"Huh?" Jayne wondered what he'd done for it and tried to think but it was all a blur. _

_"You stopped them…" her hand smoothed over his forehead, the fingers threading into his hair. Jayne closed his eyes, relaxing at her gentle touch. It felt good and he liked it, plus it never hurt to have a woman take care of him._

_"What's your name?" she asked softly._

_"Jayne." He replied easing back into sleep. He twitched, eyes opening again at the feel of her lips on his cheek._

_"Thank you, Jayne." She smiled at him and he noticed she had the prettiest eyes he'd seen, silver… "I'm Samaîre."_

_Jayne murmured her name, the sound of it rolling on his tongue and he liked that too._

_The faint memory of a fight teased him but he'd been in so many… and then he remembered the laughing and the alliance goons and they'd tried to make him go away. Ha!_

_"You're laughing." Samaîre noted with a soft smile. "That means you are definitely feeling better than you look."_

_"Always feel great with a pretty woman." Jayne replied trying to grin but his lip split again and he cursed. Before he could touch a finger to the offending cut, Samaîre wiped his lip clean and applied something cool. His lip immediately numbed and Jayne just stared at her._

_"Is that better?" she asked looking at him. At his nod she turned away, doing- whatever she did Jayne was busy looking her over. She had long hair, black and pulled into a braid, she was fully clothed which meant he hadn't been enjoying her company as much as he should've._

_"How you managed to beat three Alliance officers senseless while intoxicated is…" she shook her head turning towards him again. Her expression was confused and awed at the same time. "You are truly something." She laughed, a soft sound, very light and Jayne smiled without realizing it._

_"You should see what else I can do, 'intoxicated'." Jayne proposed with a grin. She laughed again and that was alright because Samaîre hadn't said no and that was always good…_

**Φ**

Jabéz sat with Jayne in the mess long after the others had gone to bed.

"She was happy." Jabéz answered adding that his Mother had stayed on **_Aeros_** and taught the old and young. They provided her with a home and food, the necessities until the Alliance took over. "Mom worked for them and then she got me into a better school."

"You're book learned, then." Jayne noted with a slight wince unable to push the image of Simon and his fancy speech out of his head. He didn't think he'd be able to stand it if Jabéz turned out as stuffy as the Doc.

"I wasn't that good. Just average." Jabéz shrugged. He thought of Samaîre and how she'd never made him feel any less because of it.

Jayne noted the lost expression on his son's face and hesitated to ask. He figured the kid was still dealing with his Mother's death and that brought another image of her to his mind. He remembered her alright. A real looker, black hair, slim and long legged… eerie gray eyes.

"What happened to her?" Jayne asked quietly. Jabéz drew a breath and sat back in the chair.

"She took a new post." He said then shook his head. "Mom never got there." The Alliance had said Reavers and there was no way to disprove them. After that, Jabéz had returned home. There were so many things to take care of, arrangements to make and in going through his Mother's belongings had found a view recording.

"Huh." Jayne grunted as he took the flat screen Jabéz handed to him. He remembered Samaîre taking it and though it shifted the images were clear. "She was always smiling." He noted, staring at the dark haired woman frozen on the screen.

"She never lied to me about you." Jabéz revealed. "She told me the truth from the beginning, about what you do."

Jayne shifted uncomfortably in his seat. For once he felt just a little guilty about his chosen profession but then he scowled. No one was going to look down on him because of it, not even his own kid.

"I know about **_Miranda_** and what you did. I know what's happening with the Alliance…you're a hero." Jabéz said without hesitation. "All of you."

Jayne stared dumbfounded. His kid was calling him a hero?

He wanted to say they were just thieves, well Mal had some sort of moral code he adhered to but Jayne had no such compulsions. Of course, Jayne would feel bad if something went wrong but then he'd shrug it off and go about his day as usual. No… Jayne didn't see how he was deserving of Jabéz' hero worship. No, sir...

**Φ**


	29. Sweet Treats

_**AN: Okay so I have to warn this chapter is Rated M for sexual content.**_

_**Actually, I kinda got into the smutty mood and this is what came out, although I'll admit I had never planned on this pairing, or any pairing for **__**Thaïs at all.**_

_**To tell the truth I'm a little embarrassed I did post this but what the heck!**_

* * *

**29 Sweet Treats **

Mal walked in, eyes carefully taking in the people lying about the smoky room. His nose wrinkled at the sweet smell but he ignored it. Thaïs stood a pace behind and to his left, both of them waiting for the fat man on the garishly colorful pillows to notice them. It was just the two of them now that Zoë had her child to think of and Mal wouldn't have her going along. Even a simple meeting could turn bad and Mal wasn't about to put a pregnant woman in danger.

Again.

So, Thaïs had been drafted. She had training and he wasn't above using it to his advantage. Jayne and Kaylee were picking up the supplies and Jabéz was left with the others on _Serenity_. Now that had taken a bit of getting used to. His boat was full, the boy was…well, he earned his keep with all the heavy lifting but Mal wasn't sure what good the boy could do. In the month since Jabéz had come aboard Jayne had slowly gotten used to the idea of being a Father. Zoë had something to with that, about to become a Mother herself she'd taken to reassuring Jayne.

"Captain." Ezra smiled widely his eyes flicking over to Thaïs and taking his time inspecting her. He admired the dark hair, cleanly swept up and away from her face. The soft gold tint of her skin contrasted with the unusual violet eyes, framed by inky lashes, slightly cat shaped. He stared for a moment at the full lips, a dusky rose color picturing all sorts of things… Ezra wandered his eyes down the length of her, the black coat didn't hide the gun belt but he wished it revealed more of her slim shape.

"I'd get up…" he waved at himself forcing his eyes away from Thaïs but it was obvious to Mal, Ezra wasn't capable of that.

Thaïs eyed his leg, the oversized appendage was raised on pillows but even his colorful silk pants couldn't hide the unnatural hues of the skin.

"Too much indulging." Ezra said with a shrug of his meaty shoulder. "Sit, sit, we have business to discuss."

The wooden table was set in front of him along with two bright red cushions. A woman brought a tray laden with rolls and tea. Mal eyed the room one more time, taking note of the few people lazing about with smoke curling around them.

"That's…mighty kind." Mal said moving to take a seat. He noted Thaïs didn't move and slipped his hand around her arm drawing her down to the cushion beside him as he sat. She didn't pull away but he felt her tense. "Let's not be rude, háizi." He murmured leaning towards her.

Ezra was propped up, half sitting against the colorful pillows with two women waiting on him. Mal noticed every detail of the skimpily clad females, even the slight hazy look in their eyes and sleepy expressions.

"I have to say, Captain." Ezra began with his eyes on Thaïs. "You're woman has beautiful eyes."

Thaïs sat stiffly by Mal's side, her eyes darkening though her expression stayed neutral.

"Oh- no, we-." Mal shook his head.

"Most unusual…Yes, very fortunate you are indeed." Ezra assured. "Please, eat and drink." He smiled and watched as Mal raised his tea cup in salute.

* * *

Jayne hooked up the crate while Kaylee finished haggling over some parts. He didn't like the grunt work but Jayne liked to eat… either way, going to a meet with Mal was no skin off his nose. Hell, Jayne wondered how long it would be before there was some shooting and they had to make a quick get away.

"Can we stop in-."

"Nope." Jayne tugged on the straps checking them.

"But I just-."

"Aint waiting around." Jayne stated gruffly. "Unless…"

Kaylee sighed.

"Fine but _I _aint waiting around for you." Kaylee warned hopping into the land mule.

Jayne smirked.

"Aint gonna be long." He replied driving off. He hadn't planned on it but they were in the area and no one had better girls…

* * *

Thaïs got to her feet, the smell was getting to her and she felt…strange. Both Mal and Ezra looked at her, Mal questioning while Ezra just smiled.

"Captain, I believe your woman requires your presence." He chuckled, the fat rolling over his belly as he did.

"Huh." Mal frowned, his brow furrowed but he was feeling very relaxed-. "Oh diu." He stared at his cup and it blurred very slightly.

"Enjoy." Ezra said sounding smug to Mal. He looked very pleased with himself and Mal lurched to his feet, amazingly steady.

"That was… an interesting offer. I'll have to think it over and let you know, Ezra." Mal forced a smile to his face while taking hold of Thaïs' arm. He was not happy, not in the least but he was smart enough not to piss off a prospective contact, especially while in their 'office'. At least not if he intended to live and Mal had no plans of dying anytime soon no matter what anyone said.

"No hurry. There are private quarters if you'd prefer…" he raised a pudgy hand and one of the women started to get up.

"No, no we can manage." Mal assured moving Thaïs along towards the exit. They could hear Ezra chuckling as they left and it grated on them.

Outside the cool air only teased them. People walked past ignoring them and then Mal was turning down a side street.

"The Doc'll figure this one out." Mal muttered as he led Thaïs through a narrower street, still gripping her arm.

"Figure it out?" Thaïs echoed, her voice harsh. "What's to figure, Capt.?" Thaïs demanded yanking out of his hold but it didn't diminish the heat of his hand imprinted on her. "We're humped." She snapped turning away from him. Her palms smacked on the white wall of the building they were behind.

"We aint." Mal denied. "We get to _Serenity_ and have the Doc dose us with that-."

"Because we aren't doped up enough?" Thaïs demanded angrily. She struck at a stack of crates but even the sound of them falling over didn't satisfy her. "You couldn't just take Jayne. No, _I _had to come with you and look what's going on?" she threw her hands up. "I'm a friggin knot of-." She bit her lip and expelled a choked scream, balling her fists. Anger was quickly gaining an upper hand and it was becoming more difficult to keep breathing evenly.

"We can deal with this." Mal assured but he forced his hands to stay still, stay away from Thaïs though he wanted to reach out. Another breeze ruffled his hair and he could've sworn it felt like someone had lazily threaded their fingers through it.

"Right." Thaïs nodded, her tone decisive. She straightened, a hand reaching to her side. "I'm going to feel a lot better after I riddle that fat pig with holes." She spun on her heel heading back to the sweet smelling room and Ezra. She meant it and Mal reached her in two strides, grabbed her wrist and took the gun.

"That's not solving anything. And," Mal added. "I can't afford to kill anymore…associates." Only he was inclined to agree with her on Ezra.

"You're not. _I _am." Thaïs corrected but Mal didn't let her walk past. His arm snaked around her waist, both much too close to each other. He could feel her, the warmth seeping into his clothes and her scent-.

"Hit me." Thaïs ordered jerking away from him. "Do it."

"What?"

"Hit. Me." Thaïs repeated through clenched teeth. "Knock me out- now, before you look any better than you already are." The admission was torn from her.

Mal stared at her, the dark violet eyes… she licked her lips and he felt his stomach knot.

"Hit me!"

Mal raised his fist, pulled back… she was standing right there, waiting for him to just swing… he stepped towards her, closing the distance and his arm lowered. He watched her face change, the tip of her tongue darting out to lick her dry lips again.

Mal touched his fingers to her mouth and she jerked away from him as though burned.

"Damn-. Damn!" Thaïs shoved at his chest, angry and beginning to panic.

"Thaïs-."

"Shoot me." She cut in reaching for her gun but he held it out of her reach.

"You crazy?" Mal exclaimed. "Aint gonna shoot you." He could see dismay in her eyes and knew she had reason to be alarmed. It made sense but he wasn't exactly thinking straight himself. All he could think about was pressing her up against the wall and tasting her-.

"This is your fault!" Thaïs socked him. A half closed fist that hurt just as much as if she'd punched him. He felt the sting spread across his chest but it was nothing like the coil of lust that crept up on him just as suddenly.

"How did I get into this mess?" Thaïs wondered rubbing both hands over her face. What was it about her? Was she marked in some way because of the last time?

_'Don't think about him. Just don't think-.'_ Thaïs told herself.

She felt his hand grab at her shoulder, so warm even in the cool evening air. He spun her around, his fingers curling into the collar of her coat as Mal pulled her up into his chest.

The touch of his mouth on hers was unexpected and the sharp wrench in her gut ripped a moan from her lips.

They stumbled, each one trying to dominate the other and smacked into a darkened door.

* * *

The sky was darkening; _Serenity _was haloed in a burning glow from both suns. Inside, Zoë carefully made her way down the cat walk and stairs into the bay where Jayne was unloading the land mule.

"Where's the Capt.?" she asked rubbing a hand over the swell of her belly, soothing the life growing inside.

"Said to meet here." Jayne grunted lowering another crate to his son. "Aint they back yet?" he questioned looking around as though Mal might just walk in.

"No." Zoë replied walking towards the doors. "They aren't." she frowned, worried something might have happened. "How did the meet go?"

"Don't know." Jayne grunted grabbing another crate and hauling it across the bay while Jabéz stacked another crate. The kid was red faced but not out of breath, Jayne smirked. "I went to pick up supplies. Mal and the girl went to the meet."

"They went alone?" Zoë questioned sharply. Jayne frowned.

"Aint like they was goin' into trouble. It's a meet." He retorted but he still glanced out the doors, starting to feel a little concern creeping on him.

"We are talking about the Capt." Zoë turned to him.

"Does he get in trouble a lot?" Jabéz asked looking from Zoë to his Dad.

"Gorram…" Jayne grumbled glancing over his shoulder and out the bay doors.

* * *

He pressed her up against the wall ignoring her soft gasp. Whatever had been in those rolls… he pushed off her.

"Cant." He panted yanking on his shirt neck and feeling hot all over. It was too tight around his neck, restricting-. His coat was gone, had dropped it by the door somewhere along with hers when they first stumbled in.

"Shouldn't." She agreed trying to catch a breath but it only made him more aware of her shirt, the tight fit over her chest-

"Shàng dì, I'm goin' to that special hell." He muttered taking her in his arms again. Her arms wrapped around his neck, their mouths meeting hungrily. His hands slipped around her waist, fingers digging into her hips painfully but she didn't pull away or protest. She ground her pelvis against him, felt him bulge, stiff under his trousers and ran her hand down his chest. She hooked her fingers in his waistband, yanking on the button until it came undone. He helped, removing his gun belt and dropping his suspenders. He reached between them quickly undoing her own gun belt and tossing it with his.

He tried again to push himself away, stop what they were doing- it just wasn't right. She wasn't herself and he was no better than the other one if he continued.

"Háizi-." He groaned cupping her face in his hands, feeling the delicate bones of her cheeks and trying to think past the haze in his brain.

"No." she growled rising on her toes and pulling him down to her mouth. She kissed him, ran the tip of her tongue over his lips then nipping at his bottom lip. It was unexpected and he hissed at the sting. He pressed his mouth against hers, harsh, demanding, his tongue sliding into her mouth, tasting her.

She was sweet, the tea still on her tongue, cinnamon and cherry-. His fingers tangled in her inky hair pulling it from the twisted updo she'd been wearing. He barely felt her fingers graze his bare chest as he explored her mouth with his tongue, dipping and fighting with her own as she pressed against him.

"Cant!" she panted turning her head away and breaking their kiss. He trailed down her jaw barely aware that she'd spoken. He wanted to taste all of her, his hands roamed over her body pulling on her clothes. She bit her lip, eyes clenched tightly shut but it only enhanced the tremors sliding through her body when he licked down her jaw to the curve of her neck. She panted heavily, felt her heart pound in her chest and her skin flushed with heat. She pulled on her shirt, accepting his help as he yanked it over her head. She felt his rough hands on her breasts and couldn't contain the pleasurable shudder coursing through her. With a moan she tossed her shirt and tangled her hands in his hair pulling him to her. She felt him bite, the moisture from his tongue seeping into the dark material.

She wanted to cry and rage, at the same time she felt every muscle in her body vibrating with his touch. It was just like before only she was there; her mind was fully functioning telling her exactly how to take control but her body wasn't co-operating. She couldn't make her breathing slow, couldn't focus on the meditation she'd learned and applied the last few months.

She hissed as his hand pulled on her hair. He drew back, brown eyes locking with hers. Both saw an apology, they knew what was going to happen, that it had been forced on them and neither was able to change anything.

Groaning and inwardly cursing himself for a fool, Mal kissed her, a little gentler than at first. Frustrated, she yanked the shirt from his shoulders. The sting of tears burned her eyes but she squeezed them shut.

It was like a craving, a need and they couldn't deny it.

He bit her lip, one hand reaching between them to shove his trousers down his hips to release the stiff bulge then reaching to her waist and undoing her own. With both hands he gripped the black material and pulled it down her hips. He slid one hand over her thighs, groaning at the feel of her soft skin, warm under his palm. She arched against him, reaching down to shove her pants lower. Mal brushed her hands aside, pulling the material down and kneeling in front of her. He trailed his tongue over her abdomen both hands running up her legs, behind her thighs while her hands tangled in his hair again.

"Shàng dì." She moaned when he cupped her ass and squeezed. Mal nipped at her thigh, his hand grazing the warmth between her legs. He felt her tremble, a throaty moan escaped her and then he was pulling the trousers off her legs along with the tall boots.

"Special hell." He muttered hooking her leg on his shoulder. He ran his cheek along the silky skin of her thigh and pressed an open mouth kiss on her. Right then he'd gladly fling himself to the darkest pits of hell so long as he could taste her…

She reached up, grabbing at the bar welded to the wall on her left. A flush of heat suffused her cheeks at being so exposed to him. Thaïs glance down, watched as he flicked his tongue.

"Tā mā de wǒ." She exclaimed with the first touch of his tongue on her. She couldn't contain her cries of pleasure. The Capt. knew what he was doing and whatever she wanted, Thaïs couldn't help feeling like her world had just been turned inside out.

"I aim to." Mal muttered cupping his hand on her ass and pulling her towards him. "God help me…" the rest of his words were muffled inside her, vibrating through her core while she squirmed.

"Please…" she begged panting and pulling on his hair. Mal drew back slightly, one hand coming up to part her folds and then he was suckling the little nub. He grazed it with his teeth slowly lapping it. Thaïs trembled, her legs almost buckling as she gasped for breath. She couldn't form a coherent thought. All she felt was Mal, his tongue doing delicious things to her and then he stood suddenly. The only thing keeping her from falling over was the wall at her back and Mal's body pressing against hers while he tore the bra open exposing her breasts. Callused hands roughly cupped her, pinching her nipples painfully but it only aroused her more. She reached between them, gracing her nails down his thighs, enjoying the hiss of breath he let out and the groan against her lips when she grasped him.

He was hard, the tip wet and he bucked against her hand. She wanted him inside her, needed to fill the throbbing ache between her legs.

"Tā mā de wǒ." She rasped against his mouth. "Xiàn zài, I can't..."

Mal moaned into her mouth, his mind still telling him it wasn't too late to stop but she was rubbing him and she felt hot beneath his hand. He slipped a finger inside, felt the slick wetness drip into his palm and ground his mouth against hers. It was unbearable, the way he felt, like his heart was going to burst if he didn't gorram have her right then.

"Cant … háizi …" he groaned, the tone of his words apologetic and then he felt her hand tighten around him and just grabbed her. Mal lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist greedily, hands gripping his shoulders. He tried not to hurt her, to hold back but when he felt that slick heat at his tip… Mal clenched his hands on her thighs, dropped his head onto her chest and rammed into her.

She cried out, her back scratching against the stone wall and reached over her head grasping at the metal bar. Thaïs couldn't keep from crying out when he thrust into her again, felt him stretching her but she wanted him.

Mal couldn't help himself, she was tight and hot and she pulled him with her legs, urging him with little pants and moans… He took her nipple in his mouth, sucking hard at the nub while she cried out again.

"Yes! Tā mā de wǒ!" Thaïs exclaimed arching her back, it pushed him deeper into her. Mal felt her clench around him and it was unbearably erotic. The way she felt-she was small, he had to be hurting her, had to somehow control himself but it was too damn good and she wasn't stopping him.

"Gorram-!" Mal grunted against her breast. He slid his hands to cup her ass, it was easier to lift her and thrust, the heat building with each plunge inside of her.

She struggled against him, needing more contact, more friction, panting and moaning. Mal pushed away from the wall, turned to the crate on their right and roughly set her on the scarred wood. Thaïs yelped, felt the roughness against her skin and leaned back as she pulled him to her again.

Mal grunted, his hands gripping the edge of the wooden crate as he withdrew. Thaïs protested glaring, a low growl sounding in her throat but Mal grabbed her around the waist and turned her. He pushed her down on the crate, a hand on her back keeping her bent over the wood, the other grasping her hip. He rubbed up on her, felt her squirm, arching her buttocks up towards him.

Mal dragged in a breath, his heart beating wildly and trying to gain some modicum of control over what he was doing to her… She raised her leg onto the edge of the crate having to stand on her toes. An invitation if Mal had ever seen one and it certainly was tempting.

"Malcolm." She rasped trying to look over her shoulder at him. He was still hard, panting heavily; sweat coating his chest in a light sheen. Without warning he rammed into her again, rough and fast. Thaïs gasped, clenched her eyes shut and held still. Her hands clenched at the wooden crate, a faint whimper left her lips and then she felt him rub his finger over her clit. The sting of pain was threaded with instant pleasure and she arched up, moaning as Mal thrust into her, deeper than before. Each sound she made aroused him, her gasps and pleas urged him. He could feel his head pushing against her, inside- a sign she was smaller than he'd first thought but he needed to fill her up. He wanted to feel all of her.

"Shàng dì!" Thaïs screamed her release arching off the crate as Mal pumped into her. She went limp, panting and Mal held her leg up bucking behind her wildly. A moment later he yelled, stiffening, both hands clamping on her hips while she trembled beneath him.

Mal groaned, his chest resting on her back as he dragged in a breath. She was coated in a light sheen of perspiration and Mal lightly grazed her skin with his teeth. She moaned, ass shifting beneath him. He felt her clench around him, pleasantly painful and was surprised to feel himself still hard inside her.

"…wasn't…done…" he muttered against her skin, pressing a kiss to her back. He could hear her heart beat under his ear. The rapid staccato only slightly concerning him. He trailed a gentle hand up her hip and side; rising enough he could cup her breast in his hand and squeeze. She turned slightly on her side, cooperative and Mal trailed his mouth over her shoulder to her neck.

Thaïs sighed, her body tingling again at his touch and closed her eyes. There was a difference this time, it wasn't like before. The drug had been oral, not injected so the effects had to wear off sooner- at least she wanted that to be the case.

When Mal slid out, Thaïs groaned, her body clenching as he did and she heard him suck in a breath. Mal lifted her, turned her so she faced him, her legs spread for him. Mal ran his hands up the inside of her thighs, stepping between as she wrapped them around his waist. She could feel his skin slick with sweat, a bead running down his chest and she caught her breath. She couldn't help her arousal, or leaning forward, her tongued darting to lick it from his skin. She ignored his sharp intake of breath and the half muttered protest that they should stop. He didn't mean it anymore than she did and Thaïs continued to taste him, nipping at his chest and running her hands over his back.

Of course they should stop, they both knew it, had tried and ended up in the storage room unable to keep from pawing each other. She'd blame it on him later because he'd insisted she go along to every meet and drop since Zoë wasn't in a condition to run around getting in trouble with him.

And Jayne?

Thaïs was heartily glad the Merc hadn't been along because- God no! One man was bad enough, and the Capt. to boot! But worse would be to have both of them- well…maybe it wouldn't be so bad-

"Wait." Mal gripped her shoulders pushing her back. He drew in a shuddering breath trying to clear his head and push down the rising heat inside him. He couldn't put out of his head what he'd just done to her, to Thaïs- she was just a girl!

_'Only she's done more than any girl should. A lot of things you want her to do again –. Special hell! Special hell!'_ he scolded himself but it was a half assed attempt.

Mal stared at the violet eyes looking at him with hunger, her lips parted and the tip of her tongue licking at the corner. His fingers dug into her arms painfully but only worked to arouse her. She wiggled to the edge of the crate, pulling him against her, seeing the same hunger in his eyes.

They weren't done.

She hated that it was so but didn't push him away. Her body tingled with anticipation feeling him shudder. There was more they needed from each other. Wanted…

"Now." She whispered, her voice husky and it rippled over him. His grip shifted, hands moving from her arms to her breasts. It was too easy; Mal had no hesitation in running his hands over Thaïs, as though she belonged to him.

Thaïs moaned, eyes half closing when he fondled her breasts. He felt her hands run over his chest, her short nails scraping over his nipples making them hard. She pinched him getting a short hiss of breath and then he was twisting her nipples, retaliating. He cupped the full breasts in his hands as she arched her back, felt their weight and pushed them together. He bent to one, licking at the tip then flicking his tongue watching her eyes close and her lips part. Her cheeks were flushed a light pink and gazing at her skin found the same flush over her neck and chest. He wanted to lick and taste all of her and he dragged his tongue over her breasts to the valley between and up her neck.

Mal suddenly stumbled, his legs tangling in his trousers and he fell on his butt.

"What the ruttin'-!" he scowled only to find himself staring at Thaïs. She easily hopped off the crate, her slight weight settled on his hips.

"Now." She repeated bracing her hands on either side of his head. Her breasts grazed his chest, the inky hair coming down like a curtain around them.

"Tā mā de wǒ." He breathed cupping her ass in his hands, fondling the soft warm skin.

"Yes sir." She scooted up, thighs spread wide because of the width of his hips. She reached between them, her small hand grasping him. Mal looked down, watched as she pumped him. He was rigid and she guided his head inside her. Mal grit his teeth at the feel of her slick heat, his hands clenched on her ass while Thaïs lowered herself onto him. Both groaned at the contact. He didn't fit completely and then she circled her hips, rising up and come down hard.

Mal banged his head on the floor at the contact barely registering her pained grunt. He closed his eyes following her rhythm. He kept telling himself that special hell was going to be waiting for him but just then he really couldn't bring himself to care. He looked at her, the full lips swollen from being kissed and then she bit her bottom lip. Mal pulled her hips down just a little concerned about what he was doing but it was a vague thought in his mind. He was more aware of her moving over him, the heat of her body and the feel of it under his hands, each thrust taking him deep, his crown meeting with the wall of her cervix… If anything concerned her about this she didn't show it.

He reached between them parting her folds and pressed on the hard little nub. Thaïs shuddered at his touch, her soft cry of surprise pleased him and Mal stroked her. She was riding him, arching her back, her short nails scratching down his chest. Thaïs gasped moans of pleasure, her movements becoming frantic. Mal reached up, his hands cupping her breasts, squeezing, fondling and then sliding up her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair, pulling her down to him. He caught her lips with his, teeth nipping at the corner then licking it. She made a noise in the back of her throat, half moan half sigh and a moment later Thaïs sucked in a breath and stiffened.

Mal reached down, grasped her hips firmly and brought her down again and again while she lay on his chest panting, her body trembling. Mal felt his release pulse through him. He tried to get a breath but it only enveloped him in her scent. The warmth of her seeping into his bones and he reached his arms around her, pulling her into his chest…

She was right. He knew it and this- it was his fault. He'd told her to drink; they didn't want to offend Ezra and their future business dealings with the fat bastard. Mal groaned wishing he hadn't been such a glutton, what had he been thinking to eat _three_ rolls?

He thought of what he could've done even as his hands skimmed over her back guiltily enjoying the feel of her soft skin, still warm. No, right now this was good, too damn good to wish it away…

Mal frowned, hands going still on her back. What was he thinking? Good? He'd as much as taken advantage of Thaïs-.

She hadn't moved nor he and they lay still. Her breathing was even, Mal could feel it on his chest. Her inky hair was heavy, the strands thick and damp…

"Thaïs-."

"No." She pushed up and rolled off him, both aware of the void left as they separated.

Thaïs lay on her back, the cold from the floor a shock but it was better than thinking of the pleasant ache between her thighs. An ache that was more of a slight throbbing, one she'd never be able to completely get rid of if what she'd read about the XORA was correct.

Mal frowned, all he'd wanted was to apologize, something he didn't do much of and she hadn't given him a chance. He rose on his elbows, frowning at her but she had her eyes closed. He tried not to look at her, even so his eyes wandered over her breasts as they rose with each breath. They were full and pert, the perfect fit for his hands… Her skin was covered in a fine sheen of perspiration, lightly flushed and there were darker indentations from where he'd bitten down. He'd marked her more than once but couldn't for the life of him remember when. His eyes rested on the faint scar under her collar bone, a reminder of the risk she'd taken for Zoë…Mal was grateful, the girl had saved his friend- the only he could really count on, that alone had earned her some respect if not trust. And yet this was how he thanked her… Mal's jaw clenched, eyes wandering over her again. Thaïs' leg rested over his stomach, hips turned towards him... It was then he noticed the darker imprint of where he'd placed his hands and held on.

Mal remembered **_Epsilom Prime_** and the way she'd looked. The faint marks, her pasty color- he glared, thinking he'd done no better to her and he hadn't cared, not when he'd thought she was over indulging but then...well, she hadn't and it had been different.

Mal reached out, unsure of touching her again though he traced a gentle finger over the marks he was sure would become bruises. He saw her light shiver at the gentle touch but she didn't pull away and thought that maybe she slightly tilted towards him…

Mal glared at the marks, it wasn't his way, to hurt a woman. He didn't think Thaïs knew it could be any other way, had ever experienced anything else- that it wasn't always about lust, she didn't have to be treated- it wasn't right.

Mal drew back and reached down, over her leg and tugged off his boots decisively. Free of his trousers he turned towards her again. She was looking at him, the violet eyes so dark they were almost black. She wore a slight frown on her features, a little confused but Mal made up his mind to make it different. He wouldn't think about right or wrong. That guilt and- well, it was certain to come later, when he was alone.

He drew in a breath, his hand resting on her thigh, caressing the soft skin gently. He didn't know what to say but words wouldn't make any difference, not with what he'd already done to her. Mal wasn't going to leave her a memory of this like the other one, that sīshēngzǐ from… Mal wasn't about to let some drug make him into another animal and he'd show her there were other ways- at least he would if she'd allow him to.

Slowly he leaned over, his chest pressing against hers, their skin gracing. He touched his lips to her mouth softly, telling himself he'd stop if she made him, wouldn't go any further …

Thaïs rested her hands on his shoulders intending to push him off but…. She could feel his hand glide up her side, feather light, barely gracing her skin and she shivered. It was strange, such a simple touch and she could feel her body responding. The throbbing increased, an incessant pulse she desperately wanted to ignore. His mouth pressed on hers gently, nipping at her lip and trailing small kisses along her cheek and jaw… She breathed a sigh and turned her head away giving him access to her neck where his tongue trailed along her pulse.

Mal drew a heavy breath and it filled him with her scent, like…hyacinths. He kissed on the marks he'd made on her neck and on her collar bone, licking at her skin. When he nudged his knee between her legs she didn't protest, instead she spread her thighs and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She parted her lips for him, eyes half closed, enjoying the new sensations as he kissed her.

Mal slipped his tongue in her mouth, felt her respond in kind but he pulled back slightly until she withdrew. He kissed her again, trailing his tongue over her lips. Her fingers threaded through his hair and it didn't seem as though she wanted to stop though maybe Mal should have. Instead, he settled himself over her comfortably, his arms on either side of her, taking his weight from her, fingers threading into the inky waves pooled beneath her head. Right then, Mal couldn't think past what he was doing, the feel of her skin under his hands and her taste…

She opened her eyes, impossibly dark violet, looking up at him when he pulled back. He was flushed, hair damp- she could feel his skin slide over hers with every breath they drew. He felt hot, pleasantly heavy on top of her and she arched her back just enough to press her breasts against him. Thaïs wasn't sure what would come next but her body felt like a taught string. Was he going to stop? Her brow furrowed because she wasn't sure if she shouldn't tell him to stop but she couldn't say that, not when he felt so good right where he was...

Mal dipped his head to hers, pressing a little more into her body. Her felt her legs slide up his sides and her hips buck under him. He vaguely wondered if she realized what that did to him. He moaned into her mouth, cupping a hand over her ass and pulling her towards him as he pressed her down.

She realized quickly how little she knew, what she wanted and needed-. He was kissing her but it was different- _good_. He made her feel… Thaïs liked it, the feel of his hands on her body, the weight of him- it was good. The thought stopped her, breath caught in her chest. She did like it, and she wasn't half crazed or drugged. Not as she'd been when they'd stumbled into the doorway and fallen through…

Mal ran his tongue down her jaw to her throat. His hand skimmed over her chest cupping her breast and kneading it. His mouth closed over the hard nipple, suckling. She pressed his head to her, tugging on his hair with a soft gasp at another lightning tremor. Mal nipped at her skin, pressing a kiss to her collar bone where only the faint mark from Kovha's knife-happy goon remained. He didn't well on it, not while his hand slid down her hip to grasp her thigh squeezing then sliding between them, unerringly reaching for her and finding the heat of her core. She gasped against his temple feeling the stroke of his fingers. With slow and practiced moves, Mal felt her respond. She arched up, against his hand with a moan on her lips. She parted for him, lifting her hips eagerly, wanting more and Mal obliged. He slipped a finger in only to come out wet. She moaned as Mal rubbed her folds, dipping into her again.

Thaïs clamped around his fingers, hands digging into his shoulders as she arched up. She heard him curse softly, under his breath but he pumped his fingers again. At her gasped breath Mal braced his hand on the ground and settled over her. He slipped inside with a shudder running through his entire frame. He griped her thigh and had to press her hips to the ground hooking her leg higher on his back to fit. He slid in fully; stretching her while Thaïs' hands gripped his shoulders tightly, her back arched. Mal heard the soft, pained moan and stilled, giving her a moment to settle. He pulled out a bit, reluctant to leave the slick heat and watched her expression. Her brow smoothed and with a tender kiss on her lips Mal pushed into her again, feeling her body stretch for him. He moved slowly, building a rhythm all the while reveling in the slick heat of her and the snug fit. Even in that position he could feel her, his head pushing against the wall of her cervix as he stroked her.

He rose onto his forearms and his thrust earned a gasped breath from her. Mal murmured something intelligible against her ear, pressing his lips to her temple. Thaïs turned her head, found his jaw and nipped his chin. He looked at her; face upturned knowing what she wanted from him even though she hadn't voiced it. Mal kissed her, their mouths parting and she mimicked his movements. Thaïs slid her hands down his sides and up his back, softly scratching at his skin. She could feel herself tensing, the friction building between them as he moved. Felt him touch her deeply and the mild pain it caused was drowned by the touch of his fingers evoking another moan from her lips. When he rose on his arms, she blinked up at him, half afraid he'd stop but he cupped her face in his hands.

Mal held her still as he moved, watching her expression change with each thrust. Her lips parted, breathing raggedly but she held his eyes. Thaïs arched her back, both legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him into her. He kept it slow, her skin rubbing against his; little beads of sweat ran off his neck. She panted as the feel of him became too much. Thaïs bit her lip and bucked beneath him, her brow furrowing as her hands clenched on his back. The half formed words died on her lips as Mal drove in and she shuddered, her thighs tensing as she clamped around him. She stilled, her body wracked with gentle tremors as Mal continued moving, gritting his teeth as she clenched around him.

Mal's breath hissed past clenched lips, felt his balls tighten while Thaïs' shudders milked him. He took her mouth, kissing her deeply. He reached for her thigh, hooking his arm under and thrust. Thaïs' arms wrapped around his shoulders pulling Mal to her. He was close to bursting but he wanted her with him when he did. He shifted, changing angles and grazed the hard nub. She moaned into his mouth, dragging her short nails down his back until she cupped his ass. Thaïs cried out with each thrust until she came crashing down a second time along with Mal. The echo of her scream bounced back at them, his name torn from her lips.

Thaïs gasped for breath, eyes closing. She felt his heavy weight settle on her, his hand tangled in her hair. Mal pressed his lips against her cheek, kissing his way to her throat where he nestled his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder. He couldn't get away from her scent and he felt like warm wax, soft and bendy- amazingly satisfied with himself and for once unable to think of anything else but the soft body in his arms. His mind was blank, not a thought went through it aside from what his body felt and that was enough.

Thaïs lay there listening to his breathing even out, blinking up at the ceiling of the storage shack they'd fallen into. This was not how she remembered. It had never felt…as…the way Mal had touched her was…

Her thoughts were in a jumble and the only thing she was certain of was that they'd crossed a line and she wasn't sure what to do- _if_ there was anything to do. She wasn't sure of the thoughts in her head because right then it was her body doing all the talking. The feel of him still inside her and his skin…Thaïs could feel every inch of herself still hot from Mal's touch, her legs still wrapped around him. A craving started in her belly, a craving for more of what she'd just experienced with Mal and that's what brought reality crashing down around her.

It was Mal, the Capt. and she'd brazenly spread her legs for him a third time, without the excuse of being drugged… or had it still-. Thaïs bit her lip knowing she'd done it because she'd wanted to feel more, wanted not to think, to forget and Mal had done that for her. His hands, his mouth, his body… he'd given her a reprieve from reality.

From who she was…

Her eyes stung and she squeezed them tightly not wanting to cry.

She couldn't.

* * *

The crates were stacked, the supplies put away and there was still no sign of the Capt. or pilot. Zoë stared into the dark night, her brow creased with worry. It wasn't like the Capt. not to call in, check on his boat. It was more likely that something was wrong only she couldn't go in and rescue him as she normally would have done. She clasped both hands over her belly rubbing in slow circles as she turned to Jayne.

"You're going to look for them."

Jayne made a face but nodded. After all, he was the only hand available on _Serenity_ because it wasn't like the Doc was gonna be any help. Aside from Zoë the only other capable hand, aside form himself and the Capt. would be Thaïs and the girl was out with Mal.

"Maybe we should wait some more." Jayne proposed. "The girl's about as- uh, she can take of herself." He amended realizing Zoë might not like him saying she was scary sometimes. Not that he wanted to admit that's what he thought of Zoë.

"You're going." Zoë scowled.

"Can I go?" Jabéz asked. He'd been off the boat a handful of times since arriving and it was getting claustrophobic. Both adults turned to the cat walk answering with a firm 'No' at the same time. Jayne turned to Zoë frowning but didn't say a word. He didn't want his son running around town, not when they couldn't be sure if they were safe.

"Alright, let me get-."

"Not Vera." Zoë ordered following him to the catwalk. "You don't need an arsenal to go looking for the Capt."

"Are we talking about Mal?" Jayne questioned half turning towards her and wondering if the pregnancy had damaged her brain somehow. Because the Mal he knew was always getting shot or hit or just… Hell, Mal just found trouble and that was why Jabéz wasn't going anywhere off _Serenity_. At least not until Jayne got him a little trained.

"Right." Zoë agreed. "Maybe a couple grenades." She conceded.

Jayne grinned thinking that was more like it.

* * *

"Not a word." Thaïs said as she slipped her shirt over her head immediately grabbing her boot. She did her best not to look at him, for once not bothering to push her hair out of her face as she slipped her other boot on. "We don't mention this-it never happened." That was all she could think of- all she'd let herself think about. Even if she still wasn't satisfied, even though her body was quivering-demanding more of the same-

"Thaïs," Mal began, already picturing the reactions of his crew when they found out what he'd done. "We need to talk about this." Because he didn't like this feeling starting in the pit of his stomach, a knot of guilt for taking her the way he had. Then again, he wasn't exactly sated and watching her dress-

"We really don't." Thaïs answered grabbing her gun belt and buckling it but her fingers fumbled with the loop. She blinked the grittiness from her eyes, refusing to even think about crying. She'd willingly participated, had _enjoyed_- Thaïs couldn't pretend she hadn't been willing, that she'd liked-. Hell, she'd almost begged him to take her a fourth time.

"We aren't pretending I didn't- that we didn't just-diu…" he was stammering like a fool and she wasn't looking at him. She wasn't letting him anywhere near- not that Mal blamed her because he felt like a- a- perverted old man trying to feel up a pretty girl. Only he'd done a lot more than that and thinking about where his mouth had been and- he fisted his hands to keep them from reaching out for her again. He still wanted her and she wouldn't turn him away, not now when they were feeling like-

"That's what I want." Thaïs snapped glaring at him. Anger, she had to let her anger take over, to erase everything else. "Not to think about it, not mention it- go on, we don't want to insult that dà féi zhū! Wouldn't want to hurt a budding business partnership." She grabbed her coat off the ground snapping it to get dust off the black material, quoting him. "I'm a gāi sǐ de shǎ guā, is what! Listening to you-you- you're constantly getting in trouble." She accused slipping her arm through a sleeve and reaching for the door handle at the same time. She got tangled up, unable to get the door open until she shoved her arm through. Thaïs quickly pulled her coat on and yanked on the door.

"Thaïs," Mal reached for her arm and at the last moment pushed the door closed instead with Thaïs staring intently at the rusted metal. Mal knew he was standing too close to her, he could see she was tense, her shoulders slightly hunched in. Gone was the façade of confident officer and she stood there, just a confused young woman… Her long hair was tangled, partly stuck in her coat and he reached to pull it out.

Thaïs flinched but didn't pull away from him. Just a simple touch and she wanted to turn around, let his hand run through her hair and cup around her chin… she clenched her jaw and remained stiff, ordering her body to comply with what her mind was telling it to do.

Mal wanted to take her silence and lack of movement as a good sign. She was angry and he didn't blame her. Most women weren't as dismissive about sex as a man and it was clear Thaïs was one of those women. She was not as cold or uncaring as she had made them think. He felt his gut clench, he'd taken her and she'd responded but how much of it had been really _her_? How much of the experience had been because of the XORA…

"It isn't going away just because we want to pretend this didn't happen." He drew in a breath, feeling his own guilt in the matter while he trailed his fingers in the length of inky locks down her back. The silky feel of it drew him a step closer to her, his hand trailing down her back. Mal stopped himself from leaning into her, forced his hand not to cross any lower than her waist. He'd never pretended to be anything other than he was but he wouldn't take advantage of a woman- not like this only…hadn't he proven he could and would do that? At least Thaïs had a valid reason for her behavior. Mal wondered what this would do to her. Would she be able to surpass the urges of her body? How much harder would it be for Thaïs to be in close quarters with him now that he'd-.

"I don't- I'm not…proud of myself. I wouldn't…" but he did, a few times and there was no going back, no changing what was. Thaïs didn't say a word, nothing though she didn't need to. Mal knew she'd felt…something, other than what she'd experienced before, had seen it clearly written on her face and that would have to be enough. He wouldn't force her to re-live this night if that's what she wanted. He could give her that much.

Mal stepped back, letting his hands drop from the door and her waist. Thaïs wasted no time in getting it open. She walked, buttoning her coat so he wouldn't stare at her bouncing chest. Part of her clothes had been left behind and she wasn't going to think about his missing buttons. She clenched her jaw as she thought of what they'd just done and how much she'd _liked_ it. Yes, that was it right there. That was the problem, she _enjoyed_ it, liked him touching her and she wanted to turn back, to have him inside her again, filling her up until she burst…

Mal followed her into the street glancing up at the sky which was too dark. He cursed under his breath knowing his crew was going to be asking questions, wanting to know where they'd been, what had happened…

"Děng dài. I said wait!" he ordered raising his voice when she didn't slow her pace.

"I am not talking-."

"That's not what-." Mal drew in a breath running a hand through his messy hair. "There's gonna be questions-."

"We found a bar and you joined a game. Lost track of the time. Good enough?" Thaïs questioned, she had trouble meeting his eyes so she stared at his forehead instead. It barely helped, there were brown strands still damp clinging to his forehead. She felt her hand start to reach up and forced them into fists. She had to stop looking at him, ignore the way he was looking at her, stop wanting to go back to that dark room and ask him to take her again, to feel his hands run over her skin-

_'Stop it!'_ she ordered but it wasn't easy to do. She was all twisted into a knot and having him so close she could smell him, the scent of his skin-leather, gunpowder and…just…_him_… It was driving her nuts trying to stamp down her desire and focus on the even breaths she'd tried to take.

Mal frowned, when had she had time to come up with a story? And was he at all upset that she had? Watching her, Mal didn't miss the flicker of desire in the violet eyes or the flash of panic that quickly replaced it. He found himself wanting for her to reach out to him-

"Good." Thaïs turned and started walking again, not giving him a chance to see how badly she wanted him again or to protest her story. She sorta got the idea he didn't mind, didn't want to tell his crew what they'd done anymore than she did. Thaïs thought Simon might take offense only because he'd known her as a child, because they'd played and gotten in trouble… He was too much the uptight Alliance boy, well mannered and groomed. And what about Apollo? He'd been raised just the same…only he'd been nothing like Simon. Simon, who had always taken the big brother role-

The first thing she was going to do once they were back on _Serenity_ was take a long shower. She wasn't going to _think_ about any man and she certainly wasn't coming out of her bunk-

_'And who's going to fly?'_

She glared at the road in front of her thinking it couldn't be that easy. It was never that easy-

"Where you been?"

Thaïs jumped, gun in hand before she even realized it.

"Jayne?" Mal questioned coming up beside Thaïs. His hand took hold of her wrist easily. Mal didn't resist the urge to run his thumb over her wrist…

"Well it aint the gorram tooth fairy." Jayne grumbled.

Thaïs jerk her arm away from Mal when he pressed his hand to lower her gun. She shivered just as a cold gust of air blew and the long waves got in her eyes. Jayne didn't remember Thaïs having her hair loose when she'd left with Mal. About the only time he'd seen her like that was when she'd flown them out of the asteroid field and during the withdrawal form the drug she'd been dosed with. Other wise her hair was neatly pinned up or in a braid.

"What are you doing? Is my boat alright?" Mal demanded while stamping down the sudden urges to touch his pilot. He started walking towards his boat ignoring the speculating gaze from the Merc and the glare from Thaïs.

"Course it is." Jayne replied turning back the way he'd come. "Zoë made me come looking for you." He complained. Thaïs stayed a few steps behind them, quickly pulling her hair into a braid. She heard Mal tell Jayne her story and the Merc bought it easily. Thaïs didn't think Zoë would but she wasn't planning on staying around to back him up.


	30. Saving River

**30 Saving River**

**_Saskia_** had been nothing but a waste of time. Nothing had been gained and the element of surprise was no longer theirs.

Azmyth had failed to eliminate the threat and recover their target. His superiors were growing impatient. For that, Devon had to put up with the suits from the Blue Sun Corporation. His lips pulled up in distaste as he thought of their blue gloved hands and the silent communiqués.

They didn't matter. Not when rebellion was brewing and the Alliance couldn't pinpoint the source. The intelligence branch was failing spectacularly in that regard and it resulted in the new orders.

Devon Hiyo stared at the screen. He had no doubts as to his Operative's ability to complete the mission. He'd made certain of that and the report on his screen was confirmation of how effective his technique had been.

Devon was pleased.

"Set a course." he ordered into the comm. "This time I don't want to be late."

Mal slowed as he approached the bridge. He could hear Thaïs' voice as she lectured Jabéz. She'd turned out to be a patient teacher and the boy wasn't half bad as co-pilot. He seemed to pick up quick and Thaïs kept him from making any mistakes that could kill him or any of his crew.

"How do you do it?"

Mal waited at the foot of the steps.

"Fly, you mean." Thaïs responded, her tone was slightly pensive. It brought to mind the few times he'd watched Thaïs sit quietly just staring into the black. The kid was right and he wondered as well, why the flying calmed her. About the only time Mal had seen her fuss was when someone tried to tell her _how_ to fly.

"You change…when you're flying." Jabéz shifted uncomfortably. Mal sympathized with the young man, especially if Thaïs was staring at him. She had that disconcerting stare, shuttered or blank and there was no way to see what she was thinking.

"Pay attention, JC." Thaïs warned softly. "You had the basics at school, that doesn't make you a pilot."

"…experience…"

Mal walked in as Jabéz trailed off. He wasn't getting a response from Thaïs anymore and hearing the echo of steps he turned.

"Capt." Jabéz smiled, still a bit nervous. He was unsure of his place among the crew, not exactly a passenger but not a member either. He helped out where he could but that was mostly lifting things or cleaning up…somehow, Jabéz had assumed life on a ship was- well, _more_.

"Learn something new?" Mal asked ignoring the fact he was being ignored by his pilot. Though that wasn't exactly true either because she was behaving as she'd done before-, it was just her usual behavior.

"Different." Jabéz corrected. "I'm learning things the instructors didn't teach us."

"Good. Thaïs," Mal finally turned to her.

"Tomorrow, Capt." she didn't look up. "Zoë already spoke with Charlie. Everything is ready for us to pick up and load. Safely."

"Good." Mal nodded and the silence stretched. "Well," growing uncomfortable he turned on his heel and walked out of his bridge.

They were polite to each other. He'd made no mention of- not a word, just like she asked.

_'Demanded is more like.'_

But she became stiff whenever he was around. It didn't fail, anytime they were in the same room she'd leave within minutes. It was always 'Capt.' or 'Sir'… Mal scowled. The whole situation was becoming a nuisance. And yet Thaïs wasn't saying or doing anything she hadn't done before- well, just before.

_'You're a ruttin fool.'_

Yes, because he certainly wasn't going to confront her about it. And why? That was a good question and Mal had avoided thinking too much on the answer. Truth was he didn't want to admit he was feeling guilty even though there was nothing for him to feel guilt over.

_'This was like any other job. Only we didn't get shot at…'_

Yeah, that was the only difference.

**Φ**

Kaylee sat outside the infirmary just staring at the wall and thinking. Everything was changing and she hadn't had time to get used to any of it. Zoë was going to have a baby soon. Jayne had a grown son. Inara was gone… Too many changes in such a short amount of time-

The infirmary doors opened and Zoë stepped out.

"Everything ok?" she asked sitting up.

"Of course." Zoë replied smiling. Her bump was no longer easy to cover and her shirts were two sizes bigger than the week before. "But I'm hungry. Again." She complained.

"You're eating for two." Kaylee chirped jumping to her feet. "Come on."

"Keep the spicy food to a minimum." Simon cautioned as he followed behind the pair.

"Just ignore him." Kaylee whispered loud enough Simon couldn't miss hearing her. The smirk on her face as she glanced over her shoulder was teasing. He tried to keep his expression stern but her giggles and the food she was talking about preparing lightened Zoë's mood.

"We'll be picking up those supplies in the next few hours." Simon called after them.

"And the Captain's not likely to let us off while they're loading them." Kaylee retorted just a little annoyed with the Capt. The next time they'd stop was almost a week in the black and that made it seem so much longer.

**Φ**

**_Irulian_** was cold. The sun shone at its highest but it did little to alleviate the frigidness in the breeze constantly blowing. Malcolm grit his teeth against the shiver coursing through his body as they drove towards the dry goods store. He tried not to glance at Jayne; avoided looking at the ridiculous ear muff hat the Merc wore and hoped Kaylee got what she needed and returned to the ship before there was any chance of finding trouble. He was uneasy, eyes flicking all around and suspicious of everyone. It was too damn tiring and stressful being on guard at all times. Mal hated the feeling but he liked breathing so didn't complain, after all, it was a necessity for his line of work.

"Gorram cold." Jayne grumbled beside him and Mal silently agreed.

"This isn't that cold." Jabéz noted turning his face up to the sky. "It's sort of nice weather, except for the breeze."

"It's cold." Jayne retorted hunching into his jacket.

"It's colder on **_Aeros_**." Jabéz replied grinning. "Even without the breeze."

"Hate winter." Jayne complained. "Couldn't it be-."

"You were just complaining about the heat back on **_Saskia_**." Mal reminded him. Of course he'd agreed with Jayne then too.

_"Capt. Reynolds. The cargo arrived."_

Mal reached for his comm. unaware of the slight scowl on his face.

"Good. We'll be done and back in an hour."

_"I'll let Zoë know."_ Thaïs replied. The silence stretched and curiosity was evident in Jayne's not so discreet stares.

"You do something to piss her off, Mal?" Jayne finally asked.

"Why's it always something I did?" Mal demanded easily evading the question. Then he was at the store and pointing out what to get and having Jabéz stack it on the mule.

**Φ**

"Have you seen River?" Kaylee asked leaning over the catwalk's rail. Her features were pinched in concern. Both Zoë and Thaïs looked around the cargo hold but neither could see River on first glance.

"Where was she the last time you saw her?" Thaïs asked setting down her stylus and pad on a crate.

"We was playin'." Kaylee explained with a pained expression. "Hide and seek, last place I saw her was the kitchen."

"She knows better than to go outside." Zoë assured but her worried expression said otherwise.

"That doesn't mean she didn't go outside." Thaïs stated. "Neither of us would've noticed her going out, not while we were busy getting this cargo loaded."

"You've checked the ship, Kaylee? All of it?" Zoë asked again but Kaylee nodded adamantly.

"Has anyone asked Simon?" Thaïs questioned looking at both women.

"He's looking for her too-."

"She's not on-board." Simon said out of breath as he stepped onto the catwalk.

"Right, outside then." Thaïs drew in a breath. "You should stay here, Zoë."

"In case she comes back." Simon added hurrying down to the cargo bay.

"Woa, one sec." Thaïs held up a hand stalling Simon. "You-. The Alliance is taking shots at you and you're going outside…"

"River is out there-."

"And they don't want her dead." Thaïs cut in.

"The longer you argue with me, the less chance we have of finding River before someone else does." Simon headed towards the doors but Thaïs stepped in his way pushing him back when he tried to go forward.

"I can make you stay here, Simon." Thaïs warned and felt just a little guilty for threatening him, especially with the hurt look that came over his face.

"I'll stay with him." Kaylee intervened seeing Thaïs roll her eyes at the suggestion.

"You know what, fine. Both of you stay close to the ship." Thaïs relented. "In sight of Zoë's gun."

"I am not a child, Thaïs." Simon groused, frowning.

"No." Thaïs agreed, for once dropping her walls and letting them see how much she really did care. "And you aren't a soldier. So let me do what I'm trained for and stay close to the ship."

When they stayed silent Thaïs headed out, towards the line of trees on _Serenity's_ left side. Flying in she'd spotted a few rock formations with pools and River had gone off and regaled her with facts about the sort of minerals and whatnots involved in the whole process. Thaïs had ignored more than half of the conversation but River's interest in them was a sure sign that's where she'd be.

**Φ**

"Gone?" Jayne echoed.

"What do you mean gone? Where she'd get gone to?" Mal demanded into the comm. while Jayne sped up.

_"She's not on the ship, sir. Thaïs went out to search. Simon and Kaylee are close by, also looking for River."_ Zoë explained though it did nothing to relieve the scowl on Mal's face.

"We aren't far now, Capt." Jabéz spoke up hesitantly glancing from his Dad to Mal.

"Where are we gonna look?" Jayne questioned. "Moonbrain's likely to go anywhere…"

Mal was silent, staring at the passing scenery while he thought. As far as any of them could see there was no rhyme or reason to the things River did but for the girl… she saw patterns in all things-

_'Like Thaïs.'_

Hadn't the girl said something about that…? And the asteroid field, she'd seemed to know exactly where to go- where to find clear space…

"Zoë, we're about twenty minutes away. Get Simon and Kaylee back on board." He ordered because he was almost sure following Thaïs was the fastest way to find River.

_"Yes sir."_

**Φ**

_'She's gotta be around here.'_ Thaïs thought as she came out of the shrubs. Annoyance flashed across her features as she swiped at some branches, especially the one that caught in her hair.

"Érzi de biǎo zi." She muttered wincing as it yanked on her braid. Thaïs was not happy to be trudging around looking for River. "Thought I was done with this part of life." She muttered to herself. Just as quickly her mind brought up memories of her training alongside her friends. Survival Ops were always amusing with them around… "I swear… River!" Thaïs called shying away from their memories.

Thaïs walked across the plateau, towards the edge and glanced over the side. It wasn't a deadly drop, but it was far and she didn't doubt the pool of water at the bottom would be freezing cold. A gust of wind tugged on her jacket and she drew back opening her mouth to call for River again when she heard the scuffle of feet.

She turned, her hand automatically resting on her gun but surprise froze her on the spot.

"It's time."

Thaïs shook her head and took an involuntary step away from him.

_'He can't be here.'_

But no matter how much she blinked the image in front of her didn't disappear.

"Apollo." Her voice sounded hoarse to her ears and her mouth felt dry. "…Jace."

"They have to die." He said moving towards her. The wind ruffled his blond hair, slightly longer than it had been since she'd last seen him…Thaïs shook her head, his words a soft buzz in her ears. He was there and she couldn't find the words to lay into him, anger was slow to burn the fog off her emotions. All Thaïs could do was stare at her friend, to search for the changes-something that would erase the image of the friend she remembered, the friend who had suffered through the rough patches with her…

"You-. How…could you?" she whispered balling her hands into fists. He didn't seem to take notice of her words, just ignored them as another gust of wind assaulted them both with its freezing fingers.

"Everything is ready. Come on, Ài." He reached his hand out, expecting her to follow him. Thaïs frowned, stared at his hand but couldn't form a thought other than he didn't hear her. He was too far gone to even know what he was doing- she wanted to believe that because the possibility that Apollo _was aware_ of … They were all she'd had and Apollo was the last one.

"Found you!"

Thaïs jerked towards the cheerful voice, violet eyes widening at sight of River's smiling face. The girl was flushed, brown eyes bright- completely unaware of the danger…

"River." Thaïs breathed, she turned to Apollo and saw his expression change. "NO." she stepped in front of him, blocking his path to River who slowly stopped laughing.

"They want her back." Apollo brushed his arm across, roughly shoving Thaïs aside. "Take her… we take her and it all goes back to how it was."

"No!" Thaïs yelled. She didn't want to go back anymore, they'd been lied to and the life she'd been promised wasn't worth it if she had to hurt people for it. "RunRiver!" she grabbed at Apollo, surprised that he'd turn on her, that he'd attack. She blocked his fist, ducked under the second blow and kept moving fully aware they'd had the same training. Half of what she'd learned was due to Apollo and his relentless instruction. He knew what moves gave her the best advantage, knew which way she'd strike but Thaïs knew him as well. Countless hours sparring and training together gave them intimate knowledge of each other…

"Not right. All wrong-that's all wrong." River muttered shifting anxiously from foot to foot. Their turmoil- those memories- it was pain and hurt, anger, disappointment, both so lonely…

"Stop fighting me!" Apollo roared in anger. He hooked an arm around Thaïs' waist pinning her back to his chest. She threw her head back barely missing Apollo's face. Furious, he tossed her down, grabbed his gun and aimed at River.

"NO!" Thaïs yelled.

**Φ**

"Thaïs! Answer me gorramit!_"_ Mal glared at the comm. in his hand. He hurried towards the sound of the shot.

_"Captain, we heard a shot. What's going on?"_

"No clue. Keep an eye on my boat." Mal ordered in reply to Zoë's question. He stumbled over some rocks and jumped to clear ground.

"Jayne, you see anything?" he asked into the comm. starting to huff because of the slight incline.

_"All I know is someone's shooting at me again."_ Jayne retorted.

"And the girls? You see them anywhere?"

_"No-wait. Yeah… yeah- you aint gonna believe me Mal."_

"What's going on?" Mal demanded as other sounds began to reach him.

_"There's someone else up here, Capt. Reynolds." _Jabéz replied.

Mal drew in a breath and scowled to where he could hear shouts and wondered who else was up there.

**Φ**

"Damn it!" Jayne cursed. He'd only just missed eating another bullet and was itching to return it. "Get out of my way." But there was no clear shot while Thaïs hung onto the blond. She was having a hard time of it keeping her grip. The gun went off again, this time towards the sky as Thaïs shoved his arm up. The smartest thing to do would be to let them kill each other but then there was always the possibility one of 'em would survive and Jayne had a pretty good idea it wouldn't be the girl. Not this time.

"Hey!" he grabbed at River, pushing her behind and ignoring the nonsense she was babbling about as he started towards the duo.

"Dad-." Jabéz took a step forward but they were too far away. They watched as the struggling pair-too close to the edge- suddenly went over as the blond lost his footing.

"NO!"

Jabéz wrapped both arms around River, holding her back from the edge. Her scream echoed on the plateau and she folded on herself. He didn't let go and she was light as a feather in his arms.

"What?" Mal panted bursting from the brush. He griped his thighs and drew in two deep breaths before straightening and surveying his surroundings. "Who was shooting? Why's she muttering about the black and being alone?"

Jabéz shook his head, hesitant to let go of River for fear she'd jump over the side after Thaïs.

"Don't know Capt. but Thaïs was up here." He said jutting his chin towards Jayne. "She was fighting with someone."

"Girl went over." Jayne stated hooking a thumb and glancing back at Mal.

"She what?" he exclaimed moving to the edge. Looking over both could see as she came up and splashed around before disappearing again.

"Where ya goin'-?" Jayne questioned watching Mal yank of his coat. "I aint jumpin'." He quickly stated with a retreating step seeing the look on the Capt.'s face. Mal ignored him and dropped his gun belt. It really wasn't that far, hell she'd obviously survived the fall…

**Φ**

Apollo hit the water first taking most of the impact on his side and back. That didn't stop the cold water from sucking the breath from her.

Thaïs clamped her mouth shut when her first reaction was to gasp but that would only get her a mouthful of water. Her skin tingled, the water soaking into her clothes greedily and tugging her down. She could feel her limbs begin to numb and tried to kick for the surface but something held her back.

_'Apollo.'_

Thaïs struggled against him, trying to break free of his hold. Of both, he was the most adept under water. She knew he'd hold her down, would hold his breath longer than she could…

She fought against the panic the thought brought, struggled to think while her hands sought someplace to impart pain on Apollo. She needed to force him off her somehow, at least until she got another breath in her lungs which were burning with the lack of oxygen.

_'I'm going to die here.'_

She was certain and in that moment Thaïs knew she didn't want to go- not yet.

**Φ**

It was freezing cold. The air was forced from his lungs and he struggled against his momentum. Malcolm broke the surface dragging in air and a mouthful of water he then choked down. Almost immediately, his teeth began to chatter and he clamped his mouth shut. His body rebelled against a second dive under the frigid water but Mal went anyway. He hadn't thought anything through, just acted and now he wasn't going to leave the job half done.

Pulling with his arms, Mal swam searching for Thaïs. He caught a glance at something shiny and turned in its direction.

Surprised, Mal swam closer reaching for Thaïs while the second body sank lower. The knife glinted dully again and then faded into shadow. He grabbed at Thaïs, snagging her wrist and pulling her up. The Capt. was surprised at how heavy she was and realized the Kevlar thread in her clothes were the problem. He kicked his numbing legs as hard as he could and slowly gained momentum. It seemed to drag on forever, the bright patch of shimmering light above farther away and then he broke the surface.

Relieved, Mal dragged in a breath careful not to drink anymore and pulled Thaïs above the water. She hung limp against him, skin too pale and cold. He could barely feel the tingling on his skin and jerked towards the edge of the pool. If he was numbing to the cold then Mal was sure Thaïs was worse off considering she'd been down a lot longer.

The Capt. stumbled as his feet touched bottom. He fumbled his hold on Thaïs but managed to carry her out of the pool and roughly set her on the ground. His teeth started chattering almost as soon as he knelt.

"O-open your ey-es." He ordered trying to get his hand to unclench. He hunched over her, tapping her cheek with the back of his hand and noticed her lips were tinged a very pale blue. Leaning over her, Mal didn't feel anything but he was sure Thaïs was not breathing. "Damn."

"Get out of the water!"

Mal ignored the order and reached a clawed hand to her neck for a pulse. Simon ran towards them, pushing his way between them and quickly assessing Thaïs' condition.

"Get out of those wet clothes Mal." Simon ordered already bending over Thaïs. He listened for breathing then immediately grabbed her chin, tilted her head back and pressed his mouth to hers.

"N-n-not bre-a-athing." Mal stuttered hunching in on himself. He couldn't stop shivering and clenched his jaw trying not to crack his teeth with all the chattering they were doing.

Simon pressed down on her chest silently counting to himself. He repeated the process twice before Thaïs convulsed, water spluttered from her mouth and she dragged in a few breaths.

"You ruttin' fool." Jayne groused tossing Mal his coat. He grumbled more when Mal couldn't get himself wrapped in it and had to help.

"I need to get you both on _Serenity._" Simon stated. He was busy tugging on Thaïs' shirt and had it partly off when she began to struggle. "Before hypothermia sets in and kills you."

"Kaylee's on the way with the mule." Jabéz approached still holding River. She was quiet now but tense.

Simon tried to lift Thaïs but she brushed him aside. Her movements were uncoordinated and useless.

"Don't." Thaïs glared but she felt too tired and then the shivering began. Her teeth chattered and she folded in on herself, huddling into a ball.

"I'll get 'er." Jayne snapped when Simon looked on helplessly. He picked her up easy, ignoring her weak shoves and started walking quickly towards the ship. Simon helped the Capt. up ignoring the complaints about the cold water. Mal just couldn't ignore the worry he felt- the look on her face…that was grief. Something else had happened up there and he wanted to know what.

**Φ**

"Get us in the air." Zoë ordered as Jabéz trudged up the ramp with River. He nodded once and handed her off, quickly going up the steps. Zoë closed the doors glancing anxiously towards the infirmary where Simon was checking on the Capt. and Thaïs.

As soon as Kaylee had brought them in Simon had ordered both of them out of the wet clothes. When Thaïs protested he'd threatened to cut her out of them and held the scissors in hand to make his point. She hadn't been able to do it alone and Kaylee had been the only one allowed to help.

Even with her teeth chattering Thaïs had been adamant Simon was not undressing her. Ever. Zoë wanted to laugh at Simon's expression but the seriousness of events kept her quiet. By contrast, Mal quickly tossed his wet clothes on the floor and huddled into his blankets.

Looking in on them now, Zoë could see the Capt.'s eyes on Thaïs.

"The Sun God was angry."

Zoë glanced sharply at River but she was staring at Thaïs.

**Φ**

"I want to know what happened up there." Mal questioned with a minimum amount of chattering teeth.

"I fell." Thaïs replied huskily. She closed her eyes and lay back ignoring the glares directed at her. That was as close to what happened as she was going to say. Thaïs couldn't bring herself to say anything about Jace-

"Heard you were fighting. I want to know who with." Mal demanded sitting up straight. He shivered as Simon pulled back the blanket and pressed the syringe to his bicep. He felt the minor sting and then a tiny curl of heat began to flow out and over his body.

Thaïs turned away from both men, pulling the blanket up to her chin and curling into a ball. She didn't want to talk to them, didn't want to think of what she'd done-

_'Apollo…'_

They hadn't pulled him from the pool, she hadn't been breathing when the Capt. dragged her out… No. He was dead. Apollo- he was all she'd had left….

"Thaïs." Mal called sharply. "Asked you a question-."

"Mal," Simon cut in with a slight shake of his head. "Maybe we can let her rest-."

"I'm done waiting." Mal snapped.

"What else do you need from her Capt.?" Simon questioned in disapproval. "How many times does she need to get shot for one of your crew before you stop questioning her past? Maybe if she died-."

"She done drowned, Simon." Mal retorted glaring him down. "That's plenty wrong and I'm not questioning her – well, just the parts I have no knowledge of. Alliance seems to know where to find us-."

"They won't get her." Thaïs spoke up and both men turned to the bundled figure sitting up. Thaïs focused on Simon, she didn't want to look at the Capt. "As long as I breathe…you have my word. The Alliance won't touch River. I'll do my best to keep you both from harm."

Simon was speechless. This wasn't the girl he'd played with as a child. This was someone else and she was slightly intimidating. He'd tried not to let the changes affect his behavior towards Thaïs, tried to treat her the same as he would River but it was difficult.

Thaïs dropped his eyes and huddled into herself. She didn't know how she'd keep her promise, how she'd make good on her word… All Thaïs felt was this burning in her gut, her eyes felt like sand was being poured into them and her chest was gripped tightly. She focused on getting in a breath then another and another trying not to think of Apollo…

_'He's dead.'_

She should've died with him- would have except for the Capt.'s interference.

Mal could see the concern on Simon's features and felt the same way. The girl was too quiet and the promise she'd made… He wondered what Thaïs knew- could she confirm his nagging suspicion there was another Operative on their ass?

**Φ**

_It's all gone. _

_I am not what they made me. I won't be their weapon any longer. I won't end the same._

_My life is not theirs. _

_I do not belong to the _Alliance.

_I can't finish this…_

_Liars._

_That's what it's all been about and I was going to cover it up for them, for those-._

_Azmyth is dead._

**Φ**


	31. Bonfire

**31 Bonfire**

Nöe led the way into town followed by Diego and Vahn who hadn't shut up since they'd left the camp. If it weren't for the supplies they had to pick up…

_'I'd be running drills and more training scenarios.' _He shook his head and let out a long breath of air.

"Civilization at last." Diego sighed wearing a big grin as they rode into town. It wasn't as nice or prosperous as the other moons they'd travelled to in the last year. There were a few shops, the livery and stables, plenty of homes and a couple farms not to mention the hotel and three bars both DustDevils were eager to step into.

"Don't get any ideas." Nöe warned seeing where both men had their attention. The blaring lights and the raucous sounds coming from the open entrance to the bar were just a bit tempting for him as well.

"What's the harm if we're already here, Nöe?"

"Yeah," Vahn chimed in. "We can pick up the supplies in a couple hours-."

"We get them now and head back." Nöe saw the frowns on both their faces and felt the same annoyance but there were more important things for them to do. "Don't forget who we are. Or why we are here; sleeping in trees or foxholes, wiping our asses on leaves."

"Diu, Nöe. Anywhere we go there's no way to forget." Diego assured with a glance towards Vahn who nodded agreement.

"It's the reason I left the Academy." Vahn had also left an angry Father and a disappointed Mother; Two brothers who couldn't understand and didn't care to listen to his reasons. All any of them saw was the youngest son betraying everything he'd been taught from childhood, at school, at home… He was a disgrace to his family name. He was no longer welcome, no longer part of their family… Vahn knew exactly what he was doing with the DustDevils.

"You can't pick up supplies if they haven't arrived." Diego pointed out, neither missed the hopeful tone of voice.

"There is that." Vahn agreed.

Nöe didn't make a reply, silently hoping there'd be a little bit of delay so they could enjoy the bar and that way he could fake annoyance and still remain the serious leader they had come to know.

**Φ**

River lay on her side watching Jayne and JC load the mule with the cargo they'd been paid to drop off on **_Liet_** by Talus. She wondered when the Capt. was going to open his eyes and admit to himself he was working with the resistance. She wondered how long Thaïs was going to wait before bringing up those questions and if she'd really leave _Serenity_ once she had the truth confirmed. River frowned, brown eyes turned up as if she could see through the metal and wires to the bridge where Thaïs sat.

_"Do I need to worry?" _Mal had asked.

River didn't see anything bad from Thaïs but there was plenty wrong with her…

"We're both wrong." It was just that River couldn't blend in with the others as easily as Thaïs.

"That's the last one." Jabéz huffed a breath wiping at his brow with the rolled up sleeve of his shirt. Jayne came around the muleand secured the strap he'd tossed across the crates. "What is all this anyway?"

"None of our business is what." Jayne replied. He noticed the sour expression on his sons face and grumbled under his breath. "Look, we done delivered and that's the end of it. No need to be poking around and finding stuff we got no need for." He dropped a heavy hand on JC's shoulder and squeezed. "Makes living a lot easier."

Jayne didn't want to end up returning anymore goods to people they'd stolen from. He hadn't forgotten Adelei Nishka and the bastard hadn't been happy with just taking Mal's ear. No, Nishka's _nephew _wanted revenge and where had Jayne been for it all?

_'Right smack in the gorram middle of it.'_

_"Coming in for landing in 5."_ Thaïs' voice came over the comms counting down but even so there was only a slight shudder through _Serenity_ as she docked. _"Locks in place, you can leave anytime nánhái."_

Jayne glowered at the term and led Jabéz to the mule. He'd left boyhood a long time ago…

"We waiting for the Capt.?"

"No need." Mal answered coming down the steps. "We ready?"

"Every crate's been done and loaded on." Jayne assured moving into the driver's seat. JC hopped up onto the crates as Mal opened the doors.

"Don't be wandering off." Mal called up to where he could see River. She made no move to reply; dark hair hanging over the side of the walkway where she lay dangling a delicate arm and leg. He spared a narrowed eye stare at the girl having more to say but kept silent instead.

"You should lock them all in." Jayne muttered. Quiet had settled since their 'diving' trip the month before. It even made Jayne nervous, wishing Mal would just get rid of their pilot cus he wouldn't mind if River took over for a bit, not if it meant things would go back to what he called normal.

"Think that would stop her?" Mal questioned as he jumped into the empty seat. So far they hadn't had any trouble but the quiet was slowly becoming worrisome. He didn't know why it was he felt as though they were just waiting for trouble. Thaïs had barely answered him, gave a short explanation on what had happened.

Zoë had told him what River had said when they were being tended to by Simon. Thaïs hadn't denied it when Mal asked but she hadn't said anything at all after that.

_'Apollo.'_ Well, at least there was one less gǒu shǐ dài and yet… how'd Apollo find them?

**Φ**

Diego paused in his work to wipe an already damp sleeve across his forehead and grumbled under his breath while Nöe and Capt. Reynolds stood back.

"So," he nodded towards Jabéz who was loading another crate on the mule. "How long have you had a clone?" he reached for another crate noting there were just a couple more before they were done.

"My son." Jayne grunted and that was still new to him, the fact he had a kid and that kid thought him a hero… Jayne didn't know why the kid kept insisting it was so and wasn't really inclined to correct the assumption even though Jabéz would have to see the truth eventually. Jayne kinda liked it- not like the people in _Jayne's Town_ of course, he wasn't going to prance around like he'd done there but it was nice.

"Can't see it," Diego huffed another breath of exertion and moved back as Vahn moved in with the last crate. "I mean, it's plain as day, but…" because there was a resemblance in both Cobb's. same dark hair and build though JC was a little shorter and slim and of course there was the different eye color but watching Jabéz and then Jayne it was sort of weird to see some of the same mannerisms present. And both Cobb's didn't even notice it. "You don't seem the type, is all. How'd you find him?"

"He found me." Jayne tossed the rope across the top and tied his end on the hooks. "Got a wave and there he was."

Diego just nodded, short and simple is how it was with Jayne most of the time and the DustDevils had understood that pretty quickly during their first trip on _Serenity_.

"Done!" Vahn called in relief. He glanced at Diego, both hoping to get some time in town before heading back to camp which would be a much shorter trip now that Capt. Reynolds and his crew would be flying in for some food and drink.

"Good," Nöe answered. "Let's get moving."

"But- can't we stay-."

"No." there was silence from the DustDevils. Jabéz was oblivious to it as he came around the mule.

"Should I go help Kaylee with the parts she was purchasing?" he looked to Jayne first then Mal and back. He still wasn't sure how to behave when both men were around and that was most of the time. Did Jabéz look to his Father first because he was his Father? Or did being a Capt. trump being a Father?

"Diego and Vahn can help carry any parts she may have with her." Nöe offered considering they'd taken up all the space on the mule with their supplies.

"Fair enough." Mal agreed and nodded for Jabéz to head off, the DustDevils.

**Φ**

Zoë rode on the mule with Kaylee, River, Simon and JC. Simon wouldn't have let her get on the horse, not that Zoë would have insisted or been able to mount it. She was more than done taking chances and her baby bump had grown considerably in the last month. No amount of loose clothing would hide her condition. Zoë hardly noticed the soft smile that ghosted her lips. The last few months had gone by in a blink, being in the black was like that and at the last checkup Simon had been pleased with their healthy condition. It didn't make him any easier to bear or the restrictions he kept but Zoë told herself it would all be over in a few months. She was nearing the end anyhow, 7months so far and with all the troubles…. Zoë knew she was lucky- she gripped the seat as the mule lurched suddenly, her attention once more on where they were instead of in her head. That one thing she wouldn't miss, being distracted all the time or the heartburn and the swelling… Being pregnant had its ups and downs and again she wished Wash could've been there to experience it with her. Zoë was sure he'd of pissed her off more often than he'd make her laugh and yet she'd give almost anything if he could be with them.

Thaïs kicked her borrowed horse; it jumped forward though thankfully no one fell out of the mule no thanks to Jabéz.

"Kànzhetã." Thaïs scolded as her horse came up beside them. "You've got delicate cargo." Her violet eyes on JC who apologized.

"No harm." Zoë assured with a soft pat to her rounded belly.

"It's not exactly a smooth road, Thaïs." Kaylee pointed out, her eyes skimming over the green foliage all around them.

"It's not a road at all." JC muttered as yet again he tried to avoid tipping over. Having a cart to haul behind them wasn't making it any easier but the BrownCoats couldn't leave their supplies behind. He glanced at Thaïs who sat astride one of the pack horses, up ahead the Capt. had one while Jayne had the third.

Jayne sat relaxed, didn't see why there was any fuss over accepting the invitation when there wasn't any jobs lines up. So long as there was liquor and food… well, Jayne was easy enough to please in that regard. He smirked; the puff of smoke from cigar blew past as rode behind the mule.

River sat with her head tilted back as far as it would go. Brown eyes stared at the flash of light peeking through the dense leaves overhead. Sometimes she caught glimpses of birds flitting through the trees or a squirrel scurrying up a trunk, cheeks puffed with a nut. Simon couldn't help the sad twist of his lips watching her, the soft smile on her face… Again, he wished there was more he could do for her, to _un_do what had been done to her. He was angry as well, at his parents for simply brushing off the responsibility they had towards their children but mostly for River. He couldn't understand how they _didn't _care… Sometimes, Simon wondered; what if the Alliance did catch them, him and River… Would their parents care?

River turned to Simon, her brown eyes very clear. "They weren't strong enough." She had known it long before Simon had rescued her. Their parents hadn't known _what_ to do, afraid of losing everything they'd gained because it wouldn't be easy to eke out an existence and the Alliance reached far. So fear had won out, fear of actual labor and the uncertainty of what living on the rim would be especially with the threat of Reavers… the Tam's chose to keep the life they'd always known and let go of the children they'd brought into the 'verse.

Simon blinked. He waited for her to explain that, to tell him but River wasn't going to confirm what he'd been thinking. He didn't need to be hurt anymore so River went back to watching the trees. It was moments like those that left Simon feeling hopeless, inadequate and … just a little nervous around his sister. He knew what she was capable of, had felt it first hand- it was scary.

Simon looked away, drawing a cleansing breath, blue eyes wandered over the trees and stopped on Thaïs. He watched her silently, thinking over the past 7 months. He was honest enough to admit feeling happy to find a familiar face after everything he and River had been through. Granted, it was strange- one hell of a coincidence because what were the odds?

Simon'd had passing thoughts of Thaïs over the years, when school had become strenuous and he wished life was as simple as it had been when he was a child. He'd wonder what had become of the little girl without any real concern and thinking more of the happy memories. She'd been gone from their lives just as easily as she'd come in. But River… she'd questioned her absence longer.

Simon took careful note, listing in his head the changes from the young woman who boarded _Serenity_ seven months past, to the young woman riding beside the mule now. Physically he could attest to her good health; the only scar he knew of was on her collar bone which was due to the confrontation she'd started (according to Mal) back on **_Verizon_**. There were other…well, old breaks he clearly saw on the scans he'd done of her. They were painful ones, all of them and each had been given great medical attention. Simon would almost say it had been seen to very quickly after the trauma and that was strange enough to start asking Thaïs questions.

Simon didn't.

Thaïs wasn't as… 'twitchy' around them anymore; she didn't flinch from anyone's touch- at least not from the crew, but she didn't allow herself to get close either. He could see she was still uncomfortable about the XORA in her system. Her mental health… Simon sighed, his gaze drifting over the mule without really seeing it as he thought. He couldn't say for sure Thaïs was sound of mind- not with everything he _knew _had happened to her and there had to a lot more she wasn't saying…

_'Alliance screws with everything.'_

"Almost there!" Vahn called back and got a scowl for his trouble.

"Loud mouthed diu." Diego muttered.

"Not like the scouts wouldn't hear us." Vahn retorted hooking a thumb over his shoulder towards the mule and the noise it was making. It was the only sound in the wooded area they were travelling through.

Nöe ignored them both, wondering again how it was he'd been stuck with the youngest of the DustDevils for the supply run. He was almost positive it was Gryph's fault- hell; the DustDevil wasn't above a prank or two.

Mal cleared his throat, blue eyes questioning. "Scouts?"

Nöe snorted and offered a nod. "They've seen us for sure. Anyone else and they'd have been stopped, questioned, sent back the way they came or…"

Mal didn't like the 'or' considering he had a real good idea of what the 'or' entailed and bleeding wasn't on his to do list. Nöe didn't look concerned and shrugged off the narrowed gaze. "Can't be too careful, Capt. Reynold's."

"S'pose not." Mal reluctantly agreed. He studied their surroundings carefully, glancing over his shoulder and frowned at Thaïs. The girl was staring right up into the trees, those violet eyes slightly narrowed- Mal looked. He didn't see anything aside from a bundle of vines and leaves- "Diu."

Mal frowned but he was _sure_ it had moved. He glanced at Thaïs and noticed her hand had shifted from the reigns to rest lightly on her thigh- close enough to her gun. For a moment, he was relieved the girl was vigilant even if it did grate on his nerves when they were on his boat. Not for the first time did Mal have second thoughts of accepting the invitation but he wasn't about to admit his curiosity got the best of him.

Of course Mal wanted to see it!

All that brown in the 'verse… Something in him responded- maybe even missed 'it' that camaraderie, the feeling of doing something more, something worthwhile. But…. Mal stamped down the nostalgia, the need to do more than just survive, to be more than what he'd become.

_'What is it? This thing… who am I anymore?"_

All Mal needed to concern himself with was his boat and his crew and that had always been enough. Everything else, anything aside from them was a distraction he couldn't indulge in or afford.

_'Aint getting' in the middle of this.'_ Mal told himself though it would be tempting. Then again, all Mal had to do was remember the war and its outcome, that would get any ridiculous notions out of his head.

Thaïs kept a wary eye on their surroundings, she'd spotted three lookouts in the trees and a few lumps in the ground that could have been a body but she wasn't sure. Whoever they were, they were good and she was sure there had been more hiding in the forest she'd missed. They'd had a clear view of the camp from the sky and she'd set _Serenity_ down as close as the trees would allow so their ride into the camp would only be an hour instead of the three days it had taken Nöe and the other two to reach town.

Ahead, they could already see a break in the tree line and Kaylee was the first to point it out. It didn't take long to reach the edge and JC was relived to finally get on lever ground. Once at the edge of camp the small building and shacks were clearly visible while the biggest building sat in the clearing. The smaller shacks were no bigger than two room and served as living quarters, there wasn't much need for much more.

Zoë, Mal and Thaïs ran an assessing eye over the 'camp', easily spotting the Comm. tower and its partner higher up on a flat ridge. Mal raised an eyebrow, wondering who and how they'd managed to set it in place. The mountain face looked flat- a difficult climb either way and not enough room to land or hover close enough to drop someone in.

"Fang." Nöe said with a slight nod towards the tower. "She could climb anything."

Mal grunted in response and followed the BrownCoat to the stables. He remembered the woman vaguely, small and silent, never far from her man.

The barn had a large corral where he could see at least a dozen horses lazily pacing and chewing on tufts of grass. There was young man with an apple in hand and a dappled mare eyeing it.

"Supplies go in the barn." Diego dismounted, tossing his reins at Vahn. "Come on." He jogged a few paces towards the double doors with JC driving the mule.

Vahn grumbled under his breath at being stuck with two horses and lead them into the stable just on the other side of the barn. Mal dismounted, still looking around at the large camp and the brown clad figures.

Nöe didn't know what to make of the shuttered expression on the Capt.'s face but he smile anyway. He tapped on his shoulder. "Food or drink, Capt.?"

Mal shrugged and allowed Nöe to take the reins from his hands. He passed them off to a young man as they walked around towards Jayne.

"Jayne?" Nöe called out as the Merc came around his borrowed horse.

"Drink." Was his automatic reply.

Mal paused, blue eyes drifting over Thaïs as she dismounted. He rarely got the chance to study her without her knowledge and he still wondered what she was doing on his boat. He had his doubts and they nagged at the back of his mind each time he found himself getting complacent but he couldn't forget she'd risked her life for his crew on several occasions. Worse was the factRiver hadn't said anything against the girl. Not one word… so Mal didn't get why that concerned him more.

The horse sidestepped suddenly and Mal moved to help but Thaïs hopped off.

"Easy there." Her soft words were followed by a gentle touch and the horse stilled with just a toss of its mane and a snort. "Good…You're good."

Mal's lips twitched wanting to mimic the soft smile she wore. She sighed and stepped back handing the reins over. Her smile disappeared and Mal cleared his throat drawing the violet eyes towards himself.

"We'll collect the rest of your crew, Capt." Nöe walked towards the bar, Jayne at his side.

"Thaïs." Mal's tone was quiet, questioning and she stiffened. She offered a sharp nod and started walking. He almost scowled at the wide berth she gave him but there was that unmentionable incident between them she'd demanded they forget. Yet, Thaïs didn't behave as if she had considering how she avoided him.

**Φ**

Gryph sat just out of the firelight, eyes trained on _Serenity's_ pilot. He hadn't approached her at all, not that he didn't want to. She didn't seem aware of his gaze and that suited him fine. He could just watch her in peace, admire the play of light on her features-

"You're drooling."

Gryph sat up, hand automatically going to his mouth before fisting and resting on his thigh again.

"Dumb ass." Gryph muttered under his breath and scowled at the amused chuckle Yuma didn't bother to hide.

"You coulda been. 's all I'm saying." Yuma shrugged then held out the mug. When Gryph took it Yuma continued as he watched the brunette move towards the very pregnant woman reclining on some pillows close to the fire. "So, why haven't you gone over there? Afraid she'll drop kick you?" again, a chuckle and snort but Gryph had felt her 'drop-kick' first hand and Mitsuru had sported some 'love-taps' as well.

Yuma was just curious, the crew had been in camp since late that afternoon.

"No rush." Gryph shrugged watching Thaïs. She hadn't spoken to anyone else either, just stood back and observed and she'd certainly noticed Gryph doing the same. So he'd wait…

**Φ**

Zoë felt… well, like she'd come home. It was easy to let herself forget these men weren't part of her unit, that war was in the past and those brave men long dead and turned to dust…. It just felt so familiar and she looked for the Capt. wondering if he felt it too.

Mal was at the opposite side of the fire, talking with Nöe though Mal kept looking around. Yeah, he was definitely feeling it, all that Brown… they weren't even hiding it. The fact they were so open about what they were doing got Mal antsy.

Zoë knew Mal used coin as the excuse for taking the jobs from Talus and Charlie, it did nothing to hide the fact he missed being part of something bigger though he'd been happy with just _Serenity_ and her crew. She blamed it on the Alliance because from the moment they sent their Operative, Mal hadn't been content to just _be._ It wasn't just about surviving, of keeping him and his safe because their choice in lifestyle wasn't conducive of good health or long life. To tell the truth, Zoë had been restless too, without Wash…there was just too much time and now with the baby, well, Zoë wasn't sure what exactly to do. She knew what she wanted; to be part of this new resistance rising up after the wave on **_Miranda_**. She also knew what she _needed_ to do and that was to protect her child. It was difficult trying to decide where she'd stand when the time came. She had always gone where Mal led, even against Wash. But now she had a responsibility to her child.

_'What kind of life can we have with the Alliance in control?'_

There'd be no more hiding, nowhere the Alliance wouldn't go in order to wipe out all trace of the resistance and she'd done her best to disappear. The Capt. might not realize who and what the BrownCoats were but the set up and small groups certainly brought back the memories of her time in the corps, before she's joined Mal and the unit she'd been planted in.

Not even Mal was aware of her past a DustDevil.

**Φ**

Simon sat with Kaylee watching as River danced to the music JC played on the guitar. A few other BrownCoats had brought out their own instruments not to mention there was more drink passed around. It felt good to sit, breathe fresh air…

River laughed, twirled around JC and his stump of a seat. She was happy- calmer in the months following events on **_Miranda_** but still not the sister he'd grown up with. Simon frowned; would he ever be able to help her?

Kaylee cupped her warm hand on his cheek, she didn't hide the fact she knew he was worried about River, again. She didn't say anything, never did and Simon appreciated it.

"…well, then let's see it." Keiffer pulled out of Vahn's hold and stopped a few feet away from Zoë and Thaïs. "How about it?" he looked at her, mug in hand and wearing a smirk.

"Lay off, Keiff." Vahn tried again but the DustDevil was obstinate and he wasn't going to stop pestering the brunette.

"What's going on?" Simon sat up, glancing from the BrownCoats to Thaïs and back though how she'd caused any trouble was beyond him considering Thaïs hadn't been far from Zoë the entire time. She'd brought her food and drink earlier- to their left the raised voices caught their attention and Mal was quick to spot the excitement.

"Not to worry Capt." Nöe assured as Mal tensed up, hand automatically reaching to his side. "It's only a game."

Mal snorted, not sure he liked their sort of games if it meant getting bloody.

"War games." River said softly as she watched the first man stumble out of the circle and the group assembled around it laughed while a second moved in. Jabéz stopped strumming the guitar and sat watching with half an ear listening as Nöe explained the rules to Capt. Reynolds.

"No more than 10 at one time. The first round is man to man, no weapons. The first knocked down or out of bounds loses and another moves in to take on the winner. The second round starts when the last man standing has taken on the other 9. Then it gets interesting." He chuckled, watching as another DustDevil got tossed on his back.

"Interesting?" Mal watched a woman enter the circle and while she made progress, she too was shoved out of bounds.

"Second stage allows staffs, practice swords, that sort and while most of 'em get to the third stage, they don't survive it." Nöe didn't feel too bad he was one of 'em, not many of the DustDevils were that good though he had Ishira and Fang. When it came to _Shā le_, Ishira could take them all down and Fang was just as fierce, only not as good.

"I say its bullshit." Keiffer spoke up looking Thaïs over. "Mitsuru was blowing smoke."

"You're blowing smoke." Zúlema stated as she drew nearer. Mal noted the hulking shadow at her side was Jayne and just hoped the man wasn't making trouble. "Fang won't mind tossing you around if that's what you want."

Keiffer glanced away from Thaïs at the snort of laughter from Diego and Zúlema. Amusing as they found it, Keiffer wasn't in the mood for their teasing. He had money to win and he was betting on Mitsuru being an overdramatic fool who embellished every single one of his stories.

"I'd rather she tried it." Keiffer turned back to Thaïs, the violet eyes slightly narrowed as she studied him. "What do you say, Huálì?"

Thaïs stiffened; she didn't enjoy being put on the spot nor how easy he seemed to be tossing out endearments. She didn't want to fight either though this was more like an exhibition. It was too close to what it had been like before…when Apollo had been there-

"No."

Thaïs spared Simon a glare over her shoulder. He looked just a little embarrassed to have spoken out especially with the others looking at him. "You could get hurt…" he trailed off but the excuse was just another reason for Thaïs to want to say yes.

"We invited them for some fun." Diego reminded Keiffer, hand on his shoulder making to pull him away from their guests but was shrugged off.

"That's what I'm offering." He turned back to Thaïs, now smirking. He noticed her eyes flick towards the Captain as though seeking permission and laughed.

"She's gonna kick your ass." Jayne smirked watching Thaïs turn on her heel and walk out of the light and towards the group of BrownCoats that already formed a circle.

"You should mind your own business." She hissed at Simon.

"Wait a minute!" Mal scowled.

"Better place your bet, Mal." Jayne said as he followed the BrownCoats. He waved to Jabéz who set his guitar down after a moment of hesitation.

"Don't worry, Capt." Nöe said as he too headed for the group. "No one is going to hurt her."

Mal let out a heavy breath thinking nothing good was gonna come out of provoking the little she devil he hired as pilot.

"You're not going to allow her to- to…" Simon stood, eyes on the group being dispersed by Nöe. "Someone is going to end up hurt." He stated.

"Sir?"

Mal turned towards Zoë, she was having trouble standing and he lent her a hand as Simon moved to her opposite side.

"Don't think ordering her is gonna make any difference." He said before either of them got the idea he somehow had any control over what Thaïs was going to do. Sometimes he thought being Capt. was just a title she used with the same regard as his name. Only she didn't use his name at all…

"Round and around and 'round 'till one and all they fall down…" River sang in an oddly melancholy tone. She started towards the ring of BrownCoats ignoring the strange looks from the crew because they didn't understand. "They don't get it, can't see the her in the dark cus she can't let go…not yet."

But…sometimes River could see, she saw more than she wanted and nothing made sense. There was danger, sometimes more but it wasn't there yet so she kept quiet and watched, waiting for when it was time to act.

"We'll start you easy." Keiffer said with a light shove on Vahn pushing him into the circle where Thaïs stood.

"Not yet." Nöe called stepping into the circle. "The lady hasn't agreed and-."

"I'm familiar with this game." Thaïs cut him off. Nöe raised an interested eyebrow but said nothing. He knew the game was used in training at Alliance schools but she was only a pilot, wasn't she? "Then I'll get out of your way. And Vahn," Nöe called from outside the circle. "Try and remember what you've learned." There were some chuckles from the DustDevils that got louder a moment later when Thaïs ducked under his strike and hooked his ankle bringing him down with her first move.

She took a step back, far out of his reach should he try grabbing at her.

"How's the grass?" Diego called between his laughter. Vahn gave him the bird and got to his feet moving to take his place outside the circle.

"Why don't you find out?" Nöe ordered with a nod towards the ring. Diego swallowed his chuckles and moved in.

"I don't usually hit girls." He shrugged, mouth slightly quirked in a smile. "But, I won't hit you hard."

Thaïs smiled, just a little one before her hand snaked out and smacked him. Diego jerked back, frowning at the sting on his cheek.

"I do."

The squad roared with laughter, they took up some name calling but Diego wasn't paying attention. Thaïs blocked both punches and kicked him back. She could see Diego getting angry, counted on it as she dodged a kick to her head and kicked the back of his leg. He buckled, falling onto his side and she moved out of his reach. They were testing her, the others watching her move, learning from each fight and that was ok with Thaïs. She wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, hadn't needed to fall back on any of the 'special' training.

"Now that you've played with the boys-."

"There's a 3rd." Thaïs cut in. She slid her left foot back just slightly falling into a loose stance as Keiffer paused inside the circle.

"You trying to piss me off?" he chuckled, glancing around at his companions before darting towards her.

Mal was not pleased. He didn't see a point to continuing the game and right then wished he'd never given into his curiosity. Hadn't that been what killed the cat?

"You puttin' any coin on the girl?" Jayne wondered as he watched Keiffer stumble out of the circle. Both watched Thaïs meet the next combatant; the women matching each other blow for blow. "Thinkin' I'm gonna buy somethin' nice for Vera with the winnings." He grinned.

"Just hoping there's no bad feelings after she's done." Because win or lose one of the men certainly wasn't going to like being a made a fool of.

Raven kicked, connected and Thaïs started to go down. Mal felt a tiny thread of relief the game was over but Thaïs managed to get her hand on the ground and kicked her legs up and over. The first got Raven and the second pushed her out-

"You see that?" Jayne straightened, his momentary alarm at loosing what little coin he'd started out with forgotten as Thaïs rested in a crouch. Zúlema took her place and Thaïs rolled out of the attack getting to her feet in a smooth motion. They watched her hook the taller woman's arm and bend her around, the move over just as quickly and Zúlema knocked into Yuma on his way in. They both landed in a tangle of limbs half out of the ring. Jayne chortled in glee.

"It's not easy finding good help, Capt." Nöe commented with a nod towards Thaïs and Fang keeping pace with each other. His eyes skipped to where Gryph was waiting, watching the sparring and hoped his friend actually tried to hit the girl he'd been mooning over since their first transport on _Serenity_.

"No one sees." River whispered sadly as she took a seat next to where Jabéz was standing watching the game.

No one really paid attention either and half of what River said didn't make sense to any of them but River _did_ see. It wasn't fair- none of it ever was… the Alliance hurt them both but for Thaïs, it was just easier to hide the scars. She put it all away, hid her pain, her anger…

After the trap they walked into on **_Verizon,_** not something they'd be forgetting any time soon or let Mal forget, Zoë wasn't surprised to see Thaïs run through the 10; the girl was that good.

_"And you aren't a soldier. So let me do what I'm trained for…"_

Zoë's curiosity was peeked once more because what else had Thaïs been for the Alliance apart from a pilot?

"How about we sit and talk-." Gryph didn't have the chance to finish and he didn't fight the momentum as he landed on his back.

Nöe just shook his head grumbling under his breath about idiots. Mal agreed, he'd also noticed the stares but not once had Gryph approached Thaïs since they'd arrived. Slight concern for his pilot irritated Mal but he thought of **_Epsilon Prime_** and scowled. She was a pain in his ass and there were doubts nagging him but he didn't want to see any of his crew mistreated either-

_'Hell, when'd the girl start being part of my crew?' _

Ishira bowed, the formality returned as Thaïs hesitated only a second then both straightened and moved to pace the other. Thaïs struck first, missed and retreated while Ishira kept moving clockwise. She tried a second time, moving into his space and getting in a hit before retreating a few paces back. Ishira inclined his head slightly, still moving, watching her…

Zoë wore a frown on her features, hands gently cupped around her stomach. She didn't like what she was seeing and beside her Simon stood in rigid disapproval. The rest of the DustDevils took up staffs and practice weapons preparing for the second round. Zoë knew they'd go in two at a time and wondered if Thaïs could handle that. After their trouble in **_Verizon_**… she shook her head.

_'Good thing it's only a game.'_

Ishira landed hard on his side, rolled out of the way and got to his feet. She'd snuck in, grabbed his wrist and sent him out but he knew where the mistake had been. He watched her slap the staff away from her face, her palm striking Vahn's chest. He lost his grip and then Diego hit the ground with a swipe from the staff she took from his hands. Keiffer blocked the first strike but he didn't catch the second. Jayne grimaced in sympathy along with the rest of the men as Keiffer tucked into himself emitting a high pitched squak of pain. The staff fell out his grasp, both hands clutching at his sack.

"Yēsū…" Mal closed his eyes expelling a breath.

_'Trouble…it's always trouble…'_

Thaïs scowled as her fingers went numb with the blow from Zúlema's staff. The DustDevil smiled and swung again but Thaïs avoided the strikes at her head and body. She moved in Gryph's way-the only one not trying to hit her- and let Zúlema take him down. Gryph landed face down in the dirt while Zúlema paused in surprise. Thaïs grabbed the staff, twisting to get under it and flipped the distracted woman over.

Zoë didn't miss the smile flitting across Thaïs' face. She was enjoying herself, each move so natural Zoë was certain there wasn't any thought of what she was doing.

"Oh!" Kaylee exclaimed as Thaïs received a blow and barely managed to block the second. She lost the staff and grabbed Fang's; both women went down only for the DustDevil to get tossed out of the circle. Thaïs couldn't keep hold of the staff and there was no time to reach for the one on the ground as the final round began.

River had enough. "The mask has cracks and soon it's gonna fall apart." She stood, eyes still following Thaïs. She didn't need to see anymore and headed back to the fire. "Crumble to dust… sand and sea, they don't see her…not too late, not late, and then the rabbit jumped in the hole." Her frown marred the usual serene expression and her words, nonsensical as they were, caught Jabéz's attention. He spared another glace to the 'game' and seeing his Father cheering on Thaïs left them and headed after River to the fire.

"You want to dance some more?" Jabéz strummed the guitar waiting for River to respond. She stood so still, her eyes on the fire, he didn't think she'd heard him but then her body began to sway and so Jabéz began to play in earnest.

**Φ**

It had felt good.

To hurt them, feel the blow reverberate through her arms and legs as she hit them.

It had felt good.

"This isn't healthy." Simon dabbed at the cut on her temple, none too gently, though Thaïs gave no sign it was hurting any worse. He knew it did…

Thaïs kept her gaze averted. She didn't want them to see what she was feeling, how that 'game' had relieved some of the anxiety constantly hounding her, that even with the pain in her head she hadn't felt as good in months. There was relief, finally!

_'At a price.'_

That was the only drawback; hurting them had brought her this respite and hurting someone else would bring it again so what the hell was so good? Thaïs wondered how long it would last and that brought about some shame.

"Thaïs-."

"Enough." She turned away from his touch and stood. The frown on her face would do nothing to deter Simon from the talk he was wanting to have with her so Thaïs headed towards the fire. The rest of the crew was sitting around with some of the DustDevil, a couple already tended to by Simon. She hesitated a second then decided she didn't want to suffer through the 'looks' from the crew or deal with questions from the others or even bother with Gryph and the quiet infatuation most of the crew had noticed. For a moment, Thaïs wished she could just sit and enjoy the night with them… just a moment but she didn't fit. She wasn't part of Mal's crew, she wasn't 'family' and even the Tam's weren't enough for her, they weren't hers anymore.

Thaïs grabbed two bottles from the crates on her way towards the stable. There was one place she could be alone, the one place she'd always belong even when it didn't feel like it. Instinct always won out in the end.

**Φ**

Zoë kept searching, dark eyes drifting around the fire and into the darker areas of the camp but she couldn't find her anywhere. Gryph hadn't left his place by the fire and Jayne was busy with a card game. Jabéz kept them all entertained with the guitar…

"Aint seen our pilot." Mal commented quietly as he knelt beside Zoë and handed her a plate.

"Neither have I, sir." Zoë took it from his hands and set it on her stomach, she'd found plenty of other uses for it aside from that. River dropped in front of Zoë with a laugh, hand plucking a piece of fruit from the plate.

"Baby table."

Zoë smiled, her hand patting at her stomach.

"You know where she went, River?" Mal waited for River to add some words to the nod but patient he wasn't and huffed; "Well?"

"Up." River looked at him, her expression saying it should be obvious. "She likes _Serenity_. Needs to keep flying. Thaïs needs her wings…"

"Aint saying she's not gonna fly, little one." Mal grumbled getting to his feet. His frown was directed towards where _Serenity_ had been left docked. It had been at least an hour on the mule…

"Horse is faster." River spoke at his side, her eyes looking off into the trees. When Mal only grunted she gave him a light shove towards the stables with a pointed look.

"Alright." Mal groused moving off to saddle himself a horse. An hour later he was still wondering why the hell he'd listened to River. It wasn't that he worried Thaïs would fly off with his boat…. Well…

_'Go se.'_

The outer door opened and he made sure to lock once he was inside. He didn't need anyone trying to get in uninvited or thinking about stealing his ship. She didn't look like much but there were plenty of assholes still trying. Mal headed up and through the galley, the faint sound of her voice stopped him in the walkthrough. He couldn't make out what she was saying but she certainly didn't sound happy. He hesitated, not wanting to deal with any female close to tears but then she _was_ sitting at the helm of his ship….

"…one more boys…kick ass…" she uttered a short laugh Mal didn't think was happy. He stepped into the bridge and noticed his pilot was falling out of the chair.

"Haizi…" he reached out to keep her in the chair, hand pushing back on her shoulder. His boot connected with the empty bottle and it skidded across the metal grates beneath their feet. "Been drinking."

Thaïs looked up at him. "It wasn't right."

Mal carefully tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Shoulda been me…" Thaïs muttered. She raised the bottle to her lips again and managed to get a drink before Mal snagged it.

"How's about we share?" he tugged a little harder and she let the bottle go, violet eyes squinting up at him. She watched him drink, head tilting as Thaïs studied him. "Been up here long." Mal noted, blue eyes scanning the console in front of her but it was all shut down.

"….long…." Thaïs muttered. She turned back to stare at the dark sky and the stars glittering up there. "…always…they-. _…go se_… me, it was me."

The blame was easy to ignore sober. She could pretend it never happened, that they never existed… it wasn't easy but she did it every day. She put their memory away and forced herself to forget. There was no other way to get by if Thaïs let all of it in, those feelings-

"…no good, it's no good anymore." She shook her head, both hands grabbing at her temples as she curled in on herself. She couldn't push them out anymore, forget they were dead and all because-

"Hey!" Mal grabbed her before she completely fell out of the chair. "You're not a good drunk, haizi."

"I'm poison." Thaïs muttered. "…death…" she uttered a soft whimper, violet eyes sparkling pools in her pale face. Her head fell on his shoulder, inky swatches of hair falling in her face.

"Aint as bad, Thaïs." Mal assured, using his finger to pluck the hair out of her eyes. "We got our demons ... That's life."

"It shoulda been me." She whispered. "…Eli, Van … lost 'em all … Jace…"

"Me, what?" Mal questioned softly. A tear rolled down her cheek, her eyes shimmering pools of sadness. He was surprised when her hand gently rested on his face.

"I killed them." Her eyes closed and Mal wasn't sure what to think. Her hand slowly slid down his chin to rest on his chest. "…killed Jace…"

"Aint seen any dead men, haizi." Mal muttered. He didn't know what to do with his pilot, with what she was saying... He couldn't stay kneeling beside the pilot seat indefinitely and if he left her alone she'd just keep drinking until the bottle was empty- how she wasn't out cold by now … a full bottle and more than half of the second….

"You've got some tolerance, haizi." Mal noted. He set the almost empty bottle aside. "That's enough for you." he reached his free arm under her legs. She wasn't exactly heavy but Mal still grunted at the effort of lifting her dead weight from the chair.

"…no…" Thaïs stirred, violet eyes fluttering open only to squint at her shifting surroundings. "…don't…" she wanted back in her chair and the bottle, that's as far as she wanted to think of. The boys and the laughs… all those pranks and sneaking off… she wanted that, she wanted to have it be like that again.

"Settle down. Nothin's gonna happen, Thaïs." He wished she'd forget that night, it shouldn't have happened and while Mal couldn't fully regret what was done he didn't want her to think he'd take advantage of her in her current condition.

"…my shuttle…"

Mal wished Thaïs would say more, anything to help make sense of her muttering. He reached the hatch to her bunk and set her feet on the grates.

Thaïs swayed, hands grabbing at his coat while her face turned into his chest. She groaned and then felt herself sort of floating as Mal draped her over his shoulder and descended into her bunk. She clutched at the back of his coat, the pressure on her stomach very uncomfortable.

Mal crossed the length of her bunk and shifted his hold on her body.

"…stop-." Thaïs tried to keep her grip on his coat and that put Mal off balance as he tried to lay her down. He sprawled on top of her in the bunk, cursing and tugging on her arms until he could sit up. He found her staring at him, her breaths coming slow and even. "It's all wrong…"

He could agree with that and nodded sadly. "It's the way…" a lot of things were wrong in the verse. Mal just tried to focus on the ones he could have some affect on.

"…Eli wanted to win…he always wanted to win… Jace … he wasn't -." Thaïs shook her head, eyes skipping to the ceiling where she didn't have to look at Mal. "…it wasn't his fault… wasn't him… it wasn't…. any of us…not me…not me…not me…"

Mal wiped the tear rolling down her cheek and kept quiet hoping that she'd explain…anything of what she'd already said because Thaïs wouldn't speak up sober. He wanted answers, wanted more information that wasn't available to him on the Cortex.

"Thaïs?" he shook her a little and watched her brow furrow, those violet eyes seemed clearer as she focused on him.

"Why'd you save me?" her tone was accusing, as though he'd done something terrible.

Mal didn't know what to say, he didn't really have an answer for her, he hadn't thought of it much, tried _not _to think about why he'd jumped off that cliff… "Just did." It was the best he'd come up with.

"Shoulda let me drown." Thaïs muttered scowling at him. "It's me Ginner wanted dead … both of us dead …"

"Why?" Mal waited but her eyes fluttered closed, Thaïs' grip on his sleeve loosened and even then Mal didn't pull away. He couldn't help wanting to have more. He never said it out loud, never showed it because he was the Captain, he was the glue that kept this boat and crew together, he couldn't let anyone see he was lonely… Malcolm wanted more, he was human as well. He'd kept Inara at arm's length because of her chosen profession and lusted for her. Inara was no longer on his boat, she wasn't an issue anymore and that loneliness crept up on him more often.

"I'm a āng zāng de lǎo nánrén." Mal sighed, hand skimming down the side of her face. Lying there, Thaïs looked like the girl he kept calling her. She was beautiful and stubborn, mystifying and not so much in a good way. He found himself thinking too much of the feel of her and being annoyed with her for avoiding him. Stunts like the game with the BrownCoats and back at the ambush or even her swan dive in River's defense only re-enforced the fact he couldn't be sure of Thaïs' loyalty. He couldn't run his ship or crew without it and Thaïs was the only thing Mal couldn't be 100% positive of.

This was as much as she'd told him of herself and it was the drink that did it.

"I'm an old fool…" his voice was gruff and never bothered the sleeping young woman. Mal leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, it was impulsive and over just as quickly. He didn't look back as he exited her bunk.

**Φ**


	32. Birthdays

**32 Birthdays**

They'd been in the black a week; fresh supplies and payment … there was time to just be and enjoy the quiet. Everyone had and there was a birthday to celebrate.

Kaylee kept the crew out of the kitchen after breakfast though River had snuck in a few times just to watch her baking. Thaïs hadn't left her post at the helm though her stomach had grumbled due to the enticing aroma but then Kaylee had offered cookies. They were chewy and soft with bits of the fruit from the crate the BrownCoats had given them. It was no hardship to part with since the fruit grew wild on the trees in **_Liet _**and thankfully, Thaïs hadn't seen Gryph.

Thaïs vaguely remembered bits from her drunken stupor- she'd talked to them, Seiji and Ahrens though they were long dead. But the feeling wouldn't leave- that she'd had some type of conversation with them, she wanted to believe it had been them because the other scenario was unacceptable. She couldn't have … which ever crew member it had been would have said something to her or to the others in the week since. But no one had made any mention and no one had behaved any differently towards her… So how had she woken in her bunk? Curiosity had Thaïs wanting to ask but then _who_ would she ask? Everyone had been at the bonfire with the BrownCoats. The one good thing of that evening and the 'game' was she still hadn't reverted to the anxiety of before nor had Thaïs suffered a hang over the next morning. That thought pleased her immensely even though she had no intention of getting piss drunk again. So far, her tolerance to the alcohol the BrownCoats produced at their camp seemed to be lower to the Alliance grog. What did worry her was the fact she could not remember details of her drinking on the bridge. And it wasn't the only time Thaïs had found herself missing some time from her day with no idea of what she'd done. She wondered if it was part of the XORA effects…

Zoë ambled into the kitchen and sat heavily into the chair at the table. Temptation sat in the center and without really thinking she poked at the creamy substance. Kaylee caught Zoë with her finger in her mouth and a large glop of icing missing from the cake.

"Hey!" she frowned though Zoë didn't look the least repentant. She pointed at her protruding belly instead. "Leave the baby out of this." Kaylee warned as she came around with a covered platter. "_These_ are for the baby." She made clear, lips twitching with amusement as Zoë found the plate of cookies set in front of her. "Extra cream." There were globs on each one with bits of fresh fruit. They weren't strawberries but it was a close second in sweetness and color that Kaylee could pretend they were.

River snuck her hand quick as a squirrel and nabbed a cookie dancing around the table and out of reach of Zoë.

"She likes to share." She curled into the chair and licked the cream from her fingers.

"A girl?" Kaylee questioned, her smile bright while Zoë looked at River expectantly.

"Baby." River replied biting into her cookie and ignoring Kaylee's repeated question of whether Zoë would have a boy or girl. She just shrugged, her eyes skipping towards the plate and then to Zoë's belly.

"You can have another if you tell us." Kaylee tempted.

"Zoë knows." River looked at the expectant Mother whose brow furrowed. "But she doesn't. Boy or girl, there's a baby in the black. He likes cookies too." With that River got to her feet, snagged another cookie and left them wondering.

**Φ**

Jabéz sat at the main table, the crew of _Serenity_ gathered around him as Kaylee finished lighting the candles of his cake. He couldn't keep the grin from his face and he didn't want to. He'd been an orphan when his Mother died but he'd searched and found his Father hoping for … _'This.'_

"Make a wish." Kaylee beamed at him, hands clasped together practically bouncing on her heels. Simon was smiling beside her and Zoë sat at the table smiling.

Jabéz looked around, to make a wish he'd have to want something… What he'd wanted was to have a family and he got that when Capt. Reynolds let him board his ship and stay on.

Mal set the bottle on the table, he was smiling too and Jayne was quick to grab it and take a long swig much to Mal's complaint it wasn't for him to hog. Thaïs snagged the bottle as soon as Jayne glowered at Mal.

"You drinking tonight?" Zoë questioned eyeing Thaïs as she sat in the empty chair beside her.

"Not this." Thaïs replied setting the bottle out of reach. She wasn't planning on drinking anything from the BrownCoats.

"Put the fire out." Mal ordered. "We don't want our cake burned."

Jabéz nodded. His eyes rested on River where she sat perched on the end of the dining table. She was smiling at him, enjoying everyone's happiness…

_'Make a wish…yeah….'_

The candles put out, Kaylee handed him the knife and he cut the first slice. The rest of it was parceled out quickly and the praise heaped on Kaylee for making it in the first place. There really was nothing about his new life that Jabéz Cobb would change.

This was his family.

**Φ**

Jayne set the medium sized crate on the little round table in the alcove off the kitchen. He took the cigar out of his mouth and turned to his son. "Figure this is long overdue."

"Presents?" Kaylee peeked in, her eyes full of curiosity as she headed over to them.

"You don't have to." Jabéz began to protest.

"Birthday means cake and presents." Kaylee pointed out. She smiled over her shoulder at Simon who came in with his slice half gone.

"He's got the best girls." River smiled moving around her brother to take a seat with the small group.

Jayne cleared his throat. He was uncomfortable with her comment because it wasn't as if he'd said that out loud. He pushed the crate towards his son.

Jabéz removed the lid, set it aside and reached into the straw. His fingers touched on the metal easily enough and with furrowed brow he picked up the shiny black gun, brushing bits of straw off it.

"Well," Zoë noted with a dry snort as she stood beside Simon and Kaylee. "At least it's not a crate of grenades."

"Grenades?" Mal's voice rose and he made his way quickly to the group ignoring the snickers of laughter. He wasn't about to have any more explosives on his boat that weren't secured and _away_ from Jayne.

"Only guns." Zoë assured as Mal peered at the crate.

"Looks to deep for just that piece. Jayne?" Mal questioned.

"Got 'im a pair." Jayne grabbed the second gun from the crate and proceeded to show JC how to take it apart. "Next planet we dock at, I'll take you for some target practice."

"Till then," Mal set his stern expression on the birthday boy. "He can learn how to keep his weapons clean." He watched as River set the cleaning kit on the table.

**Φ**

Thaïs made her way out of the infirmary and through the bay only to find Jayne waiting at the stairs. An inky eyebrow rose in question when he didn't move out of her way.

"Got something to say?" impatience, she wasn't bothering to hide it.

It still took Jayne a moment to get up the nerve to finally say what he'd been dreading to ask her.

"It's Jabéz…."

Thaïs chocked down the sigh when he didn't finish the sentence. "What did he do?"

"Nothing." Jayne scowled.

"Spill it. Dà yuàn." Thaïs ordered crossing her arms as she stood waiting impatiently.

The insult didn't sit well with Jayne but he couldn't tell if she wasn't saying it to be mean or just impatient. "Been thinking, 'bout the bonfire with them … anyhow, you didn't seem to have too much trouble kicking their assess…"

Thaïs grew uncomfortable at mention of the game and her participation.

"And Jabéz…kids soft. He aint had the … proper 'training' for this life … out in the black, smuggling … its dangerous."

Thaïs nodded. "He doesn't want to go anywhere you aren't."

Jayne was surprised she'd get it and he shrugged. "Got no one else' sides me."

"Have you talked to him?" Thaïs wondered. "About doing something else with his life before this becomes his future."

Jayne had tried, he brought up the subject but the kid had given this look- like he'd just killed his puppy… Its not like Jayne hadn't thought about that, and he was pretty sure Samaîre would not have liked her son breaking the law. The last couple of months with JC had been good, it's left Jayne feeling like he's important, like he matters for something other than his skill with guns and killing and blowing up things.

"Would you teach him?"

Thaïs wasn't sure she liked what he was thinking but now that he had said it out loud she couldn't pretend she didn't understand what he'd been trying _not _to say. "Teach…"

"To do the same as you on **_Liet._**"

Thaïs paled, thinking of _how _she was taught… "You've been doing that since the kid came aboard." She'd seen Jayne knocking him around and getting hit by the kid in return. Not because Jabéz was that good but because Jayne wanted the kid to know what it was like to hit a real person.

"Not the same…" Jayne shook his head but he figured Thaïs was saying no. "Forget it." He turned and started up the stairs.

Thaïs watched him go. She didn't understand why she'd feel bad about not wanting to teach his boy to fight but she didn't want to. But Jayne had somehow got his feelings hurt, it seemed and that was strange all on its own. "I'm going to hurt him."

Jayne paused on the catwalk.

Thaïs sighed, grudgingly agreeing to his request but that didn't mean she wasn't going to worry about the others figuring out how exactly she'd become so adept in that area.

"Going easy on him wont do no good." Jayne noted as she started up the stairs.

"I'll stay away from his face. No sense in damaging it so young when he'll end up looking like you in a few years." Thaïs smirked moving past him and the scowl on his face. Deep down she felt sick. Her training was more than the standard FlightAcademy fare – no way it wouldn't draw their attention if she kept showing off. It was a miracle no one had said anything so far.

**Φ**

Jabéz didn't hear her and the piece of cake he was trying to sneak away ended up smooshed into his face and a giggle somewhere on his left.

"You're wasting the cake!" he exclaimed in a hushed whisper that only seemed to make her giggle all the more. He really wasn't upset and his smile through the icing froze as River scooped a glob on to her finger and put it in her mouth.

"Good." River turned skipping towards the hatch and paused. She glance over her shoulder at him, her smile widening when he was still frozen staring after her. "Happy birthday JC."

**Φ**

Zoë watched from the catwalk as JC hesitated yet again as Thaïs tried to teach him.

First lesson – rules of engagement.

"Did it hurt?" Thaïs questioned after lightly beating him up.

"Hell yes!" JC groaned from the floor.

"When it stops hurting… you'll be dead."

River watched from the stack of crates piled on the sides closest to the infirmary. She could sense Thaïs' emotions; reluctance, anger, unhappiness, discomfort. Jabéz was easier to read; he was in pain, confused and really ticked off with Thaïs. River had tried to help him, giving him a few pointers on how _not_ to get smacked around so much … River sighed, she'd have to explain it again later and in more detail than before. A smile lit her face as she kept watching the game taking place in the cargo hold.

Jayne had no trouble watching his son get beat up. Life wasn't going to take it easy on him and he appreciated that Thaïs wasn't either. Taunting him didn't seem to work and Thaïs had done that. Exasperated she turned to Jayne: "I can't work with this."

"Gorram it boy!" Jayne grumbled. He didn't see what the problem was and told him not to be so worried about hitting a woman. "Some of them are going to try and kill you!"

"He should know." Thaïs cut in with the dig directed at Jayne.

"Listen, you hit her." Jayne ordered. "Right now!" he yelled just as Thaïs sucker bitch slapped him. It was enough to get Jabéz to rush her but again he stopped before actually touching her.

"Gah!" Thaïs threw her hands up exasperated. She didn't know what else to do to get him to fight back.

Jabéz caught the slight smirk on River's face where she sat perched on the crates. She gave a little nod and JC turned towards Thaïs. He didn't have to hit her to fight with her.

Thaïs found herself on the floor. Surprise gave way to laughter. "This?" she looked up and found Jayne chuckling. "This I can work with."

Zoë watched them a little longer.

It made sense now; the way Thaïs carried herself, her body movements, the careful attention to details… Zoë had noticed it from day 1 but it wasn't until the DustDevil bonfire that it became clear. There was more to _Serenity's_ new pilot than she or even her records had said. DustDevil's had more training – _specialized_ training. The Alliance would label them terrorists and Zoë would dare say their Operatives were worse.

And Thaïs…?

Every action had been in aid or benefit of the crew and _Serenity_. Not once had Thaïs dealt them any harm, excluding Jayne's nuts. And there was River as well. If Thaïs were any danger River would say so.

_'I wouldn't want River 'handling' it.'_

But it wouldn't be the first time the captain had put the young girl in such a position…

Still, Zoë would keep an eye on Thaïs. She'd keep quiet as well-until there was reason not to.

**Φ**


	33. Stealing

_**AN: Just a quick post. I'm trying to finish this fic and the goal is to be done before the year is over.**_

* * *

**33 Stealing**

Kaylee was happy they'd docked on **_Bacharra_** even if it was mostly Alliance inhabited. Everyone was on tenterhooks, anxious and ornery with the worry. It was still the best place to find the parts she needed for _Serenity_. It was getting past the all the eyes that gave Mal a right to bitch about something other than coin. Then again, Simon, River, Mal, Zoë and Jayne were stuck on _Serenity_ because they were the most recognizable faces. That left Kaylee with JC and Thaïs to help carry their load.

Thaïs paused, violet eyes studying the MED uniforms and the supply transport conveniently stationed where they could take it from them.

"You don't need me do you?" Thaïs wasn't asking no matter how it was phrased. Both Kaylee and Jabéz glanced at each other.

"Capt said to get the parts and head back." JC reminded. "Not to go wandering on **_Bacharra_**." He added seeing as how Thaïs was about to walk away from them.

Thaïs just nodded. That last order had been directed at her but Thaïs had the plan forming in her mind and it wouldn't take much effort on her part to pull it off. "Uh-huh." She reached to her waist and quickly unbuckled her gun belt, removing her weapons with ease.

"What are you doing?" Kaylee wondered as she took Thaïs belt in hand and watched her reach to her hair and pull the pins from her fancy twist.

"Buying a whore." Thaïs answered. She shook out her inky locks wishing she'd worn the shirt with buttons instead of the soft black scoop neck.

"What- why?" Kaylee didn't hide her shock. Her brow furrowed in confusion and wondered if maybe Thaïs liked both. It certainly wasn't uncommon-

"Because I'm going to be propositioning the other one." Thaïs smiled, her head tilting towards the MED transport and the two uniforms clearly arguing about who was going to stick around while the other got to play.

"Wait!" Kaylee grabbed Thaïs' arm as she started to move off. "I don't think this is the best way to, you know. I mean-."

"The Capt. didn't say anything about-."

"Hey." Thaïs glared at Jabéz who quickly shut up. "We need those supplies, Kaylee." She turned back to the red head. "Your Capt. isn't going to fly Zoë to Inara for the birth and Simon has that long list…" she could see her start to waver. "Everything he needs and more is _right there._"

"But-."

"I can take care of myself." Thaïs assured. It was enough to stop Kaylee's protests but she was still unsure. She chewed on her bottom lip, undecided about what to do.

"The Capt. isn't going to like this." Jabéz butted in.

"Get Kaylee and the parts she wants." Thaïs locked violet eyes on Jabéz. She took her gun belt from Kaylee and shoved it at his middle. "Buckle up, kid. Don't." she pointed a finger at his face, her expression stern. "Shoot anyone. Unless you really need to. But you won't. So _don't_. Then you get back to the ship." She started turning away from them. "I'll call when I'm ready."

Kaylee dragged in a heavy breath. She didn't know how to stop Thaïs from going off alone to steal from the Alliance but she knew Mal wasn't going to be pleased by it and Kaylee was more than a little concerned for her friend.

**Φ**

Getting the whore was easy. Thaïs had offered twice the usual coin and watched the uniform take the distraction without a fuss. Thaïs hadn't much trouble with the other one either.

They stumbled into the shuttle transport, both of them smacking into the netting and crates secured behind it. He had his hands all over her.

"Fly us somewhere private."

The uniform hesitated, his roving hands pausing –rather conveniently- on her ass. Thaïs took the next logical step, thrust her hips at him, her lips pressing a kiss to his jaw and down along the collar of his uniform.

"An ocean view?" he groaned wishing she wouldn't stop the press of her hips against his groin. "We'll be all alone." He breathed as he pulled her around. "No beacon." His mouth crushed against hers, his tongue pushing into hers as he walked her backwards into the cockpit.

_'So far, so good.'_

**Φ**

"She what!" Mal yelled. He didn't give a shit about the deal Kaylee got on the parts they were needing to make sure his boat didn't fall out of the sky.

Kaylee shrunk at that and felt bad for JC as well. He'd gotten his own talking to for allowing Thaïs to go off alone. "Well, she said we'd need it and they was just there, Capt." As if it would make any difference to Mal when he was already worked up.

"I'll toss her in the black." Mal growled in his throat. He couldn't help but feel his guts twist painfully just thinking of _what _the girl was doing to get that- "What the hell is she thinking?"

"Capt." Zoë's tone was reasonable and calm. "She's more than capable."

"Aint like we don't steal." Kaylee put in with a grateful breath at Zoë's help.

"We've stolen from an Alliance hospital." Simon reminded though he was worried about Thaïs as well. He, better than any of them, knew what lasting effects she lived with because of the XORA.

"_We._" Mal ran a finger around the dining table and the crew of _Serenity_. "As in a group. Not alone." And Mal didn't want Thaïs alone with that fuck-dick.

"You want me to call her?" Jabéz offered.

Jayne huffed with annoyance turning towards his son. "And where exactly are you going to call her?"

It was a moment of embarrassed silence before JC uttered an inaudible "Oh."

**Φ**

Thaïs stepped through the hatch into the cargo area of the shuttle as he set the auto pilot. The double moons of **_Bacharra_** were framed in the glass of the shuttle. The light blotted out and the uniform followed her to the back. Thaïs dropped her shirt, her back against the netting where she hooked her hands at shoulder height. She could feel the rough strands of the netting scrape against her bare skin and pressed into it harder trying to subdue some of the overwhelming urges starting to flow through her body.

"All private now." He started pulling off the strap that held his uniform jacket closed. He shrugged it down his arms and struggled to get it past his wrists for a moment before throwing it on the ground. "Now…" he didn't waste time, grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head to reveal a well-toned chest and a surprising amount of body art. Right now Thaïs wished he wasn't as pretty to look at. He reached towards her, both hands running down her body to cup around her ass and drag their hips together. Thaïs gave him a minute to enjoy the groping well aware of her own response to it. If she kept her eyes closed it was easier to focus on the breathing that had been so helpful in keeping in control of her body…

_"…haizi…"_

Thaïs' eyes snapped open, her gasp muffled by the tongue currently invading her mouth.

_'Fuck the breathing!'_ it wasn't helping and the hand dipping inside her pants was getting to close for her comfort. Thaïs swallowed a moan of … slight disappointment? The next instant, the uniform sagged against her due to the knee she rammed into his groin. She pushed him off and slammed her fist in his face and followed that with an elbow strike that straightened him up again. Anger was just the first emotion, close on its heels was annoyance and after that disbelief and _still_ it was there, lust threaded through every other emotion roiling inside her body.

_'How is he in my head? Right _now_?' _she just couldn't believe it.

Thaïs grabbed the uniform shoving him towards the hatch she opened with the touch of a button. The cool sea air tossed strands of inky hair in her eyes. She swiped them out of the way then kicked the uniform out of the shuttle. His scream was muffled by the closing hatch and quickly forgotten.

"I didn't hear it." Thaïs muttered under her breath. She bent down and snatched her shirt from the floor, yanking it over her head and shoving her arms into the sleeves as she straightened her pants and took the pilot seat. She took her sweet time setting the internal controls, ignoring the voice she _thought_ she heard in head because that was just _not_ possible, before hailing _Serenity_.

_"Thaïs!" _JC's relieved voice was drowned out by the Capt.'s louder voice demanding to know what the hell she thought she was doing.

"These are my co-ordinates. I'm on my way there now." Thaïs ignored Mal. She cut the communication because hearing him in her head and then hearing him over the comm….

_'I did _not_ hear him.'_ She glared at the twin moons.

**Φ**

Mal paced the cargo hold; the scowl hadn't left his face since they'd told him about the stealing taking place when he had assumed the three of them had been haggling for parts to his boat. He was consciously trying _not_ to imagine what Thaïs had to do to distract the uniform.

_"…she, uhm, she said she was buying a whore…"_

_'She wouldn't.'_ Mal told himself. But there were a lot of scenarios going through his mind and quite a few images of things he'd agreed with her had never happened, even though they had. More than once.

_"Capt. we're here."_ Jabéz's voice over the comm. was hesitant. _Serenity_ hovered and the lower doors opened.

"How the hell is that supposed to fit?" Mal snarled, blue eyes turning up to Jayne as they stared at the shuttle holding stationary under _Serenity_. .

_"Thaïs asked for Dad to get in a harness. There's a net with all the stuff but he needs to hook it from the outside."_

Jayne grumbled, he didn't stop even as he strapped himself in with Kaylee's help. "I aint happy, Mal!"

Simon watched Jayne hanging over the shuttle from the catwalk beside Zoë. There was conversation pending with Thaïs once she was on board but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

What were they?

Thaïs was not the little girl that would sneak over to his home and play for hours. Life had taken them in different directions. His … well, the last few years were not how Simon had planned his life. Nor was it the life his parents had envisioned.

And Thaïs?

She didn't say anything about where she had been. The only things Simon knew about her life after leaving them was on the Cortex. And … what River would deign to reveal.

Simon drew in a heavy breath. No matter how they looked at things, he just didn't have any right to tell Thaïs anything. But he would certainly express concern over her actions as a friend.

"You'll be busy." Zoë smiled. "Busier." She corrected with a little chuckle.

"No bullets to remove." Simon straightened up, hands loosely wrapped around the rail. "It'll be a nice change."

Zoë could agree. "We'll have to find a buyer for some of that."

"Unfortunately." Simon agreed with a nod. "I have a few ideas…"

"Philanthropy?" Zoë didn't doubt it and while Jayne would bitch about the lost coin, it was a good way to find favor on the outer planets, a port to find a moment of rest.

Simon shrugged, his attention on Kaylee and the second cable in her hands being lowered into the open doors.

_"It's hooked!"_

"Bring it up, Kaylee." Mal ordered. He watched the load slowly slide out of the transport shuttle and swing slowly as it was reeled up into the cargo hold. The entire thing was packed and stacked together inside the netting and that was another piece they would be able to sell. Mal was already tallying in his head when he heard the yelling below. "What …"

The shuttle slowly started to move away, the rear doors wide open …

Jayne waved his arms, a clear signal against whatever Thaïs was doing that Mal couldn't see. The shuttle picked up speed just as Kaylee came over and watched as Thaïs jumped out of the descending shuttle and grab onto Jayne's back. The whole thing had Mal on edge, heart up in his throat and fresh anger coursing through his body.

"She's tā mā de crazy." He muttered. _'What the hell is the girl thinking!'_

_"Capt.! The shuttle- it's… in the water." _Jabéz's voice over the comm. spurred Simon down the stairs with Zoë slowly making her way down behind him.

"You fēngkuáng de shǎ yātou!" Jayne's voice floated up as they slowly approached the cargo hold. "I ought to drop you right here."

Mal heard her laugh at the threat.

"Quit swinging around!" Jayne snapped as Thaïs kicked her feet and started them in a slow spin still swinging back and forth.

Thaïs closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling. It was almost like flying with the wind whipping around them. A cold caress whispering through her hair and seeping through her clothes that slowly numbed the tingling of her body.

"Close it." Mal ordered into the comm. as Jayne cleared the doors and Thaïs swung her feet, letting go of the grip she had on his harness to land inside the ship.

"Are you crazy!" Mal demanded as soon as she straightened up and threaded her hands through her wind blond hair. She ignored him in favor of pulling the inky locks into a hapzard twist. "You don't go off alone and just steal without running those plans- or any!- through me first."

"We needed the supplies." Thaïs calmly answered dropping her hands to her sides. "It was there. Easy pickings."

"So you figure why not?" Mal glares. "My boat. My rules. I say what jobs we do."

"Mal," Simon stepped forward, standing beside Thaïs. "There's plenty here. You can sell what we don't need."

"All I care about is," Jayne kicked off the harness and strode towards the group, staring down at them. "Do we get the same shares?"

Thaïs allowed a tiny smirk to grace her lips. "Zoë gets double. She's working for two."

**Φ**

Up on the bridge Thaïs tried to ignore the way her body felt. It was flushed with energy, a restlessness she knew exactly how to calm-

_'No.'_ her scowl was smoothed out with effort and she started to breathe just as Inara had taught her to do. It had worked before, there was no reason to believe it wouldn't work again but it wasn't as easy for Thaïs to calm herself this time around.

The stomping feet alerted her to the Capt.'s presence before she caught sight of his scowl from the corner of her eye.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Mal barked. "And shénme shì dìyù did you do with the pilot?" the last was a little more like a screech and his scowl deepened.

"He needed to cool off." Thaïs answered in a carefully neutral tone of voice. "I sent him out for a swim."

Mal was speechless. He didn't understand how there was no emotion, no concern in her expression or tone. **_Bacharra's_** ocean was below freezing when the sun went down. There was no way the pilot would survive- Mal sat in the second chair, his eyes never leaving her face.

Her expression was serene, a calm he couldn't believe she really felt but it was difficult not to believe her.

"You've no concern for the people you put in harms way." Mal frowned. "That pilot, the whore-. You think about the trouble you're bringing on to her?"

"She's a jìnǚ." Thaïs finally turned to look at him. Her expression a little tight and her violet eyes seemed hard. "Buying her to occupy the other one made sense. She got paid for a job she already does. I didn't force her into the profession. Don't expect me to feel bad for her."

"..feel…" Mal shook his head. This certainly wasn't what he expected to hear. _'And what did I expect? I don't know this girl!'_

"Is this my departure point?" Thaïs felt relief course through her but there was also regret and sadness at the thought of leaving _Serenity_.

"What?" Mal's scowl returned in full force. He watched the slight furrowing of her brow as her eyes followed him when he stood from the chair.

"You don't have to keep me around." Thaïs turned her body towards him where he stood glaring down at her. "This is the perfect excuse to get rid of me. I'm not following your orders. It's not as if I've given you any reason to keep me around. I'm not part of-."

"Because of-." Mal sucked in a breath not sure about what he was feeling though anger was high up there with confusion a close second. "What the hell do you think I am?" he demanded.

Thaïs blinked. The slight tilt of her head as she sat there watching him did something strange to Mal. "I aint kicking you off my boat." Though she was right. It was a perfect opportunity to get rid of the unknown …

Thaïs watched him stomp his way to the hatch, scowling and muttering about 'crazy girls'. She felt a smile tug at her lips and frowned.

She didn't get it.

"Why?"

Mal stopped half out of the bridge. He turned towards her and found Thaïs sitting in the pilot chair, her expression confused. The hasty job she'd done of putting her hair up was coming apart and inky strands framed her face. His hand twitched just thinking of how silky it felt running through his fingers- "Why what?"

He'd been snappy with her. Gruff and of course, Thaïs hadn't made it easy to get along after their … but still… He hadn't said anything about believing she _wasn't_ part of the Alliance and Thaïs was certain he and the crew had been supplying the resistance with necessary items. The 'job' she was 'volunteered' to participate in that got Zoë hurt … those crates had weapons. Of course she snuck into the hold late at night to check! Why wouldn't she? And there were all those jobs for Charlie D and Talus and quite a few others in the past few months with Mal and his crew.

So why was Thaïs still flying for him when all she wanted was a place that's quiet? A place to calm the voices and the memories that hurt and cut and bled no matter how long it had been.

"Why..." Mal breathed a sigh. "Because there's a difference." He didn't want to think about what he was feeling. He didn't want to stay in her presence any longer- just couldn't, or else… "You should know that- wanted you to know…" he trailed off feeling a fool and cleared his throat. He turned and left her in the silence that followed. His feet took him towards his cabin where he sat at his bunk and kicked off his boots.

"Gāisǐ."

There was no denying Mal had a soft spot for Thaïs. She proved herself very capable in many ways -unexpected ways. She more than possessed the skill to pilot his boat and she had risked her life for Zoë's.

Mal knew Zoë felt indebted to Thaïs for that, could even like the girl … and because of the latest stunt Mal could see Zoë begin to trust her and it's not like Thaïs wasn't a smart girl…

_'Brought us a small fortune in supplies.'_ But it wasn't that which bothered him as much as the fact she didn't show any concern for the lives she put in danger let alone the stupid pilot she killed with that swim- and he was certain the pilot was dead… she hadn't thought twice about getting rid of the shuttle transport either.

Didn't she have a conscience?

Did her Alliance training somehow remove those markers so she wouldn't hesitate following orders?

**Φ**

Thaïs sat for a long moment staring into the black. The stars twinkling in and out as they sped through the verse.

She had thought about it.

The night in the warehouse.

What they did… why it happened…

He couldn't have known the rolls were laced; Thaïs had almost had a second piece herself.

No … what Thaïs kept going back to was that last time. It had been different. She wondered if it was just him, the reason it was different. Because he wasn't some niánqīng luó zhù eager to stake a claim … Was age a factor? Was it because Mal was older …

Thaïs set the auto pilot without allowing herself time to think about what she was doing. She stood and headed towards the hatch and down the steps, her feet taking her to the berth.

Why?

She couldn't figure out why it mattered to him. She remembered the few conversation with Mal. How he had told her if she held on too tight she would break.

But he didn't know her strength or the depth of what she felt- Thaïs didn't either but it kept her going. Day after day…

But it mattered to him because she was on his boat. This was their home, their place and Thaïs was tired of her past keeping her from belonging, from being part of a family. A past keeping her chained to something that wasn't real. It couldn't be real …

She pushed the hatch and quickly climbed down into the berth. It closed, sounding loud in the small space. She locked it, her fingers fumbling on the buttons at her waist. She raised her foot on the ladder rung undoing the laces on her boot and then the other before slipping them off.

"What are you doing?" Mal sat up in his bunk, not exactly sure it wasn't part of his dream because he'd been … well. He stood up as she faced him, her fingers hooking the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. Mal watched the black material pool on the floor of his berth.

"I … don't know …." Her voice came out in a whisper. There had been a difference with him … she could have said 'No', left … and he wouldn't have stopped her. He would not have touched her again. "I'm not sure … how-what…" her words made no sense and Thaïs was finding it difficult to voice what she wanted. That she wanted to feel like that again. Thaïs wanted to know it hadn't been a drug that had … done _that_, made it different.

"Don't do that." Mal ordered getting out of his bunk. The blanket tangled on his leg until he yanked it off and let it fall half off his bunk. His eyes automatically followed as her hands pushed the black material down her hips, watched it slide down her thighs and pool at her feet. Thaïs stepped out of her pants and walked towards him.

Mal's eyes snapped to her face trying hard to ignore the little bit of black material drop somewhere on the floor. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He tried not to think- to picture her like that again. Just the feel of her soft skin burning hot and the slight flush all over her-

_'Special hell!'_

Thaïs reached towards him and Mal grabbed her wrist before she could touch him. "Get dressed." Because she was standing in his bunk with nothing but a little bit of black cloth to keep her from him. Mal forced his features into that easy scowl he always wore.

"I want to feel." Thaïs splayed her free hand on his bare chest, her violet eyes dark in the dim glow of his bunk. "Show me how to feel alive."

Mal loosened his hand, allowing her fingers to thread with his. _'Special hell, damn it.'_ He shook his head and tried to step away from Thaïs but came up against his bunk. He didn't even realize Thaïs had placed his hand on her until he felt the warmth of her skin under his palm. Mal held his breath and Shepperd Books voice in his head telling him he was going to that special hell reserved for the vilest of sinners was just a faint echo.

"It aint right." Mal tried to hold her arms though it meant more contact with bare skin.

"Not before." Thaïs agreed. "Now I'm thinking, this is me. I want to." Her fingers pulled the knot at his waist. Mal felt his trousers slide dangerously low and grabbed at the corner thankful not to have lost his pants.

"I say we can't." Mal scowled, at least he tried to. "I'm too old- _you're_ too- you don't know what you're saying." He finished lamely. He was definitely too old, too jaded, too everything for Thaïs and she sure as hell didn't know what he'd been thinking and fantasizing about doing with her since that night. If she stayed he'd start wondering if her skin was as smooth as it had felt or had it been all in his head, had imagined it to be more. Had she made that sound every time he'd kissed her the pulse at her throat…

"You're still functioning." Thaïs murmured. She reached for him, her small hand slipping into his pants. Mal's grip on her arms tightened, jaw clenched and tried to speak through his teeth. "You don't-."

"Yes." Thaïs pressed close to him. "I am." Her breath whispered warm across his chest. "I know and I don't expect anything else."

Mal stared into dark violet pools. She was waiting for him, willing – completely aware of where she was and what she had begun. He could still send her away, get her dressed and out of his quarters … it was what he should do.

Mal slid his hand down her arm, caressed the soft skin at her side until his palm rested on the swell of her hip. He slipped his fingers under the black material staring into her eyes.

Thaïs forced her breath to remain even. Mal released his grip on his pants and reached his hand to cup on her cheek. Thaïs raised on her toes as Mal leaned towards her, raising her face to his and felt the soft touch of his lips upon hers.

**Φ**


End file.
